#red guardian

[fandomnerd9602]

For @omniman65

Alexei cries as he walks Yelena down the aisle…

Yelena: papa

Alexei: sorry it is just that you are so beautiful

Yelena: and?

Alexei: and I always knew you were perfect for one another!

Yelena hugs Alexei and walks up to meet Y/N at the altar…

[sycamorelibrary754]

Happy Thanksgiving

Summary: You invite Natasha’s family to join you for Thanksgiving. Holiday cheer and a surprise awaits!

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader, Yelena Belova x reader (platonic), Alexei Alanovich Shostakov x reader (platonic) Melina Vostokoff x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: None

A/N: This was a fun one. Happy Thanksgiving!

When you first broached the subject with Natasha of inviting Yelena, Melina, and Alexi to your home for Thanksgiving, you weren’t sure how your wife would respond. True, things were better. Their relationship had gone through something of a healing process since they took down Dreykov and the Red Room together, but her family was still a lot for anyone to handle. Most of the team was going to Iowa to spend Thanksgiving with the Barton’s. Clint had gotten it into his head to deep fry the turkey this year. It was going to be can’t-miss-entertainment according to Sam. However, you and Natasha were looking forward to a more intimate holiday.

“You really want my family to join us for Thanksgiving?” Her eyes met yours as you snuggled up on the couch together.

“I think it could be really fun. Plus, you deserve to get to spend some quality time with them that doesn’t involve death, destruction, or pigs,” you joked. 

“You don’t like mom’s pigs?” She smirked.

No, love. I do. They’re adorable. Especially once Yelena made them those personalized piggy vests,” you giggled.

“Oh, yeah… Pests!” Natasha laughed recalling the image. 

“So what do you think? A Romanoff family Thanksgiving?”

She thought for a moment before a smile reached her lips. “Okay, let’s do it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think it could be fun,” caressing your cheek softly. 

Upon receiving Nat’s approval and confirmation that all three were available and would be there with bells on, you went into planning mode. Determined to make it a special holiday for everyone.

*^~^*

You left bright and early to hit up the grocery store the Monday before Thanksgiving. It was crucial to avoiding the out-of-stock items and the rush of, “fucking annoying slowpokes who don’t know a shallot from an onion,” you eloquently informed your wife after wiggling out of her warm hold. 

Nat mumbled something akin to, “See you later, detka,” her head buried in her pillow, as you hurriedly put on your coat, scarf, and beanie and rushed out of the house. Your car keys and shopping list clenched purposefully in your fist.

*^~^*

The front door slammed shut a couple of hours later, alerting Natasha to your arrival.

“I’m home, love!” 

“The conquering shopper has returned! How was the store?” Looking around at the mountain of groceries cluttered around you like presents under the Christmas tree. 

“It was good! I managed to get everything on the list,” removing your warm attire and running your hand smoothly through your hair. 

“I can see that, y/n. Did you leave anything for the other shoppers?” Nat smirked. 

“This is all necessary for the traditional Thanksgiving feast I have planned for us,” you explained. “Your family has never had an American Thanksgiving, so I thought why not go all out?” 

Your wife stepped carefully around your grocery maze and wrapped her arms lovingly around your neck. “Have I told you how much I love you?” 

“Not in the last twenty minutes,” jokingly glancing at the imaginary watch on your wrist before planting a tender kiss on her lips.

Natasha offered to unpack the groceries for you. Meanwhile, you set about creating a cooking timeline for the meal preparation. You were so in your element, your wife couldn’t help but smile. Your adorable expression as you typed away on your laptop reminded her of your demeanor out in the field. Focused, engaged, confident. 

*^~^*

A creature of habit, Natasha awoke the following morning for her daily run. She groggily reached over to turn off her alarm, until she realized the alarm hadn’t gone off. No, it was the clanging of pots and pans from the kitchen that tore her from her blissful sleep. Nat rolled over to your side of the bed, only to find it empty. She groaned softly and sat up; cracking her neck and stretching her arms over her head as a yawn escaped her lips.

Natasha padded down the hall toward the kitchen; still clad in her pajamas and the fuzzy socks you bought her. She turned the corner to find you floating around the kitchen in a whirlwind. Dishes in the oven and on the stove.

“Moya lyubov? You’re already in the kitchen?” Rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“No rest for the wary, sweetheart. I’ve got to get the pumpkin pie out of the way so I can get started on the sides by this afternoon,” you explained, fervently whisking your pumpkin puree into your custard mixture. You glanced around the counter like you were looking for something. “Oh, can you hand me those spice jars behind you?”

She picked up the cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger stacking them precariously on top of one another like blocks before appearing at your side.

“Nicely, done. You clearly missed your calling as a professional Jenga player.”

“Take your damned spices,” she snarked.

You sprinkled the spice mixture into the filling and let it sit. “Okay,” you said wiping your brow. “I just need to grab the pie crust out of the oven, it should be par-baked by now.”

“I got it, detka,” pulling on the oven mitts and removing the pan from the oven. 

Perfect, now we’re just going to fill the crust,” carefully pouring the custard filling. “Then this is going back in the oven at 325 for 45-60 minutes.” 

Nat carefully placed the pie back in the oven. “Shall I close, doctor?”

“Please,” in your most professional voice before lapsing into giggles. 

“Now, that’s in. We can get started on the sides. Mashed, potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry feta salad,” you listed.

Two types of potatoes?”

“Oh, it’s a must, love! You get both the salty and the sweet. It’s potato perfection.”

“Hmm, just like you,” she said suggestively.

“Smooth,” you replied.

“I try.”

*^~^*

You were still in the kitchen when Natasha returned from her run. 

“Have you taken a break at all since I left?” Removing her running shoes and placing them by the front door.

“No time for breaks. Your sister just texted me and asked if Mac and Cheese was part of the American Thanksgiving tradition, so I’m whipping up one for her.”

Your wife rolled her eyes. “For God’s sake, that’s not necessary, malyshka. Yelena will survive one meal without her precious Mac and Cheese.” 

“It’s no problem. I want your family to feel comfortable! That’s why I also have a sparkling Vodka cocktail planned,” you winked. 

“That is so sweet, but there is no need to stress over it, y/n. They are going to love it no matter what you make. Plus, you know if you feed them this well they’ll never leave, right?”

“And wouldn’t that be wonderful?” You joked.

“No, it wouldn’t,” she deadpanned.

The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing the stuffing, cranberry sauce, garlic green beanies, and gravy. By the time you finally laid down on the couch Tuesday evening still in your apron, you were pleased with the progress you had made. Your legs lay across Natasha’s lap while she massaged your aching feet. She wasn’t surprised to look over and find you sound asleep five minutes later as the television glow illuminated your features. Your wife could only smile at your sleepy form before gently picking you up and carrying you off to bed.

*^~^*

Wednesday morning Natasha decided to let you sleep in, so she made the executive decision to turn your alarm off. Truthfully, she felt guilty for how hard you had been pushing yourself this week for the sake of her family. Nat was nursing a cup of tea and reading a book in the family room when she heard you down the hall.

“Oh, crap!”

“3,2,1…..”

“Nat, why didn’t you wake me up!” Throwing on your favorite cardigan as you entered the room. “I’ve still got to make the pretzel bread and raspberry jello today.”

“You needed the sleep. I can’t tell you’re exhausted, and you were sleeping so soundly when I got up.”

You had a look of panic in your eyes.

“It’s okay, y/n. I found the recipes for the jello and bread on the table and got the jump on it for you. The jello is done and in the fridge, and the bread dough is under the towel rising.”

You blinked a couple of times as if she was speaking Latin. “You cooked?” 

“Are you questioning my abilities?” Raising an eyebrow. 

“Well.… yeah? I love you sweetheart, but the only thing I’ve ever seen you make is a peanut butter sandwich.”

“See for yourself,” smiling proudly and removing her reading glasses.

Opening the fridge, you were pleasantly surprised to find a gelatinous raspberry jello staring back at you. You then peeked under the towel on the counter to find the bread dough had just about doubled in size.

“Well, turn me upside down and paint me blue!”

“Hmmm tempting, but let’s save that for after my family leaves,” Natasha smirked as she placed a kiss on the side of your temple from behind. 

“This is awesome, my love. Thank you so much,” turning around in her hold. “I have to say, the thought of the Black Widow cooking is incredibly sexy.”

“Is it now?” 

“Very, I may have to get you your own apron,” you teased, as Natasha gently grasped your ear lobe between her teeth before placing soft kisses down the side of your neck. A few moments later, her phone dinged with a text notification on the counter beside you. You glanced down at the screen out of the corner of your eye.

“It’s Yelena, sweetheart...”

“Is she on fire? Otherwise, I’m not stopping.” Moving the tender kisses to your lips. 

“No, she wants to know if she should bring anything,” you replied between kisses.

She feels bad we’re doing all the work,”

“She’s bringing our parents, that’s a shit ton of work.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

*^~^*

The next day you and Natasha got started on the crown jewel of your Thanksgiving dinner, the turkey. After letting it thaw in the fridge all week, your twenty-pound bird had been marinating in a salt brine for the past twelve hours. You placed the turkey in the oven at 425 degrees for 35 minutes, which gave you two just enough time to get ready before it needed to be basted.

After showering and putting on your best fall colors, you heard the doorbell.

“Baby, they’re here!” you called, opening the door to welcome your guests.

Alexi was sporting a plush turkey hat, while Melina held a freshly made appetizer. Yelena, standing in front of both of them, had Fanny at her feet. She quickly stepped inside first with a warm hug and a peck on your cheek. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, y/n! Thank you so much for inviting us. “Now,” placing both hands on your shoulders. “Where is the booze? I just had to spend the last 20 minutes in the car alone with them listening to Alexi ramble on about his stupid hat.”

You point toward the coffee table holding the sparkling Vodka cocktails as your sister-in-law gives you a cheeky smile. “I love you.” 

“Haha!” Alexi exclaimed. Greetings, my wonderful daughter-in-law. I am ready for turkey!” Wrapping you in a giant bear hug.

“Could’ve fooled me, Alexi,” you joked. “Ooh Melina, what do we have here? It looks delicious.”

“A traditional Russian appetizer, Mushroom Julienne. Mushrooms and onions cooked in cream sauce, cheese, and sour cream.”

“Ugh! My mouth is already watering. Here, let me take your coats, you can place that on the coffee table,” you offered. 

After tending to the coats, you rejoined the group as everyone settled in the family room for appetizers and cocktails. Holiday music played softly in the background, setting the scene perfectly. You sat on the sofa beside your wife while your in-laws treated you to numerous stories of Natasha and Yelena’s all-to-brief childhood in Ohio. Some of which you had yet to hear. 

“Y/N, has Natalia told you how she and Yelena used to stay up late on Christmas Eve to try and catch Santa Claus?” Melina asked. 

“Now that was fun. You know, he comes down the chimney, girls. Look out! Where is he? You wait for him, and then when the cookies are gone, you see he’s there.” Alexi recalled.

Yelena smiled fondly at the memory while Natasha turned as red as Santa’s suit and hid her face in her hands.

“Aww, honey,” rubbing circles on her back. It’s precious! I’m sure you were adorable.” 

“As adorable as you can be with bright blue hair. You looked like cotton candy,” Yelena laughed. 

Nat threw a pillow across the room that barely missed her sister’s head.

“Ha!! Missed!”

“Girls, behave,” Melina ordered.

You couldn’t help but smile at the sisterly teasing and family banter. This was exactly what you were hoping for, and the evening was just getting started.

“Oh, detka, you don’t have a drink yet. Let me get you one,” Natasha offered starting to stand up, but your hand on her arm stopped her. 

“Oh, no thanks, love. I actually need to go check on the turkey.” 

“I’ll join you,” Yelena announced. “I want to see this bird you Americans are so crazy about.”

You opened the oven to reveal your delectable 20-pound turkey. “Do you want to brush it with the honey glaze for me, Lena? I’m going to check on the side dishes.” 

“Just call me DaVinci!”

You turned back around to find your sister-in-law had finished off the glazing by painting a smiley face on the turkey. 

“Wow, I didn’t know our turkey had such a charming smile,” you joked. Reducing the heat to 325 and setting the timer for another 75 minutes. 

“Thank you again for including us today, y/n. While it would’ve been fun to watch Barton sear his eyebrows off trying to deep-fry a turkey, it's been nice to see Natasha so happy. We didn’t have any family holidays growing up. Not real ones, anyway.”

“Well, you always will now,” placing an arm around her shoulder. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make your sister happy. That’s a promise.”

While the turkey finished cooking, you decided to share as many of your own Thanksgiving traditions as you could. You watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, took in some Turkey Day football, and even played a rousing game of Pictionary.

“What the hell is that?” Yelena shouted as Nat was heavily engaged in her drawing.  

“Oooh! Ooh! A ladybug doing the Macarena!”You screamed, just before the timer ran out.

“Yes!” 

“Unbelievable, what is that five in a row,” Melina remarked. No wonder you two are such a good team.”

“Well, it's no surprise you're a pro at Pictionary. I mean, who needs talent when you can just doodle like a 5-year-old?” Yelena retorted.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game, Lena,” dropping the marker like a microphone.

“Trust me, I do. It will be perfect for when I want to torture Kate Bishop.”

“With that, I think it’s time for dinner,” you announced happily. 

*^~^*

It only took a few minutes before your Thanksgiving feast was lovingly displayed on the dining room table. The sight and aroma of the food was a gentle massage to the soul.

“Before we dig in,” holding up your glass for a toast, “I just wanted to say how happy Nat and I are that you could join us today. We love you, and I’m so thankful to be a part of your family.”

Natasha grasped your hand and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. 

“We feel the same way,” Melina concurred.

“Yes, we’re so happy that you and our little Natalia found each other,” Alexi added.

“Yes, y/n is a saint. It’s all very touching, can I carve the turkey now,” Yelena groaned, holding up a sharpened carving knife. 

“You may proceed,” you declared with a Queen’s wave of your hand. 

Dishes were passed around the table like musical chairs. Wine filled everyone’s glasses, while you opted for your favorite - Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider. You pretended not to notice Yelena sneaking a few scraps to Fanny under the table. The chatter rose and fell, every few moments dispersed with laughter. It was the kind of occasion most aren't aware that they're truly enjoying, yet look back at in warm nostalgia.

After hibernating for a bit in your Thanksgiving food comas, you moved back into the family room for dessert. You were excited to finally bring out the homemade Pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream.

“Ah, now this is a beautiful pie.” Look at this, girls. I love America, you cannot get this back in St. Petersburg.” Alexi gushed. 

“Y/N made it from scratch,” your wife bragged, causing you to blush at the compliment.

“Did y/n also split the atom?” Yelena teased. She earned an eye roll from her older sister. “Could you BE more whipped?”

“No, I honestly don’t think I could,” Natasha looked at you like you had hung the moon and the stars. 

*^~^*

As the evening wound down, the hustle and bustle of the past week was starting to catch up to you. Your wife didn’t miss your heavy eyelids or the tiny yawn that escaped your lips as Fanny hopped up on the couch to lay down beside you. 

“Well, we should probably get going, traffic will be annoying crossing back over the bridge,” your sister-in-law said.

“Before you go, I have gifts for all of you!” Jumping up off the couch. 

“You do?”A bewildered expression on Nat’s face. 

“I do!” You’re voice trailed away as you padded down the hall toward your bedroom.

Natasha turned around to her family with a shrug of her shoulders, no clue what you were talking about. You returned a moment later with small autumn-gold gift bags. 

“This is just a little something for each of you,” clasping your hands together in front of your smiling face. Natasha was even more confused when you handed her one as well. “Go on, sweetheart,” you encouraged.

Natasha removed the delicate tissue paper. Her strong and calloused hands met the soft cotton hiding inside. She pulled the gift out and held it up in front of her. A tiny onesie was staring back at her that read, “Mommy’s Little Turkey.” 

Natasha stared at it speechlessly wide-eyed. A first for your relationship. Finally, her brain caught up with the moment. “Moya lyubov—what? we—you…you’re pregnant?”

You nodded vigorously, starting to cry. Natasha’s hands cupped your cheeks. Her lips met yours in a heartfelt kiss, not caring in the slightest that her family was watching. You gently combed your fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck, returning the kiss.

Melina, Alexi, and Yelena held up their onesies to find variations of Natasha’s: Grandma’s Little Turkey, Grandpa’s Little Turkey, and Auntie’s Little Turkey.” 

“I knew it!”Yelena shouted.

She turned to Natasha and whispered, “You see what can happen when you keep your heart,” holding her lovingly in her arms.  

Vashe zdorov'ye! (Cheers) Alexi exclaimed. If it is a boy you will name him Alexi. It is a strong and honorable name!” Kissing you on both cheeks.

“Oh God,” Yelena muttered under her breath. “For the love of Fanny, please don’t do that,” wrapping her arms around you. “I would love to babysit. There is much I’m looking forward to passing on to my niece or nephew.”

“Yeah, that’s not terrifying at all,” your wife mumbled in your ear. 

The shock wearing off, Natasha reached down and gently placed her palm on your stomach. You weren’t showing yet, but just knowing that your child was growing inside you awakened a dream that she had put away in the Red Room long ago. 

*^~^*

Once her family left, Natasha insisted that she would handle the post-holiday clean-up, confining you to the couch with a plethora of pillows and a fluffy blanket. Foreshadowing what was to come for the duration of your pregnancy. 

“Sweetheart, those dishes go in the top right cupboard,” directing her from the couch.

“No worries, malyshka. I got it! You just take it easy. The baby needs rest after all of this Thanksgiving cheer,” her protective instincts make an appearance.

“The baby is the size of a plum, my love,”

“A very tired plum!” 

*^~^*

Thirty minutes later the kitchen was clean and you both were ready for a good night’s sleep. You would never admit it to your wife, but boy, were you tired. You donned your coziest pajamas and joined Natasha in bed. Snuggled into the covers, you found comfort and peace in your safe space. Nat rolled over to face you, your foreheads touching in a beautifully intimate gesture of love and affection. 

“This has been the best day of my life. Not only did you give my family an amazing Thanksgiving, you gave me a gift I’ll never forget. Though I have to admit now that I know you’re pregnant, I’m replaying the last week in my head in a loop of horrifying anxiety.” 

You giggled at her confession, “It’s alright, Nat. I’m ready for a nice long rest, and I just had a check-up with Helen last week.”

“Wait, does the team know?” 

“Dear God, no. You think that group can keep a secret?”

“We can tell them at Stark’s Christmas party in a couple of weeks if you’re comfortable with the idea.” 

“Perfect. I need a couple of weeks to prepare for the onslaught of attention from our little one’s aunts and uncles.”

Natasha reached over and grabbed your hand. “I love you, y/n. I can’t wait to welcome our little plum into the world,” she smiled.

“I love you too. You are going to be an amazing mother, sweetheart.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, y/n”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Natasha.”

[avengerscompound]

Bucky Barnes

What if...? Season 3 Teaser

[hunkahulkaaburningfudge]

natasha's 616 canon relationships

1. alexei shostakov - -1000/10

he sucks. the end.

2. matt murdock - 3/10

i love matt but he was sooo toxic for nat. they're a hot couple but matt treats natasha so poorly that i can't get behind the ship. he's such a dumbass fool because he thinks BLACK WIDOW can't handle herself in a fight. what he did expect her to do?? sit at home and do nothing? it's good nat dumped his ass because he deserved it.

3. james grey (aka fake james) - 4/10

he was...okay? sweet husband, but i disliked his role in the story. very bland. him being named after bucky cracked me up though

4. nikolai - 6/10

we don't know much about him, but their story was tragic. +1 for not being toxic

5. clint barton - 8/10

clint instantly fell in love with natasha after meeting her and while she was using him to attack tony. there's obviously a ton of love between them but they never worked out. they were cute together but i think they're better off as friends

6. bucky barnes - 100000/10

ajsjskakal bucky, ily you're amazing. he literally worships the ground she walks on, knows she can take care of herself (*cough*unlike mr matt murdock*cough*), respects her and her autonomy, and he's hopelessly in love with her. it's precisely because he knows that she doesn't belong to anyone, means that he understands her the best. bucky and natasha never had problems when they were together, it was always external factors that tore them apart. they're one of the most tragic love stories in the marvel universe and one of the best couples for a reason.

(PS - ivan wishes he was on this list, the fucking creep)

[burninblood]

Thunderbolts exclusive art print for NY Comicon, by Geraldo Borges

[browsethestacks]

Defenders

The Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe #03 (1983)

Art by Don Perlin And Joe Rubinstein

[trendfilmsetter]

First look at Marvel’s WHAT IF…? Season 3 featuring Bucky Barnes and Red Guardian.

[splooosh]

Defenders

Javier Rodriguez

[umnitsa]

I am not sober right now, so indulge me...

Headcanons for kink: Alexei Shostakov (Black Widow), Jim Hopper (Stranger Things), Santa (Violent Night)

Alexei

He isn't the most sophisticated partner. XD But he is eager and curious, and he will try anything you bring to him. He doesn't really like using rope or other restraints, because he is fully capable of restraining you with his massive body. He will spank you but will giggle like a schoolgirl through the whole process, from sheer giddiness. He will shift to a fully serious, hair-pulling growling dom if you disrespect him though (isn't that the game?)

He loves the idea of roleplaying, but he is so cheesy doing it you WILL feel you're in a 70's porno. It is hot and fun in its own way.

He's mostly a soft dom who loves the idea of using you for his fun. And his fun is making you come again and again. It makes him feel powerful.

He really, really wants to please. So if you praise him, he will be a babbling mess and will become putty in your hands. Use it well, it's the only way you're gonna ride him because he loves restraining you with his body. He doesn't really understand daddy kink, but it's ok if you call him daddy. He does have a size kink, with everyone being smaller than him, but I bet he would pop a boner if you were his own size or bigger (it would be a delightful surprise for him).

Hopper

I can see Big Jim as vanilla as it comes. Mostly because he thinks most things are distractions. He just wants to devour you.

Ok, not so vanilla, he really really likes to spank you.

Well, he also loves manhandling you.

And he loves you on your knees, looking at him with big eyes.

But that is just him! If you bring him the idea of domination and submission, he won't understand how it relates to him. He's absolutely oblivious.

Big Jim has basically two modes. Classic!dom, who will spank you, growl orders, fuck you hard, pull your hair, make you beg for an orgasm. And Service!dom, who will cover you in soft praise, eat you up and finger you for hours, who will suck on your nipples as he rubs your clit gently, make you beg for him to stop and just fuck you already, you're so overstimulated.

Even when you take charge, he has this look of control over things, he smiles at you as if he's indulging you in good nature. He thought it was very cute when you handcuffed him that time.

Calling him daddy is a no-no. He's a bit sensitive. But if you call him sir, or chief in a sexual way... You'll get a raise.

Santa

That is a dirty old man as I have ever seen one. That man is kinky as fuck and nothing you say can make me think differently. He's very respectable, a good man, but he will pop a boner if you call him Father Christmas in a sexual way. He has a daddy kink and it's a severe one.

He is a flirty menace and will talk you into an orgasm. He is incredibly vocal, grunts, moans, and dirty talking. Sweet praise and playful degradation so you don't forget how naughty you really are. He will make you admit to every desire, to admit that you love what he does to you, out loud.

Oh, and he is there to realize all your fantasies, the best he can. If you want it, he will try it at least once. He will judge you? Yes. He will probably mock you playfully a little bit. In a dirty way. The dirtiest. Just so you don't forget you're naughty.

You will be tied up in red ribbons, some day.

He loves when you decide to please him. Santa loves to rest against the pillows and just watch you play with his body. Between grunts and soft moans, he will praise you, his hands gently petting and squeezing you in turns.

[goga-je-pieroga]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) dir. Rian Johnson

[sycamorelibrary754]

The Piggy Story

Summary: Yelena is Melina’s Secret Santa and takes a crack at a few handmade piggy presents!

Pairing: Yelena x reader (platonic), Natasha x reader, Alexei Alanovich Shostakov x reader (platonic) Melina Vostokoff x reader (platonic)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: None

A/N: If you read Happy Thanksgiving, you will understand this story. If you didn’t, please enjoy the random silly fluffiness. 😂

For two weeks Yelena had been sneaking around putting everyone on edge. Coming and going at all hours of the night. Not letting you tag along like you normally would when she would walk Fanny. At first, you thought maybe she was preparing for an undercover assignment. Every time you asked her what was up, she evaded answering the question with a face that said, “If I tell you, I have to kill you.” Honestly, it was par for the course. You had learned not to overthink your sister-in-law’s idiosyncrasies. If it was possible, they made you love her even more.

You were still in your pajamas playing cards with Wanda on the sofa of the common room when Natasha walked in. “Hey detka, have you seen Yelena? She was supposed to be in a briefing with me and Steve 20 minutes ago.”

“No, I haven’t,” placing your cards face down on your lap. “Not since this morning anyway.”

“She’s been acting odd lately,” Nat said.

“Odd in general, or odd for her because you know there’s a difference,” Wanda offered.

“That’s true,” pointing at Wanda.

“If you see your best friend, would you tell her that her sister is going to kick her ass?”

“Aye aye wifey,” you giggled with a mock salute and a quick peck to her lips.

Your wife rolled her eyes, “It’s a wonder I married you.”

*^~^*

The next day you and Yelena were putting up Christmas decorations around the compound. You were dancing around the halls in your favorite Christmas sweater singing happily.

“Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

Peter’s on the go

Laughing all the way

Bells on Fanny ring

Making Tony fight

Wanda wants to flip a coin

And sing this song tonight

Jingle bells, Clinton smells

Banner laid an egg

Ant mobile lost a wheel

And Loki got away

Hey!”

“That was very nice, y/n, now how about something from White Christmas?” Handing you a cup of hot cocoa topped with whipped cream.

No can do, boo. Only one performance per Christmas season,” sitting beside her on the sofa.

You both took a small sip of the chocolate beverage, the steam still rising hypnotically off the mug.

“You know, one of mom’s pigs is named Clinton.” Yelena grinned sheepishly.

“Really? That’s funny, I only know Alexi,” slurping some of the whipped cream off the top of your hot cocoa.

“Mom named Alexi, then she asked if Natasha and I would do the honors of naming the other two. Clinton was the poser’s choice.”

“I can’t believe Nat never told me. What name did you choose?” You took another sip of your beverage.

“Sir Francis Bacon.”

You almost choke on your hot cocoa, as you sputter and it rolls down your chin. “Oh my God. That’s adorable! You’ll have to point out which is which when we go to your parents house for Christmas next week.”

“You’ve got some whipped cream on your cheek.” Leaning over and licking it off.

“Oh my God! Who are you, Fanny?! I don’t know where your tongue has been! Ick!! Get some hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine!” You jumped up and ran to the bathroom as Yelena lapsed into giggles and fell on the floor.

*^~^*

The next few days are a splendor of Christmas activities. You had just settled down on the sofa wrapped in your favorite blanket to watch The Family Stone with the rest of the team when you noticed you were missing someone.

“Where’s Yelena?”

“In my lab,” Tony replied, tossing popcorn up in the air and catching it in his mouth.

“Umm, why?” Slightly confused.

“Blondie wanted a private space to work on a project. I told her she could use the lab as long as she didn’t joyride any of the suits.”

“Yelena in your lab with unlimited access to nanotechnology.” Nat pondered, grabbing two Christmas cookies and offering you one before snuggling up beside you in your blanket ball.

“Go down there and ask her if she wants to watch the movie,” you said, throwing popcorn across the room at Kate.

“Why me?” The young archer asked.

“Because you’re closer, and she’s starting to freak me out,” you reasoned.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. FRIDAY has an eye on her.” Tony said.

*^~^*

You awoke at Melina and Alexi’s on Christmas morning to the wonderful smell of Cinnamon Rolls and coffee. You agreed to do Secret Santas with your wife’s family this year. You and Natasha were wearing your matching Christmas pajamas ready to exchange presents, but Yelena was unusually eager and insisted on going first.

“I’m so excited! Mama, I was your Secret Santa this year and I wanted to try my hand at a homemade gift,” Yelena said, grabbing Melina’s tablet from the counter and tapping a few buttons on the touchscreen. “Come on in, boys!”

The door opened and all three of Melina’s pigs toddled into the house. As the three swine rounded the corner, you were greeted with the sight of each one wearing a custom-crocheted vest. Red on Alexi, Purple on Clinton, and Orange on Sir Francis Bacon. Each vest was expertly crafted and adorned with their name. Piggy prestige at its finest.

“Surprise, Mama! Now, not only will the piggies be warm in the winter, but they are stylish individuals with lots of pockets!”

“The pigs are wearing vests,” Nat deadpanned. You squeezed her hand with a smile, a silent plea to be nice.

“Not vests, sestra. Pests! Piggy vests. An invention of my own creation.” Yelena corrected. “Just call me the next Tony Stark.”

“The pigs are wearing Pests,” you revised with a giggle.

Thank you so much, sweetheart! They are wonderful. You know, I always thought they needed some sort of clothing. The winters are so harsh in Russia, and they certainly deserve something special.” Melina declared, planting a kiss on her younger daughter’s cheek.

“Alexi has the best Pest! Look at him, girls. He looks just like the Red Guardian. Ready to take on Captain America.” Alexi added, petting his namesake.

“Oh my God, it’s like living in a Dr. Seuss book,” Nat joked.

“I didn’t know you knew how to crochet?” Turning to your best friend.

“I didn’t. No, no… Kate Bishop does though. She taught me. It only took $100 for the yarn and supplies, which I stole from Stark, and a promise to never show up in the middle of the night again unless it’s an emergency.”

“That’s where you were sneaking out to at all hours of the day and night?” Surprise written all over your face.

“Of course, where did you think I was going?” Yelena asked.

“Undercover, the Multiverse, I don’t know!” Turning beat red the longer she looked at you. “You were scaring the crap out of everyone.”

“Ha! That is funny. You are so funny, y/n.” She placed her hands on yours and Natasha’s shoulders. “Now, I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but by New Year’s Eve, a couple of people in this room are going to be stylish individuals as well!” Wrapping you both in a warm group hug.

Natasha looked over at you behind Yelena’s back, and you couldn’t help but smile. Merry Christmas, indeed.

[comic-covers]

(1967)

[hunkahulkaaburningfudge]

Variant cover by Mahmud Asrar

Thunderbolts (2023) #1

[burninblood]

(HER LONGTIME BOYFRIEND!!!)

[lockescoles]

THUNDERBOLTS - JULY 26TH 2024

[steveandnatlover76]

Steve: Nat, sweetheart, are you unwell?

Natasha throws up under Melina‘s table.

Melina: What happened?

Steve: Natasha is suffering from morning sickness.

Yelena: It‘s not that. Mom Melina’s cooking is famously bad! It‘s a well-known fact in the whole of Russia.

Alexei: It‘s truth, yes. I can’t tell lie.