killerkitty707

[killerkitty707]

if you decide to unmute anything on this hellsite today please for the love of god let it be this

[killerkitty707]

I board the starship enterprise. I go to a food replicator. I order ‘soup, no bowl’ I leave

[killerkitty707]

hahahahahaha

[killerkitty707]

DO WEREWOLVES HAVE TOE BEANS

[killerkitty707]

[killerkitty707]

John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding…

John: “Is there a problem officer?”

Cop: “You exceeded 80 in 55 zone. May I see your license?”

John: “ahhhh, why don’t I spare you the trouble, officer? I don’t have a license, so I shouldn’t be driving this car that I jacked from this dude I just killed. The gun I used is right here in the glove box and his body is in that trunk”

Cop: “Holy shit!”

The cop contacts his PD and in moments there are more cops everywhere. The chief of police steps up.

Chief: “Sir, may I see your license?”

John: “Sure”

John had his license

Chief: “May I see the vehicle’s owner registration?”

John: “Sure”

It was his car

Chief: “Could you open your glove box?”

John: “Sure”

There were no weapons

Chief: “Could you pop open your trunk?”

John: “Be my guest”

There were no bodies in the trunk

Chief: “Sorry to put you through this, but the officer who called me said you were driving without a license, you had stolen the car, you had a gun in the glove box, and the owner’s dead body in the trunk”

John: “Yeah, I bet that lying son of a bitch also told you that I was speeding”

[killerkitty707]

original post by @tammycat

[killerkitty707]

grandpa wont stop making edm

[killerkitty707]

[killerkitty707]

#the way he jumps after talking to MJ  

[killerkitty707]

[killerkitty707]

the best alternate ending

[killerkitty707]

[killerkitty707]

The Marbles-Solomita fur children in “my dogs eat pupsicles”

+ Bonus

Miss Jolene 

requested by @starryeyes-darkestnight​

[killerkitty707]

#068

[killerkitty707]