knightlylineke

[knightlylineke]

I have my last alarm in the morning set to the guardians' theme from botw....

It works...

It works too well.

I jolted out of bed this morning.

[knightlylineke]

I'm too much of a lesbian for thiiiiiissss

Why is TotK Zelda exactly my type??????

[knightlylineke]

Happy pride!

[knightlylineke]

Zelda and Link as "The Shadow" (1909), Edmund Blair Leighton

[knightlylineke]

some of my favourite photos from the royal armoury

[knightlylineke]

being knightcore doesn't mean you have to be pro-monarchy. you can just swear your undying fealty to your best friend or your crush or something

[knightlylineke]

[knightlylineke]

It's been a long road for me to come to my inevitable destination that is my identity as a butch lesbian.

When I was younger I was the girliest girl who ever girled (well... maybe except for the obsession with catching lizards). I wore Princess dresses, played with barbies, and only bought skirts that could be twirled in.

I also never felt like i fit in with the other girls. That fact only grew the older I got.

Eventually I thought puberty would fix everything. I'd finally feel right.

Oh how wrong I was.

If anything, puberty only made it worse. Not only did i now have excruciating periods, but I also still felt othered.

Then, in high-school, I discovered the lgbt community, and with it, transmen.

I thought that maybe this was the answer. I did so much research, listened to their stories, and listened to their doubts. The same doubts that I had, that they assured their audiences that was normal to have and that no one questions their gender unless they're trans.

I was convinced.

I eventually came out as trans to my parents, and spent the next 5 years struggling with their feelings about it and my own feelings about it as well.

I did not pass well. I had a baby face, and a high pitched voice that only got higher when I was nervous.

But that was alright, I convinced myself. All of these other trans men I watched on YouTube had similar problems and they were all solved by going on testosterone. T would fix me too.

And so, 5 years of living as a trans man, I was finally in the place i needed to be in to start t.

I was 2 months out from my starting appointment, it was my mother's birthday, and my family all went hiking together.

I had dressed androgynously, but my hair was growing out and I was starting to have my doubts again.

I was just nervous to start T, it was normal, I convinced myself.

But then I started hearing the stories of detransitioners.

I had heard about them before, in negative ways from the people I looked up to. So I had never looked into them more.

Detransitioners were never trans, these people told me, they were just wrong.

And I believed them.

I had been out for 5 years, no woman does that unless they're trans... right?

Wrong.

As i consumed the stories of detransitioners, I grew to understand myself better.

And on top of that, I started seeing how the people I had come to look up to, had idolized, were wrong.

I don't believe they were malicious in their wrongness, but I think they were only drawing on their personal experiences without considering others.

They preached that detransitioners were never really trans, even if they had lived that way for years the same way I had.

They said that they shouldn't have a say in trans Healthcare, even though it was that same Healthcare that failed them.

And I slowly started to realize who I was beyond what others said.

Now listen up: I am NOT telling you all of this so you can turn around and hate on trans people. DO NOT DO THAT. I'm saying this so you can understand how I got to where I am today.

The system set up right now failed me. And it failed other detransitioners.

They didn't ask enough questions, they didn't look for other answers, they heard us and didn't question it.

That doesn't mean that there are no trans people, it doesn't mean that trans people are the enemy, it simply means that the medical industry needs to be looked at and worked on to make sure that we don't fall through the cracks.

End of story.

So what now? I spent 5 years living as a trans man. What was i to do with myself now?

I experimented with fashion and style, with haircuts and makeup, with labels and sexualities, and religions as well.

Eventually... eventually I found out who i am.

Im a lesbian, that's a fact that won't change, and I'm a butch lesbian at that.

I know who i am now, and no one can take that away from me.

I am a butch lesbian desister who loves all of my lgbtqia siblings.