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Control you (D)urge

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the nightmare

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It takes Several Women to redeem a durge

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you can always rely on your younger siblings to ruin everything

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Finally painted a tribute to BG3 ~

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Relax 📙🐶

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ok I'm gonna start emo durge posting now and I just wanna say like...I wish the game had let you express just how fucking complicated I feel like my durge's feelings for Orin is

like honestly I get why rpgs can't take into account all the big emotions that a character could have for every event, but like I wish I could at least hint at how complicated the Orin situation is for a good durge

because on one hand, Orin is evil. Cartoonishly evil even. She's playing with you and everyone else like a cat playing with their prey before they kill it. Murdering is her only goal, specifically murdering for daddy Bhaal.

And just on a character level, she has done the most to hurt you. She's the reason why you have no memories. She took your life from you. She's the reason why you're fighting the tadpole in your head. She's the reason why all of your friends and loved ones are fighting the tadpole in your head. She kidnapped one of those friends. She murdered people just to take their place so she can spy on you. She stole your life and identity and made have to start anew not knowing who you are or why all you want to do is hurt everyone around you.

But in a fucked up, unintentional way, Orin saved you.

If she hadn't attacked you and taken your place and stuck a tadpole in your head, you would be Bhaal's Chosen. You would be the same mass murdering cannibalistic psychopath that Bhaal shaped you into since you were a child who was made to murder the family that took them in and raised them. You would be one of the villains your current friends faced, and you probably would have killed them all or enslaved them with the tadpoles in their heads, and you wouldn't have thought anything of it. They wouldn't be people to you, just meat to pile up to get you closer to reaching Bhaal's true goal of ending everyone and everything. You were going to do it too.

The closest thing you ever had to a friend was the Chosen of the god of tyranny, your sister who attacked you and took everything from you, and the grotesque unnatural servant your daddy sent to fawn over you. That's not even getting into account the things Gortash and Orin have directly done to two people you might be close to now, or even romantically involved with. Those were the people you kept company with. Those were the only people who you thought liked you, and clearly you misjudged how much Orin actually did.

By the time you can get into learning more about Orin, you know what you are and you've already made the decision to reject or accept Bhaal. If you've resisted him, if you've expressed to Jaheira or whoever that you want to be free of him, you're aware of what you are. And you've found some evidence of what you've done in your past. If you've been hit with a heal spell, you've seen your first murders, and you know that you were shaped into this as a child. And you might have been Bhaal's spawn made directly by him, but at least there was a moment, however brief, where you were just a kid being raised by a family that took you in. Until Bhaal changed that with the Urges.

But Orin? You find out more about Orin that she knows herself. You can find out just how fucked her parentage actually is with Sarevok being both her father and grandfather. You can find out she was lied to about why her mother attacked her as a child and how Sarevok abused and manipulated both of them while she thought he adored her. She was born and raised into a Bhaalist upbringing, having literally no other context or experience. You at least had a few years as a seemingly normal child.

And even then, she was second to you. She was in your shadow, following your commands, and you can find your own writings that made it clear that you did not treat her well. You didn't respect her. If there was ever any kind of bond between the two of you as you were growing up, that was gone by the time you begun the alliance with Gortash and Ketheric, and she was well in your shadow.

And by the time you learn all of this, you have actual friends. You have people who love and admire you. You have people who are grateful to you for saving them and going above and beyond to keep people safe. You probably have a romantic partner and you've probably begun making plans for afterward. You have people that have guided you down a lighter path, that are actually trying to help you be good and happy and who want help you even when you're scary. There are people who know what you are and what you've done and the fact that you were at the center of creating the mess that everyone is in now, and they're still with you.

What does Orin have?

Only a cult of people who worship her out of fear, people that have abused her, and the knowledge that despite her best efforts, you're still coming to punish her for defying you.

But regardless of everything else, you would not have gotten anything you have now if Orin hadn't cracked your skull open.

Orin is the only reason you can be redeemed. Even if you're the one who actively decided to be a better person after escaping the pod, you never would have gotten to that point if not for Orin. You weren't going to suddenly change while you were Bhaal's Chosen, at the top of your power and almost achieving the goals you planned out and put in motion. The only reason you had to opportunity to change is because Orin damaged you to the point of forgetting what Bhaal shaped you into. There were only empty spaces to become your own person because Orin carved them out with her knife.

In the most fucked, but undeniable way Orin saved you.

And I just can't help but wish that the game at least let me acknowledge this and how fucking complicated you can feel about Orin.

Or at least let me ponder if maybe it isn't possible to at least try to do something for your fucked up little sister who never had or wanted anything but Bhaal, yet still managed to save you from him. Even if its not possible, even if you couldn't have really tried, I wish that the desire to try or some contemplation on that had been possible.

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“Merry Christmas, Harry.” “What did you- Why..?” “Just take it. Please.”

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“Hello, old friend.”

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Draco, with great delight: Oh, Harry is going to hate this.

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