kilgarygotcake

[kilgarygotcake]

abo? mpreg? what even are those i only know hbo tomgreg

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the merlin fandom today (arthur pendragon excluded):

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Merlin rewatch | 3x09 “Love in the Time of Dragons”

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Gagg

(insp by) 

and dedicated to @forever-rewatching-merlin ❤️❤️❤️

[kilgarygotcake]

it’s time for Camelove Day 3: Wait... What? It’s Wednesday

Two fics for today — and they are both very niche, very explicit, and absolutely cursed 💀

Please be aware these involve: #food porn & #diamair pwp You have been warned.

Links to fics below the cut.

Coming Back For Seconds

Arthur x Chicken | Rating: E | Words: 909

An Eggsellent Match

Gwaine x Diamair | Rating: E | Words: 1,192

[kilgarygotcake]

make me choose ↳@just-started-watching-merlin asked: apple ref 🍎 or bread ref 🍞🥖

[kilgarygotcake]

Everyone knows that herb-crusted capon is one of Arthur's favorite foods... but not everyone knows why that is...

He'd loved the dish for as long as he could remember — the saltiness of the skin and the savory flavor of the meat; the way the juices would drip down his face with every bite; the way it left him feeling full and warm and satisfied every time. There was just nothing that could compare.

But recently, Arthur had found a new way to enjoy his most beloved dish.

The idea had come to him in a stroke of genius. As he'd examined the naked bird in Guinevere's kitchen, it occured to him that for all he'd eaten his fair share of the delicious meal, Arthur had never actually seen the food assembled; never been witness to its natural glory. Staring at the chicken now, he could openly admire the pale fleshy breasts, the smooth legs, the cavernous temptation between its spread thighs... the sight was simply divine, and Arthur licked his lips.

He knew that like this, it would be too cold, too clammy; lacking the heat and pliancy of a full-cooked roast. But just the thought of what it would be like once it was good and ready; wet with the juices of thorough preparation, the application of sweet, slick butter and pungent herbs...

Of course it was right at this moment - as Arthur imagined the way that steamy hole would look with rivulets of its own tasty fluids running down golden, luscious skin; waiting to be gathered up by his eager, lapping tongue; fingers spreading the tender meat wide open; its warmth dripping over his lips and chin; the tangy burst within his mouth; oh, and the way his hunger would pique — that pleasant ache in his lower abdomen growing and growing, a throbbing need he couldn't wait any longer to relieve...

Well of course it would be right at this moment that Merlin walked in.

[kilgarygotcake]

Some higher power made me make this post so bear with me for a second.

🍰THE KILGARY GOT CAKE THEOREM🍰

Theorem:

Gary , what most people consider Spongebob's pet snail , is the same being as kilgharrah, the basement lizard from bbc merlin. Also Garygotcake.

Proof:

Let's start by giving the definition of the phrase "got cake". Urban Dictionary, world's most trusted source when it comes to cursed slang terms defines it as follows:

So what we have to examine is whether Gary has a nice ass or not.

Let's start with the most famous evidence of that fact:

What we see here is a canonical picture of Gary's ass. But the question still remains: Is that ass "nice"?

Beauty is often in the eye of the beholder so we need to find an objective way to prove that Gary does indeed have hella cake.

Let me introduce you to the φ (phi in english ) number. Phi is often referred to as "the golden ratio" . This is a ratio often appears in nature and was used by some great architects and artists to make their works more aesthetically pleasing.

In other words phi can be an objective way to measure beauty since most humans seem to find works that contain that ratio - in some form or another - pretty.

The thing is that snail-shells are said to follow that ratio too and Gary's ass follows the shape of his shell. So Gary's ass follows the golden ratio too.

Thus, it is only fair to conclude , that not only Garygotcake but that Gary's ass is aesthetically pleasing to the eye of the average human being. Gary's cake is one of the finest cakes that ever existed and that's just a fact.

But I am not done just yet. I need to prove to you that the green inspirational quote from merlin and Gary are the same being.

Well, lets take a look at some of the things that we know from the Spongebob show and our general pop culture knowledge.

In the dream episode of the Spongebob Show Bob , while he is asleep, visits Gary's dream. Then, through Bob's eyes, we see that Gary is not just a dumb snail but a superior being with a huge mind palace that seems to have gathered all the knowledge available in the world. The season 1 episode in question is called "Sleepy Time" for anyone who wishes to check it out. I am leaving this pic of dream Gary here ,just to give you an idea of what I am talking about.

In the "SB-129" episode form the 1st season of the SpongeBob SquarePants show Squidward accidentally freezes himself and ends up 2000 years into the future and has to use a time machine to come back to his own timeline. So we deduce that not only time travel is possible but there's a functioning time machine somewhere in bikini bottom.

In the " Chatterbox Gary" episode from season 11, Bob buys Gary a meow-translator. This is one of the first thing that Gary says when he is able to be understood in english :

I am putting the image of Bob's vision here too.

My last point is that Kilgary is green and if there's one thing that the "Kissing the coronavirus" book by M.J. Edwards taught us is that green=hot=coronavirus. So it is obvious that kilgary must have been infected by the virus at some point in his life.

So we have one super smart snail which dreams of World Domination and has an easy access to a time machine and a glorified serpent that lives under camelot's palace and must have been infected by a virus that wont appear for another 1500 years.

So the conclusion is simple:

Gary, the snail, got tired of his life as SpongeBob's servant so he decided to go and see the world. He took Squidward's time machine with him but he didn't use it immediately. Unfortunately for him ,his travels made him end up in Dr Ashingtonford's lab where he was used as a test subject and got infected with the deadly virus. He felt the virus changing his body so he decided to use the time machine and travel into the past where he wouldn't be treated like a lab rat anymore. He traveled 2000 years back , changed his name into Kilgharrah and became the first dragon to ever existed. Being the evil genius that he is , he mutated more snails into dragons and put forward his word domination plan until Uther came , killed all the other dragons and captured Gary in the dungeons.

Some applications of the theorem include the following:

Kilgary knows the future bc he comes from the future.

The existence of dragonlords is explained by the mere fact that Gary, an all powerful being himself was bound to follow Bob's orders and that "curse" if you will was passed to his descendants. (The other dragons)