kpopxmalereader

[kpopxmalereader]

 Hug Me | Namjoon

kim namjoon x male!reader

(it’s meant for a male! reader, but it can also be read as gender neutral reader!)

word count - 2.0k+

genre - angst & fluff

warning(s): cursing, arguing, and crying.

summary: namjoon tries to reassure himself that he doesn’t need you and that he’s moved on, but that’s further from the truth. (inspired by sohyang - hug me)

I can’t overcome the sadness in my heart,

Another one of my sleepless nights, I endure it once more,

I really don’t mind the sadness,

It absentmindedly wakes me up again in the morning.

Namjoon groggily woke up at the sound of his alarm. He reached over to silence his phone and laid back down to rub his tired eyes. Recently he’s been unable to sleep, maybe it was the fact that the bed felt empty without you beside him. 

Namjoon let out a sigh and shook his head. 

"I don't need ‘em," Namjoon reassured himself getting up from the bed to get ready for practice.

The injury seems worse than I thought it’d be,

The pain seems to dig in deeper than I thought it would,

In the countless nights, I spent resenting you,

It feels like I’m in hell.

The members weren't dumb, they knew how much this breakup has been affecting Namjoon. Lately, he's been more strict, his rapping and dancing has been getting sloppy, and his motivation for producing is gone. They thought their leader could get through this on his own, but they were wrong and knew they had to step in before it's too late.

Currently, they were all on a break after many long hours of rehearsal and decided that now was a perfect time to talk to Namjoon.

"Joon-hyung?" A voice called out to him.

Namjoon looked up from his phone and saw everyone staring at him.

"What is it Tae?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"We need to talk," Tae said, Namjoon knowing where this conversation was headed.

Namjoon sighed, "There's nothing to talk abo-"

"That's bullshit." Yoongi interrupted."You haven't been the same since you and (Y/N) broke up. You've been nothing but miserable, and while I agree that it's okay to be sad every once in a while, you must be able to move on or get back with together 'cause not only is it affecting both of you, but also the people around you."

Please just stay by my side, please remain here,

Don’t let go of my hand as you’re holding it in yours,

If this takes you a step further away from me,

All I have to do is take a step closer, isn’t it?

The other members couldn't help but agree with what Yoongi said (though he could've been a little nicer).

Namjoon couldn't do anything besides hiding his face in his hands. The others looked at him worriedly wondering how he'll react. They didn't need much time to guess, as his shoulders started shaking slightly and he let out a couple of sniffs.

"B-But how am I s-supposed to face (Y/N) after wh-what I said?" Namjoon cried looking up at his members.

The others stared at their leader with looks of sympathy, some also shedding a few tears. Jungkook stood up and went over to comfort his hyung.

"I think you should try and apologize to (Y/N)," Jungkook said, wiping some tears off of Namjoon's eyes. "They may not forgive you, and if that's the case, you're just gonna have to move on. Remember how you taught me to learn from my mistakes? It's time you do the same."

Namjoon sniffed and let out a little smile, giving Jungkook a quick hug.

"I don't even know where to start," Namjoon whispered.

The members all let out little smiles, "Why don't you start by going to (Y/N)'s apartment and apologize for your stupidity?" Jimin giggled.

Hoseok laughed while slightly pushing Jimin, "Don't be mean Jiminie." He stood up and put a hand out for Namjoon. "Come on. Go and get the love of your life back Joon."

Namjoon smiled softly and grabbed his hand, Hoseok helping him off the floor. "Maybe it's worth a shot?" He thought to himself.

As he was headed towards the door Jin pulled him into a hug, the others joining in on it. " You got this Joon-ah. We believe in you."

A thousand times in a day,

Your face repeatedly appears in my thoughts,

The sharp words you said to me,

Those empty eyes, that cold expression.

As Namjoon exited the BigHit building he couldn't help but think back to the argument he had with you. The horrible memory somehow is still embedded in his head after all these months.

The argument was about not spending enough time together due to Namjoon's busy schedule. You calmly tried to tell him that you wish you could spend more time together and that he shouldn't overwork himself too much.

Due to the amount of stress he'd been dealing with Namjoon quickly got both defensive and aggressive.

"Are you being serious?! If anything we spend too much time together! You can't expect me to drop everything and make time for you! You know that I have more responsibilities as the leader!" He yelled.

He also remembered the voice in the back of his head yelling at him to stop, but he just kept going. He also remembered you trying to get a word in, but he'd cut you off immediately.

The last thing his mind brought up was the thing he regrets the absolute most.

"You know what?! I don't think I can handle being with someone who's so goddamn needy!" He yelled.

The house was silent. Nothing could be heard except Namjoon's angry huffs. The moment he took a look at you he realized how hurtful his words actually were.

Your face held nothing but sorrow.

You were heartbroken.

Namjoon tried to get closer to you to hold you in his arms and apologize, but you took a step back and immediately ran out the door.

" (Y/N) wait! Come back! I didn't mean it!"

You didn't come back though, he wanted someone who wasn't needy? Wish granted.

The following days he tried to contact you, but you had deleted his number and blocked him on all social media. You also had one of your friends go over to his place and collect your belongings.

He tried asking the members and even some of your friends where you were, but the members were clueless and your friends ignored him.

Fortunately, Tae kept close contact with you and eventually found out where you currently lived. After finding out where you lived, Namjoon never once tried to talk to you because he was too afraid that you'll reject him immediately. That is until today.

Before he even knew it, Namjoon had arrived at your apartment complex and was right in front of your door.

You’re quite a pretty person, aren’t you?

You’re quite a pretty person, aren’t you?

Please don’t do this to me.

You know me well enough, don’t you?

Namjoon took a deep breath as he raised his fist and knocked gently. The back of his head kept telling him to just turn around and run away, but he ignored it.

He hears your steps coming towards the door and he mentally prepares himself for the worst.

"Don't tell me you forgot your charger agai-.", you start, but immediately fall silent when you noticed it wasn't your friend.

"Uh, hi", he whispered, waving than putting his hand down.

"Namjoon what are you doing here? Wait, how did you even know where I live?" You asked uneasily.

"Uh, Tae told me where you lived." He answered fiddling with his hands " I was hoping if we could talk? Please?"

"Um...I don't think that's such a good idea. Bye." You replied about to close the door on him, but his foot stops you.

Namjoon looks at you with pleading eyes, "Please? Just gimme five minutes and then I'll leave."

You let out a sigh and slightly nodded, 'Fine, but only five minutes and you're out."

Please just stay by my side, please remain here,

Don’t let go of my hand as you’re holding it in yours,

If this takes you a step further away from me,

All I have to do is take a step closer, isn’t it?

Namjoon smiled slightly as you let him inside your apartment. You close the door and saw him looking around.

"We can talk in the living room.' You said walking further into your apartment.

Namjoon nodded as he took off his shoes and placed them beside the front door. He followed you into the living room where you both sat at opposite ends of the couch.

Both of you sat in silence for a couple of minutes before you spoke up, " You have five minutes starting now."

Namjoon licked his lips before starting, "I'm sorry for all the terrible things I said (Y/N). I regret everything that I've done and for not treating how you should've been treated. I want you back in my life. It might sound cliché, but I changed. I promise you I did."

"Liar!"

I’m not being myself, I don’t have the confidence,

I can’t endure it any longer, the days without you,

What now, what do I do now,

I really don’t know, I’m nothing without you.

Namjoon stared at you shocked not expecting your sudden outburst.

Meanwhile, you couldn't handle the knot in your throat anymore. You let out a painful sob and let tears fall out of your eyes.

"Please don't cry." Namjoon pleaded, getting closer to you trying to wipe your tears away.

"Why shouldn't I?!", You cried, slapping his hand away "I'm tired of all your lies Namjoon! I'm tired of feeling like I'm never good enough! I don't wanna deal with the pain of having to sleep alone in bed every night! I don't wanna deal with 'Sorry babe I fell asleep while trying to finish this track.' or 'Rehearsals running late (Y/N) so I won't be able to make it to dinner tonight.'!"

Please just hug me, hug me even for a while,

Without any words, please just run towards me,

With my lonely and uneasy heart,

I’m still here waiting for you.

Namjoon let your words sink in. He never realized the pain that he put you through and he doesn't know what to say to make you smile. His mind is empty. He's desperately trying to find words, but there are none.

So he wraps his arms around you and brings you to his chest, rubbing your back. You gasped at the sudden action, your sobs coming to a halt.

"L-Let go o-off me Namjoon." You growled but made no effort to push him away.

"But my five minutes aren't even finished yet," He whispered, resting his cheek on top of your head.

He continued rubbing your back as you continued sobbing into his chest.

"I don't wanna talk anymore," You whispered once your sobs had died down.

"We don't need to continue talking if you don't want. There are plenty of other ways to make up." He replied wiping away any remaining tears.

I love you, I love you

I shout it out after saying in this long silence,

It may seem weak and childish, but it’s my true feelings

You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him. After all this time you still yearn for his touch, kisses, his comforting scent, and melodic voice.

You moved your head from his chest, but he still kept his arms wrapped around you.

"Don't do this to me Namjoon, not when I know you're gonna break my heart again." You sniffed looking down.

"I won't hurt you ever again, that's a promise. I love you." He replied sincerely.

You gasped and looked at him in the eyes.

They held that spark that many have said was reserved only for you. You both continued staring at each other in silence, both your hearts racing. You were hoping the universe would give you a sign that this wasn't meant to be, but it never came.

Lastly, you made a wish to the universe that Namjoon wasn't deceiving you, that he will keep his promise and not break your heart. After that was done, you finally gave in.

“Please just hug me...”