kanzers-blog

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How I feel about dating: I don’t want to ruin someone’s life by being in it

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hamlet au where everything is the same but no one ever puts anything down gently, not even the background characters, if someone is putting something down at all they must throw it to the ground like it did them serious wrong, im talking flat out slam dunking anything in their hands, but otherwise the play doesnt change

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More vampires who 300 years later can’t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.

More vampires who are like, “I don’t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.”

More vampires who weren’t paying attention because they didn’t think it would be important.

More vampires who don’t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don’t want to point any fingers.

More vampires who are just bad at dates. “Back in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?”

More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.

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Pretend ur invasive self hating thoughts r being said to u by a 13 y/o boy on xbox live trying to get a rise out of you like “Your girlfriend dumped you because you’re ugly” that’s nice tim isn’t it past ur bedtime

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Full Story

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big hero 6 au where absolutely everything is the same except baymax is voiced by cr1tikal

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last time i used chrome i was in the middle of a duolingo lesson

i mention this bc when i opened it up earlier and it restored my tabs, the duolingo woman yelled ‘the flesh is good’ at me in robotic dutch and i still haven’t recovered

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dont let tumblr make you think it’s okay to:

protect the world from devastation

unite all peoples within our nation

denounce the evils of truth and love

extend our reach to the stars above

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WEREWOLF AU'S

“dude i know youre a werewolf and all but seriously that freaking howl laughter you do is so fucking extra and i cant take it anymore”

“you being part dog has its perks, mostly for me because whenever i toss something away your eyes follow it and you perk up like you want to chase it but restrict yourself and its honestly the cutest fucking thing ive ever seen”

“honestly though i hate my pack so much, like theyre a bunch of assholes but i ran into you on a full moon run in the forest and idk u seem pretty cool. wanna go hunting or scare some people or some shit? i know this sick ass lake thats always really warm, i can show you”

“yes i understand im a big bad werewolf now but really i dont want to hurt those cute little rabbits and deer, cant we just wait until we transform back to eat? thats not how it works? well cant i just eat before i transform so i wont be hungry–im sorry im just new at this and im sorta trying to go vegetarian here–”

“babe you know i love you and i would give up my life for yours but i sWEAR TO GOD IF YOU GIVE ME ONE MORE DOG TOY FOR MY BIRTHDAY IM GONNA PUNCH YOU SQUARE IN THE FACE”

“look im not a supernatural fanatic or anything but i swear man every time this kid next to me gets frustrated they actually growl and it sounds just like some rabid steroid induced dog, and im not saying their a werewolf man but theyre totally a werewolf”

a werewolf getting personally offended when someone says they’re not a dog person

“as a werewolf i can personally talk to dogs and boyohboy does ur little pug have some tea to spill…"

“alternatively, i find you to be really superduper adorable and whenever i come over your little dog goes off on rants to me about the cute embarrassing stuff that you do when your home alone and honestly I wake up every day for these chats”

“when I saw you climbing out of the stream I was fishing in dirty, wet, and naked, I assumed you had just survived some kind of intense mob hit or something but really you had just detransformed from a werewolf after you were playing in the water trying to catch a fish, and ultimately failing. nice ass, by the way.”

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more facts and tips HERE

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date a guy who is handsome and can draw date a guy who is a hero to the galaxy date a guy who praises the ground you walk on date a guy who loves you more than anything date a guy who would commit mass murder and betrayal for you date Anakin Skywalker

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how dare there not be a fic for this very specific au i have in my head

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i see all these british memes and i think we need to make a list of american memes

flo from progressive

the midwest

how big is alaska

jeopardy review games

spIRIT WEEK

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I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

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things ive heard people say in class:

“what if i just straight up break down in class and scare the shit out of ms neo so that she’ll postpone the test?”

“is it too early if i have a breakdown in january?” “its the second week, man.” “i know.” 

“let’s all just collectively skip the national exams, fuck the system!” *aggressive cheering*

in a really choked up voice, “i have rights.”

“what if i become a monk? do monks have to take exams?”

“in this context, what does ‘rapid’ mean?” “FAST AND FURIOUS”

“did y’all do the chem homework?” *collective ‘no’s* “alright, good. nobody be a wimp and do their homework, alright? if we’re fucked, we’re all fucked together.”

“wait, you mean to say that this school still teach fun stuff like music??”

*scandalised gasp* “you stole my circle template’s virginity!” “all i did was hook a finger through one of the holes!” “exactly!” 

“i bought this $2 knee guard just because i want to pretend that i’m injured so that i can sit out of PE.” [slides knee guard on] “i have three consecutive tests after this and lord knows i need all the extra study time that i can get.”

in an increasingly panicked voice, “i can’t just do my lit homework in 30mins!” “well, i did.” “what did you put for characterisation and further analysis?” “i said the protagonist was a fuckboy, and then proceeded to write 3 paragraphs and a conclusion consisting of utter bullshit on why he’s a fuckboy.”

“don’t they call people from Germany, germanese?” said by a top student.

“i think i’m a hermaphrodite.”

“fuck, i hate this. can i just be an escort? or have like 67 sugar daddies?”

in the middle of physics class: “i’m leaving, i’m fucking leaving. i’m going down to the canteen to buy takeouts of 3 fishball noodles. y’all want anything?”

“i want the saddest pepe the frog meme you can find as our class logo.”

“i found a salsa dip in my bag, anyone have some chips?” [a girl sighs, puts down her calculator and reaches into her sports bag] “i do.”