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kodzucloud · 27 days ago

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“You’re Reckless” H. Shinsou x D. Kaminari || Reckless Driving by Lizzy McAlpine

He laid back in bed as the moon continued its journey across the starry sky. He knew he messed up, but what now? he couldn’t exactly fix it. The Lavender eyed boy rolled over in his bed, covered his head with his pillow and sighed, “this wasn’t supposed to happen…” he mumbled, “i shouldn’t have kissed him.”

He and a boy he met a year ago, Kaminari Denki, went on a date— a couple of dates. The first one was a nearby cafe, the second was roller skating, the one after that was a movie, and after that was an at-home movie. More recently, they had gone to a carnival and he kissed him on the ferris wheel like a scene from a movie. It felt unreal. but immediately after that, when Kaminari offered to drive them home, he wasn’t looking at the road much. “Kami, the road. keep your eyes on it.” He chuckled, “Sorry, i just…can't stop looking at you.” the boy said, turning his head to focus on the road, tho it was useless because though his face was towards the road his eyes never actually left the indigo haired boy. thankfully they made it safely but, this… “You're reckless, Denki,” Shinsou nervously chuckled as he relaxed back into the passenger seat. He looked at the blondie and made eye contact. The look in his eyes scared him. He didn’t hear anything he just said, this continuous look of awestruckness was terrifying somehow. “I- I- have to go now, thanks for the drive home.” Shinsou said, unbuckling his seatbelt with shaky hands and fumbled to open the door. He waved goodbye at the boy, who waved back as he backed out. “…god..” he thought, as he held contact with Kaminari til he had to turn. “fuck…fuck fuck!” He almost pulled his hair out- this was a mistake.

He opened his eyes after the flashback ended. his phone went off, and a feeling of dread filled his stomach. Something wasn't right…He rubbed his eyes and looked at his phone, squinting as the light from it blasted in his face.

“Wanna go for a late night drive?”

It was a text from Kaminari. “I shouldn’t agree…” he thought, but he agreed anyway and immediate regret hit him like a car crashing into a wall, or a tree. “Promise me you’ll actually look at the road? i dont wanna be there when you lose control or kill us both.'' Was it rather harsh? yes, but he was desperate to see another day, or breathe the morning air before the sun woke up. The boy promised but still, something felt off.

Shinsou sat shotgun, like he usually did when the two went out, but this time it was different. He couldn’t shake the feeling of overwhelming dread, so to soothe it a bit he got 911 on speed dial just in case. “You know, i dont feel like this…like ever, but when you sit shotgun i feel really safe.” The blonde started, turning onto the endless road they were about to travel. “That’s cute— do you know where we’re going?”

“Of course!” he lied.

He was trying his damned best to calm down, watching Denki take his hands off the wheel and singing the songs he blasted with his whole body. If the lavender eyed boy wasn't frozen in fear he would be dancing along. He knew the songs by heart, but the fear of them crashing washed over him like waves dragging you down when you try to resurface.

“Why not?”

Despite the fact that they were speeding down a darkened road at 180 miles per hour, time felt like it stopped. If Shinsou hadn’t known any better, he would’ve assumed that his heart couldn’t take it anyand gave up on him. Stared that the Blonde who was already looking at him, like a deer in headlights. He could hardly bring himself to speak, hell, he was too scared to shake.

The car swerved around curves in the road wildly, and each time they did Shinsou’s heart sank. “why don’t you slow down when turning, yeah? You’re scaring the shit out of me with how reckless you’re being— Your eyes, Denki!” “Sorry! sorry,” The blonde quickly looked back at the road, “Why are you so scared anyways?” he asked, speed up. Shinsou’s breathing started becoming more unsteady. “We’re going like 180 right now! I'm the one who’s a careful driver but youre not! If we crash, I don't want to be the one to scrape your dead body off the fucking pavement— I can’t save you, Denki!” It was almost suffocating how scared he was. To be honest, he didn't think it was even possible, and though he’s never been in situations like being held at gunpoint or holding on to the edge of a skyscraper that's about to collapse, he thought that this was somehow worse.

“What if I kept driving and we crashed, would you hold me or let me go?” The indigo haired boy couldn’t remember if Denki even blinked.

“I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE THAT KAMINAI! I dont want to love you like that!”Shinsou shouted through the lump logged in his throat, His heart was beating out of his chest and his body trembling as he faced the amber-eyed boy driving. “But I love you like that.” He stated calmly, which was rather infuriating to Shinsou. “Denki, please! I dont want this to happen! I tell you all the time to watch the road and im the only who’s wants to be careful about this-” He pleaded desperately, his eyes stinging he didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t do anything about it— not much anyways. “I- I cant- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE FUCKING ROAD OR IM LETTING THIS GO!” His voice cracked, tears abstracting his view, “WHY?!” Denki retorted

“YOUR GONNA KILL US BOTH IF I-”

Before the fear, and anger could kill him, the crash did.

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kodzucloud · 29 days ago

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“Bad Habits i guess.” S. Todoroki || Habits by Tove Lo

The son of Endeavour, Todoroki Shouto, sat in the ivory tub, eating the takeout he ordered. He couldn’t really call it a “dinner” but he wasn't hungry anyway, so it didn't matter. He got up, and stared at the mirror, His tired, dual coloured eyes stared back at him. It was an off putting look he had about himself but it, in a way, grew on him, just like how the Isolation he grew up with grew on him. It was familiar and he enjoyed it now…well, not all that much. He tossed the box into the trash-can, and freshened up for his outing. Todoroki wasn’t the type to go out, but just like everything else, the routine of it grew on him, and it was just something that he did and after a while, no one questioned him, just gave him looks that looked too concerned to be simple glances. He swished water in his mouth, dispelling the free roaming bits that stayed in his teeth, and ran his hands through his hair, once again gazing at himself through the silver hung lake that reflected his visage.

Normally, his hair was perfectly split down the middle but more recently, it had become more of a chore to keep up with that image, so he stopped. This caught his friends' attention, though to Todoroki, it wasn't a big deal, but they kept looking at him with the same eyes his sister would give him each time they talked about the past, and asking him if he was ok. It was a hard one to answer.

Each time he was asked, Todoroki’s answer would stay the same, surface level answer, “I’m fine.” He was the type to mean exactly what fell from his mouth. He couldn’t say he was doing great, because that would be a lie. He wasn’t doing great and hadn’t been for as far back as his memory could take him. But he wasn’t doing “terrible” either. Terrible was an adjective that suited his adolescent years spent in his house “training” to be a hero which he, just last year, learned wasn't training and was in fact abuse. Part of him probably knew that his dynamic with his father was wrong, but, for whatever reason, he never paid it much attention. The red and white haired boy sighed, and left the bathroom.

The location he was heading to tonight was some club. Of course, he wasn’t legally supposed to be there— but it was just a normal club. “Going by yourself again?” A deep, raspy voice asked. Todoroki knew the voice of the fiery blonde. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed by now? It’s past 8.” He scoffed with an empty smirk plastered on his face. Bakugou Katsuki would have yelled at him for trying to sneak out, but he didn’t, “Just answer my fucking question.”

“Yes…I am.”

“Where are you going?” He asked. Todoroki didn’t want to answer that question. For Christ sake he was going to a club, not some late night concert, which would be a much more excusable answer than what the truth was. “Why do you want to know?” He bit his tongue. He just sounded more suspicious now. He knew that Bakugou was just looking out for him but he didn't want him— or anyone else— to look out for him. He was quite capable of making sure he was fine, besides he’s done this a plethora of times before. He sighed, hoping that the anxious heat rising on the back of his neck would die down but it didnt. “Why do you insist on being so FUCKING difficult? Just answer the damn question, Icy-hot!” Bakugou raised his voice. He was mad now. He was always mad but this anger felt different to Todoroki and he didnt like it. It brought the same cold sweats he would get from nightmares he had of the past, or when he knew he was on the brink of experiencing pain from the hands of his father. Todoroki’s tongue felt too heavy to move, yet he still fought to answer, “A club,” he finally said, his voice low. He heard a heavy sigh, followed by the creaking of the couch releasing weight and Bakugou’s footsteps began to fade into the background. Todoroki turned his head in confusion. He was expecting backlash for his out-of-character behavior but it never came. “Just…be back at an..okay time.”

It had been an hour since he had left Yuuei and only 30 minutes since he'd been in the club dancing with strangers. He remembered the first time he had gone clubbing, the disorienting feel of the music drowning out even the feeling of his heart beating, the dark, yet well lit room he was in, the humidity from many bodies in one vicinity and poor air conditioning. He wasn’t nervous then, and he wasnt now, but it definitely was a feeling he still wasnt used to. Todoroki’s eyes wandered around to the people around him, taking it in as if he would never do this again. He knew he would be back here sooner or later but he wanted the memory. Some he's seen— once or twice before— making out and getting way too heated, some were drinking their hearts out, absorbing the coolness from their drink they knew they wouldn’t get externally. The original whimsy he got from this experience had worn off. His aching feet begged him to stop dancing to which he complied. He snaked through the small crowd gathered before the DJ and made his way to the bar where he usually made the worst decisions of the night.

“What can I get ya?”

“Surprise me.”

He never cared what he got, he just wanted the thrill of actually enjoying himself again, and the quickest way he got that was by intoxicating himself. Of course that would be a horrible look for the son of Endeavor to be caught drinking while underaged. He didn't forget who he was. His usual protocol was to walk to the nearest restroom while hiding his identity, spray colour his hair a basic colour and cover his scar with makeup— a skill he learned from his sister when he was at the peak of his insecurities— and putting in basic coloured contacts. He almost wanted to rest his head on the table and close his eyes to escape to the place he escaped to, but he didn't get that chance. The loud music and chattering of the whole experience cheated him out of that luxury but he knew that would happen so he couldn’t complain. He still complained about it though.

His drink slid across the counter to him. Todoroki handed a card to the bartender, had the card returned to him, and sipped the drink in his hand. The cooling burn he had anticipated didn't let him down and the frisson he’d been wanting was actually happening now. It felt right. It felt good.

He kept drinking. Talk. Sip. Dance. Sip— till his cup and head were empty. Whatever suffocating feeling he had that clouded his life and followed him up to this point was clear and felt damn near like summer. He felt so good, but he also felt risky. Todoroki knew he shouldn’t have drank anything, but he didnt care. He also didn’t care that he couldn’t handle his liquor but that was a problem for him 6 hours in the future to deal with. He didnt feel the crushing pain of numbness and he cherished that

Todoroki Shouto found himself on the small couch in the corner of the club, people jostling him each time they leaned back too far. He was mentally in another dimension though, so he— again— couldn't care less. What he did care about, however, was that the high he was on was becoming marred. Some memories flickered in his mind, and that was enough to ruin his night out. Todoroki pushed off the couch, and aimlessly walked around the club till he found the restrooms.

Being intoxicated always messed with his memory. One second he was standing in a line to use the bathroom, and the next he was in a separate bathroom, throwing up in a tub, his head resting on the side.

It was rare that he would puke— this was only the second time it happened, but in all honesty he was already feeling miserable, so that probably had something to do with it. His mind drifted to when he would have his head in his mother’s lap just like this, her hand threading through his dual-chromatic hair.

Oh how he missed his mother

Tears stealthily escaped his tear ducts, and by the time he noticed, his head was laying in a small pool of it that spilled on either side of the plastic ledge of the tub. This was Usually when he decided to head back. It was about 11 pm now? Time was irrelevant to him at this point of the night, not that he was trying to keep track of it. He turned the faucet to the shower-tub fusion to clear the vomit down the drain. The reject of a pro hero’s son stumbled out of the bathroom and out of the blaring building, where everything was muffled and strangely quiet.

He was lonely

Todoroki knew that he was, but he truly believed that he wasn’t all that lonely or that empty feeling he’d felt for years didn’t bothered him, but just then…it did.

A flurry of emotions swarmed him, and the feeling of a gaping hole in his chest consumed him. Todoroki wanted to curl up on the floor and cry. He was lonely and slowly killing himself with habits his body physically couldn’t properly handle yet. Bad habits were ruining him and he convinced himself that he didn’t care, but he did. He cared the first time he snuck out just to sneak out and he cared when he had his first taste of booze. It was all intentional, yes, but he didn’t want this to be his life and a nagging voice in the back of his mind that always came back around this time, told him that if his mother was here to witness him like this, she would’ve hated him more.

Todoroki wouldn’t blame her though. Ever since she left, and he gained some semblance of confidence to start rebelling against his father, he’d act recklessly to feel something. Of course all things start small, and the first thing he could remember doing was taking one more candy than he was allowed. Aging only caused this to snowball and suddenly he was falling into needing the aid of drinks to feel something, only for that “something” to wear off just about as quickly as it introduced itself. In the end, he found himself feeling arguably worse. If he wasn't indulging his “habits”, he was thinking, thinking meant remembering his mother, and that meant he’d spiral further into the mental hell he was in, and he couldn’t stand that.

Todoroki took an uber back to the Yuuei campus.

The ride back was silent and dreadful. He hadn't thought of it before, but if luck truly wasn't on his side— which it seemed it never was— Aizawa sensei would be waiting for him on the other side of the door with a heap of questions and disapproving glances to throw at him. He was stupid enough to answer Bakugou truthfully, and only the gods knew what kind of hole he had dug himself into. Normally he’d swear silently that he was numb, but tonight was entirely different, because he was, once again, crying.

“I want my mom…”

Shouto watched life zip past him behind the window of the moving vehicle, chin in hand. He was tired, dazed and drunk. A combination he regretted mixing.

Before he realized it, Shouto made it back to Yuuei. He got out of the car, thanked the driver, and walked down the long walk-way to the dorms till he saw the familiar, goliathan building. He assumed the door was locked (which it was), and to avoid setting off an alarm and getting into worse trouble he was probably in for, he texted Bakugou.

“Can you open the front door for me?”

Read at 11:46pm

“Of course.” He sighed.

Todoroki sat down at the doorsteps of the dorm building, waiting for Bakugou— or anyone else if Bakugou was just ignoring him— to open the door for him. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the pillar, letting out another sigh. Every emotion he had bottled and shoved down since the morning was all released in one breathe, and for the 3rd time, he cried. He was usually good at keeping it together, but he couldn’t tonight, and he didn’t have the energy to try and act like he was okay.

Just as he was accepting that he wasn’t as okay as he made himself out to be, the door opened. Todoroki’s tear-filled eyes met another pair of eyes.

It was Katsuki.

“You're crying…”

The top hero’s son crying would be a sight to see, and it was something a red- eyed, blond opened up to on a seemingly normal Thursday night.

“I miss my mom,” Shouto sniffed, “That’s why I went out…— that’s why I'm always out. But all the shit I do won’t bring her back…so I don't know what I'm doing anymore.”

That very well could’ve been the first time Shouto let someone in that close, and if he played his cards the way he usually did, it would be the last. He stared out into the midnight horizon before wiping his tears, and some of the concealer that hid his scar. Sure changing now would be hard, but anything would be better than what he had at the moment. He played himself into an isolating hell because he didn’t know what else to do, and that tactic proved to be well overdue for an update. He had people that obviously cared, so why didn't he let them in?

“Well one thing you could do is get your ass inside,” Bakugou huffed, “We can deal with whatever you got going on in your head after you fucking rest.”

“…yeah…”

#bnha #mha #todoroki shouto #shouto todoroki #angst #todobaku #just a little bit #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki

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