kaldelmar - Tumblr blog

[kaldelmar]

fuN time on this Unbelievable beach wow whaT a great thing to happen, thiS was a wonderful day. tHere were beAutiful birds everywHere. yeehAw WOO (at Galveston, Texas)

[kaldelmar]

🤹‍♂️ (at Austin, Texas)

[kaldelmar]

I hate Texas! thanks to this motel for providing me w somewhere to hide from pollution and republicans, thank you matt groening for the countless futurama episodes to get me through this experience, and finally thank you to walmart for the many water bottles and tortilla chips that have kept me alive for the last week 13/7 texas experience, #vacationpics #texas (at Houston, Texas)

[kaldelmar]

3. (at Lake of the Ozarks)

[kaldelmar]

vegetables? 2/3 red ones (at Lake of the Ozarks)

[kaldelmar]

RARE THINGS part one of three red themed pics (at Lake of the Ozarks)

[kaldelmar]

#brown (at Waffle House)

[kaldelmar]

wow! me again? two days in a row? that's right, I've decided to become an absolute #contentmachine because the #grind never ends. #hashtag #colddog #freezyweeny (at Lake of the Ozarks)

[kaldelmar]

Eating Alone At Chipotle by: Carmen E. Brady, Review

http://bottlecap-press.myshopify.com/products/chipotle

Carmen E. Brady’s, Eating Alone At Chipotle, is a wonderfully sad little book. It makes you think about how life really does suck like all those angsty teenagers would tell you when you were happy around them in high school. I really enjoyed the way Carmen put together the lines in her prose poems, each one is short, sweet, and to the point. This is a very nice book to go back to for a simple read that you will thoroughly enjoy and have no complaints about.

A few specific items that I particularly would like to mention are 1. Desert Air, a great piece to introduce the style of writing being exhibited, 2. Then I realized they might be doing the same thing, because it is extremely relatable, and 3. Actual Time, because it is just sad and anyone who has ever been sad will understand and feel awful that anyone other than them has ever felt as bad as that.

Even though this is a simple chapbook it is also very heavy in a good way, has a lot to it, and has great potential. I recommend Eating Alone At Chipotle to pretty much anyone who has just been sad before. Anyone who has been lonely. And lastly, anyone who has ever eaten Chipotle and thrown up afterwards.

dispassiontea bottlecappress 

[kaldelmar]

Flesh

“Let’s eat human flesh together under the blazing stars.”

“what?”

“You know that annoying guy at work?

“Yes…”

“Well, let’s eat human flesh together under the blazing stars.”

“WHAT!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? WHAT DO I DO? DO I JUST LET YOU OFF OF A MURDER THAT I KNOW YOU COMMITTED?!! I AM LEAVING YOU THIS TIME. I’VE PUT UP WITH ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU DO AND HAVE DONE FOR YEARS NOW AND NO GOOD HAS COME FROM IT. I DON’T KNOW WHY I MARRIED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU KNOW?! ACTUALLY I DO. IT WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I ACTUALLY LOVED YOU AND THAT YOU WERE NORMAL, BUT NO. I REALIZED SOON ENOUGH AFTER WE GOT MARRIED THAT YOU ARE THE MOST INSANE PERSON THAT HAS EVER LIVED."

"I'm fine, I just want to eat human flesh with you under the blazing stars.”

“That’s crazy.”

“No it is not! Haven’t you ever had the urge to get super wasted and eat people? I know I do! Whenever anyone makes me angry, I imagine myself eating them and the anger fades away, and this time I went through with it. Jim made me mad so I hacked him up and am turning him into a people sandwich. So do you want to be part of it and eat some bastard with me?

“You know? Why not? Let's eat human flesh together under the blazing stars.”

[kaldelmar]

Grandma's Breath

grandma's breath smells like meth

all day long she smokes a bong 

she chews and spits that tabaci *bleep*

she snorts a line while drinking wine

grandma needs to quit the meth or else she'll have a painful death

[kaldelmar]

I want a tattoo of someone else's face on my face. If it's done precisely then it will be an equivalent to plastic surgery.

I want a tattoo of someone else's face on my face. If it's done precisely then it will be an equivalent to plastic surgery. 

I have no idea how the thought that I should tattoo Sam Malone, the bartender from Cheers', face on my face crossed my mind. And I wish it never would have. I can not walk into any bar without someone playing the song "Where everybody knows your name" out loud. At first it was hilarious but now that same theme song is on a never ending loop in my mind. As I watched my beautiful wife walk down the aisle, during the birth of my first born child. All I could hear was "Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got." For a while I tuned it out but lately the words "wouldn't you like to get away" have been haunting my dreams. Repeating over and over and over. I must get away. I thought at first. But after trying I realized that the theme from Cheers would follow me to the grave. Everyday the song would loop in my brain continuously. Everywhere I went, like a broken record. "sometimes you want to go! Where everybody knows your name!" I've tried to get help from many different types of people but no man, woman, or child has been able to understand my problem. Yet alone stop it. I always tell them that the song seems to be the background music to my life. Just repeating, and they all laugh. Because of the tattoo everyone thinks I'm joking with them, even my wife. She seems to get angry at this point. Possibly thinking that I am simply trying to make her angry. I think I am the only one that understands. I must be crazy. This is not and cannot be an issue that anyone else has come across. Is it possible that maybe I was on Cheers and I have gone crazy, that I am an old man now stuck inside of my mind? Barely holding on? Now that I thought of this does it mean I have succeeded? That I will wake up from what feels like an endless slumber? That mustn't be it. I assume I will just have to live with this terrible condition forever. Through the good memories and the bad. My wife's funeral. My son's wedding. My 80th birthday. I guess here's to the creator of that horrid song. Making a theme song that is so catchy it plays on repeat in someones head forever. 

It's been thirty-five years, I am now eighty-seven years of age. Never until now have I gotten any lead on why "Where everybody know your name" has played so long in my my mind. But now, on my death bed I take one last scratch at my ear and there it was. An earphone. I must have forgotten it was there one night and it lodged up far in my ear. I guess all those dreadful years of that same song were because of a mistake I had made when I was young. The only mystery was "What was this earphone connected to?" At this time though I couldn't have cared less. As I took one final breath, I pushed out the lyrics "Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your." And that was it.

[kaldelmar]

Subscriptions are now live for the paperback version of Bottlecap Press's lit/art zine, Bottlecrap! We’re doing these subscriptions sort of in lieu of a kickstarter, so reblogs (and of course orders) are GREATLY appreciated.

The first volume includes work from:

Trevor Sensor

Dom Schwab

Ian Macks

Joshua Jarrett

Sarah Edwards

Brendan Kolk 

Sam Grady

Louis Packard

Jeremiah Walton

Kal Del Mar

Brooks Maxwell

Larry Gintz

Zachary Cosby

Bud Smith

Shane Jesse Christmass

Christopher Morgan

and

Zooey Ghostly Volume 1 is slated for release December 10th, volume 2 will come out around mid-late February. Eventually we’d like to develop this into a monthly periodical, but for now, it’ll come along about once every two months. 

[kaldelmar]

I have never changed my clothes.

I know a man who has never taken off his clothes

To wash them he takes showers

To sleep he just sleeps

He is a very clean man

I presume he has that same tuxedo in bulk

I will never know though

I guess that's okay

I will try it for a while

~Kal Del Mar~

[kaldelmar]

"It’s a natural thing."

"Yes, I’m not quite sure I understand your problem."

It was an odd case. He sat around every day, waiting. The only time he left his house was to visit the doctor. The doctor had no logical answer. After his mother sent him a computer he started to order food and all...