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[kats-journal-diary-diarrhea]

Finally starting this diary diarrhea. This is through mobile so excuse any typos.

These past several months have been absolute fucking hell. Then December, things became fucking worse. My parents got stupid new furniture and it has been FUCKING HELL. It has just been: my parents demanding nonstop work/cleaning nearly every single fucking day. Plus threatening to get rid of the cats after all my fucking hard work over the years of caring for them. I am so messed up from all the fucking abuse where I can’t even sleep anymore because I get scared I am going to abruptly wake up again to my mom throwing heavy objects at my door which fucking gives me a heart attack. Or my dad banging at my door like a brute. His anger voice makes me think of sickeningly burning charcoal in the dark with heavy smells that hurts my stomach.

Recently my mom threw a bucket at my door shrieking her head off which scared the shit out of me starting up my rare fight or flight response. (Rare because usually I just freeze or shut down.) Unfortunately, my response was fight this time so I automatically ran my mouth off shouting she sounds like an old grandma. That caused her to FUCKING EXPLODE VIOLENTLY. She screeched EXTRA LOUD shouting “GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!! GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM! YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY THEN FUCK OFF!!!!”

At that point I was so numb I just responded in a calm manner. “No, I’m cleaning the pantry.” Her loud screeching is comparable to a huge pig screeching loudly when its life is in danger. (Not calling her a pig, just comparing the sounds.)

She exploded because Muffin, our elderly blind 16 year old cat pooped in the dining area. She shouted repeatedly“GET RID OF HER!!” My dad decided to toss her out somewhere. Evil. :/ I gave in to getting “rid of her” because they were being so fucking vile and insane,and so I suggested we just euthanize her BUT I want her ashes. My dad shouted “YOU DON’T NEED HER ASHES!!!!” That implied he was going to dump her off somewhere. Yeah, sure. Dump a poor blind cat out somewhere we had for 16 years that just wanted cuddles. Okay.

Anyways, I was defeated BUT not letting them kill her inhumanly. I want it humanely. I told my sis’. she responded she would take her in. I was so fucking relieved and grateful.

I had to use the last of my savings/funds to get supplies for Muffin. I’m entirely broke thanks to my psychotic fucking insane parents. :/ I can’t even get any small fun things to help make existing less miserable for me.

I am fucking depressed having to give up Muffin. We had her since December 2008. My parents care too much over fucking materialistic shit than beloved pets we had fun and adventures with. :/

Well that’s been much of the fucking hell that’s been going on. Jesus fucking Christ. Yesterday, I will make a separate post over. It will be about how we celebrated my mom’s birthday early (since today my sis’ and I along with Muffin leave to San António.)

Today, got yelled at by my dad for letting Muffin run around. He banged at my door. His disgusting snarling voice again, like vile charcoal in the dark, heavy smell hurting my stomach.

Ughhhh, I still have much to do before my sis’ and I take off. I have to bribe my parents to give Tomtom his meds/vitamins. (That’s a whole other fucking shitstorm. My mom was shrieking her head off saying he needs to die because “LOOK AT HIM HE DOESN’T DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!” Jesus fucking Christ, mom. What the fuck is your problem. I thought you loved Tomtom. :/ Thankfully she stopped when my dad told her to stop which was FUCKING RARE but I am still grateful for that confusing moment. :| Thankfully also they see he is improving.)

Okay. Will probably post about yesterday later and the day before yesterday later as well.

[kats-journal-diary-diarrhea]

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