knees-and-bees

[knees-and-bees]

i can't stop making bad bumper stickers

[edit: description added to alt text]

[knees-and-bees]

Jon in this hat I saw. Daisy is women.

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I haven’t posted on here in a morbillion years!! :( but I finally finished a drawing so here is Tim harassing his coworker

Based on this:

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Wanted for murder? Not so bad actually, he's got a cat!

More silly art:

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I have been a sheep caretaker for like two days and already I'm like. Wow. I get it.

I get why these were some of the earliest mammals to ever be domesticated. They look up to humans with this sort of dumb but all at once innocent and pure and trusting expression. They're happy to see you. They follow you around. They like to be rubbed under their chins. Maybe its just some latent Scottish highland shepherd DNA I still have in me but I look at my sheep charges and suddenly I see why the love of God for humanity is so often described as a shepherd and his sheep. I'd fight a wolf for these guys. I'd go way the Hell out of my way for them. I'd carry their young for miles on my own back.

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Absolute menaces

It’s a bit from Schitt’s Creek 

I was possessed to draw this

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becoming an adult cheat sheet!

learn to coupon

what to do when you can’t afford therapy

cleaning your bathroom

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

stress management

quick fix meals

find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

resume workshop

organize your closet

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment

what’s a mortgage?

how to pick a health insurance plan

hotlines list

your first gynecology appointment

what to do if the cops pull you over

things to have in your car in case of emergency

my moving out masterpost

how to make friends as an adult (video)

how to do taxes (video)

recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)

change a flat tire (video)

how to do laundry (video)

opening a bank account (video)

laundry cheat sheet

recipes masterpost

tricks to help you sleep more

what the fuck should you make for dinner?

where should you go for drinks?

alcohol: know your limits

easy makeup tips

find seat maps for your flight

self-defense tips

prevent hangovers

workout masterpost

how to write a check

career builder

browse careers

birth control information

financial management software & app (free)

my mental health masterpost

my college applications masterpost

how to jumpstart a car

sex ed masterpost

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List of TMA fics I have ideas for:

Monster Jon being a twink and lifting Martin (crack fic)

Martin going back in time and being cool and wooing Jon (sort of working on this one) Here

Jon finds a cassette with his voice on it. (S5 Jon possessing a cassette player to get S1 Jon’s ass in gear!) (working on this one) Here

GerryMartin fic where they meet pre canon and date. Martin doesn't know what happened to his boyfriend, every time he tried to ask the Archivist she just would deflect. So when he gets the “offer” to work in the archives, Martin accepts. (Working on this one) Here

Spicy/NSFW fan art Here

Jon wakes up with memories of the future but brushes it off as a weird dream, that is until he starts predicting things before they happen.

Jon wakes up with memories of the future but brushes it off as a weird dream, that is until he starts predicting things before they happen. But include a fan kid they adopt during the eyepocalypse who also remembers stuff but since they haven't really lived long enough to have so many memories they know it isn’t just a dream, they make their way to the institute from Scotland where they picked her up. (On the back burner but working a bit on this one)

When Jon finds out how to escape the institute to blind himself he goes to martin. Martin doesn't believe Jon will do it. Jon physically can't do it himself, but he asks Melanie to help him out. They blind eachother much to the anger of Jonah Magnus. (Wrote a bit for this one, haven’t posted yet)

“Martin always made the perfect cup—just the way Jon liked it, even when Jon himself wasn’t sure what that was on any given day.” (Quote I made that I want to add to a fic but idk where)

Kid au. Annabelle and Martin go to the same elementary school. Jon is also there but in a separate class. (Just let Martin and Annabelle be friends)

Things I might not get to but want to see more of:

Jon finds out that Martin listens to the mechanisms and Jon panics and tells Martin not to watch their videos. And of course Jon starts acting weird. So Martin asks Tim and Sasha “don't know, but now we gotta watch their videos” Tim says. Now they find out their boss used to be Jonny, First Mate of the aurora.

Merlin TMA fusion where Jon is Merlin, Sasha is Authur, Martin is Guinevere, and Tim is Lancelot. Jon is tasked by the dragon to keep Sasha safe, though she is a lot more competent than one would think. Along the way Martin is crushing on Jon and follows him because the smaller man is so accident prone and discovers Jon has magic. Sasha and Tim are both knights and have their “will they, won't they” banter while poking fun at Jon and Martin.

Daisy doesn’t apologize. “I'm not going to say I'm sorry,” the hunter mutters, looking away from him. “It won't make things better, but what I do want to say is I know better now, and I regret what I have done.”

The reason Elias really sends Martin to work in the archives is because he thinks Jon and Martin would be cute together and is a jmart shipper. (Crack fic)

Slice of life fic where Jon is a middle school teacher, engaged to martin, the local librarian.

Georgie has Jon do the “spooky” readings for What the Ghost. That's it.

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whenever a mutual doesn’t interact with me for a long time i get so scared they don’t wanna play dolls with me anymore

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For my EE

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P2

"I figured out how to triple-distill and vacuum-extract coffee to raise the caffeine concentration 20-30x" teach me your ways pls

Okay kids pull up a chair and learn how Auntie Systlin took her chemistry minor and habit of collecting neat virgin glassware and figured out how to brew potentially lethal hyper-espresso in her kitchen. 

This is going to be long as hell so I’ll put the goods after the cut.

Note that this evolved from doing my best to figure out how to approximate Funranium Lab’s Black Blood of the Earth brew. I’d read the glowing reviews online, but being naturally cheap, couldn’t quite bring myself to drop the $$$.

And then my eyes wandered to my shelf of virgin labware equipment and I went “Hey…I bet I can just make my own.”

Based on Herr Direktor’s notes on the Funranium labs website, I tinkered and fooled about and eventually came up with my own brew that, if not Black Blood of the Earth, will punch you in the face and leave you smelling colors.

Let’s do this.

Keep reading

[knees-and-bees]

Oh god, how do you do the triple distilled coffee thingy, I feel I need this in my life

 ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT. 

SIT DOWN CHILDREN AND LEARN HOW TO BREW FUCKING ROCKET FUEL. This is going to be long as hell so I’ll put the goods after the cut. 

Note that this evolved from doing my best to figure out how to approximate Funranium Lab’s Black Blood of the Earth brew. I’d read the glowing reviews online, but being naturally cheap, couldn’t quite bring myself to drop the $$$. 

And then my eyes wandered to my shelf of virgin labware equipment and I went “Hey…I bet I can just make my own.”

Based on Herr Direktor’s notes on the Funranium labs website, I tinkered and fooled about and eventually came up with my own brew that, if not Black Blood of the Earth, will punch you in the face and leave you smelling colors. 

Let’s do this. 

Keep reading

[knees-and-bees]

It will never not annoy me that “garlic” by itself is seen as a ward for vampires.

Because it’s not. At least, not in the source people think it seems to originate from. Because Bram Stoker’s Dracula never said it was garlic itself that was repelling, rather, that it was garlic *flowers* that were repelling.

And while an argument can be made for garlic being repulsive, its roots aren’t from “Dracula”. Rather, it originates from Garlic’s antimicrobial properties, similar to that of silver (both of which are notably repulsive to vampires).

The antimicrobial properties of these two materials are why they were seen as “purifying” in the face of evil. Seeing as people used to connect the spread of disease with an inherent “Evilness” the air possessed. And silver being used in the production of mirrors when these mythologies were truly forming in the western world may be an explanation as to why vampires don’t seem to reflect in mirrors. As for stakes (or wood in general) there are those who argue for the reason behind that being because the wood used was used to make crosses. (+ the connection of religion is the opposite of evil and that’s why holy water and the sun works)

In conclusion the stuff we use to avoid vampires is quite literally just- old medical advice and religious beliefs protecting against evil.

(Yes I got reminded of this because I’m studying Wolf Alice (short story not the band) in my English literature class)

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Maybe for later idk

Oc ask game, (mostly platonic) affection/comfort edition:

Let your muse show affection to mine and see how they react! To swap prompts, just add swap before the prompt

🫂 to hug them

💋 to give them a kiss in the forehead (specify where if you want to give them a kiss somewhere else)

❤️‍🩹 to my muse to be caught crying and be comforted by your muse

✂️ for my muse to style your muse's hair

💤 for my muse to fall asleep in your muse's arms

🎁 for my muse to give yours a gift

🍳 for our muses to cook together

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…I see, that’s interesting… if you don’t mind me asking, in what way are they more inviting?

Do the roots around those who are likely to become avatars soon look different to the roots of those who are soon to simply die? Bc avatarhood requires a death (physical or metaphorical) to occur so I’m curious as to what that’d look like - @knees-and-bees

Ooh, that's a good question

Not so long ago, I went to visit Jonathan Sims at the hospital. The roots looked the same, but they did feel different... More susceptible to change, and more... inviting

[knees-and-bees]

I replied on the wrong acc my bad chat-

I'm listening the new tma fandub in spanish because there's never enough of the horrors and no matter what version I listen I'm always 🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️ in chapter 4, yeah Jon I'm sure you would like to contact Gerard Keay

[knees-and-bees]

CHAT SINCE WHEN IS THERE A FANDUB??? I NEED THIS HOLY SHIT WHAT-

I'm listening the new tma fandub in spanish because there's never enough of the horrors and no matter what version I listen I'm always 🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️ in chapter 4, yeah Jon I'm sure you would like to contact Gerard Keay