kinofthetrees - Tumblr blog

[kinofthetrees]

mermay mergay

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Idk why but this sequence cracks me up more than it has any right to

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BDS added this section to their boycott page and I think people really need to read it:

please remember, pushing unorganized boycotts without carefully fact-checking every company in the list can be actively HARMFUL to the boycott movement.

[kinofthetrees]

when tje piece of media got you standing in the middle of yr room reenacting this gif

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nobody move. i've just successfully articulated the sentiment that taylor's power turns her into a panopticon because she was living in one & explained her trigger in a way i feel satisfied with for the first time in my life

the concept of the panopticon is not just about surveillance, but about creating an environment where people cannot be sure whether or not they are being surveilled, and thus must constantly act under the assumption that they are. which is exactly what happened to taylor--we see from when we first meet her in the school that she's anticipating attack from every possible direction to avoid it, and the one time she lets her guard down a fraction and assumes she's found a safe spot to hide from abuse, she's targeted with the juice spills. and this is after her trigger event, but it's clear she behaves this way because it was beaten into her over the entire course of the bullying. it's what she describes when she recounts the trigger:

“I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But I made a friend, one of the girls who had sometimes joined in on the taunting came to me and apologized.  ...  Her approaching me and befriending me was one of the big reasons I could think the harassment was ending.  I never really let my guard down around her, but she was pretty cool about it. “And for most of November and the two weeks of classes before Christmas break, nothing.  They were leaving me alone.  I was able to relax.” I sighed, “That ended the day I came back from the winter break. I knew, instinctually, that they were playing me, that they were waiting before they pulled their next stunt, so it had more impact. I didn’t think they’d be so patient about it. I went to my locker, and well, they’d obviously raided the bins from the girls bathrooms or something, because they’d piled used pads and tampons into my locker. Almost filled it.”

the precise moment when she stopped consciously anticipating and preparing to react to abuse--when she relaxed, when she stopped acting as if the lack of danger didn't mean that she couldn't still be hurt at any time--is when she was brutally reminded that she's never safe. she's still in the panopticon. she isn't literally being watched every second, she isn't literally in lifelong danger of having her vulnerabilities exploited, but it feels like she is. she can never ever be sure she's safe.

so she triggers, and she gets a power that turns her into a panopticon, and lets her watch everyone right back. it lets her regain control by turning her into a source of danger that could attack anywhere, from any direction, any time, fully unexpected.

& the reason her power enables her to watch Everyone--not just a single person, or a few people--but Everyone, is that the other major aspect of her trigger is the trauma of facts like this:

“It was pretty obvious that they had done it before the school closed for Christmas, by the smell alone. I bent over to throw up, right there in a crowded hallway, everyone watching. Before I could recover or stop losing my breakfast, someone grabbed me by the hair, hard enough it hurt, and shoved me into the locker.”

"All I could think was that someone had been willing to get their hands that dirty to fuck with me, but of all the students that had seen me get shoved in the locker, nobody was getting a janitor or teacher to let me out."

for months, for years, she was in a community where everyone regularly witnessed her humiliation and abuse, and everyone, dozens and dozens of kids and teachers, either contributed to it or was knowingly, silently complacent. this is what sticks with her: the idea that she is so universally reviled, so deserving of revile, that any crowd of witnesses would, without hesitation, consign her to the filth of the locker.

what else is she supposed to conclude, but that everyone she interacts with is a threat? that she can't drop her guard ever again, because no one will be coming to help her if she does? of course she has to become the panopticon. of course she has to watch everyone, all of the time, if she wants to stop it from happening again. of course she has to live among the teeming lowly and crawling things she has been taught via one firm shove that she is worth less than, and of course she has to use them to watch everyone back. and it would be inaccurate to say that doing this--monitoring everything with her bugs--makes her feel safe. all it does is allow her to remain in a constant state of paranoia and traumatized hyper-vigilance more efficiently.

[kinofthetrees]

Poorly drawn Nidoran line

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* * * News Interruption * * *

[kinofthetrees]

Sometimes self-care is, actually, NOT getting onto the computer and little treats and watching youtube videos. Sometimes those things are self-care, but sometimes they're also avoidant behaviors.

Sometimes self care is waking up and just. Fucking getting in the car. And driving to the bank. And the store. And buying the cat litter. And changing the cat boxes you've been avoiding because your brains been stuck in a hole. And picking up the trash you've been piling up. And getting a load into the wash. And mowing the lawn before the village council sends you a formal complaint and potential-fines warning.

Like its hard and annoying to do because it sucks. It sucks so much. But if I don't start working on this pile of bullshit I've let build up because it stinks and i was stuck in deer-in-headlights mode, I risk letting it turn into fuckery. I do not have the patience for fuckery that I once - foolishly! - thought I had.

[kinofthetrees]

I just noticed something: in Johnathan’s travels up to this point, every mode of transport has been late to receive him (e.g, the train leaving Buda-Pesth, the coach leaving to Bukovina).

It’s almost like a sign from the universe itself: trying to stall him from going to the Count’s castle. Telling him that this is not a good idea. And despite his gut telling him the same thing, he knows he has to go because of his work.

But in today’s entry, the carriage that was supposed to drop Johnathan off at the Burgo Pass, arrived early. The drivers and the passengers made it a point specifically to arrive earlier than the Count.

I think it’s because they know the Count would have been waiting if they arrived later. They tried to save Johnathan by attempting to be one step ahead of the Count, knowing what will happen if they let Johnathan go. Unfortunately, as the Count said himself: “I know too much and my horses are swift.”

Any attempts against the Count are futile, but these people tried anyways in the hope that they could prevent the horrors to come upon a clueless foreigner who doesn’t know what’s about to happen.

They may not have the strength to fight back against the Count. But they continue to attempt preventing the inevitable, not matter how futile it will be. And if all else, they provide protection against the evils that Johnathan will have to face alone.

And I think that is utterly beautiful and shows the compassion of humanity in the face of such horrors.

[kinofthetrees]

something i really enjoy in horror movies is when the victim(s) start to hunt the killer in return in order to kill them first, both because it's an interesting parallel that (if done well) asks the audience to consider the question of when violence and killing are a justifiable means to an end in order to survive and at what point it crosses the line from acceptable to abhorrent and condemns the perpetrator, and also because it's a little bit funny. like i can do that too bitch you're not special.

[kinofthetrees]

I’VE GOT THE VOICE OF THE MANY IN MY THROAT 

THE TEETH OF A FROG AND THE TAIL OF A GOAT

[kinofthetrees]

“there is a lion in my living room” - clementine von radics // ricky “jupe” park in nope (2022) dir. jordan peele

[kinofthetrees]

also. it's just a gag but i find this bit of laios putting a bib on marcille oddly adorable

like that's his friend and he knows she normally hates getting messy (even if her shirt is already stained with her own blood) and that she's likely to drop/spill something on herself in her current state. so he does what he can to care for her, even if it is silly

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the movie of all time 🐎