i know we all love teasing kaz about his feelings for inej and how he doesn‘t know how to handle them, but can we talk about inej’s feelings for kaz for a moment? because i mean -
this little moment when we first notice her crush on kaz:
Inej kept her eyes averted, shuffling a stack of papers into a pile on the desk as Kaz stripped out of his vest and shirt. She wasn’t sure if she was flattered or insulted that he didn’t seem to give a second thought to her presence. […] For Saints’ sake, Inej thought as her cheeks heated. She’d lost most of her modesty during her time with the Menagerie, but really, there were limits.
inej being protective of him:
Inej thought of Kaz’s pale trickster hands, the shiny rope of scar tissue that ran atop his right knuckle. Van Eck could break every finger and both of Kaz’s legs and he’d never say a word, but if his men stripped away Kaz’s gloves? […] How long until Kaz came undone? She couldn’t bear it. She was glad she didn’t know where Kuwei was. She would break before Kaz did.
this whole thought process:
But what might have happened if he’d spoken that night? If he had willingly offered her some part of his heart? What if he had come to her, laid his gloves aside, drawn her to him, kissed her mouth? Would she have pulled him closer? Kissed him back?
little moments of protectiveness like this:
“Kaz,” said Nina. “You may not be glad we’re alive, but we’re glad you’re alive. Come here!” “Leave him be,” murmured Inej softly.
her thoughts after the bathroom scene:
She could feel the press of Kaz’s fingers against her skin, feel the bird’s-wing brush of his mouth against her neck, see his dilated eyes. Two of the deadliest people the Barrel had to offer and they could barely touch each other without both of them keeling over. But they’d tried. He’d tried. Maybe they could try again.
inej being hell-bent on revenge for anyone who hurts kaz:
She couldn’t just watch him die, she wouldn’t. They had him down now, heavy boots kicking and stomping at his body. Her knives were in her hands. She’d kill them all. She’d pile the bodies to the rafters for the stadwatch to find.
and finally, this absolutely beautiful end scene at the docks - probably my favourite moment in the whole duology:
Had she really thought the world didn’t change? She was a fool. The world was made of miracles, unexpected earthquakes, storms that came from nowhere and might reshape a continent. The boy beside her. The future before her. Anything was possible.
brb sobbing about kanej again
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and people say that bakugo is just a shallow character. amazing analysis!!
Some of the responses to my last post have made me realize that maybe Bakugo's trauma isn't as well understood as some of the other characters', and, because I have free time today, I figured I might as well break it down in chronological order and work from there (warning you now: this will be long).
To begin with, there's a lot of obvious things about the Sludge villain incident that would be traumatizing for basically anyone. And as much as Bakugo tried to shove off the after-effects, we know he was scared:
But there are a lot of Bakugo-specific reasons why the Sludge villain really fucked with his confidence and sense of self-worth. For one thing, while we see Midoriya getting attacked, he's rescued by All Might almost instantly. He barely has time to realize he's suffocating before he's free. Bakugo? Not so much. It's unclear how long, exactly, the Sludge villain holds him hostage, but it's at least a few minutes. Which doesn't sound very long until you remember that Bakugo was fourteen, couldn't breathe, and, because he isn't stupid, was completely aware that multiple pro heroes were basically standing around watching him be brutalized and doing absolutely nothing to help.
The only person who did help was Deku. The only person. The only person who gave enough of a shit about Bakugo to try and save him was the person he has the most complicated relationship with: his rival, his victim, his childhood friend, the person he feels both the safest and most exposed with. The person he measures himself against constantly, and internally finds himself lacking. So not only is all of this happening, but Deku—who just hours earlier Bakugo was mocking for being weak—is the one person strong enough to try and do something, and gets front row seats to Bakugo's own weakness.
Then All Might shows up and saves Bakugo from what is, at that point, the most humiliating, terrifying thing that has ever happened to him. But of course Bakugo isn't happy about it; he never wanted to be saved by All Might, and meeting his hero for the first time the way he did? What Bakugo wanted, desperately, was to prove himself to All Might, and instead he's just another dumb kid that got saved from a villain attack by the greatest pro hero who ever lived.
Not only that, but this was in public. It was televized. Bakugo was made so famous for it, people recognized him years later on the street based solely on his face. And while theoretically that's great exposure for him, imagine if the worst, most degrading moment of your entire life was broadcast on live, national television, and constantly brought up like some funny anecdote by people who don't even know you. He was fourteen years old being physically assaulted and strangled in front of the entire country and unable to do anything about it. Not only did that damage his pride, but it really fucked with him mentally. Look at what Midoriya even says about him:
That's not even to begin talking about how much pressure he puts himself under to be the best, no exceptions. He has a full-on panic attack when he loses in Deku vs. Kacchan 1 because he ties his self-worth so completely to winning he thinks of himself and worthless without it. Look how deeply it affects him:
That's not just bruised pride, that's Bakugo dealing with every single one of his insecurities being laid bare in public again. It's gonna just keep happening, too. And sure, like with this fight, sometimes he brings it on himself, but. Holy shit, this poor kid.
Then, of course, we have the kidnapping.
Despite their misapplication of their information, the LoV actually understands Bakugo pretty well. By that I mean, they figured out what affects Bakugo the most and capitalize on it to try and win him over to their side. They attack his image as a hero. Which seems kind of lame and generic, except it really hits home. Why?
Because that's his biggest insecurity, his deep, dark shame: Bakugo doesn't think of himself as heroic.
He's an excellent fighter and strategist, he's fearless, able to work well under pressure, adaptable, quick-thinking, and extremely powerful. All incredible traits for a hero. What he doesn't have is an instinct to save others. Deku does; he'll reach his hand out to anyone, without thought, no matter the cost to his safety/happiness. But Bakugo consistently struggles with this aspect of being a true hero. He's very aware of how important it is—every time he talks about Deku looking down on him, the thing he was laughing at Bakugo for? Yeah, this is it—and how very much he lacks it. And the LoV rubs his face in the fact that not only do a bunch of villains see him as being villainous, but the public he's supposed to be well on his way to protecting do, too. Yeah Aizawa defends him, but of course that whole experience negatively affects Bakugo. Especially because of what comes after.
Deku vs. Kacchan 2 is probably the closest Horikoshi comes to stabbing the audience through the brain with a knife labeled "Bakugo's trauma".
The whole fight is just Bakugo baring his soul in the most raw, heart-wrenching way possible. Look at what he asks Deku:
None of these lines should be ignored. This is Bakugo admitting that he is terrified that every bit of praise he's ever received is meaningless in the face of reality, which has proven that he is not worthy. All Might didn't think so, otherwise why wouldn't he have picked Bakugo to be his successor? Every ounce of skill, all the effort Bakugo has poured into his dream, it all means nothing. Why? Because Deku is inherently heroic, and Bakugo is not. Bakugo knows it, Midoriya knows it (why else would he be laughing in Bakugo's face if he wasn't intimately aware of his failures?), All Might knows it—hell, the whole world knows it. And because Bakugo is his own worst critic, he's gutted that someone like him, someone unworthy, destroyed the Symbol of Peace. His hero.
Does this not look like trauma? Does this not look like a kid poorly dealing with PTSD who's lashing out and trying to punish himself? And trying to purge his emotions the only way he knows how, through fighting? Who is desperately seeking some kind of compassion and connection in Deku, because he is losing his mind and can't keep going? He's a kid who's been given basically zero support, who's been expected to deal with not only being kidnapped and psychologically tortured, but also being the direct cause of Japan's sudden criminal uprising. That is so much pressure to put on a child. Any single bit of Bakugo's experience would be traumatizing by itself, but put together? It's like a personalized hell for him.
And then we have the Moment. The my body just moved on its own moment. Bakugo is so afraid for Deku leading up to this:
And afterward? It really affects him.
He's scared for Deku. He's beating himself up for not supporting him better, for not getting over himself and taking Deku's hand. He thought his closest person was going to die in front of his eyes, and then that person ran away. Of course that traumatized Bakugo.
Now, the reason Bakugo's trauma often gets overlooked (both in canon and in the fandom space) is, in my opinion, because he doesn't express his trauma in a way that's easy to romanticize. It often comes out as anger and violence, loud and obnoxious and toxic. His trauma responses hurt other people, specifically Deku. And in a character that isn't going for poor little meow meow bloodthirsty vengeance-based criminal or abused child with terrible social skills but a heart of gold, it's hard for people to wrap their heads around the fact that Bakugo isn't really a bad kid so much as he's a kid who has had a lot of crap dumped on him and hasn't been given any tools to heal. He doesn't know how to express his feelings easily or clearly when he isn't in the middle of a fight, and he has very few coping skills to help him deal with his crippling self-loathing and inferiority complex. So when he reaches his mental limit, he—pun intended—explodes.
That isn't to say that Bakugo isn't responsible for his trauma responses, the same way every other character is. He absolutely deserves to be taken to task over them, and the narrative has done a good job of giving him one consequence after the other. But at the same time, he really is just a child who is doing his best in a fucked up situation. And while his actions definitely have hurt other people, the amount of mental torment Bakugo finds himself in on a regular basis deserves more sympathy than I think he sometimes gets.
I understand why characters like Shoto get more of the poor baby treatment, because he's the perfect victim: faultless, and his anger is almost 100% directed at the perpetrator, his father. Comparatively, Bakugo's trauma is messy and overflowing and directed at all the wrong people. But that's neither unrealistic nor even all that surprising, given what we know about him. And part of that is because his trauma isn't nearly as straight-forward, since it's so wrapped up in his own self-esteem issues that he blames himself, and then tries to refocus his hurt and anger on Deku to mitigate his own pain.
It's a big part of why I like Bakugo so much; he represents the unappealing side of trauma responses that are so common, but so often get overlooked because they're unappealing. He's a victim who doesn't act the way we want a victim to act, but rather the way they usually do, and for that I applaud Horikoshi on his realism.
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the eventful internship
Genre: fluff??
A shuntarou chishiya x reader
Warning: manga/season 2 spoilers!! This story is tied to chishiya's backstory so please look away
Synopsis: shuntarou chishiya is the most interesting person on your first day of internship. Why was he always smirking? Why did he always hang back and stay far from the others? Why does your heart beat out of your chest when you see him?
a/n: GUESS WHO'S BACK!! I have chishiya fever bcs of that stupid trailer with our lovely boyyyyy!! So here, have this little intern romance fic! Sorry if the pacing/flow is wonky, i’m a bit rusty-
They say the first day is always the hardest.
You've always wanted to be a doctor. It's been your lifelong dream. After how many years of med school, you were finally able to get an internship at a hospital in Tokyo. To say you were nervous would be an understatement. It was your first day. Anything can happen. Your hands were shaking and sweaty as you entered the hospital, excited and anxious to see the place you'll be staying at and meeting your fellow interns.
Surprisingly, things were going smoothly. You introduced yourself to your fellow interns flawlessly. Your resident was nice and showed you the ropes, and your rounds were silent. The patients were understanding and nice. There wasn't really anything noteworthy that day.
Well, there was someone.
You took notice of a long, blonde-haired man who stood in the back of the room most of the time. Chishiya, the other interns called him. He kept his distance from the group, always wearing some sort of smirk on his face. It was interesting, to say the least. Why was he always smiling like that? Did he think he was better than everyone else? Is he actually better than everyone else?
You wanted to learn more.
So you decided to ask the other interns about him. "oh, chishiya?" one of them asked, subtly gesturing to the blonde male for confirmation. You nodded your head at them. "He stays a step behind everyone, but you'll be surprised he's already answering the resident's questions and giving diagnoses without a hitch. He always has this smirk on his face and," the intern shivered. You assumed the cocky look on chishiya's face flashed in their mind. "I don't know. He's just so intimidating. You should stay away from him,"
You knew you should've listened. They've been with him for longer than you have. but you couldn't shake the growing feeling of wanting to get to know him. You wanted to talk to him, see what he's like with your own eyes.
That leads you to your current predicament, you and Chishiya standing in the back in silence while you watch the resident perform a couple of tests on a patient.
You wanted to start a conversation with him, maybe a hello and introduce yourself but his dead eyes were fixated on the procedure in front of you as if he didn't notice your presence lingering beside him.
You glanced at him from time to time. Maybe he was just a passionate guy, absorbed in the lecture. Maybe he was just ignoring you, not wanting to deal with the curious, naïve fresh meat or maybe-
"you should keep your eyes on the procedure instead of staring at me, newbie," chishiya said, his brown eyes still fixed on the resident's movements. His tone was just what you expected, light and mocking. With his hands stuffed in his white coat and his smirk never leaving his face, his whole demeanor gave off a sort of superior vibe. He felt like he was above everyone else. With that confidence, he just might be.
You didn't know if you were more intimidated or interested.
You opened your mouth to apologize only to be interrupted by the louder voice in the front. "so, can anyone tell me the next step of this exam?" the resident asked, their eyes scanning all the other interns who diverted their gazes to avoid being called. Those eyes finally landed on you. Your throat felt dry as you watched the resident open their mouth to call on you. You definitely weren't paying attention. What was the procedure anyway? Can you just make up your answer? Maybe you can answer it with common sense. You quickly try to remember what the procedure was and its previous steps but came up empty. You braced yourself for your first embarrassment of the day.
Before your name could even leave the resident's lips, the tall blonde beside you spoke up, the air growing light as he recited the next few steps in great detail. It was like he was reading it straight from the textbook. He was just repeating everything from the top of his head.
Wow, he really was above everyone else.
You only realized you were staring when Chishiya turned to look at you, his smirk growing wider and his stance growing taller, it was like his ego was growing every second you kept your eyes on him. "am I really that interesting?"
You were taken aback at the question. "wha-"
"You've been staring for quite a while. Can't take your eyes off me?"
You feel your cheeks heat up. He just saved you from humiliation, and you had the audacity to stare at him like he was some kind of painting. You tried to explain yourself, but the words kept getting stuck in your throat. Chishiya laughed at your struggle.
Before you could say something, your group began to head off to a different area for your rounds. Chishiya followed behind them, leaving you in the dust as you tried to regain your thoughts.
What the fuck just happened?
You quickly scrambled to catch up to the group. You glanced at Chishiya once more. He must’ve felt so cool with his antics earlier. You wanted to tell him off. You wanted to to tell him that showing off his knowledge was unnecessary, that you could've handled it, and that his cocky, high attitude is why the other interns are so afraid of him. But you couldn't bring yourself to do that. So you went with the next best thing. "sorry… for causing you trouble," you apologized, keeping your gaze on the floor. Chishiya didn't bat an eye at your apology, seemingly ignoring you.
"I'm (y/n) by the way," you said, wanting to change the subject. Chishiya only chuckled at your attempt.
"if it'll get you off my tail, I'm chishiya," the blonde said, not even glancing at you. "now, let me tell you something, newbie," he stopped in his tracks. You looked up from the floor, confused. What did he just call you? You stopped to look back at him.
"the name's (y/n)-"
"right, I don't care," he brushed it off, swatting the air carelessly. "why don't you waddle back to the other interns and stuck-ups, listen to the resident, and finally leave me alone, yeah?"
Chishiya took a second to savor your stunned expression before heading off to catch up to the other interns.
The next few weeks went by like a blur as you were swamped with new patients, more paperwork, and more interactions with Chishiya.
Despite his words on your first day, he didn't seem to mind your presence when you chose to keep standing beside him in the back of the group.
After that close call with the resident, you vowed never to embarrass yourself like that again. You kept close attention to what they were discussing and made sure to hit the books every once in a while. You were able to answer a handful of the resident's questions before Chishiya could even show off.
"looks like I have my work cut out for me," Chishiya muttered with that same sing-song tone once again after you beat him to the punch. You turned to glance at him. He was sporting his usual smirk. Only this time, you can see a notable scrunch on his brow, his eye twitching in annoyance.
You would do anything to see that frustrated expression again.
And so the rivalry began.
To other interns, you and Chishiya had been as close as ever. You would be seen sitting at the same table together, studying, talking to one another in hushed tones, and standing next to one another as you took turns answering the resident. In their eyes, you were the new dynamic duo. If one of you were there, the other wouldn't be too far away.
Everybody wanted to have what you have.
If only they knew what was really happening.
What looked to be innocent study sessions were actually heated quiz bees where you placed a set amount of time on reading as much as you could from the textbook and then rapid-fire questions at one another until the timer ended. Whenever one of you gets the answer wrong, which is rare, the other would gloat hard.
"pfft," chishiya chuckled mockingly at you, watching you struggle to answer his question. "it's such an elementary question, newbie. Here i was thinking we were equals," The timer on your phone was close to 0 but your brain doesn't want to recall the answer.
"i'm trying, okay?" you said, frustrated. Your alarm hit 0, the beep irritatingly loud in your ears. You looked up from the table to see chishiya smirking at you, amused by your failure.
"dear (y/n) can't even remember that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?"
"IT WAS ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE OKAY?"
The hushed whispers were actually just the two of you taunting and annoying one another. At first, it was hard not to let chishiya's teasing remarks get on your nerves, but with time, you could start living with it.
"aww, you couldn't even get a word in earlier~" you said, nudging him as you walked to your next patient.
Chishiya could only snarl at you as he silently continued walking, not wanting to give into your teasing.
He retaliated by speeding and leaving you in the hallway, where you proceeded to get lost for the next thirty minutes.
Finally, What looked to be simple acts of chivalry were actually the two of you fighting tooth and nail to answer the resident first.
"you bitch, I know this. move," you said confidently, shoving chishiya out of the way to be seen over other interns’ shoulders. That method seemed to work as the resident called on you and you recited your answer.
You were shocked to see the resident shake their head. "ah, but you're missing something, (y/n)," the resident pointed out, looking around for any other hands wanting to answer.
You could feel chishiya's amused stare burning holes in the side of your head as he slowly raised his hand and got called.
With his grating, teasing voice, he answered the question. The resident greeted his answer with a smile and a confirming nod.
You weren't sure why the other interns want to have what you have.
Maybe they wanted someone to annoy them every second of the day. Maybe they want the privilege of getting an academic rival.
Or maybe they want to experience the unintentional touches, the longing gazes, and feel their heartbeat quicken when he gets close.
You dismissed that last thought. That was what you felt. Chishiya would never let himself feel that way, right?
Right?
You didn't want to take any chances. You needed to ride your feelings out before they get worse before chishiya catches on and gets affected.
Before he uses your feelings to his advantage and breaks your heart.
So you did what you thought was best.
You started to distance yourself.
Instead of standing next to chishiya during your rounds, you chose to stand in front of the group. Instead of bugging him like you usually do, you kept silent and avoided his questioning gaze. And Instead of barging into his little bubble during your breaks, You chose to sit at a different table this time, leaving him alone with his textbooks and notes.
It didn't take long for chishiya to catch on.
He didn't know why but he felt empty without your teasing smiles and your soft voice. He felt empty without your nudging and your competitive spirit.
He felt empty without you.
Your plan of avoiding him was short-lived, however when Chishiya pulled you out of the group and into one of the quieter hallways.
Chishiya could only let out a soft, irritated breath. "mind telling me why you stopped bugging me?" he asked.
"Maybe because I want to stop bugging you?" you answered with common sense. That wasn't the answer Chishiya was looking for.
"that's the thing," Chishiya said, annoyed at your answer. "you always make it a point to bug me one way or another. You stand next to me in the back every day even though I specifically told you not to. You sit at my table and insist we study together when I can study just fine on my own. You always start bickering in my ear, and it just annoys me to no end-"
"If you're annoyed, why are you looking for answers? I'm already leaving you alone; isn't that enough?"
"I want to know why. Why did you suddenly stop? Why now?"
You crossed your arms over your chest. Should you tell him the true reason why you were distancing yourself from him? how your heartbeat begins to quicken every time he gets near? How your breath hitches every time he smirks at you?
Should you tell chishiya that you fell for him?
You finally looked at the blonde man in front of youu, looking into his expectant brown eyes. You willed yourself to open your mouth, to spill your thoughts, your symptoms, your feelings. You willed yourself to tell the truth.
only to be interrupted by the loud crackle of fireworks and the bright hospital lights suddenly turning off.
CLIFFHANGER WOOP WOOP- sorry if the ending seems a bit rushed. I've been working on this piece for a while and I am honestly running out of writing juice- sorry if this isn't on par with my normal writing- I'm still a bit rusty! Hope you guys enjoyed!!
General taglist (don’t be shy to comment your tumblr @ below): @tokyoghoose @macaronnv @reogou @midnightangelfox @wumboho @seiijixcia @tessabrown101
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