kalitheaa

[kalitheaa]

Don’t shit where you eat

YOU ARE IS SO FUCKING WEIRD????

FLOWERS??

MONTHS LATER???

NO

LEAVE ME ALONE

I HATE THAT I HAD TO BE FUCKING NICE TO YOU

IM ALWASY PREACHING ABOUT NOT APOLOGIZING FOR A MAN AND I HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK BECAUSE OF YOUR FEELINGS????

THAT WAS SO UNFAIR HOW YOU’D MAKE ME CHANGE MY BELIEFS BECAUSE WHAT? YOU SAID A FEW PRETTY WORDS??

BULLSHIT

I DONT FUCKING WANT THAT

I DONT WANT YOU

I DONT WANT ANYTHING OR ANYONE LIKE YOU

GOOD FUCKING BYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE

I HOPE YOU STAY IN THAT CITY FOREVER

NEVER COME BACK

That’s not the type of person I want to be with or associate with

And you know what? I enjoy flirting with a million different people. I enjoy having the options. I enjoy the validation. I enjoy the friendships that come with the after. I enjoy the lore that it gives me, that Im able to gossip with my friends after.

Will I pick one of them? Maybe. Maybe not but it’s my choice.

It’s my choice how slow or fast I want to go.

Im never going to dull myself for someone again. Im never going to allow anyone to force me to dim myself like I felt that I had to with you.

It was barely a month.

Absolutely ridiculous.

You said he was in love with me? That I was your person? That I brought you peace?

IN FOUR WEEKS?

THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS!

And here you might think “oh sweet” NO

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND TWO WEEKS BEFORE YOU STARTED TALKING TO ME

And please don’t get me started on the fucking ex girlfriend...

Why do men tell you all these things about their ex’s to just mix up the stories that, truly, you wouldn’t know about unless HE had told you.

In what world am I in?

Are you okay?????

This isn’t a fucking romance novel or a Netflix special. We aren’t in fucking Bridgeton. You don’t burn for me.

You got out of a long term relationship, that probably was in a weird limbo, because I know y’all are still in contact at least somewhat. And you missed that feeling of being someone’s partner so you latched onto me when you found out I was into you and tried to mold me into who you wanted your person to be like.

Well no.

Sorry.

Thats not me.

I like taking photos in bikinis if I want too.

I like hitting a vape occasionally and getting shit faced with my friends.

I like watching stupid shows that have no substance.

I like having stupid conversations about nothing with people I love.

I LIKE SMALL TALK YOU DONT HAVE TO ASK ME WHAT MY BIGGEST INSECURITY IS RIGHT AWAY! RED FLAG BUDDY!

I understand you’re lonely and you want someone but that person is not me. And I really do not want to be that person for you.

In the literal month that we were dating, I thought about how to break it off with you more than seeing a future with you.

You cannot make me into your person. You need some time to figure out yourself.

I am over you.

Truly I am. I don’t mourn our relationship, I regret it actually.

You weren’t mean or evil and you didn’t hurt me and I didn’t spend weeks and weeks crying over what we could’ve had.

Truly, I cried for maybe an hour before I made that phone call, then laughed on mute when I was on the phone with you. That was evil, I know.

Maybe I just didn’t believe you anymore.

The act just didn’t fool me but I think it fooled yourself.

I think you really believed in the insanity you were spewing. In the stories you fabricated, even though you couldn’t keep them straight and they were getting more twisted as you blubbered on.

I regret us because you’ve tainted a part of my story that I really enjoyed. Realizing friends that I made while I was there were more conditional on us dating rather than them actually wanting to be my friend.

I had three people in the span of a week- sorry- DAYS after the phone call ask me about us being together. YOU were the one saying be careful and not to tell a bunch of people and were asking ME who I told when you told the whole fucking building of people????

Everyone was involved dude.

I didn’t love you.

I didn’t and I’m sorry for saying it when it wasn’t true.

Honestly, I really wanted it to work out between us. You were such a nice guy and made me feel special.

But I know I can’t trust you. I did some sleuthing beforehand. I got backup to sleuth for me. I know the facts and caught your lies and mix ups. I wasn’t going to fall for it another time.

We’re not at the same places in life mentally or physically, we don’t want the same things right now. Obviously.

You wanted me to be a different person and that’s not me.

I hate that I have to be nice to you. Not that I want to be mean but it gives you hope. Thats why you sent the flowers.

Im only nice to you because we work for the same company and I’ll run into you again.

Now, either way I would never be outright mean to you. That’s not who I am - if you can believe that from this monstrosity of a thought dump.

But I don’t want you going through life thinking that you still have a chance, cause let’s be crystal clear, you do not.

Im talking to multiple people.

I’d settle down for the right person but I’m not looking.

Don’t send me flowers again.

And let this be a lesson. DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.