kidscaptain

[kidscaptain]

you were only a kid.

pairings: john walker x early 20s gender neutral reader

summary: john walker helps you out of your own void rooms

warnings: major spoilers from thunderbolts*, brief mention of self harm, obsessive amount of the word kid im sorry

word count: 1082

in the alleyway, what's left of the so-called thunderbolts are discussing what to do next. what even is there to do? yelena walked into the void. she's gone. you stare blankly at the ground, out of breath, in shock. there's no way in hell she can come back from that, you think to yourself.

walker speaks, says all we have to do is follow yelena into the void. is he actually insane? you know he has problems but this is on a whole new level. he describes what he saw back in the bunker. your heart drops into your stomach. your deepest fears, shame and grief will come back to haunt you.

walker turns to you, "kid, you alright? you ready to do this?" his voice snaps you out of your trance. you look up to meet his eyes, smile softly and nod. "alright, let's go."

as you come back to your senses, you hear the chaos that surrounds. new york crumbling once again. why do people still live here? screams so deafening you'd think you're watching a horror movie, but this is real life. you swallow your fear as much as you can, mentally preparing yourself to either be killed on the spot or thrown into your own nightmares. you can't decide which one you'd rather right now.

it's all a blur from the alleyway to when you wake up suddenly in a bathroom. tap running, water on the tiles and a voice from the speaker of your phone. oh no. past you in the tub, fully clothed. lost inside your own mind, barely conscious. your life should have ended here.

this happened just a couple days after half the population was blipped from existence. your best friend's father on speaker, tearing into you after you told him that his kid was gone. "it should've been you! why wasn't it you?" he sobs into the phone before abruptly hanging up.

"it should've been me, why wasn't it me?" past you mutters, tears falling down your face, and then your body slips under water.

you will your feet to move towards your past self, digging your hands into the body to pull it out of the water, except another set of hands grip onto your elbows dragging you down. you don't know how long your struggling for until you pass out.

when you come to, there's someone beside you, holding your hand and a hand under your jaw. "they live! thought i lost you there for a second, kiddo." a nervous laugh falls from the same person.

"d-dad?" your eyes squint a little, still out of focus, trying to make out who's looming above you. the man moves his hand from your pulse point under your jaw to your cheek, and then pushes the wet hair back from your forehead.

"hey, i didn't think you wanted me as your father, kid." now, there's a teasing tone you had heard one too many times before.

ah, it's walker. he'd been called your father once before and you had scoffed at the stranger. claimed that there'd be no way in hell you'd want that guy as your dad. the two of you had looked an awful lot like a father and kid though. after that you asked val to stop sending you on missions with walker.

"what the hell are you doing here, walks? where am i?" vision now clearer than ever and you weren't in the bathroom anymore. walker holds his hand out to you, offering to help you get back on your feet. once you take his hand his pulls you up and surprisingly into a hug. reluctantly, you wrap your arms around him. this is new, you think to yourself, not really minding it anyway.

he pulls away, "i don't know i thought this was another one of your places." oh.

the place in question does in fact look familiar. hauntingly familiar.

"yeah, we should definitely get out of here." your heart starts race as memories come flooding back into your mind. "please, john." the weight of his first name falling from your mouth kicks him into gear, looking for an exit. he holds his hand out one more time, and suddenly feeling vulnerable, you take it with no afterthought.

john and his taco shield take the brunt of the smashing through the wall. "nice of you guys to join us. are you guys alright?" it was yelena!

"oh my god! i thought you were dead," in an instant you've wrapped your arms around her. she laughs softly and returns the hug.

"it is good to see you too, kid." yelena pats the top of your head before moving back towards bob.

moving through bob's different rooms, walker remained a close eye on you, making sure you didn't fall behind or attacked. he knows you're fully capable of defending yourself but seeing you so defenceless in your own hell room, scared the absolute hell out of him. he's unsure of how or when he suddenly felt protective over you but he can't turn back now. you're still just a kid to him, and he's watched you grow into yourself over the last few years of knowing you.

once new york is back to as normal as it can be, and your newly found friends take back the old avengers tower, john walker pulls you aside one day. we're gonna talk about this later, he had said to you while still in the void rooms. the following days after that day had been so chaotic, nobody had a chance to really sit down and talk about what happened.

john opens his mouth to start but the words don't come out. he looks around the room as if there'd be someone with a board to tell him what to say. "c'mon, just spit it out. i'm a big kid!"

"you were dead–or at least i thought you were. you in the past–you were so little and yet you were bleeding out and under the water. and you were non-responsive, i thought you were gone as well." he spurts out, fear evident in his voice as he stumbles over a few words.

"oh," you whisper. "i'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to see that. i thought i could handle it. i appreciate you coming to find me though."

he sighs softly. "you were only a kid," he pauses. "whatever happened to you; you didn't deserve it."

a small smile forms on your face.

"careful, walks, people might think you're going soft," you playfully nudge him in the shoulder.

his serious torn face turns soft, finally.