kal-lyp-so - Tumblr blog

[kal-lyp-so]

forgetful man u are

sup, u were pissed at me for telling u how im not scared to lose you and honestly ive admitted my faults but i dont see u admitting ur faults. i was telliing u how ive been feeling and u decided to talk shit about my personality? i was communicating what i feel and you were shitting and making conclusions about me as a person? see? the differences between us two?

u werent listening; heck u were making up shit i told u im not. you are nobody to know me better than myself.

i guessed we both said really hurtful stuff to each other (or not idk whats real anymore), u proceeded to say bye and blocked me. like im going to find u? do whatever u wanna do. u said it urself, u do u. same goes to u. dont get pissed this time around u met someone like me.

honestly i was just gonna tell u how i feel and leave. again. but u always make things worse. why the need ????

for u to mention stuff about my past, trynna attack me emotionally (usually itll work but cs i know ure trynna hurt me, it didnt work) but what happened is that i just felt dissappointed since we were good to each other. for u to say such low shit, i was just shocked at how disrespectful u got.

the things u said were super irrelevant, the audacity for u to say u dont wanna deal with shit too is funny. i dont need u to deal with this. u were nothing to me at the point.

what about the things ive said u not making time at all for me? did u ever explain shit and make efforts to be my friends? apparently u were my friend but not the other way around. u wanted to throw me like this and not end things properly is also ur inability to act like a fucking adult. u still are a boy. very forgetful one.

we couldve said "hey im leaving cs i dont want to tolerate with ur shit" then we can argue and stuff and end up saying "its fine. i hope u live well and all the best"

but you fucking said bye then acted like a fucking crazy ex to start removing me on insta first but still running away from me. asshole. do what u want. i gave alot of shit and i regretted. do i like u still? yep but i dont want you. i can like u so much and still doesnt want to do anything with u. i can love u and not have u. thats how i work. u gotta stop seeing me as needy i dont fucking need u.

again, i dont need u. especially with now how u treated me, lmao i dont even give a shit if u wanna talk or not anymore. be petty as u are, ure gonna realise how others are even shittier or like u. good job buddy.

[kal-lyp-so]

tokyo's 2024

here i am on my last day in tokyo, crying and writing this to you.

My dear cruelest heart i have ever known, i am not sure if it was you who broke me or maybe it is me.

i came to this city hoping maybe, just maybe. i get to meet you and i hesitated at first if i should really text you or not, but i know i'd probably regret not doing it at all so i did.

the only reason why i hesitated is that im so scared of you saying no or just ignore me. in a way, killing the only hope i had.

but either way, the hope was only there to help me realised that my life is definitely not a movie or as magical as i hoped it would be.

ive been keeping it inside because again my love, im still alone.

to my dearest peeta, i know you would probably never care but i couldnt betray the love i have for you. it was really beautiful. and to you, it was just another short discovery or maybe just an experience. you probably would never ever remember me on any random day and unlike you, whatever i do, you're on my mind every second. i'd still imagine we were together and that's the only way for me to stay calm and just pretend my life is okay.

i dont know how my life was ruined by something so genuine and so beautiful. Truthfully, i am too; very very scared to care and love someone not because i cant do it, but because it was one and done for me.

I told you so many things and promised you alot too, unlike you, ive never broken my promises.

Sayang, it hurts so much knowing that youre only a monster to me and nobody else.

As much as i would like to ask god, again and again, to let me have you back, i dont think id ever get you.

ive tried everything and still failed. maybe that is it.

and i dont think whatever success get fix my shattered heart.

funny how most of the songs talked about how they regret hurting or maybe how angry they are after being hurt,

why cant i listen how is it being perfect and fitting and nice and genuine; basically being the best human version of themselves and still getting hurt by other people.

other people said that its your loss. is it?

why dont i feel happy? why do i still cry though it is your loss?

your loss somehow feels like mine as well. and i wish i can prevent that from happening but you and i are so different.

its not like moon or sun type of difference, it ups and downs type of difference. its dishonest vs genuiness. its not yin and yang because they balance each others out, you and i are just wrong. to you of course because you were the one who chickened out.

my sweetest monster, please help me. i dont know how to get over you. why do i love you still? i want to stop but they keep coming back. I am so alone right now and im very strong. but i need you.

and i wish i dont need you. because people like you, dont deserve people like me. not the other way around. you are the type to always win by hurting people, by being selfish and arrogant. Sure, i can so too but its not fun nor nice.

i figured that maybe i really need to not only let it go, i need to force myself to walk away. but walking away doesnt mean im going to walk my new path with someone new. sometimes i'd wish or imagine im walking with you but just that. that tiny piece of imagination will make me happy. though i'll realised that it's not real, but i'd do anything just to survive.

im trying to survive, still far away from living.

sometimes i imagine us working at a same place so i could just see your reaction to seeing me, sometimes i imagine id meet you maybe when im traveling somewhere. but let's be real, from japan to south korea and now back in japan, we still couldnt meet. you didnt want us to meet and its just that.

i will still cry whenever i think about you and missing you.

i will still wish and forever wish with whatever hope that was left in me that you'd come back. but my reality is far more greater than my silly imaginations. they used to be smaller but look where it got me.

i will still imagine and wish that im watching Brooklyn-99 with you and would laugh and talk why the scenes were funny as if you're listening.

i'd still imagine going to the cinema with you because that was what we promised to do.

whenever i eat my butter scones, i'd think about you because you used to care about that.

whenever i listen to music, id think whether you would like the song or not because i like it and im hoping that you'd like it too.

but one day, when i stop imagining, there could only be two possible explanations.

i've outgrown my emotions

i have died

i really really wish that i dont have to go through this pain in my entire life. it sucked my soul. all the pretty parts thats left and ive managed to protect growing up; they got destroyed just like that.

you were so impulsive and im scared of that now. you were so so arrogant. the attitude.

why cant you talk to me how i talk to you? why cant you talk to my like how you talk to strangers? did i hurt you? no. you said it wasnt me but it was actually you.

then why did you make me the villain?

this will be my last time i will ever visit tokyo for traveling; this time it hurts me so so much. i dont think you understand how much it hurts and you'd never will understand my pain.

and i refused to allow others to fix what you have broken. i refused to give them the same chance i gave you.

I came here for you and i left without you.

I pray you happiness, best health, and a sense of security. this way you'd never have to lie or pretend anymore.

its a shame that i have met you. its embarrasing that i have showed you my flaws. its scary how i care too much too.

i will stop praying that i want you or anyone. its better being alone than having to deal with this pain again.

id cry being alone and yet it is still better than crying because i want someone who doesnt ever think or care about me.

he didnt even love me. and i gave him my whole heart.

he didnt love me.

kalypso, 18th feb 2024.

[kal-lyp-so]

understanding him

one of the ways ive tried to understand him is by listening to the music he listens. (we have a spotify blend together)

his music taste is not weird at all but theyre rather quite sad or maybe abit depressive(???). dreamy, sleepy, high, broken type of songs for me.

not that i think theyre bad, its quite the opposite. theyre actually beautiful. its just not my type of songs. i know we are not talking about me or my music taste but i just want to compare or try to relate.

he listens to frank ocean, i dont. i love the weekend and khalid tho. my music is kind of up-beats and theyre basically for me to crazy dance in my room.

but his songs, its like when youre alone by the seasides and the weather is not that hot but not that cold, you would listen to this type of songs. also they give me lofi vibe hahahah

i could definitely understand his vibe and personality abit not gonna lie his music taste is better and more consistent compared to mine.

i believe that musics are a medium for most people to express themselves. hence, im listening to his favourites.

interesting... he listens to hiphop as well. huh. its a weird combo actually. hiphop and rnb. yes. rnd. he listens alot to rnb while mine is old pop songs.

we like two super different genres ngl. i feel empty whenever the beats go too slow or too calming. my mind cant sit still and ill just get distracted by something else whenver i listen to slow music. ok ive to go my magnesium is kicking in.

ill continue tomorrow

[kal-lyp-so]

him

im falling in love.

it is very scary. i am scared of falling in love and the possibility of losing him. i never had this type of love. it's very new, its also very foreign. he is sweet, caring, very engaging and in another word, he is different.

he doesnt try to act cool or smart all the time, he is goofy, respectful, nervous. he's also very transparent about what he feels towards me and most importantly, for once i feel like someone's priority. their number 1.

its crazy how he puts me first. he sends photos of everything he does when he goes out. he includes me in his daily routine when i didnt even do anything or ask him to.

he proudly uses my photos as his phone's wallpaper. he talks about me to his friends and shows me off. he listens to me and without excuses, hed fix whatever he can immediately. he made me feel seen. for the first time i have someone who actually made me feel that i matter.

i know he thinks about me everyday, everytime as much as i think of him.

he makes me want to love him hard again and again. because he also deserves such love he provides me. i know i wouldnt hurt him. and i wish he would feel seen as well. because again, he deserves every bit of happiness, love one can ever receive.

i hope to see you soon love.

[kal-lyp-so]

Elementary gf?

while choosing my movie of the day, i had a thought of changing my kakao profile photo but i kinda dont want everyone to look at me. so i was looking at all contacts and found my bf's account.

my ex used to have alot of apps to use to talk to different girls and seeing my bf's kakao acc was quite surprising in a way.

i asked him about it and because i was scared of banana growing twice (kekeekk if u understand ure a legend) anyway, the account was old and he had to create another new one if he wants to use it

but anyway, problem solved it was really nothing cs kakao got hyped one time in japan (it happened in malaysia as well)

but i was being sarcastic about maybe he had a korean ex and dude nonchalantly said "oh she was nice" NJIRRRRR i was like tf i didnt know??

i got upset bcs what ? how did he never mention it to me? then he was like oh yea i had another japanese and irish exes.

WHAT?? i knew only one???

turns out theyre from him elementary school and middle school ㅠㅠ i felt stupid hjahahaahahah poor my baby im sorry THIS IS ALL MY EXES FAULTS I HAVE TRUST ISSUES BABY IM SORRY

anyway he did explain everything to me from a-z and i got to ask him more than that. i really dont deserve this man he is too good to be true

[kal-lyp-so]

hey ive a bf now kekekeke no not that senior tho

[kal-lyp-so]

down bad bad or down down bad?

well, as you might guess, i am either one or both.

few years ago when i was still a freshman, I knew this one senior from my uni and developed a tiny meeny crush on him. dude got a gf so I pretty much just moved on.

im in my junior year now, (third year for those who doesn't know), and we started talking few weeks ago (oh he broke up last year) and best believe that tiny crush ain't tiny anymore.

its humongous, big fat crush now.

the thing is, its too heavy for me now.

i like him for his personality. yes, I'm attracted to his physical at first but he is so much more than that, he makes me want to be better and yes, I don't need him to be better, but he sparked that fire.

what a wonderful human being. i truly believe that my judgement is not wrong about him and they're not clouded by my own feelings for him. i don't let emotions affect my judgement and I'm confident about that.

but i fear he only sees me as someone a friendly younger junior or might even sister. i don't think he finds me attractive for him and that sucks. i dont even find anyone else attractive since I'm into him for his personality ㅠㅠ

he has the face, fun, smart and great personality. everyone else would fall for him in a minute, its just a matter of time for him to like them back.

he told me the other day once you're desperate enough for something, you'll get it.

youre wrong.

its abit sad how i know i can treat you better than anyone else could've treated you. you have no idea how i could love you unconditionally without anything in return, its just that you have to let me.

credit: @iamnovibrown from twitter

when i first saw this tweet, all that i could think isn't that i had never experienced it, but how i can provide him that.

no, im in love. definitely.

i never thought that having a genuine feeling for someone is this hard,

its a burden. you have to carry it yourself in silence especially if its not reciprocated.

to you, whatever the future decides, ill be rooting for you.

you truly deserve someone that can love you more than anything in the world, you deserve someone that can be there when you're having you worst mental breakdown, someone that can remind you to eat because you're so into your work and research, someone that can laugh at your high pitch huh when u cant process stuff,

you deserve someone that remembers what you can eat, what you cant, what you love and what u don't, you also deserve someone that forces you to eat what they love aswell, you deserve someone that can mend your heart whenever people hurt you.

you have no idea how you truly deserve someone. i tried to think and ask myself is there anything about you that can make you not deserve any of these wishes i have for you

no. i just couldnt think of a thing. you're too nice to be true. you don't hurt people.

ive been hurt many times by people up to a point I'm not even surprised cause that's our nature as humans. to hurt and get hurt.

but when i found out theres someone who doesn't hurt a soul because you too, always get hurt. if only you know, how much i wanted to give you the world, or might even show you another one.

i wish you would have liked me too. i wish

[kal-lyp-so]

give up give upn't??

so basically I found out that 강아지 is in a new relationship and how I found that out was one the situations I wish to never encounter ever again.

so basically me and the girl were like walking and talking then I somewhat saw him holding hands with one of the buddy of our team as well. I mean my heart really shattered but we all know how bad I am with really feeling things and awkward I can get, so the heart broken stuff only lasted for that night but i don't ever want to feel that again. yes it wasn't painful but I don't ever want to remember the even the slightest heartbreak(???) feels like.

I was very overwhelmed that night but what can I do?? I remember trying to cry but the tears just won't come out and I cant really force it.

out of all honesty my heart was very heavy because I never felt so stupid for liking him and thinking how I can have a chance with boys when in fact I know I can pull even better and they're no match for me. but still there's just this type of feeling where I cant feel like I am lovable enough. but still far better for anyone. lmao

but yea I did try so hard to cry because I know the only way to get rid of the heavy heart I gotta pour everything out.

but I cant actually feel that deep or to that extend to cry. I don't care. as much as it hurts I don't care anymore like how I used to care when I was 17. I am tired. of thinking and also feeling about love, men, partners, relationship stuff like that.

giving up isn't me giving up and rejecting it. but more like not gonna pretend itll happen in the near future and I won't try to be with anyone.

unless they tell me they like me im never going to take any hint even if their dropping it like bombs.

should I flirt back? I don't know honestly I don't want because at the end of the day they wont work with me. how do I know? oh trust me they're not the first.

out of all the people I flirt with, I think only two of them actually liked me and they were literally my exes.

after them I never really date anyone maybe people just don't find me lovable or maybe they're just not into me which is normal and totally fine.

I just really want to meet a guy whom I find very attractive look wise and personality wise.

okay that is all for tonight lets see if I can write tomorrow

-kalypso

[kal-lyp-so]

nice or nicen’t??

I have always been the nice one, trying to understand people when they mess things up, and mostly just being a people pleaser. ngl it did help me tolerate with people. you keep on pretending its okay until one day, it really doesn't affect you. but don't forget, one day, you might explode 

that was when I was idk prolly around 17 until 20 and Im 22 now. i feel like all the toxic traits I've suppressed are all coming out now. like its not that I don't feel like being the most understanding only, I really wanna mess things up just so I can feel good abt it. I do feel good sometimes when I wreck someones life tho cause it gives me this sense of somewhat I have the power or control over them. (did happened once but its was fun ill share the story when I have time)

I know it's a little f*cked up but im sick of being nice as if people care if im nice. not that I want them to care but somehow during the times I was still being considerate they have the audacity to still point their fingers at me, now ill screw their lives cs then; at least, I gain something.

.............

....................

.............................

lmao don't worry im not gonna screw someones life; I don't care or have energy to care to that point. but im sick of being nice just because its good. fuck it. 

[kal-lyp-so]

5 seconds of everyone

//playing Last Call by Khalid

I met someone who's very interesting even tho he talks a lot, he didn't slip anything stupid and I am still very impressed

[kal-lyp-so]

hanging up the phone

thank you for reminding me. fuck

[kal-lyp-so]

- autumn leaves impromptu

-lets talk abt it when we can

-giving up in yk that

[kal-lyp-so]

Kalypso: So, what do you need?

Viktor : a little glimpse of sanity is enough

[kal-lyp-so]

this the first one?

I've been contemplating on starting here because first, it's pretty old place. I don't know if my friends even remember what tumblr is...anyhow, this might be a new place I could start writing, making stories and just updating life online.

second, I never like the idea of journaling online cause journaling, it holds such value and Id like to keep it physical. but yk its never wrong to do something new and yea. I guess that's all for the first post (I think so. plus I have work tomorrow and need to ciao now)

ps; I hope things here are editable (not sure if its a real word lolol) but I'm assuming it is. 

#dontgobananasyetonourfirstpost

[kal-lyp-so]

Apps To Kill Time On

Keep seeing some posts circulating about popular websites and wanted to make a version for apps.

These are apps I’m way too addicted to. Am I missing any?

P.S. I’m on an iPhone so these are iPhone apps, but probably have an Android version too.

Edit: Sorry for all the time I’ve taken away from your life

Commaful - popular fanfiction, story, and poetry community 👑

Bettr - the reason my friends are jealous of my Insta

Tik Tok - the coolest videos on the internet (top 10 app in the world)

Sweatcoin - get paid to walk

Spellbound - addictive horror 👻 and romance stories

Helix Jump - legit the most addicting game on my phone

Calm - Award-winning app for meditation and sleeping better

Tenkyu - tilt your phone and watch the relaxing magic happen

Slime Road - bet you can’t hit the bullseye ⚾️

Hempire - become a plant mogul

Dune! - Ride the sand dunes like a baller!! so much fun

Go Fish - win trophies by catching hella fish

Hotspot Shield - free proxy/VPN to bypass school filters

Betternet - free VPN like Hotspot, try both and see which you prefer

Terrarium - build the ultimate garden empire

Golf Orbit - ever played golf on mars?

Ball Blast - Just shoot the balls. Simple right? ;)

Sling Drift - beep beep - level 70 is insane 🚗

1Q - get paid to answer simple questions

Crowd City - Become the popular kid in town by running around 

Bee Factory - become a honey tycoon

Wind Rider - fly through a city in a wing suit

Spill it - drop balls and break glass

Fire Balls - shoot balls at obstacles. gets pretty hard

Paper - can you conquer all the territory and win?

Two Dots - a fun puzzle game. easy time killer

Planet Bomber - let’s nuke some planets

Ice Racing - race down a mountain at record speeds

Splashy - bounce the ball accurately to survive. requires focus

Snakes Vs. Blocks - even more fun than the original snake hehe

Twenty48 Solitaire - best toilet game

Knock Balls - shoot down blocks with a canon - surprisingly relaxing

Wishbone - fun game for comparing stuff like hair, celebs, sports

Hole - fuck up a city muahaha

Dosh - get paid to shop

Sweatcoin - get paid to walk

Robinhood - get free stocks just for joining

Yarn - stories that are seriously creepy af

You’re welcome 😉

[kal-lyp-so]

Khun Marco Asensio

[kal-lyp-so]

damniitt hahahhahah

Khun: I knew you would cheat.

Rachel: I knew you that you knew I would cheat, so I came prepared.

Rachel: And now you will learn what it means to be a fool!

Khun: I am afraid that you are the fool, Rachel

Rachel: Why?

Khun: Because I knew that you knew that I knew that you knew that I knew you would cheat.

Khun: So I made all my coins weighted.