kayetiesblog

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Let’s go to museum

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A moment to remember

So I met this guy last 4th of January , I know him by this thing called dating app. We had a coversations talk about things we like, things we love, introduced ourselves, I also introduced what I loved being me the things that make me ecstatic like hiking, running, go to beaches, and reading books. He also told me what his things like camping, sports like basketball, he also love to eat. He always wanted my time that I actually turned on, He always easy replies with my messages sometimes he wanted a video call, I followed him on Instagram and we had a first conversation via Instagram, then he caught my attention because of his humor and it makes me laugh and it brightens my soul completely, I love how he existed by being himself.

Then one day he asked me to go out for another adventure, He asked me to go camping with his friends, one of his friend is celebrating a birthday, I had this feeling of doubt if I’ll come or not because of course that’s our first meet. Days passed he always invite me I had no answer I told him that I don’t know if I’ll come with him since it’s out first meet, then I realize it’s new environment new people and new experience if ever I’ll go, later on I told him I’d love to come, we talked about the details of the event, he picked me up at our house by around 3 in the morning. I met his friends and they’re nice and good, same vibration as well as his’ i love the company. We got drunk, seeing bonfire, we swum at a small river, we ate a lot of foods, deep talked about ourselves talking about ex’s, love life, and overnight camp, god! My soul is so happy. I didn’t realize I had this feelings for him.

He drove me back home, of course we kissed passionately I felt love this time, this kiss is different this hit me so hard, I had this feeling that we share the same energy. He went out and got home, I can’t remember the feeling of being in love since we had that kiss.

I think I’m in love with him, we always talked, he always wanted a video call instead. I like his love language making time with me even when I’m in work, he always checked on me when I got home or what am I doing, those simple efforts it means a lot to me. I’m in love with him and I felt being loved when he says the word I love you, my heart is so happy, I felt being me when I’m with him I expressed myself without thinking of my flaws.

One day we went out a camping on weekdays, we cooked, pitch a tent, overnight camp, went on a river and of course a heart to heart talk I don’t know but this kind of conversation made me turned on I like his intelligence his wisdom he is so simple but he is not difficult to love I really like his personality I like him made me laugh all the time. And then this time we made love, it happened many times.

Sometimes we had a fight a small fight, sometimes he is different maybe he is not in mood, then one time I caught him that he liked one of the photo of his ex girlfriend, I ask him what is that for, he answered it was nothing, I told him if he can remove her at his friend list, I don’t know but I know he tricked me when I checked his friend list it was removed or maybe he hide it for me so that if I checked it over and over I’ll never see it. Or maybe I had this overthinking vibe. I don’t know, because when I asked him if he is already moved on by his ex he said yes, then unfortunately I believed him.

Then one day month of April, summer season. They went to Zambales for 5 days accompanied with his boss some friends and family, I have no problem with that, he keep on updating me what he’s doing, so no reason to overthink. At the end of their trip they went back and home, I’ve been keeping on message him where he was because he’s not responding to my messages even once I also called him but no answers. I only think that he is tired from their trip or he need some rest so I let it go do some of his business.

Morning, I got messages from him he is getting mad, why I always message him or why I always mad, he is just slept at the house of his boss he said they went home at the middle of the night so he is not able to message me right away, so it’s okay for me, but in my thoughts I don’t believe him. So I passed it what happened.

Afternoon, he is not responding again to my messages I don’t know why, I have no idea what is happening, I’m thinking if I have mistake or what, so I decided to ask him if “is it still me” because I look stupid to ask him for just a message and not answering my calls, I’m not deserved this kind of situation.

April 10, Morning I received a message from him, he is breaking up with me, he said he has this unfinished business with her ex that he is with him all day from the day that he is not responding to my messages and calls. Damn! That hurts! I don’t know what is wrong with me, this time I’m questioning again my worth, I always ask myself why is it always happening to me, am I worthless? Or not good in relationships? Or maybe I’m not enough. I don’t know. I just let him go, I can’t do anything to save him or this kind of relationship. I just think deeply and reflect that why this happened so fast.

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this type of rejection be hitting different tho 🥴

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I’m just so very tired of being so very sad all the fucking time…

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“Sometimes you are so emotionally drained that even sleep doesn’t do anything anymore. You wake up still tired. And it just doesn’t go away.”

— The Poetic Boy

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one thing about me is i am not doing so well