kairospy

[kairospy]

Neil: Machete. No moving parts, no reloading, doesn’t jam.

Andrew: Wrong. Crowbar. Doesn’t get stuck in bone.

Neil: crowbar’s short. You want reach

Andrew: you want efficiency. A machete gets lodged in a zombie’s skull, you die

Neil: not if you’re smart about your swings.

Andrew: Oh, sure. Just be smart when the hordes come. That’ll work.

One of the FBI agents *muttering into his earpiece*: Jesus fucking Christ there’s two of them

AU:

Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI

He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.

One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker

The Q&A at the end:

Student: Have you ever killed someone?

Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.

Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?

Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.

Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?

Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.

Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?

Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”

Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?

Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.

Student: How’d you get caught?

Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument

Student: …which one

Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.

Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?

Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.

Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?

Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.

Student: how many identities have you had?

Neil: Simultaneously or in total?

Student: …total?

Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call

Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?

Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.

Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?

Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no

Student: How many languages do you speak?

Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though

Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?

Neil: it was this or community service

He’s as unhelpful as possible.

His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.

And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.

The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)

Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love

[kairospy]

BYTHE WAY

In this AU Kevin went to Millport, only too late. Neil had already been arrested and taken into government custody.

Imagine when Andrew comes back to the dorm and goes “hey remember that guy we travelled to bumfuck nowhere for? He’s an internationally wanted criminal and gave a speech today in my crim class.”

AU:

Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI

He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.

One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker

The Q&A at the end:

Student: Have you ever killed someone?

Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.

Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?

Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.

Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?

Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.

Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?

Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”

Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?

Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.

Student: How’d you get caught?

Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument

Student: …which one

Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.

Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?

Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.

Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?

Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.

Student: how many identities have you had?

Neil: Simultaneously or in total?

Student: …total?

Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call

Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?

Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.

Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?

Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no

Student: How many languages do you speak?

Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though

Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?

Neil: it was this or community service

He’s as unhelpful as possible.

His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.

And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.

The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)

Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love

[kairospy]

AU:

Neil doesn’t meet the foxes, he’s instead caught by the FBI

He helps them catch his father and bring down his empire.

One day he’s brought in to Andrew’s lecture as a guest speaker

The Q&A at the end:

Student: Have you ever killed someone?

Neil: There’s two FBI agents at the door who advised me against answering that specific question. There’s your answer.

Student: What’s the best way to get fake documents?

Neil: I’m legally required to say “don’t”.

Student: What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?

Neil: See, that’s a trick question, because if I answer it becomes the most illegal thing I’ve admitted to.

Student: What’s the hardest lie youve ever had to tell?

Neil: “Sure, I’d love to do a Q&A with a bunch of people who are weirdly obsessed with my father and decided to study crimes because they don’t have the balls to commit them.”

Student: Are you afraid your father’s people will come after you?

Neil *at the end of his fucking rope*: No, I feel completely safe. That’s why I’ve got armed federal agents waiting outside.

Student: How’d you get caught?

Neil: First of all, rude. Second, the FBI made a very compelling argument

Student: …which one

Neil: “cooperate or find out exactly how many laws you’ve broken” - said by a guy holding a very thick file. Direct. Effective. Hard to argue while zip-tied to a chair.

Student: What’s something you miss about your old life?

Neil: being able to leave a room without seven cops and a judge asking where I’m going.

Student: If you could do it all over again, would you?

Neil: I’d rather set myself on fire. I know you don’t understand that reference, but trust me when I say it’s funny.

Student: how many identities have you had?

Neil: Simultaneously or in total?

Student: …total?

Neil: enough that I had to check my ID before answering roll call

Student: what’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?

Neil: do you want me to answer this as Neil Josten or Nathaniel Wesninski? The distinction matters.

Student: Have you ever made someone disappear?

Neil *looking over his shoulder at Browning*: goodness gracious no

Student: How many languages do you speak?

Neil: enough to talk my way out of things… mostly into them, though

Student: Why did you agree to talk to us?

Neil: it was this or community service

He’s as unhelpful as possible.

His entire goal is to waste everyone’s time while making it just interesting enough that no one can call him out on it.

And Andrew? He’s watching. He’s enthralled. He’s interested, and isn’t that odd.

The professor looks like she regrets her entire career. Half the class is too stunned to speak. Browning is wondering if the punishment for beating up the most valuable witness the FBI has in custody would be worth it. (It would)

Anyway long story short. 5 minutes in Andrew’s in love

[kairospy]

Andrew: when were you going to tell me you’re responsible for Grayson’s death?

Neil: technically, he died from natural causes

Andrew: …which natural causes

Neil: …..gravity.

[kairospy]

"Did you think you were special?"

[kairospy]

Based on this tumblr post

[kairospy]

A little late to this.. but I offer Remus to the heatstroke photoshoot

[kairospy]

Lil rough Neil Josten with a camera. What do you think he's taking a photo of?

[kairospy]

Lilith, surprised when Adam’s contact picture shows up on her phone: Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re supposed to be dead aren’t you? I felt the deal break months ago

Adam, who got sick of his and Lucifer’s UST last night and made a move: I mostly lived bitch, I just had to ask YOU PICKED THE BORING ASS BEACHES OF PURGATORY OVER SEX WITH THAT MAN FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

[kairospy]

I'd really like it if Alastor's job as a radio host when alive kept his identity anonymous, only using his transatlantic accent while on air and his regular voice when out and about, so no one knew it was him behind the mic. To give him something tantamount to power and influence without being singled out.

Also him using the transatlantic accent permanently in Hell as a way to imply he's always plotting.

[kairospy]

Alastor reads YOUR donations!🎙️✨

another animatic of one of Amir Talai‘s insta charity streams for the Lilith fund!!

(go donate) https://www.lilithfund.org/

- original vod: https://www.instagram.com/p/C56-BMnPUnG/

[kairospy]

Aaron driving Mas is so important to me.

(Neil’s thinking face is deceivingly pouty but he’s scheming the death of the raven that broke Andrew’s clavicle, and he’ll do it with his bare hands)

[kairospy]

Cop: how old are you again?

Neil: …biologically or legally

[kairospy]

jeremy: “i’ve picked up more people at bars by having a lighter handy than I have by being charming”

andrew in his mind: interesting…

renee later: so what do you think of the trojan’s captain?

andrew: he’s gay

renee who gets 25 texts about jeremy from jean in a day: interesting…

[kairospy]

he sure looooooves holding jeremy’s chin

[kairospy]

Jean in blue 💙

THIS IS NOT A SPOILER. THIS IS A MADE UP SCENARIO. A RANDOM 1 HOUR DOODLE

[kairospy]

....all this speculation about who might throw a punch to protect Jean and here comes James Rhemann with a steel chair