i just moved home from a year of living at college and i’m thinking about how much i’m going to miss my friends. the agony of knowing that they’re all going back while i’m not and they’ll make new memories with new people i’m not involved with feels like a punch to the gut, but i’m realising now that the pain isn’t inherently negative. sure it sucks and i miss my friends dearly but hurting also reminds me of how much they mean to me. there’s no use fighting to keep it the way it was when it’s not realistically possible, instead i think i am going to slowly work on moving on, using these memories we made and lessons i learned while there to form new connections and craft more experiences and hope i will one day cross paths with these people again, and wish them well in their futures even if i don’t. i will feel their absence whenever they’re not around for the rest of my life but i will always listen to the music me and one shared together and remember how he said his dad played this album in the car to get him to fall asleep as a kid, wear the hoodie another gave me because he knew i was going to miss how he held me and relive the drives me and another took down familiar roads on late nights when i travel and be grateful that i have something that makes losing it so severe. i will remember how loved they made me feel and every night i will stare at the same lamp beside my bed i stared at after long days of making memories and sharing the most impactful and unforgettable year of my life with people whose presence was enough for me to just exist in and feel like i was genuinely enjoying life for the first time ever. i am going to use these thoughts to keep myself sane and out of the same soul sucking pit of anguish and hopelessness my friends pulled me out of