kasarawolf

[kasarawolf]

….soooo I said me and my family were cursed this year yes?

Good good. Add another to the list. Today at the hair salon 🙃🙃🙃

While my sister was getting her hair cut, and I was on my way to pick her up, this car went right through the wall B) Fun. Everyone is okay 👌

[kasarawolf]

I am sad to say that my grumpy Uncle Bill has passed away.

At the beginning of May, he had fallen down the flight of stairs in his home. My dad rushed out there and was with him a whole month, before he came home three days ago, (because he was doing better) only to fly back out there again because he had passed away :((

To sum up what my Uncle had went though-

- Fell down the stairs. Had a stroke and brain bleed because of it. Also some broken ribs.

-He died multiple times. Came back every time.

- He was in a coma. Doctors said he wouldn’t wake. Proved them wrong and woke up because my uncle was a fighter.

- Caught Pneumonia while at the hospital. Beat it.

- Kept ripping his tubes out, because man didn’t want to be stuck in the hospital. He was an active dude and knowing him, hated being bed ridden with all the equipment on him.

- When he was doing better, they sent him over to the rehab center/nursing home so he could continue to improve and heal. No more tubes for him!

- Get a call yesterday from the paramedics that he had to go to the ER because he had trouble breathing. Within hours, he died of sepsis.

Im literally in shock about what happened. HE WAS getting better. Videos from my dad showed he was. And even through all that pain, he still found a way to be silly and take the doctors orders “too literally” lol. (Example, the doctors asked him if he knew a Chuck, referring to my dad. Shook his head no. Because my dad does not go by that name, so when they asked if he knew a Charles, he shook his head yes. And another, they put him in a wheel chair and told him to move his feet. So naturally, he tapped his feet in place on the floor lol)

I am so unbelievably saddened by is passing, I’ve been on and off crying. Uncle Bill was a grumpy dude, always looking annoyed about something with his resting angry face. But over the last couple years he started to soften up, this last visit back in May he was really showing that under that hard exterior, he was actually nice haha. He made sure we were fed, all the while grumbling the whole time as he piled food onto our plates (even if we said we didn’t want it lol)

His home was ALWAYS a stopping point on my families drive through Texas. Its going to be weird not to do that anymore and visit him and Aunt Vivian, who most likely will follow suit, due to her poor health :/// (she is currently in a nursing home and was next door to him there. The sick part? The doctors and nurses working there DIDNT EVEN TELL HER. Dad had to tell her he passed away when he flew out there today. She did not get to say goodbye and Bill was all alone in his final moments at the hospital. That pisses me off the most)

This year has been absolute HELL. I am so sad and angry. We were all given a little hope that he would make it, that maybe SOMETHING would go right in this hellish year, only to have it torn away from us. He survived and fought ALL THAT, just to die from something else. I can’t.

That last thing Bill wanted, was to find a magazine that had him on the cover in his garage. He really wanted to show us it last month. So I will be sure to find that for you Uncle Bill…

Rest in peace Uncle Bill, you will be very missed :( You are with the rest of your family now….say hi to Papa and Grandma for me. <333

[kasarawolf]

I don’t wanna go sleep to get up in the morning to go to work, the night time is my jaaammm and it says to draaaawww OTL

[kasarawolf]

[kasarawolf]

** Random Kota Facts since I don’t have time to draw things at this time **

[kasarawolf]

UPDATE:

And of course, I don’t know what the extent of his brain damage is, but I’m counting him being able to sit up and opening his eyes as a win ;0; I just hope he continues to recover ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[kasarawolf]

I apologize for being so inactive. Life has been a living HELL so far this year :,))) This is basically a longer hiatus announcement.

((TO SUMMARIZE ALL THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THE DETAILS.

-I need surgery. My asthma is out of control thanks to sinus polyps and fungal sinusitis. I was on medication to help that, but it did nothing.

-My Dad needs surgery because he has a hole in his heart.

-My sister needs surgery.

-My sisters friend is dying of stage 4 brain cancer.

-My sister and her fiancé broke up but won't stop talking to each other and fighting.

-My Aunt is in poor health and dying.

-My uncle fell down the stairs last week and won't wake up and most likely never will and may die. He was my aunt's taker.

-I injured my foot, but that healed, but a month of pain was not cool.

-I'm being bullied at work.))

I need to vent a bit and tell everyone why my activity has been so spotty. SO much has been happening over these past months and I just need to let it all out and tell people. I apologize in advance and buckle up for a wild ride if you decide to read this B)))

====My Sister and her Fiancé broke up====

-          To start off, the end of last year was already a mess. My little sister was having problems with her now ex-fiancé. He was starting fights with me and my Dad (lots of lies, too much to get into) and being pretty crappy to my sister. To sum it up, he was expecting SO MUCH from her and not giving anything in return, which was pretty messed up. I felt like I needed to be there for her, so all my extra time has been spent hanging out with her.

Unfortunately, despite them being broken up FOR MONTHS now, they are still in contact and constantly fighting. He keeps wanting to get back together, but then he will randomly start fighting with her : )))) she loves him, and keeps trying to work things out, but IMO, all the crying and stress is not worth it. She deserves better and I’ve told her that, but she’s only gotten angry by this. It's stressful because I can’t do anything to help other than try to be there for her X_X

===Owie Foot of Mine===

-          And then I ended up injuring my foot near the end of December, during a two-week break I took off from work and got stuck wearing a boot. That went on for a month and two weeks until it completely healed. Nothing broken, thankfully, but I had such a bad sprain that it took forever to heal. But whenever I step weird now, I get a sharp shooting pain in that foot, so that’s fun. I also was watching a friends pets for over two months during this time. (whose mom ended up passing from Cancer) and that was hard on my lungs as I am allergic to bunnies, which we will come back to that asthma soon : )))

===Bullied at WORK===

During this whole time, this was all going on, work has been miserable. I used to enjoy it, but now…I dread going in and hate it. Debated many times on quitting, especially this year, but I also don’t want to let them win. My fellow co-workers constantly leave me out of things, and when they ordered food for the whole office, they would not get me anything. Despite the Big Boss noticing this and confronting my manager to include me, they still do this from time to time, but prefer to now get food on days when I DO NOT work. It makes me feel horribly isolated. I have horrible social anxiety and try to get involved in conversations when I hear something I know about, but I end up just sitting in my corner and doing my work quietly.

-          To make things worse, I was training this new girl. Highschooler. She was fine at first. Nice and friendly, fellow artist, and I believed we were friends, until one day, she threw out all my drawings I had on my desk. I went looking for them, but could not find them. These were important monster design drawings for my friend's video game.

I was upset, but didn’t say anything, as I am scared of confrontation. Then it happened again with some more artwork and this time, some of my work for my job here. I gathered the courage and messaged her, asking what happened to my missing items. She said she “didn’t know.”

This time, I found my art in a faaarrr away garbage can in another part of the office, despite having one at my desk, purposely throwing it away somewhere else so I couldn’t find it. The rest of my work I needed for my job, I could not find anywhere, so it was most likely thrown out into the dumpster. I fished out the art and replied, saying, “it was in the garbage can, please please please be careful what you throw away, as this stuff is important.”  She then spun it around and in a long text, said it was my fault that it got thrown away in the first place (I have the texts still to prove it) I never responded because I could not believe that she was saying it was MY FAULT for leaving MY ART on MY DESK to get thrown out.

Since then, it's been out of control, almost a daily occurrence of things she likes to do to get under my skin. I’ve told my manager about it. But he straight up said, “That doesn’t sound like something she would do,” until I dug in the garbage and pulled out one of my missing labels right in front of him. Even then, he still does not believe me. I’ve been working there for 5 YEARS and rather believe the newbie that’s more sociable. I hate it.

Things at my desk have been thrown away, drawn on, stolen and then returned when I’m not there (I also have a little display of target birds at my desk, they make me happy), but they’ve been hidden, dirtied, purposely put up high on shelves so I can’t reach them.  All my co-workers love her, and only I know what she’s really like. I wouldn’t be surprised if a couple of them are in on it. You would think the bullying stops when you are older, but nope. : ( I hate it so much, I just want to be left alone and enjoy my things at my desk, is that so wrong??? So, I’ve been dealing with that for quite some time, on top of all my other issues I’m dealing with.

===MEDICATION AND SURGERY===

And for the past forever, I’ve had asthma. But my asthma has been out of control as of late. I was using my inhaler waaaayyyy too much, averaging 6 puffs a day, BUT NOW when I blew my nose, weird mud balls were coming out. I figured something was up, so I went to the doctor. She told me that my sinus polyps had come back, but didn’t know what the mud balls were. (even though I had a feeling that it was fungus. Yes, a fungus X_X )

I had gotten surgery back during the start of COVID to get these polyps removed, and they have fully taken hold of ALL my sinuses again. It was a painful surgery last time, especially since they had to move my septum, and I was stuck with tubes and splints in my face for weeks. To avoid that, she put me on a medication to hopefully reduce these polyps for about a month. These side effects were not so fun, which was why I did my first hiatus post.

After the medication was done, I went back for a follow-up appointment. The meds did nothing :,) On the scan of my face, she told me that the sinuses on the right side of my face were completely blocked off now and then said that in my forehead next to my eye, (where I’ve been having pain for months now but I thought it was due to allergies), a blob was growing, in which she believed it to be Fungal Sinusitis, caused by the polyps, (which I figured was the case) That one especially has been stressing me out, because it can spread to my eyes/brain X_X  (and also can kill you if it gets too crazy uggghh)

Sucks to be me, because I need surgery to remove all the polyps and to clean out the fungus in my sinuses. I thankfully now have health insurance. I am unsure when that surgery will be happening yet, but most likely in around a month or two. I am on a steroid and rinsing my sinuses out until then, but I am pretty sure that’s to treat the polyps and not the fungus, as I keep sneezing out mud balls. Yuck.

===GOODBYE TRIP TO TEXAS===

-          We then went on a trip to Texas about two weeks ago. This was not a fun little vacation. This trip was to say goodbye to friends and family that we would most likely not see alive again. My little sister has a friend who has stage 4 brain cancer. It’s unfortunately terminal : (((  He is young, I feel so bad for him. He has a very aggressive kind of cancer and has had surgery twice in two months, with the tumor now growing back bigger than ever in just a few weeks. Visiting him was hard for her. It makes me and Dad sad. Cancer sucks >( After we left there, we went to visit my Great Aunt Vivian, whose health has been declining.

She is in a poor state. She’s mostly skin and bones, barely eats, and does not walk. Memory going. Her husband does all he can for her. We tried our best to clean up the house that hasn’t been vacuumed and dusted for the past who knows how many years and fixing broken things when we were visiting.

===DOUBLE SURGERY===

After we got back from the trip, my sister and Dad who I live with, also found out they need surgery. My dad, being the worst off, found out he had a hole in his heart that needed repairing (which was causing him sleep disruptions) and my sister with a noncancerous (thankfully) mass in her breast. So now all three of us in this house need surgery. Both my dogs also got some unknown sickness, leaving us sleepless for a few days. New stresses to add to my already stressed pile.

====GOODBYE TRIP 2====

Buuuuttt, like I always say, our family is cursed. Before I had left my Great Uncle Bill’s house, I gave him the tightest hug I could and cried. Who knew that would be the last possible hug I would give him, as last Saturday, my Dad got a call from a family member saying the doctor called her, and he had fallen down the stairs and was knocked unconscious. My Dad jumped on the next available plane and went straight there to take care of my GA Vivian, who needs 24-hour care, and then enlisted the help of his sister, so he could go check Bill’s status.

When he went to the hospital, he learned that Bill had fractured ribs and a brain bleed. He also had a stroke, but they were unsure if that was before he fell down the stairs, or after : ((( He has yet to wake up and it's now been a week since his fall. The Doctor’s told my Dad today he most likely never will. I honestly cannot believe it, he was running around literally the week before, making me and my sister breakfast all the while, grumbling, because he is this grumpy but nice in his own way kind of guy, with only recently becoming nice, as he used to be really mean when I was younger : ((( If he dies or never wakes, my sister and I have to go back down there and help clear out the house, as GA Vivian will most likely be put into a nursing home, as we cannot take care of her, especially with our combined health issues. Their house is MASSIVE, so that can take months of clearing everything out.

And that is my year so far. I really feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I have no time to draw even though I want to soooo badly, no one to really talk to, (and when I want to talk to people or try to, I feel like I’m talking to a wall or it gets ignored) I feel so alone and depressed from everything that’s been going on. I’ve been trying to distract myself by going to thrift stores and buying my problems away, but that only lasts for a little bit X___X

I hope this all passes soon and everything calms down, but so far, it’s a very cursed year. I would really love to get back to drawing and writing my fanfic regularly again, (especially since I have so many ideas to draw out, like drawing my first Mermay piece and so on) but until then, my activity with posting art will be spotty and all those drawings I had planned will be delayed ToT I just want everything to be normal and happy again and I want to be able to breath and be healthy :< And I want all my family and friends to be okay too T_T

But right now, everything is a bottomless pit of stress and despair and not okay.

[kasarawolf]

I updated another design! ^^ Now they look more like how I see them in my head~

They still need a new name! Kobalt was only ever a temp name in my story. Since their race of Kai goes by "colors" for their names, I will have to figure out something with blue :) I don't want to keep their name Kobalt, because it just reminds me too much of Kota's name ^^; (that and power tools lol)

I don't have too much information for them because a lot of it is rather spoilery!

Kobalt is an ambassador for their race.

Kobalt is very serious and proper. Good manners.

Vegetarian.

Kota and Kobalt became friends quick, despite Kobalt never saying they "are friends." XD

Kobalt is the same race of Kai as Laven~ https://www.deviantart.com/kasarawolf/art/The-Attendant-1180962635

Like others from their race, they are strict with the "they/them" pronouns.

Old Design: https://www.deviantart.com/kasarawolf/art/Kobalt-1020858830

[kasarawolf]

Unfinished Easter wip!

I started this the day before Easter ^^;

But I didn't get a chance to finish it and add Fu in there (he was supposed to wear a full on rabbit mascot suit and Kota was wearing....THIS rabbit outfit. The premise was that they chose each others outfits for Easter lol There were supposed to be quite a few easter chibis drawn on this too) Kota's tailcoat on the final was supposed to have lots of gold detailing along the edges with rabbit designs mixed in.

But then life issues happened (I will say more on a separate post) I went on stress-cation (which I just came back from yesterday, I'm so exhausted) and now inspiration for this piece has fully died XD May it rest. Maybe one day I will feel inspired to finish it! This outfit and Fu's rabbit suit, will be added to his outfit sheet when I get around to drawing that. So here is what I did on it so far~ :)

[kasarawolf]

Sketched this guy up last night before bed!

This is how I ORIGINALLY saw Sensei/Mister Catterwaul in my story. However, at the time, I thought it would be weird to have two black cat characters in my story (the other is my friends) so I changed him to a kitsune instead. Buuutt, the design never really grew on me and only gave me Kung Fu Panda vibes, (now he just gives me Mao Mao vibes lol) so I decided to go back to the design I originally had for him! There is enough room for two black cats in Conton City lol.

Catter facts-

- Catterwaul works as a teacher at Orange Star Patrolling Academy in Conton City.

- Black void.

- Judgmental stare.

- Hates being called small or cute.

- Likes to drink tea.

- No mouth shows when he talks, only his whiskers move.

- You only see his mouth is when he's yelling or yawning.

- Due to his large ears, he unfortunately can hear everything. Nothing escapes his excellent hearing.

- Hates loud noises.

- Strict teacher that's kind of scary despite his size, but he's the kind of guy that very protective of his students. Mess with his kids, you get the claws.

Catterwaul is a Kaibyo.

- Distinguished gentleman.

- Claws tend to only come out when he's upset.

- Sometimes wears a hat.

- Hates it when his suit gets dirty.

- Was a great warrior in his fighting days.

Previous now scrapped design may it rest-

[kasarawolf]

Fu: Preggers? Prego??? Preganante?? WITH CHILD?? It's slang for-

Kota: Nononono- NO. I KNOW what it means. NO WAY I'M LETTING YOU DO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR EXPERIMENTS ON ME TO EVEN MAKE THAT POSSIBLE YOU CRAZY BASTARD. >(

-----------------------------------------------------

Fu is still learning all about this..."slang" stuff lol.

Random art meme I had on my to-do list, now it's done! Don’t ask, I don’t even know what I drew haha. I just wanted to draw something silly~

I was working on the Easter picture, but then art block kicked in, so I only drew Kota :,) I will have to wait to finish that one up!

I wanted to draw the extra dialogue that I quickly wrote up, (The original was originally "no you >( / not if I get you first," and Kota not realizing what he said because he will just randomly spout a comeback without thinking when he's flustered lol) but art block happened, so this is all you get : )))

The art meme:

[kasarawolf]

Awkward picture of me from todays Nostalgiacon? Absolutely!! I was so nervous I was shaking ^^;

Tomorrow I will be sure to bring the things I originally meant to bring to the con to get signed! They were both so nice!! I love them <3333333

[kasarawolf]

The Easter drawing decided to fight me today, so hopefully it will be done tomorrow…hopefully ^^;

[kasarawolf]

I was sketching the "wanna make out" art meme. This one however, is not a final, so to the scrapped drawings it goes~! XD

[kasarawolf]

Morning work sketches 💃

[kasarawolf]

I haven’t drawn them in forever my boyyysss 😭 😭 theymakemesohappywhenIdrawthem 😭 ❤️

[kasarawolf]

This is just some concept sketches for my Birdie Bot with legs (I call this one the "hatched" edition so they are no longer egg shaped but instead are more chicken like lol) The little "wings" on their sides flap and I may add three face plates on the sides the also open and close on the final artwork for them~ :)

There are soooo many different styles of these little guys in my story, that it's going to take forever to design them all lol