kiremono

[kiremono]

{So I'm taking a bit of a hiatus on this blog and I'll be starting fresh on this Peko that I made recently. If you'd like to interact, please just poke me there~ It's in a timeline I'm very comfortable with and I feel like I'll get more in depth plotting accomplished there.}

[kiremono]

{I'm actually really happy that I made my post-coma despair!Peko blog. I feel like it's going to challenge me and I'll get more plotting done that way. I'll probably stay over there for the rest of today for the most part and try to get an open up. I promise I'll attend to things here a bit later!}

[kiremono]

{I forgot about my childhood M!A today weeps. If anybody would like to do a thread with itty bitty Peko, let me know mmm. I want to experiment a bit yes~ But I'm gonna go tuck in. More replies and the starter that's taking me forever will be up tomorrow~!}

[kiremono]

She shivered a little when he moved away-- fearing that she'd only made him upset again, like the day before. He was going to get frustrated and push her away like bocchan did, right? Well... that was only natural, that was to be expected. She pushed people away to make her purpose easier-- it was only natural that the people around her would get fed up and leave her be after a while. But instead, she felt him move around from behind. She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing, and then felt his arms encircle around her. A little sound of surprise escaped her-- she couldn't help it, she didn't expect this at all. Her heart pounded and blood went to her face, shoulders stiffening some at this closeness. 

She directed her dithering gaze towards the ground, a mixture of fear and some other emotion filling her at his statements. What was he saying? He couldn't possibly challenge the yakuza... neither could she. Her purpose was set in stone, it wasn't something that could be changed. But now, he was filling her head with doubts and she didn't know exactly what to think.

"--Please do not trouble yourself for my sake, Tanaka. This is not a matter so easily fixed." She spoke, words holding an underlying quality of uncertainty. He cared... and she was undeniably touched at that but then-- she was terrified of attachment, she was terrified of what the future would hold if she did attempt to visualize the idea of a future without her purpose as a tool. She'd be kicked out, or killed... or worse. Not only that, but if he tried to involve himself, he'd only get hurt. And that only caused her earlier concerns to amplify slightly. She bit her lip for a moment before continuing, "It may be quite different, but it is the lifestyle I have resigned to. There is no escape. Your association with me has already caused you such trouble, I do not understand... why you are so persistent..." 

✪ Kidnapped AU {shslunderworldbreeder}

Gundam sighed quietly, it being almost clear to him that he wasn’t getting through to her this way. It was kind of upsetting, of course, and her statements only managed to make everything a million times worse. He looked back to the swordswoman, realizing that if one leap of faith worked, who’s to say two wouldn’t? It was a big jump, and it was either going to make or break the situation, but he had to try something…seeing her like this was painful. 

Slowly, he removed her arm from him and moved to sit behind her, this time wrapping both arms gently around her. If this wasn’t going to prove anything, then there was only one more course of action, and he knew that would get her upset. But, it was the only thing he really knew to do. It was risky, of course…but then again, everything they’d done has been risky so far. 

"D-Do not say such pitiful things…" He spoke up, closing his eyes and simply relaxing into the hug he was giving her. "You are not the p-property of anyone except yourself…not to Kuzuryuu, not to me, not to the yakuza, not to anyone. You are y-your own person, and that is how it is going to remain. I will go down to the d-damned yakuza and tell them this if I have to…” 

[kiremono]

                                                                                                 I’m ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ going вα¢к,                                                                                                        The ρครՇ is in the

                                                                                                                      ＰＡＳＴ.

[kiremono]

{Aha I wrote that analysis post mostly because I'm going to be opening up my despair Peko blog either later tonight or tomorrow and wanted to get my background fleshed out. I don't get to play that side of her very often here, so I'm making a separate blog for it. ;o; It'll be more organized that way too I think~

Anyways, gotta go pick up my sister from out of town. I'll probably be back late? But I will be back. So toodaloo for now lovelies~}

[kiremono]

SHSL Despair: Peko Pekoyama

Through watching the fandom’s reaction to SHSL despair amongst the SDR2 cast, I see it mentioned from time to time that Peko probably just followed Kuzuryuu in. She’s obviously a badass, stone-faced character that can’t let anything get to her, right? --Wrong. That’s a misconception. Peko fell into her own despair just like everyone else did. If you hold her to that degree, then you’re simply seeing her on the surface. The guise of a ‘tool’ that she always wears. If you really pay attention to her throughout the entire game,  you'll see that she’s more than that. I've been roleplaying as Peko for quite a long time now, and in trying to dissect the inner workings of her mind-- I figured that it was about time that I attempt to conceptualize her fall into despair. 

This is my own observation/speculation, thus it could easily be debatable. If anyone has thoughts/queries/additional points to bring to my attention, please let me know courteously! This is mostly going to be used for my own reference, and for anyone else who might want to understand Peko’s character a little better overall. 

SDR2 spoilers obviously under the cut. c: 

Allow me to start from the beginning then. Peko was raised, in short, to be a tool. A possession. We see through the images provided of her cabin that she’s given a thin mattress to sleep on, and doesn’t own very many personalized material possessions-- perhaps, other than weaponry and the like. The Kuzuryuu family most certainly didn’t want to waste a large amount of money on keeping her happy and comfortable. They gave her shelter, a place to sleep-- enough to be grateful for the very fact that she’s alive. To be so unbreakable, to wear such a stone faced mask all the time, the psychological abuse she endured must have been brutal. I imagine that she must have made her first kill when she was very young and was fusilladed with strict responsibilities and orders. And what could the Kuzuryuu family take away from her, if she disobeyed them? If she didn’t act as a tool? They could kick her out. They could threaten to kill her. Escaping a head yakuza family? In all honesty, there’s no way out for her in a situation like this. One might even presume that Peko would’ve fallen into despair at this point. 

Lets keep in mind that Peko is still a girl, she’s still human. Her mask is perfected and icy-- she treats everyone with clipped formality. But is that really who she is? Or is that the face she crafted to keep herself from getting into trouble? 

While she’s very good at hiding it, there are hints in her dialogue and actions that prove that she’s more than that. A tool purposed for assassination, I believe that Peko knowingly resigned to her fate of death the very moment that Monokuma began talking of murder. If not then, then certainly when Kuzuryuu begins talking of “not hesitating to kill any of them” when the first motive is exposed. Her life’s purpose is to keep him alive and to “cut down anyone he wishes to see cut down”. Therefore, Peko knows that she’s going to kill one of the classmates standing around her. 

Then a party is promised-- to help them steer clear of motives for murder, to become closer to each other. Kuzuryuu doesn’t attend the party. Peko does. But is Peko really at the party? Is she enjoying herself, eating food and speaking with her classmates with hopes to establish “bonds” and to strengthen “hope”? Of course not. Peko doesn’t want to risk growing attached to any of the classmates that she might have to kill. She hardly puts up with idle conversation to keep from learning more about others, for enjoying their company. She simply excuses it as “I’m not very good with crowds” and heads off to the office to guard the case. In a way, it’s an act that makes it seem like she cares for everyone. It seems like she’s sacrificing a night of fun to be heroic. While she would be a suitable candidate to guard the dangerous items, she was doing this with her own interests in mind. That, and I honestly think that she wouldn’t manage to enjoy herself there while Kuzuryuu was absent. 

Skipping ahead to the first trial, when the fiasco involving the office and the restroom comes into play, Peko says that she’s ashamed that she was absent and couldn’t prevent the blackout. Kuzuryuu slips a line in there that alludes to their connection-- “seems you shouldn’t worry about it too much”. For Kuzuryuu to point that out aloud, I think that those words coming from her must have been genuine. He was raised alongside her-- I think, in a way, that he can tell when she’s genuinely upset with herself sometimes. It’s a small note, but something that sticks out to me. 

Now I’m going to discuss some elements of her free time events. If anything-- her love for ‘fluffy’ things goes to show that Peko has personal pleasures and wants herself. It’s all locked up inside her brain and she doesn’t show it outwardly, but it’s still there. Animals are soft, loyal companions that rely on the person who cares for it. In a way, I think that’s something that Peko is seeking. She wants to care for something, she wants to expose some of the love that she keeps trapped in her seemingly icy heart. Kuzuryuu won’t let her dote on him, in a way-- I think her love for animals exposes the fact that she wants someone to rely on her, she wants someone to need her. What a better candidate than an animal? Things that don’t require conversation. 

Her next free time event is drastically different. She mentions that Owari and Nidai teaming up could potentially take her down. She’s analyzing potential murderers, potential people that could get in her way. Hinata is mildly appalled at the prospect of her looking to fight or visualizing needing to fight one of their classmates. Peko says she doesn’t discredit his way of thinking-- but it’s something she has to do. It aligns perfectly with the fact that she doesn’t truly wish to kill anyone. She’s not violent or aggressive by any means. But she will do what she has to do, she’s loyal until the very end. 

Now, why did I use all the paragraphs above to discuss the island? It doesn’t really cover her despair. But it does show that there’s a human living inside Peko’s head, that she’s more than just a “stone faced badass” character. It also shows us her motive, the fact that she knows from the very start that she’s going to murder someone. And, of course, it shows that she fears attachment. 

So now, I’m going to backtrack-- pre-despair, pre-island. Since before high school, Kuzuryuu has told Peko to pretend that their relationship doesn’t exist. While Kuzuryuu’s intentions might be in her best interest, it doesn’t register with her. In her mind, she’s a tool. A gesture of pushing her away certainly wasn’t the way to go about that-- but Kuzuryuu, as we all know, isn’t the best with words or feelings. He does this so he can’t be a “master” figure to her. Rather, a “classmate”. But of course, this facade isn’t enough to convince Peko otherwise. If anything, it makes her feel discarded and shelved. Thus, she disobeys him at times to protect him. She cares for him more than a “simple tool” should and some of the actions she takes are of her own free will. 

When Peko’s mask breaks in the second trial, she frequently goes on to say “what is a tool without its’ wielder” or “a tool without a master has no meaning”. All of those years feeling cast aside-- she must have seen herself as meaningless, her life’s purpose as pointless. I imagine she spent her time at school focusing primarily on studying and busying tasks. Physical tasks that could keep her mind from breaking into pieces. She’s given no opportunity to explore other interests, and lacks the personality required to make friends. Her school life must have already been dark and despairing. 

Peko’s role as a tool was something that even death couldn’t separate her from. When Kuzuryuu told her to run, she didn’t take that opportunity. She resigned to her death, she readily accepted self sacrifice for his sake. Her role as a tool is prominent, it’s something she believes in to the fullest. So how did she disregard that purpose and actually fall into despair?

She didn’t follow Kuzuryuu. She didn’t say “oh, well if he’s doing it, I guess it’s natural for me to go too”. No. 

Kuzuryuu was an influence, though. Because like Komaeda mentions in the second trial, “Kuzuryuu is her hope”. In fact, if you look at her Kirakira-chan impression, replacing the word “Justice” with “Kuzuryuu” could quite easily explain her motives. If he suddenly needs her again one day, then her hope is restored. He tells her “I don’t need things like tools” repeatedly without realizing that she’s registering those words as “I don’t need things like you”. If he needs her, she’ll have purpose again. She won’t feel like a waste of space. So what’s the triggering moment? What makes Peko snap?

I believe it’s explained through the Twilight Syndrome incident. Not only did Kuzuryuu find his sister’s murderer-- no, he kills her himself. And what does that prove to a tool who is good for nothing but “assassination and cutting down those that get in the young master’s way?” If Kuzuryuu is capable of killing someone that Peko should have killed for him, it proves that he “doesn’t need her”. If he doesn’t need her, then what’s the point of her existence? I believe this must have been where Junko could easily wrench out all of her darkest fears, all of her despairing thoughts. At this point, her spirit would be broken enough to make her feel true despair. Her purpose, her source of hope, it’s all been erased. Her reason to continue living. If he can handle himself like he says he can, then there’s no use for her to continue on with her charade as a ‘tool’. 

But honestly, without the time to build a personality-- I don’t think that Peko had much independence through her time in despair. I think she let herself serve as a “tool” for Junko instead. Junko had a plan, Junko needed some help in triggering said plan. Thus, Junko could give her a purpose. And through despair, she could also escape the hope of relying on Kuzuryuu to need her one day, the fact that all of her efforts were for naught. While she might have a few crazes and breakdowns, I believe that Peko would remain mostly numb through her time in despair. 

I most certainly didn’t cover all of the points I wanted to make-- but there’s so much more to Peko than meets the eye, and I believe it’s something that needs to be established. Thank you if you read all of this! I just wanted to get these thoughts down for future reference. There may be a few debatable qualities, and it is mostly speculation. If I missed something or misinterpreted something, feel free to bring it to my attention courteously!

[kiremono]

{I'll probably do an open for this m!a in the morning? Because I really want to RP as little tiny Peko weeps. //or if anyone would like to do something let me know yes please~

I can't seem to get warm, no matter how hard I try. ;o; I'm going to bed-- I'll have my promised starter up tomorrow for sure!}

[kiremono]

"Hm... I fear my size may be an inconvenience, should bocchan require my protection..."

[kiremono]

"...A-At least I can get away with petting cute, fluffy animals in my smaller stature. That fluffy, fluffy feeling has finally returned." 

[kiremono]

Child- Age six for a day :)

Child: Muse is a child between the age of six and twelve. Anon or mun may decide specific age.

—-Expressionless features reduced to that of a more despondent nature at the realization of her current predicament. Shrunk to the size she was at the mere age of six years old— the muscle and strength built throughout long years of excessive training dissolved almost entirely. A small sigh escaped her lips, sounding lightly pitched in her ears. Her size would only make protecting bocchan increadibly difficult. 

"…This is troublesome." 

[kiremono]

{I'm going to answer the M!A I got in a moment and then see about writing that starter I promised, if I can muster some inspiration to write. c:}

[kiremono]

Classic Anons [Anon Specifies Time]

Child: Muse is a child between the age of six and twelve. Anon or mun may decide specific age.

Genderbend: Muse is the opposite gender.

Swap: Muse swaps bodies with another muse of the anon’s choice (other mun must agree)

Blind: Muse can’t see

Mute: Muse can’t speak

Deaf: Muse can’t hear

Truth: Muse cannot tell any lies

(feel free to add any others that you see as classic anons)

[kiremono]

                                                                  How can you love me,

                          When I c a n n o t even love myself?

                                          For I am not the kind of person,

                             That someone could ever

 fall in  l  o  v  e  with.

[kiremono]

"...Ah, good afternoon. You seem quite tired-- are you all right?" Peko answered levelly. She paused thoughtfully before continuing, "I suppose I should introduce myself as well, in any case. I am called Peko Pekoyama." 

S…Someone else?

Hello. I’m Chiaki Nanami…

[kiremono]

     Peko settled for an impassive nod rather than speaking aloud and began to gather ingredients needed. Tools focused on tasks-- doing things with her hands, making herself productive in some way or another... it served to keep her mind from losing itself. Especially in a time where bocchan claimed he didn't "need" her so very often. Set on a shelf for later, her life purpose all for naught. The young miss's death had affected her as well-- having grown up alongside the younger Kuzuryuu sibling. Perhaps not in a sisterly way... but there was a bond established there. While she was mostly mechanical and cold in regards to it, while she didn't mourn or cry... There was a part of this situation that was lurking around in her mind, expanding the darkest corners that Junko Enoshima was attempting to wrench out and expose... --Right now, she had to focus on salads. She grabbed vegetables from the refrigerator one-by-one and settled them onto the counter. Carrots, onions, lettuce... And then some shredded cheeses and other such things to throw in alongside it. Eggs might have been a nice topping as well-- but that'd probably require more time to prepare. She preferred to keep things simple, to sit and eat something as soon as possible. 

Mukuro's words snapped her out of her trance momentarily, and her expression softened just a little. She was glad that the other seemed comfortable in her presence still, even after everything that'd happened-- after all of the time since their last one-on-one encounter. While she didn't have the heart to show her appreciation in full, she hummed thoughtfully in response. "I do not mind. Mine are quite simplistic, if anything." She started, tilting her head slightly. She hesitated, after a moment. Maybe preoccupying her attention on the other girl would do her some good-- listening to her talk about something that didn't circulate on her current mood or emotion. "Will you show me how you prepare yours, in that case?" 

Thrown Into Despair || kiremono

"Salad sounds good, I haven’t had one in a few weeks." That was something she loved, just having something simple yet filling, a salad was something nice to her, almost like rations had been when she was in training. It was something she enjoyed eating very much, even if her sister always complained that it had no taste, the solider didn’t care. What kind of salad? Well, that really didn’t matter to her much either. It was times like this she was glad to be in the school with other people, at least she had an excuse for accidentally running into someone and conversing… Though it was very seldom, even when she ran into someone she tried to get away before speaking to them, that wasn’t the case when she was with Peko. She really did enjoy being with the other since they could relate so much better than she could with any of the other students. Sure, some of the students were like her in some ways, but not like the kendoka. No, no one could be more like her. It was a kinship they had, regardless of what others could say to make her upset, Mukuro tended to ignore it most of the time… Unless it was Junko’s words, those cut like a knife cut through butter. She was like putty in her younger twin’s hand, it irked her to an extent, but she couldn’t change herself. It was the same for the other, right?

Without realizing the solider began humming as well, calmly looking through everything the kendoka had out, “Would you like me to help with anything? I don’t mind, maybe I can show you how I make salads when I have them. I could learn from you to, mine are normally a mess.” A small laugh breezed her lips, somehow the simplest of things like making a salad was enough to make her glad she choose to came, even though this moment wouldn’t last all that much longer.

[kiremono]

komaidakun replied to your post:{Hee, Cry’s LPs never fail to make me happy. c:...

id love one (if you want to rp that is)!

{Yes, of course! <3 Any preferred genres/lengths in mind? I can go as far as novella, but I could do script or para if you're more comfortable with that. c:}