kierancampire

[kierancampire]

I saw this in the woods yesterday and just liked all the different layers of leaves and light

[kierancampire]

It's rather warm today, poor Ember is showing signs of being hot already

[kierancampire]

Nobody in my family has spoken to me since my birthday still, FYI

I can't really explain why this is making me angry, but it is. So mum started taking Mounjaro to lose all her weight, she posted a photo recently on Facebook and looks drastically different, obviously I can't say how she looks in person, but she looked incredibly different in that photo. But the fact mum took those injections without really telling anyone, given the implications, I was pissed off. The fact that mum always acts broke, but then can suddenly afford this, I was pissed off. The fact that I have worked my ass off for a year, fighting my health, changing my life entirely, putting in that work for practically a year now, while she takes injections to get those results, I was pissed off

But she's just posted on Facebook how she can't enjoy the sun as she's had surgery. Said surgery is botox and filler. It's just fucked me off again, like I said, I can't say why, but it's making me angry. We grew up so fucking poor, she always acts like she has no money, but now she's getting botox, filler, and Mounjaro. I know this is why she's doing it, but her wedding is in like 2-3 months, and she's just pumping herself full of all these chemicals and all this shit to change herself before her wedding day. I feel like my mum and the person in those photos will be two completely different people. She's full of shit, and not in the way she usually is, she's just a chemical cocktail, using injections to change every part of herself

And once again, since my fucking birthday no one's spoken to me. No food, girls need litter, I'd like to see the pets. But nope. No one seems to care to acknowledge my existence, and after all the bullshit I'm not being the one to make that first effort. Especially since they already went up North to have "family time" which "means everything", even taking Paul's parents, yet not saying shit to me. I'm not doing it. I'm in need, greatly, but I'll just fucking struggle and shuffle. Especially since it feels like they began ostracizing me for my depression, which is fucking bullshit. But I can just keep seeing on Facebook that mum's keeping contact with everyone else except me, and is taking a new fucking injection every week, as that seems like it's gonna be as good as it gets. I'd be fucking amazed if I am invited to the wedding at this rate, cause that'd take talking to me and clearly no one wants to fucking do that

I've put up with so much shit, I've bit my tongue so fucking much, I've done so fucking much

[kierancampire]

I saw this post and left this comment, the hypocrisy really fucked me off. But I think the actual dude heart reacted my comment? Like, that page seems legit and seems to be him? It could be fake but I dunno? If it is, it's wild he heart reacted my comment, even though I have no idea who he is haha

[kierancampire]

Finally beat Curious Village for the first time ever, I am excited to see what the other games are like, they will be a completely blind experience. I recognised this one until like chapter 8, then it seemed new

I sorta had an inkling where the story was going early on, but then the notes from the diary confirmed it. Though there were things I wasn't expecting, like the Golden Apple and Chelmey. Also, while I suspected something about the Baron's wife and a few of the villagers, I was kinda surprised how wide spread it was. So I figured out parts, but other parts surprised me

Now with the main game online I maybe looked for 3 or 4 puzzle solutions, it was mainly ones with hard maths stuff like areas, circumference, or big equations that I just could not do. Also, yeah, I won't deny, all the "Bonus" ones I pretty much looked at guides for, like I think I did 4 of them unaided, but they just really stumped me hard, and my brain is tired haha

But I did have so much fun with it, after growing up with this game but always dropping it at some point, it was nice to see the full story, and it was nice to get my brain working out too, I am excited to see what the other games are like. Also, yeah, it was just nice playing my DS again, going back to simpler times. I dunno how much life this thing has left in it, but it is really nice playing the exact same device I spent so many hours on as a kid. I definitely wanna try getting back into Mario Kart DS, and 64 DS

[kierancampire]

Took my first selfies in almost 2 months. It's warmer here, so I walked to the gym and back in just shorts and my T-shirt, it felt nice, it felt freeing, lighter, nicer. Even if it doesn't last, it's nice to have a break from the cold, the sky is so clear and blue

I'm really struggling with everything going on, my fears, I feel like I'm constantly suffocating under the benefits news, it almost feels taboo to be happy. But being in the sun, the warmth, that breeze on my skin, it felt nice

[kierancampire]

I feel a lil sad

I'm wearing these PJ's for the first time in ages, I love them. But they don't fit. The drawstring is just for show, pulling it does literally nothing, but it isn't even walking, just standing still the trousers are constantly falling down. So wearing them is super tedious as the trousers won't stay on, with no way of holding them up. I can just barely walk between the kitchen and bedroom before they're around my ankles

I love them, but I dunno how I will keep wearing them, it'd be fine if the drawstring made them tighter

[kierancampire]

We need to remove the union jack from every flag, both because it's a disgusting symbol of imperialism and colonialism, but also because it looks like someone combined toothpaste with a stick of surimi

[kierancampire]

I tried some of that chicken shawarma today, it was so incredibly tasty!

I had nothing with it cause I got nothing, plus I was unsure if it, but it tastes fucking incredible. I think next time I make it, it would be nice to have it with like a pitta bread, and things like onion and red cabbage! I was uncertain but I can definitely see myself getting this again! Flavour is great!

[kierancampire]

I got enough levels to enchant 2 pickaxes, and I know books can be good, but where they get every enchantment and I really only want fortune, I thought I'd go that route. I got good enchantments, just no fortune :/ Having a Silk Touch pickaxe is cool though, just gotta hope I get a Fortune one again soon. I really did get so lucky with my first pickaxe. My worst one was my second one, the solely efficiency one

Also, I was building a really long minecart track when I saw multiple things that peaked my interest. Firstly a black horse, I thought if I bred my black horse with my white horse I'd get a grey/mottled one, but the baby was also pure black. I also saw sheep, so I am breeding them and I will try to get all the colours so I can use wool in future

Also, I saw a nice, new, big cave system! I kinda was getting sick of mine being over taken by the darkness, it was getting hard to explore and it was taking ages to reach the lower levels. So I'm gonna try this one out, which so far so good, there's that huge beautiful cavern area with a tree at the bottom, and I have already seen multiple branching paths, which hopefully they lead further down and don't just end. But it has a nice layout so far

I should say, I called the white horse Strax cause I wanted something Stallion/Shadowfax/sci-fi/fantasy like, I had no idea it was a Doctor Who character, which I do not care for. Black horse is called Obnyx, same reasons but also Obsidian+Onyx

[kierancampire]

Reblogging a clean version to add

This is what I am going through currently. Because I don't look severely disabled and can manage daily living unaided, people think I'm completely fine and can work. When people find out I go to the gym for like an hour each day, they once again act like this means I can work 8 hours a day, 5-7 days a week, no issue

Like my doctor does it, the DWP which makes my life hell trying to get benefits, family, friends, strangers. Everyone, everyone does it. But I don't feel this should be a hard concept to get across. Yes I can manage the gym 1 hour each day, yes I can wash my dishes, change my bedding, hoover my apartment, and carry shopping back from a 10-15 minute walk. I can do those things, yes. But that doesn't mean I can work, or function when performing a job. Fucking surprisingly, doing something for an hour and 15 minutes, that I choose to do, in a way I can manage, and I stop at my limits. Doesn't correlate to me being able to do something for 8 hours every day, with no choice on the way I can do it, and with no options on when I can't do it and the breaks I get while doing it. Those are completely separate. It's like if I held you underwater for 9 hours and my excuse for not murdering you was "Well I saw him take a shower, so I assumed clearly he must be able to hold his breath for 9 hours underwater"

The thing is, I struggle with doing what I do many times, many times I take it easier for 1-3 days afterwards, I'm in pain, I struggle with usual daily living. That's just from the gym and trying to manage normal daily living. And again, this is when I can set my limits, set my hours, set my schedule, take breaks, and at most do something for 2 hours. So again, because I can mostly do this, that doesn't mean I can work 8 hours a week, 5-7 days a week, with someone else setting my workload, hours, schedule, and I can't just take breaks or miss days when my health starts fucking up. They're just not the same thing. But it's wild, frustrating, and depressing how many people treat them as not mutually exclusive

Kinda wild how most people generally recognize that the "too sick to go to school, too sick to watch tv/play games" mindset our parents had was bullshit but still impose essentially the exact same rules on disabled adults and scrutinize them for enjoying low-energy hobbies while being too fatigued or in pain to work a full time job (or any job at all)

[kierancampire]

Kinda wild how most people generally recognize that the "too sick to go to school, too sick to watch tv/play games" mindset our parents had was bullshit but still impose essentially the exact same rules on disabled adults and scrutinize them for enjoying low-energy hobbies while being too fatigued or in pain to work a full time job (or any job at all)

[kierancampire]

Finally breeched level 30 again, and all it gave me was efficiency 3 :/ So that sorta sucks. I guess I just gotta keep making pickaxes and keep trying, then see about combining them if I get one with fortune/unbreaking

[kierancampire]

I've been so incredibly busy in Minecraft today, literally all I have done is play it haha

So firstly, I got sick of monsters, particularly Creepers, spawning around my base and destroying shit, so I planted torches all around my base in a large circle to limit mob spawns near me. Then I got sick of the clutter in my base, so I excavated a huge area under my base, and built a large chest/storage area, then I also built the horse and llama a cute lil stable area

But because this took so much wood, I was just sorta in a cycle of chopping down tons of trees, replanting them, building, and farming. Like I started playing around 8:30-9 am, took a small lunch break, and it's now 4 pm. Just done nothing but play the game and do that all day! With some light cave exploration so I could get more coal, I really am missing my good pickaxe

I technically also expanded my base, sorta. But I think I wanna try and focus on getting more trees with this new mod, and at some point tear my base down and build a nicer home. Right now I got a very uninspired cube home with oak wood, it'd be nice to use more materials, the new woods, and just give it some shape and design

[kierancampire]

I genuinely feel like I am about to have a fucking heart attack

Okay. So. I was exploring this new part of the cave I discovered, near where I died, and it's opened up into this absolutely colossal underground cavern that just stretches forever in every direction. I also learned the name of the base stuff, the Darkness, and have been figuring out how it works, so I am less scared of it now, especially as many areas don't even have the things that spawn Wardens

Well, I was taking out the spawners in this area that had them, when a fucking zombie starts attacking me, which stops me destroying the spawner, and out pops a Warden. I am running for my fucking life instantly with this thing after me, I got blindness so I can't see, when I spawn another one. I'm making a block bridge over a revine, just trying my hardest to get the fuck away from these Wardens, when *JUST* as I cross ANOTHER FUCKING ZOMBIE ATTACKS ME. I plummet down this ravine, and die

Now, this is so deep in the cave system, so far away, and is so convoluted to get to, I know I gotta BOOK it to get my stuff before it despawns. As I am getting closer I can hear Wardens sniffing and making noises all around me, and once again I am blinded, and yeah, being in a literal blinded panic run last time, I have no idea where my stuff is, and I can see a Warden heading for me. I realised I had to run past it, which I did, and found my stuff

It's 9 pm, I wanna go to bed soon, so I just got my shit, saved, and have left this for future Kieran to deal with. Which, as a reminder, I'm in a ravine I fell into, it's surrounded by mobs, 2 Wardens that haven't despawned, and I need to get out. I lost all my levels again, I have 2 sets of fresh diamond gear on me, I can't afford to lose more coal and diamonds, and I got an okay enchanting book from a dungeon. Future Kieran, I apologise for the mess I have left you in, and I hope you succeed in escaping

[kierancampire]

I feel fucking devastated right now D':

So a skeleton snuck up on me and shot me into this lava pit, and I tried breaking the darkness blocks around me but they just would not break, so everything I had burned in the lava. The thing is, my diamond sword, pickaxe, and armour were nearly dead. I'd only just gone down there so I had almost no resources, minus 512 torches. So what was the devastating part? My pickaxe.

I had two, one I used for general mining, and one that was enchanted with Fortune 3, Unbreaking 3, and Efficiency 4. That was what I used to get a shit load of coal, iron, lapis, and diamonds. And of course, all my levels. I feel fucking distraught losing that pickaxe. Do you know, these skeletons have been the bane of my existence this entire playthrough, they've just repeatedly decimated me. So the fact that one now shot me into lava and made me lose all of that? God I'm sick of these things.

I was getting to the point of needing to stop anyway, but yeah, I'm gonna take a break, collect myself, try to not let this completely ruin my experience, then I guess I just need to get my levels back, then try making a new pickaxe that has those enchantments again. It was annoying losing the torches and the few resources I got, but it really was the pickaxe. I truly am so sick of these skeletons, they just destroy me every time

To show, these are the resources I got so far, not counting all the diamonds, iron, and coal I spent already. So I got the resources, it's just doing it all again and hoping I get good enchantments on the pickaxe again

[kierancampire]

1. I slept very well last night which was nice. I woke up at 2-3 am needing to pee, which I was scared was a death sentence, but I fell asleep fast and managed to sleep in till 7 am. According to my watch, for like the first time ever, my light sleep was normal and so was my deep sleep, usually my light sleep is way too high and I barely have any deep sleep

2. My arms hurt today, they feel quite painful and hurt to move, but nowhere near the levels of the previous week. So the pushups definitely seemed to work my arms well, the issue is, yeah, it left me in so much pain I couldn't do the rest of my workout, and I was drained the rest of the day