koalaquarelle - Tumblr blog

[koalaquarelle]

"I came as soon as you called. "

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through heaven and hell

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still sobbing my eyes out over this scene. dongsik has never been angry at joowon like this—not this raw and real anger. but he's angry now because joowon just nearly ruined his own life to keep dongsik safe, and dongsik is not the sort of person who can stand for such a thing. he'll let joowon go to hell, yes, but not without following him down.

it's like: how dare joowon run off like that and risk his hide for dongsik? how dare he not breathe a word of his plans, leaving dongsik to sniff the trail out on his own through sheer intuition? what would he have done if dongsik hadn't reached him in time, hadn't predicted what he was planning? did joowon know how absolutely terrified dongsik was when he ran off? did he hear the relief in dongsik's "han joowon!" when he finally emerged from the house? did he know dongsik was running through a hundred different scenarios in his head on the way there in which he failed to save joowon from danger, in which he would arrive and find joowon on the ground, choking on his own blood, just like lee sangyeop?

but joowon has never known what it's like to be the object of someone's care, of their worry. of course it wouldn't have crossed his mind that dongsik was scared sick for him, that if anything happened to him it would haunt dongsik for the rest of his days. and now he has to learn, and face dongsik's anger, and understand that he cannot afford to be reckless with his own life, not just because it is his to have and live, but because there are people who will worry themselves gray over him, who wouldn't be able to bear losing him.

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cute little doodles of these four!

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alright sorry to go on a supernatural rant in 2023 but...

it makes me feel insane.

Not to beat a dead horse or anything but like destiel will be it for me. Nothing else will ever compare to it. Like a man is raised by an absent father- a father who demands to be obeyed without question. A father who praises guilt, who tells the man that he is his brother's keeper. That he is responsible for all of his actions and those actions affects on others. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and he must bear it alone.

This man, the one that is single-handedly trying to save himself along with everyone he's ever crossed paths with, fails. He sacrifices himself to save his brother and he dies. He's sent to hell, a land of eternal punishment. 'No less than I deserve' he probably thinks.

But then he is saved. Not because of anything he's done. Not because of a deal he or his brother or his father has made. He is saved by a cosmic being of unfathomable power because of his nature which has been deemed by THEE Abrahamic God as being fundamentally good. The man who has hated himself his whole life for not being enough, not doing enough, is declared to be good.

And he feels guilty as hell. He didn't deserve this. Of those hundreds of people he's helped over the years...one of them...ANY of them is better than him. If he's God's strongest soldier then God is going to lose. He is going to fail God just like he failed his own father.

The man spirals while the heavenly power that saved him watches from afar. The power understands the man. He understands what it's like to hold Father to the highest esteem. He understands what it's like to blindly follow orders, hoping for the best. He also understands that the man has the brightest hope-filled soul he has ever seen.

So the power decides to help, and to do so he breaks away from the rest of heaven's contingency. He grows into his name- Castiel. The shield of God (I am not joking that is what Castiel means), created to protect humanity. AND become a pair with the Michael Sword- the man who believes he is unworthy- DEAN.

Through the years- DECADES- there's ups and downs. Divots and cracks in the Almighty's plans. But nothing they can't handle. They grow close and become more than allies in the fight against ghastly horrors beyond comprehension, they become best friends.

They have wild west movie marathons in the basement room designated as Dean's own "Fortress of Deanitude". They hang out late at night at crappy diners eating crappy pie. They go out cruising the town. They listen to the same music. They play pranks on each other. They learn about and remember each other's interests.

Their relationship grows deeper.

They fight. They lie. They attempt to kill each other. They raise a son together. They try to mentor a daughter. They leave. They come back. They mourn. They celebrate.

Together.

Two beings- one human, one angel- who were alone- whose defining characteristic was who their fathers were- prove that it's possible to break free from predestination, from circumstance. Their love, first as friends, then as something more, is as strong as the force that binds the universe- stronger, even.

And then they die.

Separately. Both convinced that the one thing they've wanted, the unnamed thing they've been fighting for, is the one thing they can't have. Because their fathers said so.

Despite everything, in the end, their fathers won. Dean died on the job he couldn't quit from an accident he couldn't help. Cas died obeying the first and most important commandment his Father gave him- to love and protect humanity.

THAT story is what I will never be able to get over. Not mentioning the gothic Americana aesthetic, the clear Protestant 'for by faith' message, the criticism of hyper-masculinity, the exploration of the 'American Dream'.....

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things I wouldn't believe happened if I hadn't seen them with my own two eyes:

cain implying cas is dean's collette

dean breaking cas out of naomi's mind control

cas' entire confession

dean's s13 widower arc

"I left, but you didn't stop me."

"he was your boyfriend first."

"the stench of that impala is all over your overcoat" or whatever he said

"don't make me lose you too."

dean turning aaron down not because he "doesn't swing that way" but because he's on a "federal investigation."

in fact, dean's entire reaction to aaron hitting on him

dean's disappointment when he found out aaron wasn't actually into him.

dean's siren being a dude and sam not questioning it despite still being under the impression that sirens infect people through sex

destiel divorce arc

dean completely giving up on life whenever cas dies

dean staying in purgatory for an entire year even though he could have left at anytime simply because he didn't want to leave without cas

dean seeing cas everywhere after purgatory just like how sam saw jess everywhere after she died

dean rewriting his memories of purgatory because he couldn't handle the fact that cas willingly chose to leave him and it was easier to believe that he failed cas instead

dean telling cas he's not going to let him die a virgin

"he's in love...with humanity."

cas putting donatello into a coma because he hurt dean

the handprint parallel (and that being jensen's idea)

"you have me confused with the other angel. you know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you?"

"sorry but i'd rather have you, cursed or not."

destiel dressed up as cowboys

"are you going to look at more anime or are strictly into dick now?"

"and how is it that you lost dean? I thought you two were joined at the, you know...everything."

the look on dean's face when he realized jack broke cas out of the empty (and the look bobby gave him in return)

"you're hoping castiel will return to you."

dean canonically being cas' human weakness

dean dropping to his knees and praying to cas while sobbing because he was scared of losing him

dean and crowley having orgies together

the mixtape

dean flirting with a guy through charlie

just the general way dean and cas look at each other and interact with each other like idk what else to say lmao

[koalaquarelle]

Castiel sketches, always a pleasure to draw this angel guy ✏️

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a short comic about the returning angel

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Gabriel and Rowena sketches

It’s actually my first time drawing both of them, certainly not my last !

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 Actual spoilers! Long ago, i saved an awesome gifset. Today i had free time, so I made this. I wish this could happen :P 

[koalaquarelle]

Okay I had this silly little idea and took some time to drew this and do a really not smooth animation, ¡ hope you'll like it!

I still love this episode, I don't know if its really one of the best or if I love it because its the first episode where we see Castiel

Castiel who have a really good introduction in my opinion, like the whole episode building the tension before we see him ? Peeerfect

[koalaquarelle]

I love this drama so much, I want to analyse every scene of it. I find it so cleverly written and edited, plus there’s the perfect balance between tragedy and comedy in it (for me at least)

I’m not sure anyone’s waiting for this, but expect more Psychopath Diary fanarts from me because it’s clearly my new obsession

I’m on my way to watch it for the second time and I ordered the DVD soooo… well

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“And no, Jensen, not in key.”

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love how cas getting a houseplant would be a life altering moment (dean: how are u gonna keep that thing alive if you keep on comin n goin? cas: *squints* then i’ll stay)

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Self indulgent Sammy sketch

It was a quick thing, but I should redo it with some research papers and books behind someday

And I should do the other characters too of course !

[koalaquarelle]

cute little doodles of these four!

[koalaquarelle]

s1 is just. i love you grainy unfocused shots of cemeteries and foggy roads no one travels. i love you john’s journal as a bible. i love you sam driving the impala casually with dean sleeping in the passenger seat. i love you dark motels with neon signs and dusty libraries with huge lore books. i love you side character serving as a mirror to the winchesters. i love you cleaning guns and wounds and sharpening of knives and gas stations and flip phones and laptop stickers. i love you small towns where time stands still with something unknowable and hungry lurking in the shadows. i love you angry psychic kid sam and dean trying his best with a leather jacket too big for him. i love you looming presences of john and mary. i love you homemade and flawed equipment. i love you horror and tragedy and blood. i love you dramatic lighting and silhouettes. i love you folklore and local legends. i love you -