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bueckersstuff · 3 days ago

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HER NEW OBSESSION

Part I Part II Part III Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader

The soft glow of your bedside lamp bathes the room in warm hues, casting flickering shadows across the walls. Paige lies beside you, her blonde hair fanned out over your pillow, her blue eyes tracing the contours of your face with a lazy sort of fascination. Her fingers ghost over your arm, drawing invisible patterns on your skin, the sensation light enough to send a ripple of shivers through you.

"You're staring," you tease, your lips curling into a smirk as you turn onto your side, facing her fully.

"M'not," Paige murmurs, though the small grin tugging at her lips betrays her. "Just admiring the view."

You roll your eyes, but the warmth spreading through your chest is undeniable. This—whatever it is—has been going on for days, maybe even weeks now. Nights spent tangled in each other's arms, limbs draped over one another like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It's a silent routine neither of you have acknowledged out loud, but neither of you has dared to stop it, either.

Paige shifts closer, pressing against you until there's hardly any space left between your bodies. Her hand slides up your arm, tracing over your shoulder before settling at the base of your neck. "You’re warm," she mumbles, tucking her head under your chin like she belongs there.

You chuckle, wrapping your arms around her without hesitation. "And you’re clingy."

"Shut up, you love it," she shoots back, her breath fanning against your collarbone.

You do. You really do.

Her fingers play with the hem of your hoodie—her hoodie, technically, but she had tossed it over to you one night, and it somehow became yours. Now, it smells like the two of you, a mixture of her perfume and your detergent, an unspoken claim neither of you address.

Paige lifts her head slightly, her nose brushing against your jaw. "I should sleep, practice tomorrow."

"Then sleep. No one’s stopping you."

She exhales a quiet laugh before nudging her forehead against yours, her lips just a breath away. "You make it kinda hard when you're this close."

You don’t move, don’t pull back. Instead, you let your fingers trace slow circles against her back, committing the feel of her to memory. "Sounds like a you problem."

Paige hums, her fingers now threading through your hair, her touch slow and deliberate. "You're such a pain."

"And yet, here you are."

She doesn’t argue. Instead, she presses the softest, laziest kiss to the corner of your mouth, a touch so fleeting you almost question if it happened at all. But then she sighs, burrowing into you again, her grip around you tightening like she’s afraid to let go.

Neither of you speak. The silence between you is comfortable, weighted with something neither of you is brave enough to name. For now, it's enough to just exist like this—like two lovesick fools tangled in the sheets, living in a moment that neither of you dares to define.

You’re curled up on the couch, tucked into Paige’s side, your legs draped over hers as the soft glow of the TV flickers in the dimly lit dorm room. A movie plays, some overly romantic love story about a celebrity falling in love with a regular girl. You’re barely paying attention to the plot—too caught up in the way Paige absentmindedly traces her fingers along your arm, her touch featherlight yet electrifying.

This has been your reality for weeks now. Late nights tangled up together, stolen kisses in the quiet of your dorm, whispered words meant for no one else’s ears. No labels. No questions. Just the warmth of her presence and the way she looks at you like you’re the only thing that matters in a world that constantly demands her attention.

Your head rests against her shoulder as you exhale softly, watching the couple on screen navigate their love against the backdrop of fame. There’s a moment of quiet vulnerability between them, the kind that makes you ache for something you can’t quite name. Without thinking, the words slip from your lips.

“I think I’d want something like that… just, you know, a normal life. Something simple. Growing old with someone without the whole world watching.”

You don’t notice the way Paige’s fingers pause against your skin, how her body tenses just slightly before she forces herself to relax. For the first time in a long time, she feels something crack within her—a sharp, undeniable realization settling into her chest like a weight she can’t shake off.

She looks at you. Really looks at you. The way your eyes soften when you talk about the future, the way you absentmindedly play with the hem of your sleeve, so unaware of the silent war raging inside her.

Because she knows.

She knows she can’t give you that.

She knows that no matter how much she wants you—how much she’s grown addicted to your presence, to your laugh, to the way you fit so perfectly against her—she will never be able to give you the quiet, simple life you deserve. Her world is loud, relentless, and unforgiving. It demands too much, takes too much. It’s anything but normal. And you? You deserve normal. You deserve steady, safe, and certain.

Paige swallows the lump in her throat and forces herself to look back at the screen, pretending like your words didn’t just shake her to her core. She wants to tell you, wants to explain why she suddenly feels like running away, why the thought of wanting you so much scares the hell out of her. But she can’t. Because the truth is, she’s a coward.

So instead, she tightens her arm around you, pressing a kiss to your temple, as if that can make up for the words she’ll never say.

And for now, you don’t question it.

The change is subtle at first. Small enough that you don’t think much of it. Paige starts coming home later than usual, her schedule stretching into the night. At first, she tells you it’s just extra practice—Coach is pushing them harder, she says. You don’t question it. You know how serious she is about basketball, and it’s not like she hasn’t stayed late before.

But then, it happens again. And again.

One night, you’re lying in bed, waiting for her like you always do. But tonight, the silence stretches. You check the time. Midnight. You don’t remember the last time she got home this late. You fight to keep your eyes open, but exhaustion takes over before you hear the door.

At some point, you realize you’re falling asleep before she even gets back. The sound of her key in the lock, her bag dropping onto the floor—those little things that used to signal her arrival—aren’t waking you up anymore. You’re already deep in sleep by the time she returns, and when you wake up, she’s already gone again.

You’re not sure when she got back, but her side of the bed is untouched. She must’ve crashed in her own room. Your stomach twists, but you push the thought away.

It’s like you’re moving in opposite directions, barely catching each other in passing. You try not to think too much of it.

Then the weekends change, too. Saturdays used to mean lazy mornings tangled in bed, stealing kisses between half-asleep conversations, making breakfast together even if neither of you knew what you were doing. But now, Paige has plans. You don’t know what kind, exactly—she just says she’s busy. And she doesn’t offer more than that.

“Where are you headed?” you ask one Saturday, sitting in the couch as she throws on a hoodie. The morning sun filters through the blinds, casting patterns across her face, but she doesn’t look at you.

“Just out,” she says vaguely, tying the laces of her sneakers. “Gotta get some things done.”

You wait for her to say more. To give you something. But she doesn’t.

“Okay,” you say quietly, watching as she grabs her phone and tucks it into her pocket.

She hesitates at the door, just for a second. Then she leaves.

You stare at the empty space she left behind, a strange feeling settling in your chest.

It’s nothing, you tell yourself. Nothing at all.

At first, you make excuses for her. Maybe she’s just busy. Maybe the season is taking a toll on her. Maybe she just needs some space. But the doubt seeps in like a slow drip, filling the spaces where certainty used to be.

One evening, you casually ask again, "Are you staying late at the gym again?"

She barely glances up from her phone. "Yeah, something like that."

Something like that.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod, pretending you don’t notice how distant she sounds. Pretending it doesn’t feel like she’s slipping away, one late night at a time.

The dorm, once your shared little world, felt colder. She was distant. Conversations were clipped, forced. The warmth in her voice when she said your name had disappeared, replaced by indifference. The weight of Paige's absence settles heavier with each passing day. The routine you once had—lazy mornings tangled in sheets, whispered jokes before class, her hand instinctively finding yours without a second thought—has become a distant memory. Now, it’s replaced by silence, cold and suffocating, wrapping around the dorm like an unwelcome ghost.

She comes home late. So late that you don’t even wait up anymore, your body giving up before your heart does. Sometimes you hear her, the shuffle of sneakers against the floor, the zip of a duffle bag, the sound of a shower turning on. But you don’t move. You don’t greet her. And she doesn’t greet you either.

Then came the rumors.

At first, you ignored them. It wasn’t uncommon for people to talk about Paige—her popularity, her presence. But the whispers were relentless. They carried weight. The flings were back. You heard about them from passing conversations, from girls giggling about how Paige had been seen with someone new. It wasn’t just one name being thrown around—it was multiple. The stories were different, but the theme was the same.

Paige Bueckers was back to her old ways.

Still, you refused to believe it. Not without proof. Not without her telling you herself.

Then you saw them.

Faint, but there—marks on her neck when she came home late one night, barely acknowledging you before shutting herself in her room. You heard the flirtatious lilt in her voice when she was on the phone. She didn’t even bother lowering her tone anymore, as if she didn’t care if you heard or not.

And yet, she never said a word to you. No explanation. No confrontation. Just distance.

And it hurt.

More than it should have.

One night, when she finally came home, you couldn't take it anymore.

"Paige."

She paused, her hand still on the doorknob to her room. "What?"

"Where have you been?" Your voice comes out small, but the weight behind it is anything but.

Paige doesn't even look at you. "Out."

"Out where?"

A pause. Then, "Does it matter?"

Your chest tightens. "Yeah, it kinda does."

She scoffs, rubbing a hand over her face. "You don’t own me."

That one stings. But you push past it. "I never said I did. But you just... you disappeared. You won’t even look at me anymore."

She stays quiet, jaw clenched.

You shake your head, laughing bitterly. "You know what’s funny? I didn’t believe any of the rumors. I thought, 'No, she would tell me. She wouldn’t do this to me. Not like this.'" Your voice cracks, and you hate yourself for it.

Paige finally looks at you, something unreadable in her eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth," you whisper. "Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me you’re not..." You swallow hard. "That you haven’t just been—been running around with random girls again like none of this meant anything."

Paige’s expression flickers for just a second—guilt, regret, something deeper—but it’s gone just as fast.

She hardens, turns away. "I never promised you anything."

"Are you seeing someone?" Your voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the weight behind your words.

She didn't answer immediately. Just looked back at you, something unreadable flashing in her eyes. "Does it matter?"

It was like a slap to the face. "Does it—" You swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself. "Of course it matters. After everything—"

"We don’t have labels," she interrupted, her tone sharp. "You knew that."

Your stomach twisted. "That’s not the point, Paige. I—" You exhaled shakily. "I don’t care about labels. I care about you. And I don’t understand why you're—why you're doing this."

She clenched her jaw, looking past you instead of at you. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

You feel like the air has been knocked out of your lungs.

She stands, moving toward the bathroom, signaling that the conversation is over. But you can’t let it end like this. Not like this.

"Was any of it real?" The words come out choked, barely above a whisper.

Paige freezes in the doorway. Her back is to you, but you see the way her shoulders rise and fall, the way her fingers twitch at her sides. For a moment, you think she’s going to say something—something that will fix this, something that will bring you back. But she doesn’t.

She walks in. The door shuts behind her.

And you’re left there, sitting in the dark, realizing that maybe—just maybe—you were the only one who thought this was real.

You don't know when it started—this gnawing feeling of inadequacy, of doubt creeping into your bones like a slow-moving poison. Maybe it had been there for a while, festering beneath the surface, waiting for the perfect moment to seep into your thoughts. But now, it consumed you.

It wasn't just Paige's absence anymore. It was everything that came with it.

You tried not to care. You really did. But every time you closed your eyes, you saw her. The way she used to be with you, the way she made you feel like the center of her world, even if you never put a label on it. And then the intrusive thoughts followed.

Were you not good enough?

Had it been nothing to her?

Had you just been another name on a long list, another brief distraction before she moved on to the next?

You started comparing yourself to the girls in the rumors.

Were they prettier?

More exciting?

Was there something you lacked, something you failed to give her?

You wondered if, when she was with them, she thought about you at all. If she even remembered the way she used to hold you close like you were something precious.

It drove you insane, the not knowing. The lingering questions, the way your mind refused to give you peace.

So when the big game came, and the victory party followed, you made a decision.

You had to see it for yourself.

Had to put your questions to rest.

Had to stop this stupid, reckless hope that maybe, just maybe, Paige wasn’t doing what everyone said she was doing.

And if the rumors were true… if you saw it with your own eyes…

Then maybe, finally, you could let her go.

The pub is alive with flashing lights and bass-heavy music, the air thick with the scent of alcohol and sweat. Bodies sway, pressed together in an intoxicating rhythm, but your focus is razor-sharp.

You scan the room, heart pounding with a mix of nerves and something more dangerous—something close to dread. Then, like a nightmare brought to life, you see her.

Paige.

Surrounded. Girls draped over her, touching her, laughing, leaning in too close. And she—she’s letting them. Entertaining them. Smirking when one whispers something into her ear, leaning into another’s touch. Paige is in her element, basking in their attention like none of it matters. Like you don’t matter.

And then, as if she feels your eyes burning into her, she looks up.

Your gazes lock. For a moment, time seems to slow, the music a dull thrum in the background. You wait—hope—for something to flicker in her eyes. A sign of guilt, recognition, regret. But there’s nothing.

Paige holds your stare with a stoic expression, unreadable, detached. Like she doesn’t even know you.

A knife to the gut would have hurt less.

You almost crumble right there, almost let the tears spill in front of all these strangers. But pride keeps you standing, keeps you breathing through the ache clawing at your chest. Paige sees the flicker of pain in your eyes, the way your lips part slightly before you force them shut.

But she doesn’t move. Doesn’t react.

You turn away first. If she wants to pretend you don’t exist, then fine. Two can play that game.

You push your way through the crowd toward the bar, ordering the strongest drink they have. You down half of it in one go, desperate to erase the sight of her from your mind. You focus on the burn in your throat, on the blur of people moving around you. Anything but her.

Until someone steps into your space.

“Been watching you all night,” a voice slurs, hot breath brushing against your ear. A guy, taller than you, his grin lazy and overconfident. He leans in, too close, fingers ghosting over your wrist. “You alone?”

Irritation flares in your gut. “Not interested.”

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he coaxes, his grip tightening slightly. “Just one dance, sweetheart.”

Your jaw clenches as you try to yank your arm free. “I said no.”

The guy clicks his tongue, still holding on, still pushing. “You’re real pretty when you’re mad, you know that?”

Before you can shove him away, a new presence cuts in—solid, imposing.

A voice colder than ice. “Let. Go.”

Paige.

The moment Paige stepped between you and the guy, the entire party seemed to pause. The look on her face was murderous, eyes dark and sharp, cutting through the air like a blade. The guy, clearly drunk and emboldened by whatever liquid courage he had consumed, barely registered the threat at first.

"The fuck are you doing?" Paige’s voice was low, dangerous.

The guy scoffs, but there’s a flicker of uncertainty in his expression. “Relax, I was just talking to her.”

Paige doesn’t blink. “You were harassing her.”

“It’s not that serious—”

“Try touching her again,” Paige interrupts, voice quiet but deadly. “See what happens.”

The guy falters. Paige doesn’t break eye contact, her entire stance daring him to make another move. Finally, with a muttered curse, the guy raises his hands in surrender and disappears into the crowd.

Silence lingers between you. The pub moves on as if nothing happened, but everything inside you is trembling. Paige’s gaze shifts from where the guy disappeared to you, and suddenly, all that ice and fury is directed your way.

You took a sharp breath, shaking off the momentary shock. "I don’t need you to save me."

Paige finally turned to you, expression unreadable. "Then what the fuck are you doing here?" she shot back.

Your stomach twisted. "What the fuck am I doing here?" you echoed, incredulous, feeling something snap inside you. "Are you serious right now?"

Paige exhaled through her nose, as if already tired of this conversation. "You don’t belong in places like this."

That set you off. "Oh, but you do? Right. Because this is your scene, isn’t it? You and your little… fan club."

Something flickered in Paige’s eyes, but she didn’t react the way you wanted her to. She just tilted her head, crossing her arms. "I don’t know what you want from me."

"I want to know what the hell happened!" Your voice cracked despite your best efforts to keep it steady. "I want to know what I did wrong, why you suddenly started acting like I don’t exist, why I had to hear about your flings from random people instead of from you! Why you keep pushing me away like I was nothing!"

Paige’s expression hardened. "I never promised you anything."

Your breath caught in your throat.

The words landed like a physical blow.

She had never said those words before. She had never needed to.

"Wow." Your voice was hollow now, the anger drained and replaced by something far more devastating. "So that’s it, then? You don’t give a shit about me?"

Paige exhaled sharply, running a hand through her hair. "I—"

"Paige, what the fuck?" Another voice cut in, and suddenly, Azzi was stepping between the two of you, eyes flicking from your devastated expression to Paige’s clenched jaw. "What the hell is going on here?"

KK was standing a few feet away too, watching with a disapproving look that made Paige’s shoulders tense.

You swallowed down the lump in your throat, forcing yourself to laugh, though it sounded broken. "Nothing. There’s nothing going on. Right, Paige?" You turned to her, daring her to correct you.

She didn’t.

KK didn’t wait for Paige to answer before grabbing your wrist and gently tugging you away. "C’mon, let’s get you home."

You didn’t resist. You couldn’t.

The last thing you saw before turning away was Paige, standing there, watching you leave with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher. But it didn’t matter anymore.

That night, you vented everything to KK, voice cracking as you let out weeks’ worth of bottled-up emotions. She didn’t say much, just listened, holding you when your body shook from trying to suppress your sobs.

When sleep finally came, it wasn’t peaceful. It was heavy and suffocating, filled with the weight of unspoken words and all the things you wished you never felt for Paige Bueckers.

KK went back to the pub. She had seen Paige in all kinds of moods—pissed, cocky, exhausted, even heartbreakingly vulnerable—but this? This was different.

She watched as Paige stood at the bar, gripping her drink like it was the only thing tethering her to the ground. Her jaw clenched, her eyes dark with something that wasn’t quite anger but wasn’t anything good either. Azzi stood beside her, arms crossed, waiting for an answer.

“What the hell was that?” Azzi demanded. “That was low, even for you.”

Paige didn't respond at first. She just stared at the rim of her glass, like the whiskey swirling inside could somehow answer for her. Azzi sighed in frustration, shaking her head.

“We actually thought you were getting better these past weeks,” Azzi said, her voice quieter, like she was still trying to understand. “We thought maybe it had something to do with her. And then you pull this? You acted like she was nothing to you.”

That finally got Paige to react. Her grip on the glass tightened. Her head dropped for a second, her expression unreadable, and then she did something neither of them expected—she asked, voice rough and hesitant, “Did she cry?”

KK and Azzi froze.

KK recovered first, eyes narrowing. “Why do you care?”

Paige let out a slow exhale, tilting her head back as if trying to keep something from spilling out. “Just tell me.”

KK hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah, she did.”

Something flickered in Paige’s expression—guilt, pain, regret. It was all there for just a second before she forced herself back into that indifferent mask she’d perfected over the years. But KK and Azzi had known her too long, had seen too much. They weren’t fooled.

Azzi shook her head in disbelief. “Paige, what are you doing?”

Paige swallowed hard, still not looking at them. “Making her stay away.”

Azzi scoffed. “That’s bullshit. You want her. You need her. We all see it.”

Paige let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Wanting something doesn’t mean you should have it.”

KK frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Paige finally turned to them, her blue eyes clouded with something heavier than she could put into words. “I heard her that night. We were just watching some random movie, and she said it. Just like that. This little comment about wanting a normal life, growing old with someone without all the chaos. She didn’t even know I was looking at her.” Paige let out a harsh breath, shaking her head. “And that’s when I knew.”

Azzi watched her carefully. “Knew what?”

Paige’s jaw clenched. “That I can never give her that. My life isn’t normal. It never will be. I’m about to enter the draft soon. Everything is only going to get more complicated from here. I’ll be traveling nonstop, constantly in the public eye, surrounded by people who only want a piece of me. She deserves more than that. More than me.”

KK and Azzi exchanged a look. For the first time, they saw past Paige’s usual walls, past the cocky bravado and recklessness. This wasn’t just Paige running away because she was scared. This was Paige believing she wasn’t enough, that she would ruin something good before it even had the chance to become something real.

Azzi’s voice was softer this time. “Then why don't you explain it to her?”

Paige hesitated, then nodded. “I don’t do explanations. And she’ll end up hating me anyway if she sticks around long enough.” She exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand down her face. “It’s better this way.”

KK’s voice softened. “Is it?”

Paige clenched her jaw. “It has to be.”

Azzi shook her head. “The sad thing is, you might actually be right. If you can’t give her what she wants, maybe she is better off.”

Paige flinched, like the words physically hurt her, but she nodded anyway. “Yeah.” Her voice was hoarse. “That’s what I keep telling myself.”

KK studied her for a long moment, then sighed. “Then why does it look like it’s killing you?”

Paige didn’t answer. She just finished her drink and signaled the bartender for another.

The morning after the disastrous night at the pub, you wake up feeling like you barely slept at all. Your head is heavy, your chest is worse, and the sting of last night still lingers like an open wound. But nothing could have prepared you for what you see when you check your email.

Subject: Housing Reassignment Notice

Your stomach drops before you even open it. Hands trembling, you click on the message, scanning the words that don’t make sense.

You have been reassigned to your original dormitory, effective immediately. Please visit the housing office to complete the transition process.

What the hell?

You stare at the screen, blinking rapidly. That—That can’t be right. You never requested a reassignment. You love your dorm. Sure, the past few weeks have been rough, but that doesn’t mean you wanted to move. Frantic, you click ‘Reply’ and type out a message, your fingers shaking over the keyboard.

“This must be a mistake. I never requested a reassignment. Can you confirm why this is happening? Did someone transfer out?”

You hit send, heart pounding in your chest. A response comes back almost immediately, making you flinch.

“The request was made by Paige Bueckers. Given the nature of the request, the housing office approved the change.”

Your breath catches. Your entire body goes cold.

Paige.

You read the words over and over again, but they don’t change. Paige requested this. Paige went out of her way to make sure you were removed from the dorm you shared.

A sick feeling twists in your stomach. Your heart clenches painfully in your chest.

What the hell is going on?

You knew she had been distant. You knew she had been cold, cruel even. But this? This is something else. This isn’t just pushing you away—this is cutting you out completely. And you don’t even know why.

Tears burn in your eyes as the full weight of it crashes down on you. After everything—after all the nights spent in quiet, unspoken tension, after all the moments you thought maybe, just maybe, she felt something too—this is how it ends?

It’s like last night wasn’t enough. Like humiliating you in front of everyone wasn’t enough. Now she wants to erase you completely. And the worst part is, you have no idea why.

You don’t know what you did to make Paige Bueckers hate you so much.

And that’s what hurts the most.

That evening, Paige finally came home from practice, sweat still clinging to her skin, exhaustion in the way she carried herself. But when she saw you standing there, arms crossed, waiting for her, something shifted in her expression.

She knew what was coming.

“You really went out of your way to kick me out, huh?” you asked, voice sharp.

Paige barely reacted. She set her bag down and exhaled. “It’s for the best.”

“For the best?” you echoed, stepping closer. “For who, Paige? Because it sure as hell isn’t for me.”

Paige ran a hand through her damp hair, looking anywhere but at you. “You’ll be fine. You’ll move on. It’s better this way.”

“Better how?” Your voice cracked. “You won’t even explain anything! One second, we were—” You stopped yourself before you said something you couldn’t take back. “And then suddenly, you’re treating me like a complete stranger. Like I don’t exist.”

Paige’s jaw clenched. “That’s exactly why you need to go.”

Your stomach twisted at her words. “Why?” you asked, softer this time. “What did I do to make you act like this?”

Paige sighed heavily, shaking her head. “You didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.”

You frowned. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

Paige finally looked at you, and for a fleeting second, there was something raw in her expression. Something vulnerable. But then it was gone, replaced by that same cold, indifferent mask she’d been wearing for weeks.

“This conversation is over,” she muttered before turning toward her room.

You watched her disappear behind the door, the sound of it closing like the final nail in the coffin.

Something inside you snapped.

You stormed into your room and grabbed your suitcase, throwing your belongings inside with reckless urgency. You refused to cry. You refused to let her have that power over you. If Paige wanted you gone, then fine—you wouldn’t waste another second in a place where you weren’t wanted.

You just needed to get through one last night.

You left your packed bag by the door and walked to the kitchen for a bottle of water. As you twisted off the cap, a loud crash came from Paige’s room.

You froze.

Then another bang. A thud. Something heavy slamming against the wall. Like she's wreaking havoc inside her room.

Your heart pounded, and for a moment, you thought about checking on her. But then you hesitated. Maybe she was just rearranging things. Or maybe it was one of her late-night hookups. Maybe it was nothing.

You clenched your jaw and forced yourself to walk away.

Whatever it was, it didn’t concern you anymore.

Tomorrow morning, you would be gone. And this time, you wouldn’t look back.

You barely slept that night. Every time you drifted off, something pulled you back awake—the weight of knowing it was your last night here, the anger simmering in your chest, the hollow ache of something you couldn’t name.

And the shadow.

It would appear outside your door, a dark silhouette cast against the dim hallway light. You knew exactly who it was. You didn’t have to open the door to confirm it. Paige.

She never knocked. Never said a word. Just stood there for a few minutes before walking away, only to return an hour or two later. Like she was stuck in some endless loop, pacing outside your door, restless, conflicted, but never stepping inside.

You refused to acknowledge it. You were done with her games, done trying to figure out what the hell went on in that head of hers. If she had something to say, she should have said it. But no—Paige only knew how to push and pull, to keep you close enough to feel but far enough to never hold. And you were tired. Exhausted, really.

By morning, you didn’t even bother checking if she was there. You packed up the last of your things, took a final look around the dorm that had been more of a battlefield than a home, and left.

Paige wasn’t in sight. Maybe she was sleeping soundly, unconcerned, unaffected. Must be nice.

You scoffed to yourself, shaking your head as you stepped out into the cold morning air. No hesitation, no second-guessing. You weren’t looking back. You had a new dorm, a new start.

And this time, Paige Bueckers wouldn’t be a part of it.

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sevsgiirl · 1 day ago

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— sevika being needy when you’re mad at her

synopsis: sevika has very good self control, and she doesn’t usually cave in to most situations that bother her, but you giving her the silent treatment? well, that’s a whole different story.

note: this is just another sevika drabble because I can’t get the thought of her being needy out of my head.

sevika is straightforward. she doesn’t have the time nor patience when it comes to silent treatment, if she has a problem with someone she goes out of her way to tell them without sugarcoating it. romantic partners included.

there are perks to it but there is definitely a downside as well because oftentimes she can be too blunt for her own good.

you know she doesn’t mean it when she accidentally hurts your feelings or says something that catches you off guard, but then again you’re still human. so whenever you two end up disagreeing with each other, you try to be as understanding of her perspective as much as possible. but sometimes it doesn’t always work.

“where are you going?” she asked you late one night when she catches you dolling yourself up in your bedroom.

you spared her a glance from your cracked vanity mirror before rummaging through your makeup bag “I’m gonna go to the bar just to meet up with some friends. I’ll probably be back in two hours.”

you were expecting her to agree because you barely go out anyways. sevika could be a bit jealous and possessive but if there is one thing she isn’t, it’s controlling.

that’s why you were taken aback when you catch sight of her shaking her head on the mirror, a scowl on her face “no.”

you were quiet for a moment before you swiveled around to face her.

“excuse me?”

“I said no. it’s late. had you gone out earlier today I wouldn’t have minded but it’s dangerous to go out this time of night and I’m not gonna let you especially when you’re all dressed up like that.” she said.

you honestly couldn’t believe it as you stood up “well, if you’re so worried then you can just come with-“

“it’s a saturday and silco’s been on my ass the entire week. I was hoping we’d use this night to just unwind and stay in.”

you chuckled, a bitter sound “so wait, I can’t go to the last drop because it’s late but you can especially if it’s about work?”

“it’s not about where you’re going, it’s about the time. you can go out tomorrow morning or the afternoon but it’s 9:30 for crying out loud.”

“you’ve got to be kidding me. sev-“

“I’m not arguing with you.” she reprimanded “I mean it. you’re a grown adult and I got into a relationship with a grown adult. so I don’t get why you’re acting like a fucking child.”

perhaps it was the stress of her job getting to her that made her speak that way towards you, but you’d be lying if you said her harsh words didn’t get to you because they did. making your eyes well up but you refused to let her see you cry, instead you just shoved past her and into the bathroom where you took your makeup off and got undressed.

and she was glad you gave into what she wanted… or so she thought.

truth be told, she didn’t think much of what she said because in her mind she was just looking out for you. sure, if she thought about it she might’ve sounded a little harsh but it wasn’t personal. she just tends to be strict especially to those she cares about.

however, she didn’t think you’d take it to heart. that’s why in the following morning when she was cooking breakfast and heard the bedroom door open, she was surprised that instead of walking up to her and giving her a morning kiss like you always do, you aimed directly for the bathroom and slammed the door shut on your way in.

she couldn’t mask her surprise because not only did you ignore her, you didn’t sit down and have breakfast with her first. which is something you always do before showering and heading off to work.

“aren’t you going to eat?” she asked with a frown when she saw that you were already dressed and were about to head out.

without missing a beat, you replied in a dry tone “I’m not hungry,” before walking out of your apartment, again no kiss on her cheek or a goodbye. leaving her standing in the dining room alone, dumbstruck.

she thought you’d snap out of it soon but it only got worse when two days had passed and you still haven’t exchanged at least three sentences with her.

it was just the occasional ‘no’ ‘I’m fine’ and ‘nothing’s wrong’ even though you hadn’t been talking to her through dinners and had your back turned to her when you slept. no cuddling, no kissing, just pure silence.

sevika thought she was about to go crazy.

usually, she wouldn’t give in to this kind of pettiness but there’s only so much of you withholding affection from her that she could take before it started affecting her.

she didn’t even know what she did wrong but if she had to take a guess it was probably when she didn’t let you go out to meet your friends. but come on, really? she was just looking out for you.

but of course, she had to set her pride aside, and so without you expecting it, she cornered you while you were rummaging the fridge trying to find something to eat - not noticing her broad figure looming close behind.

you jumped when a pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around you “what the-“ you begun wiggling out of her hold “sevika, what are you-“

you were silenced when sevika nuzzled her face in the crook of your neck and only tightened her hold on your waist.

“can you please stop ignoring me? I’m sorry, okay? whatever it is I did, I’m sorry.”

it took you a second to process her words but when you did, you just rolled your eyes “you don’t even know what it is that you’re apologizing for.”

“is it because I didn’t let you go out to meet your friends the other night? I’m sorry but I just didn’t want you to go out while it was late. you know I’d never boss you around-“

“sev, it’s not that.” you sighed “it’s about the comment you said afterwards. about me acting like a child?”

she was quiet and you shook your head “it was such a shitty thing to say. I could’ve understood where you were coming from but you know how I hate it when people talk down on me and you’re the last person I expected that from.”

a pang of of guilt shot right through her chest when she realized her mistake, because you were right. perhaps she should’ve been more careful with how she phrased her words because no matter how much you two disagree on certain things, her intention is never to hurt you.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” she placed a soft kiss on your shoulder “you’re right. it’s my fault. I was a dick. maybe it’s because I was stressed but that still isn’t a good reason to have talked to you like that.”

you were about to make a snarky remark when out of nowhere, sevika dropped to her knees in front of you and pulled you forward by your hips. looking up at you with big puppy dog eyes and it was like all your self restraint flew right out the window because here she was, your big strong intimidating girlfriend who’s feared by many, acting needy and desperate for your forgiveness.

“I’ll do whatever it takes, just please stop with the silent treatment.” she said, lifting your shirt up to kiss your tummy and you let out a shuddering breath “please baby, I’m sorry. really I am.”

you bit your lip, taking her jaw in your hand as you examined her face “who would’ve thought you’d be the type to beg?”

she looked down sheepishly and you couldn’t help but laugh, amused.

“but fine,” you said, leaning down to kiss her and you made sure to slip your tongue in, making her groan because this was the first time in three days that you gave her any sort of physical affection.

so she didn’t stop not until you two found it hard to breathe.

you smirked “since you asked so nicely after all.”

#sevika x reader #sevika x you #sevika x y/n #arcane #wlw #lesbian #sapphic #drabble #sevika drabble #dividers by ithemes

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esccpism · 2 days ago

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- let ruin end here [.]

it’s peak hours on the train to grand central. you and sevika share a booth.

cw: younger woman x older woman, strangers to lovers, reader is anywhere from 23+, cunnilingus, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, vaginal fingering, light dom/sub, complicated relationships with parents, reader's mother is passed, reader’s father battles alcoholism, overcoming implied suicidal ideation, undertones of grief

wc: 5.6k

a/n: i think the only thing that feels worse than making bad art is not making art at all. i really want to like this and can't. exposure therapy is posting it anyway! this is loosely edited so i apologize for any errors, and hope you enjoy x

fic inspired by this beautiful artwork by moonie_forever on twitter.

you don’t see her at first.

you’re focused in a frantic sense, eyes raking up and down over heads stuffed in phones or laptops for a leftover space to cram yourself into.

your hunt yields. you snatch the spot immediately, sliding into the last remaining seat in a six-seated booth.

not that you can afford any pickiness, not that you ever can—but it's an aisle seat. it’s maybe the worst for an hour commute. you’re forced to remember this almost instantly, punished by a careless passenger rushing past who pummels your shoulder with their suitcase.

the offense strikes against you like a match and the anger ignites quicker than you can swallow it.

you yelp under your breath, and look up with a painful hiss, ready to send daggers into the back of the offending head and instead your eyes latch onto her.

sitting diagonal from you, her gaze is on you already. there’s nothing in them, nothing you can discern, anyway. her vague curiosity seems to run out as soon as no argument erupts because she settles back into the book cracked open in her hands.

rubbing your shoulder, you try to be quick. strangers have a keen sense of who’s staring.

you don’t want your trip to get any more annoying, but you take a big gulp and sink under: thin rimmed glasses bridge her strong nose, and she’s dressed comfortably, dark hair tucked away behind her, wisps and fly-aways brushing over her eyes. impossibly long legs eagle outwards in the seat, taking up far more space than necessary, and you nearly laugh—the poor old woman next to her is sitting stock upwards, elbows tucked to death—but it fails to be funny for long, seeing how her thighs dwarf the woman entirely and easily.

the rest of her body follows the same pattern. her arms sit broadly. she’s got a pretty shade on her lips, dark as night, and—

you inhale sharply. she’s watching you watch her, again.

her brow lifts.

you fish for the quickest thing you can reach for: smile breezily and nod towards the book in her hands. tell her with a voice that comes out strong and unwavering that you picked it up a few weeks ago, too.

it isn’t a lie. you recognize the title. the sentence, by louise erdrich—it’s sitting on your shelf in your childhood bedroom, and you’d put the book down temporarily as you had done with most things recently in order to keep yourself afloat.

her eyebrow does something new that rustles inside you.

her voice does something worse. it’s low and smooth velvet, and curls around in your stomach when she offers back, “main character’s a bit of an idiot.”

“only at first,” your grin grows, and loses its performance.

“from cocaine transport and body snatching? i would hope so.”

“she was in love,” you shrug, in her defense. “a pretty woman will do that to you.”

her eyes glint, amusement or a ghost of a laugh or something else golden on the horizon, you’re not sure. she asks if you would know. you answer her, oh, yes. intimately.

there's a crease or a dip in the space between you two that fills itself with words, cradles lines like water cupped in the palm of your hands. you spill nothing even in the awkwardness of talking over the shoulders of the passengers beside you, who continue bouncing their feet in irritation. her gaze flickers to them and back to you, mid-breakdown of both of your least favorite writing sins ranked from most hated to satan couldn’t even think of this—something bridging just on amusement pulling at her mouth.

when the man seated in front of her stands to exit at his station you shift over to take his spot.

your knees crowd together and kiss—she asks you if you have enough space to sit comfortably, and you tell her not to move a muscle. her long legs, stretching outwards like a yawn, hold yours inbetween.

₊⊹

you’d gone home that night and, bored, thought of her briefly as the tall buildings flit by. you wonder and then wish you’d asked what she was doing in new york, where the city was taking her, where she was headed.

and then you move on.

wandering is no longer in your best interests. what’s important is what’s right in front of you, and if you let your attention drift for a moment too long it might crawl out from your grip and shatter to the floor.

you fantasize about it, sometimes, in the weak hours of the night. what it might feel like to let it all fall. how your lungs won’t remember what air feels like when it doesn’t burn. what it might mean if you were to stop running.

alcohol hits you first, always. the stench sobers you up.

you lean one hand against the hallway and lift your heel up behind you, slip your flats off and let them clatter to the floor. your dad doesn’t lift his eyes to greet you when you shuffle into the dark.

“hi, daddy,” you murmur, and rest a light hand on his shoulder as you pass.

he starts under your palm, lets his head roll towards you. the T.V. paints his face blue.

“hi, princess,” his voice scratches on the way out. he shifts, and a bottle rolls out of his lap and clatters onto the floor. you sink to pick it up, gathering another three with you. he grunts, rubbing his drooping eyes torturously slow, working the words out of his mouth. “how was your—uh…your internship?”

you let the bottles rest on the counter. there are about a dozen others there too, your eyes coast over them tiredly. tomorrow, you tell yourself. you said so yesterday, too, but you think you mean it this time. you’ll clear them out tomorrow.

you have nothing left, tonight.

you tell him to remember to turn the television off when he’s done, and after a long, dripping silence he makes a vague noise in his throat in response.

the house is dying.

there’s no pretty way around it, no way to clean the sentiment up. the house is dying. and it took your mother first, one quiet night, under the illusive cover of sleep. your father had first begged despairingly for it to give her back and then resolved to go in after her.

the pile of empty bottles on the kitchen table counts down the days. they increase steadily, creating an ominous figure in the dark, and you glance past them everytime you twist your keys through the lock.

the house is dying. your father wants to die with it, and you know greed when you see it—the floorboards shift and groan under your socks, just biding its time to give way and swallow you whole. it will come after him soon. he won’t have to wait long.

yet no matter how far you go, you can’t shake the feeling sinking its nails into you, trailing inside your shadow. the house is dying. you know that once it takes your father you will be next.

it’s what the city does for you. and you've considered moving countless nights, wrapped in your rainbow zebra print blanket, the one your mother gifted you when you were thirteen and the world was so big it burned.

the city cannot love you back, and so you stand to lose nothing from throwing yourself into its aching maw. you stare at the cars beneath you on the commute with a child weeping in the seat beside and a mother tiredly shushing it, and swallow down the bile that bubbles. stalk through grand central with tall boots that mouth at your knees or heels that make just a bit too much noise because you eat moments that make you feel alive, keep yourself full to keep from reaching for emptiness in worse places.

you’ll take the local to soho, man the shop while your boss goes off to do god-knows-what for hours and wander for a few blocks after your shift is up. you’ll head down to greenwich to sit at the park and catch your breath for a moment and leave before you can let empathy crawl between your tired bones and make you too vulnerable. it shows, sometimes, when you care too much. you avert your eyes from a homeless woman on the bench diagonal from you and bury the feeling away.

bum a smoke from a stranger at a bar or book a table at a restaurant for one, it doesn’t matter. come home around midnight and leave again before the sun. if the plan keeps you on your feet then it’s a good one.

but then there was her.

and wandering won’t do you any good—the snag she clipped in your routine was barely a blip and still her smile sears behind your eyelids, burning everytime you squeeze them shut.

she was funnier than you’d expect of her. though she’d seemed at first confused and then entertained by your giggling—her humor was a bit dry, and her face far too expressive for her own good. you’ve never seen eyebrows that moved so much.

you had forgotten what laughter tasted like.

you flip your phone shut, and slide it onto your desk. sink into your comforter. right foot first, then left. sleep seeps into you near instantly and you try not to flinch away, feeling its cold fingers slide down your eyelids. it stills you like death, every night like a ritual.

drowsiness renders you helpless. it helps.

you dream of your mother and her cradling hands—of big things, of running away, of flying.

₊⊹

the eight a.m. peak hours aren't even the worst it gets, and still you only manage to sink into another six seat booth, in the aisle space next to an elderly lady who gives you a weary look before shifting so your legs don’t touch, and returning to her mobile game.

her high score is shit when you steal a peek over, and you immediately feel a bit better.

flipping your bag, brown leather and well-loved, you tuck a hand inside and pull out your phone. eyes flickering across the screen, lifting to check the time—

there she is.

the words leap from you before you can catch them and smooth out the wrinkles,

oh—.

you!

it paints itself like a holy declaration, bright and a bit too loud. your seat mates and those across the aisle, as well as the woman who fills your chest up when her eyes lift over her lens to meet yours, all shift in unison. the world, the blue sky, all rushes out, all crashes back in.

the conductor enters the car with a woosh and clatter behind you, calls out reminding the lot of you to have all tickets ready, and you ignore it. to your every elation she does too.

not quite a smile, but something catches her lip a little, and a huff sounds through her nose.

“hey, you. long time no see.”

₊⊹

her name is sevika, and your schedules align more than is normal.

each time it's the same train car, the fifth one from the back—and if you can’t make it you just jump train cars until you spot her dark, fluffy hair from over the seats. she has the same book cracked open each time you wrestle into the booth.

her greetings tend to not be greetings. she peers at you and receives whatever it is you’ve brought to her to chat about. sometimes it’s more pet peeves, other times it book recommendations, and she begs you to slow down with those, or a video that had made you laugh so hard you spit that she watches blankly and tells you she doesn’t get it. you’d gotten her only once, though, caught her lip flicker, pull to a smirk—your own breath locks and then you pocket it for later. only the political memes make her crack.

her outfits change erratically, too, and you think the first day must have been a fluke. you ask her how she does it so early in the morning, all the belts and straps and buckles, and then kick her when she says with a small grin that she’s got a lot of practice.

she nods in greeting, once, when you come to fit in the spot before her. her legs are always spread out wide and yours tuck together, inbetween.

it’s all you spend the weekends doing, now, gathering what to take with you to monday. you’re forgetting the bottles on the counter. you’re forgetting to tell your father to turn off the T.V.. the world moves in slow motion, everything moves in slow motion. even your dreams sludge through your sleep like a child running through snow.

some horrific mornings every seat in the booth is already taken.

her gunpowder eyes will occasionally flit over to where you sit a row down, mirth brimming inside at your cross expression and your crossed legs. some days you bring two cups of coffee. and she surprises you—she enjoys hers sweet. she takes it bitter the first time, feeling sorry to force you to drink it, and you watch her stain your thermal jug with dark lipstick over the rim of your drink.

you both fall together like rainfall in june. your legs are forgetting what it feels like to be rid of oxygen, to burn and repair in order to burn. your muscles don’t ache when you sit, sevika makes sure. asks if there’s enough room for you. spreads out like open arms.

her progress in the book is slow. and you learn that she’s sort of cute when she gets defensive.

her cheeks puff out and her brow creases and you wish you could tip forward and sink into her and disappear inside it. she tells you she’s really busy, you know, and her time on the commute is really the only time she gets to herself where she isn’t sleeping.

sevika pauses then. looks at you thoughtfully.

“well. not so much anymore,” she says. “i guess now there’s you.”

but the next morning you do see her, she’s a bit further in than she would be at her usual pace—and you scoff, and then laugh, and she leans back and sighs. but watches, softly, as your giggles peel you apart.

₊⊹

for a few days you don’t see her.

you embarrass yourself by walking through every train car, eyes threading over the seat, legs sludging past briefcases and elbows. you know she won’t be in any of them if it isn’t the fifth car and you check anyway. and are proven right.

the remainder of the day is a bit dimmer. you try not to overdo it, you don’t know her, no matter how much you enjoy the chats you share. she doesn’t owe you anything, much less any fore notice of when she might be absent.

she might just be sick or taking a day off. or maybe your eagerness scared her away. or maybe something had happened to her and the universe decided you’d enjoyed enough hope for a lifetime and she was taken from you, too.

your dad doesn’t respond that night, when you greet him—and you nearly crumble right there.

you hold your breath as you shuffle over, your sandals light on the floor boards. coast a hand under his nose, and still the blood pumping in your veins.

his breath whistles against your thumb.

you let your arm fall back down to your thigh. stare fiercely down at him from where he’s curled into himself. smaller than you ever remember.

mother would ask you to save him were she still here, because that’s the kind of person she was. and it wouldn’t be a request, it would be your duty. she’d drape it around you like a badge, let go, and watch the weight of the metal pin you to the earth.

his death means your death. and maybe that shouldn’t be it—maybe you should simply love him, and let that be reason enough.

and your mother, she wouldn’t forgive you for failing. but she would understand.

you draw away. click off the T.V., set down the remote in his palm, and then turn on your heel.

₊⊹

sevika is there the next morning.

this time her eyes catch yours first, already staring before you find her.

you stall momentarily, caught like a deer. the passenger behind you steps on your heel and you both mutter half hearted apologies as you slide towards the booth.

it’s hard and inconvenient to get around the other passengers but you shuffle over them despite their evident discontent. you aren’t paying attention to them. sevika takes your arm and helps you over—her grip warms you from the point of contact, inching outward and webbing down your insides.

her eyes are careful and steady on yours the whole way down, and your bare legs scrape her thigh. she closes them briefly to make space for you.

as you get comfortable—adjust—she lifts the book from her lap.

“i got up to the part where her friend haunts her,” she says in greeting.

“they weren’t friends,” you return. “they were something worse.”

sevika shakes her head—her mouth quirks. “no,” she disagrees. “they were friends. sometimes there’s nothing worse.”

you could think of many worse things, but none of them find you right now. the image of her toothy smile is lodged in your chest like stone, a dull ache. summer glances off her face, when the train emerges from under the tunnel.

she’s all at once and all of a sudden too much. you want to turn and flee in the opposite direction. you want to lower yourself between her jaw and pull her mouth closed around you, let the fangs sink into your skin, like a cheetah licking the meat off a gazelle.

everything falls away. guilt sucks its teeth. you won’t flee, and you know you won’t. no one with this feeling fluttering in their chest and ramming against their ribcage can let death wrap its cold fingers around their arm and remain still.

you know you are forgetting your mother’s face, and your father will wither away and you won’t follow behind him—because you have something else to chase, now, and it’s living and breathing and smiling at you.

truthfully, the thought shudders through you. you’re even losing what her laughter sounded like. her voice when she’d tell you, silly girl. the place you’ll call home is waiting for you to make it. what’s there to fear?

her cradling hands inside your dreams, when she’d grip your wrist and then your face and tell you, the door is always open. go.

sevika is terrible at hiding it, and she tries—but you think she’d missed you too.

she had called the protagonist an idiot but she’s no better, you can see it in the way she stares at you as if to take you inside her mouth. how she tracks your every movement. watches the very saliva slide down your throat.

you think you could make a home out of wherever she’s heading.

you let your legs eagle out. her gaze lingers on the place where your naked knees press into her thighs. your skirt rustles but you don’t mind what she sees. if anything, you welcome her heady gaze, and the hot coals it rakes over your body.

“thought i’d lost our little book club,” you say. it’s so uncasual it trembles in the air between you two.

her dark rimmed glasses slip just a bit down her nose, and she shifts them. keeps her eyes on you.

“is that what this is?”

the question stretches wider than just the book in her lap.

the conductor calls out the transfer at jamaica—you’re meant to stretch out of your seat. sevika watches you cross your legs, watches the new passengers stream in, crowd and fill in the empty space.

a few stragglers jog down the stairs, legs reaching past every other stair. the doors close mercilessly, passing like time. their frustration or disappointment passes across your chest as if it were yours, the familiar, intrusive ache of sympathy. but their story isn’t yours.

sevika closes the book around her fingers.

“i know today’s your day off.”

sevika leans forward, onto her elbow. “and you came to find me anyway?”

“who knew you’d be here? you must really love the morning commute.”

her mouth pulls for a drawn out moment. she tells you she has a second job back on the island, that she would’ve had to commute anyway to come back home—but you interrupt her. because not at this hour.

you know when her second job ends because she told you her schedule back to front when you’d asked about it. offered details about her day-to-to with one pretty smile from you, ran you up and down her routine with her voice calm as the shifting sea. despite accusing you of eventually revealing yourself to be a hitman or something else ridiculous she’d relinquished anyway, admitting well, it’d be a sweet way to die.

you would’ve kissed her then, if you were smart enough.

“you end far too early.” you tell her now. stare, and she stares back. “you should’ve been back hours ago.”

“this is my routine, sweetheart.”

“i’m your routine.” your leg bounces, scrapes and traces hers on its journey. her eyes are damp in the sunlight, kerosene drenched, and they speckle sunspots onto your skin with her intensity.

you wonder if she’ll refuse you.

wonder what you’ll do then, what the train ride back will look like. how you’ll open the text you send your boss. how curt he’ll be with the one he sends back.

but then—inside her incriminating, drawn out silence—you think that maybe she needs direction just as much as you need chaos.

“alright,” she relents. her voice is quiet but her hands aren’t. they flatten along your knee, thumb tracing up and down. fingers nipping just under your skirt, resting there, warming. “but don’t start whining at me when you lose that dream job of yours.”

“i don’t whine.”

sevika retracts and leans back into her seat, as the train rushes forward and thrusts itself into darkness, rumbling underground. the station is four minutes away now, and the conductor’s voice crackles over the speaker.

“we’ll see.”

₊⊹

you’re the compass that points eastward.

sevika stabilizes you with a heavy hand on your waist, but she doesn’t anchor you down to the earth. you float as her heavy boots thud along the cement behind you. moves you out of the way of pedestrians, steps in front when a biker whizzes past.

it’s her apartment you’re both headed to but you’re the one leading.

but her presence weighs, and the velvet of her voice keeps you holding hands with gravity. you tell her your story, and she tells you hers.

she’s a senior consultant, and it’s a demanding job. what she says is that it can be draining. what she means is that she gets paid by big boss men and CEO’s to have someone to blame when things go to shit.

her overnight job is easier on her sore skin. she mans a gas station, and spends the shift exchanging stories with the regulars and insomniacs, and chasing away creeps that come to bother her girls.

got yourself a little community, you say, squeezing her knee, and the comment makes her pause. you watch a few things flit across her face, before she grunts, and settles on one.

…i guess i do.

on the subway her hand rests on your thigh, massaging the flesh near imperceptibly. your legs are crossed and you squeeze after squirming too long—she feels you grinding into the rolling, loose coil of pleasure from the shuddering train and she tuts you under your breath. you nearly lose your common sense, a shaky breath escaping thinly through your nose.

you don’t have to ask why she doesn’t let go of you.

you’ve seen it, anyway—she was always fidgeting, shifting her weight, wrapping fingers around a page, an unlit cigarette, or around your thigh as it bounced anxiously, over and over against her knee.

and in the dark of her apartment in the three hour layover between her different shifts, instead of a book it’s a sparkly rocks glass, or an untouched bottle. the place is neat otherwise, almost clinically clean—empty as if she weren’t it’s habitant. as if no one were.

the drinks, she doesn’t consume them. they sit there, just in case. an assembly that doesn’t speak and company that cannot warm.

you survey it wordlessly and she watches you without offering any explanation or defense.

she takes your silence a way you hadn’t meant it—stoops and begins shuffling things around, but you stop her with a hand on her arm, tugging her back up to her full height.

“there’s time for that,” you say, “later. we have so much time.”

her face flickers—tightens.

there are no tears, no emotional eruption, nothing so melodramatic. but she gathers you into her with the force of an ocean that swallows with a hungry mouth. she tastes how she looks. she moves like something inside is dying, being replaced or beckoned out by something newer, some new life she can only find on your tongue.

you give her everything you’ve got.

it’s not much. you aren’t an answer—you’re empty as a tin can most days. if she minds you can’t tell—she sucks in a breath when you stand naked before her, dripping and squeezing your thighs together.

“come here, sweetheart,” she beckons you closer, patting her thighs.

you’re guided onto her lap by a rough hand, one that squeezes and kneads but doesn’t go searching.

“spread for me.”

you whine lowly. she’s clothed still and her eyes are glued to you and it’s rustling at the sediment in your stomach, the fabric of her pants delicious on your cunt.

she taps your thighs, voice lowering, “spread your legs, baby.”

slowly, you let your knees fall wayside, and the scent of your arousal washes forward immediately. she nudges you backwards, lowering you until your back thumps onto the bed. your hips are peaked in the air towards here, dripping cunt open wide for her to see, and you exhale shakily at the new angle, embarrassment crawling over your skin.

sevika stares, slow and methodical, eyes touching every crease and corner of you as you start squirm under the heat of it, begging her to do something, before your throat caves into itself.

“so restless, baby,” she says, a small smile crawling its way on her face.

you feel like cursing, like clawing at her to move. you don’t realize you’re rolling into nothing until she rests hands on your hips and guides the movement, fingers pressing dents into your skin.

the humiliation couldn't get worse, and your pride withers as you mumble, “are you going to touch me or what?”

“i can’t savor the view?”

“sevika,” you lament, and when she laughs you feel her stomach jump against your thighs. you suck in a breath, wet with want or something bigger, you aren’t sure and won’t reach out for it. it’s enough having her this close. she’s warm every place her skin makes contact with you, the cool surface of her prosthetic fingers rooting you back to earth with every squeeze.

she doesn’t tease for long. her thumbs extends and presses down on you, and all your breath gets trapped in your throat. she rubs your clit softly, tracing little circles, matching the whimpers you make with low hums of her own. you hips lift and roll against her touch, arching off her lap.

“feel good?” she coos. “when i rub your clit like this?”

you try to tell her you need more, but her maddening pace is making your brain muddy and your words slurred and nonsensical. but she’s never needed much from you in order to understand.

sevika’s fingers dips to find where you’re most promising, wet and writhing as she taunts the worst of yourself out of you.

she sinks inside and carves out the cave of your cunt, curling her fingers until your hips arch off her lap. she takes the invitation and readjusts, shifting until she’s supporting your hips in the air, and tucks her face into your thighs. bites and nips and searches the skin, leaves behind proof of herself in little tugs of teeth and wet kisses—and she’ll find nothing inside but your climbing greed, humping her mouth and whining sinfully, begging her to take you for all you’re worth.

she drinks, feverishly. as if your greed were the best thing she’s ever placed on her tongue.

sevika groans inside you, kisses and laps your cunt sweetly. your hand finds her hair, sinking your fingers inside. you tug harshly as her tongue begins to work faster and she makes a low, rough noise in response. her name warbles off your mouth, rolling your hips up off the bed to meet her. her tongue flickers back and forth and up and down, sinking and sucking. your begging begins to sound more like babbling, and her hand comes to rest on your stomach as she drags your body in closer.

you’ve lost comprehension—your mind is hazy and you’re slipping, reaching out for something, just on the horizon.

your thighs clamp around her head when your orgasm whispers against you, swelling tightly—

she murmurs into you, there you go, baby, give it to me, and that completes your search. with her tongue she presses you back into yourself, and you wail outwards as the crash overtakes you, seizes your body and squeezes till you’re shaking and shuddering.

you collapse. your limbs are jelly, twitching at her touch—

and she hasn't pulled away. your body cringes away from her tongue, still gently kissing and rolling your clit.

“sevika, wait,” you pant, as discomfort and pleasure swirl together. “too sensitive.”

“sevika, it’s too…” your head tips back, rolling into her mouth again. she supports your hips with her arms wrapped underneath—rises to peer up at you, the beginnings of a shit-eating grin flitting at the corners of her mouth.

“hmm?” she asks, a question she already has the answer to, as your glistening cunt reaches towards her.

“no, dont—don’t stop.”

“thought it was too sensitive?”

“sev, fuck,” you reach down, leafing fingers through her hair, guiding her back down, “please.”

her lips curl against you—a private smile, just for the two of you, and it guides the pleasure back as she sinks inside.

she takes until you’ve got nothing left to offer. your body is heavy and spent, and when you kiss her and cup her face in your hands she holds your wrist, tender, soothing your back with her thumb.

wrestling her clothes off takes little convincing and a little laughter, and you reach down and let your fingers play at her pants zipper, slip your hand beneath as she watches you, lids low. her brows pull and she intakes a breath when your fingers brush her fuzzy lips, spreading to feel the pool that’s amounted there.

you glide your fingers along her. she just barely ruts forward into your hand, eyes disastrous, grip on your waist tight. “you’re this wet just from getting me off?”

sevika makes a small, breathy noise, and her voice comes out tainted. “what can i say. the sounds you make are something else.”

“‘cause you make me feel good,” you murmur, slipping a finger inside. her eyes flutter shut, lips pressing together, before parting to pant.

“that right?”

“don’t swallow it,” you say, watching her face contort when you pick up your pace, when you slip in another finger. “you sound beautiful. can i hear you, too?”

₊⊹

you pick sevika’s glasses up from her bedside, and push them onto her nose. she asks if you have work tomorrow—promises to walk you there, and you wave her off.

butterscotch invades your senses when you rest your cheek on her chest. it’s all over you, too, she’d scrubbed you down and warned you that you’d smell like it for maybe the next three days. you couldn’t imagine a better predicament if you tried.

“i want to be haunted,” you push the words into the quiet, when her breathing has evened out to a near stalemate. she shifts, the only indication she gives that she’s listening. “i want to tell all the people i’ve ever loved that i hope they haunt me. but i waited too long. they won’t know that i wouldn’t mind.”

“i think they know,” sevika turns her head to peer at you. “you should hear yourself. i think they’re doing a fine job.”

“do you enjoy it? being haunted?”

she’s quiet. her brows lower, she works her mouth.

“sometimes,” she admits, quiet so as to not disturb the unretrievable. “when it gets bad enough it’s like they never left.”

you tip onto your stomach, sprawled across her. reach over and spread her fingers out, slide forward the length of your hand until they seal together. the angle is awkward but the effort is earnest. she’s warm, like a living thing. it’s all that matters.

when her eyes glance upon you, shiny gloss in the dark, you don’t think you’d mind being a compass.

you tug, and point eastward, outside the bedroom. leaving is the first step.

“come.”

the door is always open. go.

“come. let’s go clean up your ghosts.”

you plant your feet on the cold hardwood, right first, shiver against it, resist retreat; and then settle the left. push off the bed, and trust sevika is following behind.

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