kvnyin - Tumblr blog

kvnyin · 3 years

Text

Strangely, In That Moment. . I Still Felt Cold.

Pairing: Felix X M!Reader

Wording: a lot

Genre: Angst Sorta? I think more sad, v sad i dunno

TW: homophobia, internalized homophobia, slight implications of depression and anxiety

song to go with it cause yea: sad

A/N: This bad boy is LONG LONG but i worked rlly hard on it so pls read it throughly loves! If you know where the title is from I love you <3

ps; I no longer have an editor and I suck at grammar, proper wording and correct punctuation sometimes so please bare with me T__T

-------

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m sorry, we’ll meet again I promise.”

“How can you guarantee that?”

“I can’t.”

-------

You woke up to the sun in your eyes, it stung as you focused on the bright orb shining through the window, snow was falling gently outside, coating your town in a blanket of white. After ruffling your hair around and pulling your disorientated shirt down, you got out of bed with a heavy mind.

That stupid dream came up again.

You stood in the middle of your room, your mind was roaming for answers. Blankly looking out of the snow covered window, you heaved a shaky breathe and got dressed for the day.

----

December 5, 2016

It was a really cold day, it was snowing quite a lot. You buried your face in Felix’s scarf, waiting at the usual spot, the Royal Botanic Garden, couples littered the snowy park.

You rocked back and fourth on your feet, checking your phone periodically waiting for a new message, Felix had asked you to meet him suddenly, you didn’t mind though. Ever since winter break happened you haven’t been out as much, this felt nice.

You stood in the cold for what felt like forever, hugging yourself to keep the warmth from seeping out anymore then it already has, looking down to stare at your redden hands.

‘I should’ve brought gloves’

Mid-way through your thought, you felt something warm against your cheek. Slowly turning around to face whatever it was, a peek of blonde caught your eye.

“Felix where have you been? I feel like I’m going to turn into a popsicle.”

You let out a laugh after seeing his face, a line of hot cocoa resting on his top lip.

“How’s my mustache? Took me a while to grow ya know!”

He cracked a goofy smile, handing you the other cup of hot cocoa. You carefully sipped the sweet liquid, it burned your tongue a little but it did help you warm up a bit.

“Why did you call me out today with no explanation?”

“I wanted to hang out with my cute puppy duh.”

“Felix I’m not a dog, we’ve been over this.”

“Aw come on, you’re too serious for your own good. I called you to come shopping with me!”

“Shopping? Why can’t you just do that by yourself?’

“You’re no fun. Besides you came all this way, might as-well tag along with me!”

You rolled your eyes playfully at Felix, but complied with his little request. The rest of the day went by quicker than you expected, time always seemed to pass by faster whenever you were with Felix, no matter the place, it never felt like enough.

You guys went to a bunch of stores, bought things, tried clothes on, and made fun of mannequins. Walking out one of the many stores, something had caught Felix’s eye.

“Hey! Look it’s the new ice-cream shop, we need to go in come on!”

“Felix my wallet is crying right now, I can’t-”

“It’s on me!”

He grabbed your hand, and your heart fluttered. He’s done this ever since elementary school but it always manages to make you go wide-eyed while filling your stomach with butterflies. No matter what your face always flared red. Reluctantly following him into the cute ice-cream shop, you could feel your heart beating out of your ears and chest, that your breathing is heavy with a mix of wandering eyes.

Over the years, you’ve become attached to Felix. He was the one who could touch you and not make you uncomfortable, the one you could laugh your heart out with, the only one you would show your tears to. You would think over the course of more than 10 years, you would’ve told him everything and anything but the fact is, you’ve been hiding one.

It’s difficult to comprehend really, it’s not like you’re ashamed of who you are. No matter how much Felix meant to you, you would never let him decide what kind of person you became.

Though the reason why you’re scared of what’s inside your heart is because it’s forbidden.

We’ve all been taught, or have heard from someone at some place, that loving the same gender as your own is nothing but trouble and disgusting.

That no matter how much you connect with a person, no matter how much you pour sunflowers into their heart, society will never fully accept you as one.

And that’s scary.

Felix never really spoke about anything relating to the LGBTQ+ community, and if you guys had happen to walk past a gay couple all he would do is look ahead, his expression still the same, as-well as his body language; swift and gentle; content.

Though it was a different story when it came to speaking on the topic, you’ve tried to confess to him, drops hints and even went as far as telling his mom. Though before you could finish your confessions the moment Felix heard the word “homosexuality” he would tense at his shoulders, look away in irritation and tell you were being insensitive for bringing it up when it wasn’t your place to.

You shook your head slightly to get rid of the bad thoughts. You were out right now with Felix, you shouldn’t be thinking this way during such a good time. Peeking at Felix, he was grinning ear to ear with little worry in his eyes and beaming with so much light you couldn’t help but let your heart pound loudly.

You have to tell him, one way or another.

“What flavor are you getting? I was planning on getting-”

“Mm, Chocolate.”

You both muttered at the same time.

“You read my mind! Oh my god. . . are you a wizard?”

“Felix, we’ve been friends for more than 10 years. We’ve also have gotten the same ice-cream flavor for more than 10 years.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be surprised!”

You both laughed at each other’s comment and proceeded to find a seat. Eventually Felix laid his eye’s on a little booth by the window, with your hand still interlocked with his.

It was crowded and busy, so of course two boys holding hands caused unwanted attention.

You could see Felix tense at the stares, he quickly let go of your hand and shoved his hand into his hoodie pocket. You felt your heart sink by the lost of contact but still acted as if it didn’t bother you, you had to or else nasty comments would start flooding in if you didn’t.

Sitting down, the tension was gone. By the time you turned to look at Felix, the guy already downed three spoonfuls of his ice-cream, of course you laughed at him while he gave you the 'lost puppy' look.

Then, he cracked the prettiest smile, his eye’s locked with yours.

God if he wasn’t pretty enough, he was even prettier with his golden brown eye’s glowing from the sunlight, his freckles littering his face like the stars alined and that flushed pink blush spreading across his nose.

Without thinking, you leaned in. Your mind was so clouded you didn’t hear Felix screaming at you, not until you felt two hands grasp at your shoulders tightly.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

You sobered up quite quickly after seeing Felix’s face.

He’s never cussed at you before.

And he’s never had such a disgusting look on his face.

Shocked turned into anger in a matter of seconds, you roughly shook off Felix’s hands.

“What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? I like you. God fucking damnit I like you! Never once have you ever considered that have you? I feel like an idiot liking you because you’re all about this ‘we’re only friends’ bullshit!”

Felix immediately back-offed of you, his expression was sunken and grim.

By the time you were done yelling, the whole shop was looking at the both of you, whispers filled the air.

“They’re gay?”

“Oh my god are they dating?”

“What a disappointment.”

“I hope my son never turns out that way, disgusting young boys they are.”

Your eye’s started wandering, scanning the shop. Every eye was on you, and every single word was aimed at you, panic started to set in.

You were so focused on the stares that you hadn’t noticed Felix running out of the shop until you turned your gaze back to him and he was gone.

You sprinted out of the shop, searching every-where for Felix. You ran as fast as you could, tripping over your shoes and every little rock, calling out his name repeatedly over and over again.

You never found him in the span of the hour you searched.

It was already dark out by the time you stopped running, your legs were sore and bruised. You knew he went home, but you hoped he would appear in-front of you, telling you that it was alright to feel like you did, but of course he didn’t.

You fell to your knees in the empty park, snow was falling down on top of your head and shoulders.

You never cried whenever inconveniences happened, and god forbid you to cry in a public area.

You can’t recount the last time you cried, was it weeks ago? Months ago?

It didn’t matter when because you could feel warm tears running down your face. Tears turned into sobs, your hiccups echoed around the park, at that moment you didn’t care if people heard you.

The only thing racing through your mind was Felix, if you had known he would react this way you would’ve never uttered a single word.

You ripped off the scarf, looking down at it with tears in your eyes.

And that’s all you did for hours, on the ground in the bitter cold while snow gently fell onto you.

Holding onto Felix’s scarf, you finally mustered the courage to face the world again and trudged home.

It wasn’t a surprise when you fell ill, it wasn’t a huge shock either that Felix hadn’t talked to you. You didn’t have the energy to message him, and if he had messaged you, you didn’t have the guts to admit that you lost him just yet.

You were bed ridden for a week, and not once did Felix come check up on you, not once did he call to ask how you were. To say the least your mother was concerned when Felix didn’t come over to take care of you like he always would.

“Where is he? He usually would be bickering with me about what to cook you!”

Your mother let out a light-hearted laugh, while you pursed your lips. You hadn’t told your mother what had happened that night, Felix was like her second son and if she had known she would never see him again you didn’t know how she would react.

Ironic enough, his house was next door. Thus explaining where your guy’s relationship stood after the incident.

“I don’t know, he’s probably just busy.”

“That boy is wrapped around your finger! You know he would drop everything for you in an instant if he knew you were sick dear. I vividly remember-”

“Can we not talk about this right now please?”

Her smile slightly drooped.

“Honey, listen. Felix won’t be around for much longer. He’s actually mo-”

“Mom, please.”

She gave you a look of worry. You were quite stubborn when it came to topics you didn’t like talking about, nonetheless she respected your decision.

It was no secret to her that you liked Felix. She’s known about your attraction to guys ever since you entered middle school, but never once did she judge you for it or shamed you for being the way you were.

You were one of the lucky few that had supportive parents, who still looked and smiled at you the same. You played with a stray string on your sweater, your mind was blank yet racing at the same time.

Tired of sulking and being inside, you put on some tennis shoes and made your way outside. There was a van parked in-front of Felix’s house, boxes littered the nearby ground while his father was talking to the driver.

You thought it was odd.

‘He’s going on vacation this late into the break? Why are they bringing so much stuff along if there’s only a week left?’

Felix’s father spotted you and waved, motioning you to come over to him. You reluctantly made your way over, politely bowing to avoid verbally saying your greeting.

“Hey! We haven’t heard from you the past the week, are you alright?”

“I was sick due to being in the cold for too long.”

He made the typical ‘why would you something like that’ dad head shake.

“That doesn’t sound like you at all, Felix didn’t tell us anything that lame brat. I’m glad you recovered well!”

You bitterly smiled at the old man.

‘So this is really it. It’s over. We’re over.’

“Ah! You must be curious to why we have so many boxes right?”

You nodded.

“Man that brat! Well, to answer your question son, we’re currently finishing up packing our things for the move. Felix got accepted into some music program and it requires us to move across the globe, to be honest with you it was last minute and not well planned out but that’s just life.”

You froze in place, you blankly stared at him. You were waiting for an upcoming joke but it never came.

“Did he really not tell you? I swear that guy-”

“Where is he right now?”

You were frantic and in a state of panic.

“Oh, he’s in his room polishing up anything he-”

You didn’t let him finish, sprinting into Felix’s house running up the stairs, you could feel hot tears pooling in your eyes, your lungs burned. You turned the corner and there was Felix, stacking his boxes and luggage with a sorrowful look on his face.

You stood in the blue hallway.

The hallway that you played in with Felix when you were 7, where you would make paper crowns for him while he would pretend to bake you brownies with brown play-doh.

The hallway you cried in when Felix fell ill with a fever and couldn’t play with you when you were 10.

The same god damn hallway where you fell in love with him when he sang to you on the night you lost your pet dog. He sang so sweetly and soft while the moon shined on him. You truly believed he was some sort of angel that you were destined to meet, an angel whom came to rescue you from anything harmful.

Tears were pouring out the more you thought about the memories you had made with him.

You wouldn’t be able to eat his mom’s cooking anymore.

You could no longer come over after school to bake sweets in the kitchen, lie on the couch watching cartoons while Felix acted out the moves, run your fingers over his freckles while he slept soundly on your legs, and you could no longer hear him whisper sweet nothings into your ear while he held you close.

You let your emotions take over, angrily stomping to his door.

Felix looked up in surprise, dropping the small cardboard box in his hands.

“What are you doing here-”

“Why did you invite me out that day?”

“Why are you asking me that now?”

“Answer me.”

You pursued your lips while wiping away your tears.

“I just missed you is all-”

“You knew you were moving that week didn’t you.”

He looked down with guilt.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, you just seemed so happy in that moment and I didn’t want to ruin that.”

You scoffed at the blonde, clenching both of your hands.

“So you thought it was a good idea to take me out when your parents were at home packing to travel across the fucking world while I was left to believe I would see you again after break?”

Felix stayed silent, he had no excuse to why he didn’t tell you sooner.

“You don’t care about my feelings Felix. You always do things your way, not once did you ever consider how it would make me feel.”

“I don’t care? For years I was the one who had to sit through all of your sobs storys about all of these stupid guys who treated you like shit, I was the one who ran on my own two fucking feet from our school to this random guy’s house because you were crying. I was the one who missed out on the biggest music event to come take care of you when your shit ex wouldn’t, and you have the audacity to tell me I don’t care?”

“What the hell does that have to do with any of this Felix.”

He looked at you with anger, his fist was balled up to the point his knuckles turned white. He looked away in frustration before heaving a heavy breathe, he sharply turned back to you.

“I’ve liked you ever since we were kids.”

You stood there awestruck.

“What did you just say?”

Felix was practically steaming at this point, his eyes dead set on yours.

“I’ve liked you ever since were kids. How could I not? We were such a good pair together, one thing lead to another and I just caught feelings alright.”

“You’re lying. You’re only saying all of this because you have a guilty conscious.”

It was like you blinked and you were suddenly in Felix’s arms, his chest was pounding loudly and his breathe was wavering. You tried breaking away but he just wouldn’t budge, you looked up at him and did your heart break.

There he was, embracing you like it was the end of the world while tears rolled down his face. You could tell then he was being sincere with his words, but it still didn’t explain anything. You hugged him back and took in his scent, he smelled of tangerine and mint, your favorite scent in the world.

“I can tell you’re being truthful but it still doesn’t explain why you acted the way you did that day if all of what you’re saying is true.”

You guys maintained eye contact until you asked him that, his gaze slowly shifted to the side and he looked almost guilty. His arms turned loose around you, you broke away from him and just stood there patiently for an answer.

“I’m a guy, and you are too.”

“So? What’s wrong with two guys dating?”

Felix turned to you suddenly, his angry expression reappearing.

“Everything about it is wrong. The world was created so guys would be with girls, it’s morally wrong to even think about you in any other way than a brother.”

You didn’t understand where this was all coming from, love is love?

“Felix what are you trying to say?”

He took a deep breathe.

“You’re fucking disgusting for liking guys and I feel sick to even be thinking about you this way.”

Your ears started to ring, and without a second thought you bolted out of his room. Slamming in between the railing and wall, you clumsily ran down the stairs, his father gave you a strange look and called something out to you, but you were too panicked to even register what he said.

‘He hates me. He thinks i’m disgusting, Felix out of all people thinks i’m disgusting.’

You wiped away the tears with your sleeves, but they just continued to roll down your face. You barged through the front door of your house and headed straight to your room, you slammed the wooden door shut and dropped to your knees hyperventilating.

The one person that you loved, the one you shared many memories and laughs with thinks you’re disgusting. You let out screams that you never thought was possible. Memories kept running through your head and it began to throb painfully.

It was a blur from there, you don’t remember much but another week had passed and still no answer.

One early morning, unbeknownst to you, it was the day Felix was leaving. You woke up late that night, your mom gently knocked on your door with a sad smile.

“Hi there sleepyhead, I’m guessing the goodbye made you sleepy.”

You looked at her confused.

“What goodbye?”

She looked at you and her face dropped.

“Oh honey..”

“What is it? Why do you look so concerned?”

She shook her head gently.

“Felix left not too long ago to catch his flight, I thought you happened to meet him before he left.”

Your eyes widened, you rushed to get out of bed, ran pass your mom and out of your house bare-footed. The cold snow stung at your feet but you didn’t care, you stopped in-front of his house. Your breathe heavy, all of the lights were out and the only thing left was the emptiness of it. You let out a shaky breathe before softly speaking.

“You’re not gone, you wouldn’t leave me like that. I know you wouldn’t.”

Tears started to form again, even though you said it, you weren’t so sure yourself. No one answered back for a while, you don’t know how long you stood there, but it was like time froze and all you could do was move your eyes.

“What are you doing here this late, aren’t you cold? Why are you bare-footed?”

That voice. You whipped your head to the person, and there Felix stood with a concerned look on his face. You didn’t think, you just ran to him and hugged him tight like he was going to disappear any minute.

“My mom’s lying right? You’re not really leaving, if you were you wouldn’t be here right now.”

Felix’s scent scorched at your nose, and it made you cry even harder.

He patted your head, and gave your snow-covered hair a kiss, a sigh leaving his lips.

“My parents are currently parked a couple streets down, we forgot some documents to finalize selling the house. After I pick them up, we’re heading straight to the airport. There’s nothing else I can say but I’m sorry.”

You shrunk, and your legs gave out.

“You’re lying. You’re not moving, not after everything we’ve been through. We made a promise remember? Till death do us part, come on Felix I know you wouldn’t abandon me like this.”

It was silent for a while, or a few seconds. Maybe it felt like a while because you knew no matter what you said, time wouldn’t reverse and you were stuck in the present.

Why do good things always end?

His phone started ringing, he picked it up and his facial expression turned grim.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have much time left.”

You tried one final time.

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m sorry, we’ll meet again I promise.”

“How can you guarantee that?”

“I can’t.”

He squeezed you tight against him, brushing your bangs out of your face and planted a kiss on your temple before letting you go, and running into his house, he waved one last time before disappearing into the dark house.

You couldn’t bear to see him leave, so you trudged home. There were no more tears to be shed, you aimlessly walked back into your house and sat on the sofa.

You started to shiver, the cold was finally biting at your skin harshly. Your eyelids felt heavy, after awhile you were soundly asleep. There was a gentle knock at the door, your mother quietly went to open it and there stood Felix holding a pink box.

“He ran away before I could give it to him, do you think you could deliver this to him in the morning?”

He let out a small chuckle and handed your mother the small box before his eyes landed on you fast asleep on the sofa.

“Of course. He’s really going to miss you Felix.”

His chuckle subsided and a sad smile appeared.

“And I’m going to miss him just as much.”

Your mother gave him a pat on his shoulder, tears of her own forming.

“Do you mind if I carry him to bed? He wasn’t wearing any shoes when we met earlier and I’m afraid he might catch a cold again.”

“Oh please do, you know I wouldn’t be able to lift him even if I tried, I’ll go put the box in my room for the time being.”

Felix slowly walked towards you, afraid to wake you from your slumber. Swiftly picking you up without any trouble, he purposely took slow steps so the remaining time he had left with you would last a bit longer.

Disappointedly enough, he was placing you down in your bed in no time.

He kneeled by your bed, examining your face one last time.

“I love you, till we meet again.”

Unknown to him, your mother was well on her way upstairs to give him a parting gift when she saw it.

As she stood by your doorframe silently.

Felix leaned down and gave you a tender kiss.

She darted down the stairs before he caught her, a smile arising on her face.

—

You don’t remember how you got into bed but the next morning, your mother came in with a box. She knew you weren’t in the best mood, so she placed it on the end of your bed.

After a bit, you eventually sat up and spotted the pink box.

With all the strength you had left you stretched forward, grabbed the box and placed it onto your lap. There was a letter, and a stuffed animal, carefully picking up the letter, you opened it and bursted out in tears once more.

“Hey there, I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this, but I can’t leave without telling you. I’m a coward for not being able to say this to you last night when you were with me, but by writing it I hope to get my message across. I’ve been in love with you since we were little kids.

Never once did I have a bad time with you, you were always the star that I aimlessly kept trying to catch when in reality I should’ve realized you were already mine.

At first, I denied that I liked you more than a friend. How could I, a male, love another male romantically? It felt morally wrong, and even now it still does. As time progressed, I slowly started to accept that I saw you more than just my best-friend, I wanted to hold you more intimately and I constantly catched myself staring at your lips. The feeling was foreign and scary, but I knew you liked me back, I’ve known about your feelings these past years but I was ignorant and ignored them for my own sake.

I love you. I hope one day when we meet again, I’ll be able to say it with my chest proudly instead of writing it on this paper. I promise to be a better man when we cross paths again, whether it’s in this lifetime or the next, I’ll finally accept who I am and we’ll be able to be happy together, but for now, this is as much as I can give to you.

I had this bear handmade especially just for you, it has one of my bracelet charms on it. Make sure to not lose it, and to take care good care of the bear. When you get lonely and miss me, I hope you can confide in it about your worries and doubts while I’m gone. I was going to give you this when I went into my house but you were gone once I came out, I hugged it once last time. So when you hold it, it’s like you’ll be holding me.

Funny enough.

As I held the warm bear in my arms.

Strangely, in that moment. . I still felt cold.”

#stray kids #stray kids x male reader #stray kids x stay #straykids felix #straykids fanfic #stray kids x reader #im crying #why is this so sad #why do i do this to myself #torture #stray kidz #felix x reader #skz

143 notes · View notes

kvnyin · 4 years

Text

Mocha Covered Irises

Jeongin

Combo: Jeongin x M!Reader

Wording: 1590

Genre: Teeth Rotting Fluff

Song To Play While Reading: My Love

A/N: I wrote this on a whim, so I’m very sorry if it’s out of character or just too cringey LMAO, remember to listen to the song while reading for the best experience and emotions! anyway much love <3

Editor: Hailey <3

------

It’s been a long day, too long. Today is the anniversary of 2 years of you guys being together, your boyfriend has been gone since morning and you haven’t heard much from him. Although, that could just be your attachment to him talking.

Having nothing better to do, you start cleaning. Underneath the bed, in the living room, wiping the dust off from the tables and tv. Moving onto the bedroom you share with Jeongin, you crack a smile seeing one of his hoodies sprawled on the bed, you would put it on but it’s too small on you. Picking up his black hoodie, you hug it and smell his scent that's on it.

“Ah I miss him already, I wonder when he’s gonna come back.”

----

Ding!

4:00 pm, yang yang:

hyung! I’ll be back in 5 hours :)

4:02 pm

I’ll be waiting :)

delivered

----

Speak of the devil, your smile breaks out so wide your mouth hurts. Hurriedly running to the kitchen to prepare dinner, you nearly face-plant into the wood flooring due to your socks. Shaking your head in embarrassment; imagining if Jeongin had seen it, you make your way to your kitchen gathering everything you need to bake him a small, cute cheesecake.

Cream cheese, eggs, sugar and everything else in a bowl, you prep everything and set the cheesecake in the oven, waiting patiently for it to cook, you begin to get the fruits and chocolate ready. Carefully taking out the cheesecake from the oven, you quickly drizzled the milk chocolate on top, making cute little swirls here and there.

Placing strawberries and oranges on top to make them into a heart , smiling at the work you had just done, you take out the container of whipped cream and proceed to scoop the white fluffy cream into an icing bag, pouring every ounce of your heart into it. Going back to the cake, you hold onto your left wrist to make precise puffs inside the heart. For decorating the outside, you quickly grab the heart sprinkles, placing a generous amount in the small whipped puffs.

Taking a step back, you admire the work you had just done. Smiling sheepishly at the thought of showing Jeongin, you carefully slip the cheesecake into the fridge. Afterwards, you cleaned the kitchen, wiped down the floors and lit candles at the dining table, not forgetting to place the candles around the living room as well as in the bedroom.

You look down at your phone, it was already 8:00PM. You rush to the bedroom, slipping into a simple black turtle-neck, brown plaid slacks, as well a mocha-colored trench coat, and topping it all off with your black dress shoes.

You grab your keys and wallet, walking out of the shared condo, you made sure the door was locked, walking down to the main floor and stepped outside. The cold bites at your face and a gush of white escapes from your lips. Looking up, snow started to fall around the busy city of Seoul. Christmas lights were already lit up and propped around the nearby trees.

‘We need to decorate our condo when Jeongin comes back, I’ll make sure of it’

Smiling at the thought, you got into your car to go receive Jeongin’s gifts. After picking up your desired gifts, you decided to stop by a flower shop to buy a bouquet, only getting the prettiest red roses.

“My, you’re such a young handsome man! Are you getting these for your girlfriend?”

The sweet old lady peered joyfully at the roses.

“Ah no actually, these are for my boyfriend.”

She looked shocked but then smiled sweetly, carefully tying a golden ribbon around the colorful roses

“You young people still surprise me with how sweet you guys are, when my husband and I were young he never bought me roses!”

You laughed along with the lady, reaching into your pocket to pay for the roses

“It’s on the house, don’t worry about the cost.”

You looked up at the lady surprised, giving her a look of ‘are you sure?’

“I’m sure, it’s Christmas season, think of it as a gift from me to you and your boyfriend.”

You smiled wide and thanked the woman, walking out the shop with the gigantic bouquet in your arms. Your final stop would be at the local convenience store to pick up balloons and streamers, and then home.

--------

You arrived home around 8:50PM, with 10 minutes to spare. You quickly threw off your trench coat and started to set everything up. Placing the gifts onto the bed, surrounding them with rose petals, and then running to the kitchen you took out the cheesecake and inserted two small candles into it, small little sparks emitted from them. Taking a deep breath, you dust yourself off, carefully placing the bouquet behind the stacks of books in the living room, after you hid the roses you picked up the cheesecake and held it in the palms of your hand.

Just as you were about to double check everything, you heard the front door open. Quickly turning around, facing your back to the door; as the door closes you hear the voice you’ve been craving to hear all day.

“Hyung! You decorated our place so pretty, it looks so cute.”

“What can I say? Your boyfriend does wonders!”

“Where are you? I have something for you!”

“I’m in the kitchen, love.”

You hear footsteps creeping closer, your heart beats faster with every creak in the floor. Taking a deep breath, you turn around to a surprised Jeongin while surprising yourself.

Both of you burst out laughing.

“Hyung you got a cake too?”

“I made mine, since I know you like my baking. Is that my favorite mocha cake?”

“Of course it is, I know how much you love it. Is that cheesecake? It’s so detailed, you did this all by yourself?”

You nod, putting down the cheesecake on the countertop. Taking the mocha cake from Jeongin, you kiss him gently, closing the space between you two, after you guys part you smile sweetly at him. You look down at the cake and notice writing on it:

“Happy Anniversary Hyung! ♥”

Jeongin couldn’t help but turn his head away from embarrassment, then an idea popped into your head.

“You should go change, after you do we can enjoy these cakes. I’ll go get plates and forks while you’re gone.”

Jeongin quickly sprinted to the bedroom, clearly excited to spend the rest of the night with his beloved. As soon he turned his back to you, you placed down the cake and grabbed the hidden bouquet, not shortly after you heard a gasp arise. You took this as your cue to go the bedroom, you quietly leaned against the door frame, smiling at the sight of your boyfriend.

Before Jeongin took his focus away from the scenery, you got down on one knee, taking the velvet box out from your pocket. Tucking the bouquet into your right arm, one of your hands holding the bottom of the box, while the other on top. Jeongin turned around to call out for you only to see you propped right in-front of him, instantly throwing his hands up to his mouth, he froze in place.

You smiled sweetly at him, your eyes sparkled with the candles scattered around the room.

“Since the day I met you, I’ve never felt anything like this before.

I’ve felt nothing but love whenever I’m with you, whether that’s waking up next to you, going on cute dates late at night, even when we get into fights.

I want no one but you by my side, I don’t care how many fights we get in, how many arguments we have, and no matter how much you complain, I’ll never get tired of your voice.

When you have to leave for weeks due to your schedule, I’ll always wait for you. I don’t care if it’s months or years, I’ll be by your side. Let me spend the rest of my life beside you Jeongin.”

You prepared yourself for what you were about to say.

“Will you marry me?”

Jeongin flew into your arms, knocking out the bouquet, you felt his heart right on top of yours, playing the melody of eternal love. You place down the box, engulfing him into a tight hug, stroking the back of his head, in his shaky but joyful voice he replied

“Yes, yes I’ll marry you. Hyung I love you so much, you don’t even understand.”

You laugh, tapping his head as a signal for Jeongin to lift his head off of your neck. You wipe away all the tears and snot, moving his bangs to kiss his forehead, you guys stayed in that position for a while. After slipping the ring onto Jeongin’s finger, you carried him into the kitchen while he complained that he could walk by himself, you set him onto the countertop, cutting a slice of mocha cake, you placed the cake on top of the plate.

Handing it to him, you got yourself a plate as well, you scrunch your nose in delight at the taste, you guys spent the time talking to each other of the future, how happy you were to be in this very moment, you thanked every lucky star, and in doing so you made one thing clear to him:

“As much as I like mocha cake, I would pick staring into your mocha covered irises over it any day.”

#stray kids #stray kids x stay #stray kids x male reader #male reader #jeongin #straykids jeongin #i.n x reader #i.n #stay #fluff #i love u #stray kids fanfic

71 notes · View notes

kvnyin · 4 years

Text

Sunken Too Deep

Hyunjin

Combo; Hyunjin x M! Reader

Wording: 1,027 words

Genre: Angst

Tag/Warnings: cheating, mild nsfw implied

-----

What does the pain feel like?

It feels like time is ticking slowly,

seamlessly your heart stops for what seems like minutes when it hasn’t stopped at all,

your lungs burn as well as your eyes,

you have a lump in your throat unable to form words.

That is what pain feels like.

-----

5;30 pm

Are you coming home tonight hyunnie?

7;50 pm

we’re really busy right now hyung, from the looks of it i’ll be staying at the dorm tonight :<

7;51 pm

Don’t overwork yourself, and eat a hearty meal! I’ll be waiting for you at home with open arms when you get back tomorrow <3

read

-----

He must be busy tonight. That’s alright, you really couldn’t blame him. He is an idol, after all. An idol who got with a college student with no extraordinary talent; he was much busier than you, with promotions, fan meets, and most importantly his group’s comeback. Even so, you haven’t been seeing him as much anymore, it’s bummy but there’s really not much you could do but be a supportive boyfriend.

Hyunjin arrived home late the next day, around 2 in the morning. He reeked of alcohol and sweat, which was unusual of him, taking in the fact he’s all about everything hygienic. But that didn’t matter, he was home and that was all you could ask for.

“My prince has finally come from his quest, how was it?”

You back hug him only for him to wiggle out of your grasp. It wasn’t aggressive; definitely not gentle either.

“Sorry not right now hyung. I’m a bit tired so I’m gonna go run a bath and then we can talk, is that okay?”

“Uh yeah, sorry go right ahead, I put fresh towels in the cubby so you should be good.”

He said nothing and walked to the bathroom, his silhouette slowly blending in with the dark hallway.

Saying you were shocked would be an understatement. Hyunjin has never been like this before, even on his worst days he would never come near a drop of alcohol, let alone touch it. But here he was covered in the smell of it. He usually comes home and clings to you, whining like a cute puppy, talking about his day or begging for you to cook. You couldn’t forget the look he gave you when he walked in.

It looked.. so grim and dreadful like he wasn’t happy to be home.

You also couldn’t wipe off the hurt look that was plastered on your face.

After he was done with his bath, you were in the kitchen making jjajangmyeon, his favorite dish. Waiting patiently for him to finish, you go on your phone, scrolling through whatever to occupy yourself in the meantime.

Then you came across it.

More so, you came across a recently posted picture of Hyunjin, wearing the same shirt he came back home in, posing with a bunch of guys you’ve never seen before.

“This was posted last night..”

“What was posted last night?”

Hyunjin asked, walking out in your long sleeve companied by white sweatpants.

You looked up at him in confusion. Why was he wearing those clothes when it’s dead hot in summer?

“This picture of you, this was taken 18 hours ago.”

Hyunjin walks over to you, taking your phone in his hands, his eyes immediately widening.

“Where did you get this picture hyung?”

“From your Twitter, where else? Do you not remember posting this?”

Hyunjin goes quiet, looking at the picture without muttering a word.

“Hyunjin. Where were you last night? This doesn’t look to be your dorm.”

The poor boy looks up at you, with the guiltiest look you’ve ever seen.

“Hyung listen I can explain-”

You start feeling irritated.

“What is there to explain? You lied to me saying you were at your dorm for the night. This is a club, not your dorm Hyunjin. I don’t mind you going to these places but this is not like you at all, not even explaining why you’re wearing long sleeves and thick sweatpants in this heat.”

Hyunjin shifted his body to face away from you, your large shirt drooped down a bit from his shoulder, and what you saw knocked the wind out of you.

“What is that on your shoulder..?”

Hyunjin whips around quickly, pulling up the loose shirt in efforts to cover his already exposed shoulder. You quickly grab his wrist, pulling the shirt all the way up, exposing small purple marks on his chest. You look up at a teary-eyed Hyunjin. You let go of his wrist; the look of hurt on your face was bad enough to make him wince, taking a few steps back you shook your head.

“C’mon Hyunjin, if this is one of your pranks, it’s not funny.”

Hyunjin leaps onto you, wrapping his arms around you. The lump in your throat is getting larger by the second, and with Hyunjin so close, you feel like you can’t breathe.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean it, you have to believe me. I’m sorry, I’ll be better, I’ll be the best boyfriend! So, please… whatever you’re thinking, please reconsider it.”

This felt like a dream, like you were in a daze. Your head hurts, your lungs sting, your eyes burn and your mouth feels dry. With whatever energy you had left, you pushed him off, grabbing your keys and leaving the once shared apartment. Walking out, Hyunjin’s sobs subside, allowing you to hear his broken voice say:

“Hyung please don’t leave..”

The once lively home now becomes silent. Hyunjin drags himself to the bedroom you guys had once had silly conversations, deep talks, and intimate moments in. The same bedroom, now faded into an empty, dull room.

Turning on the lights, he spots a box. On top was a little note; picking up the note his sobs became louder.

“Happy Anniversary my prince! Four years and going strong, nothing compares to being with you, I will forever be in love with you, I know you don’t like sappy things but I can’t express how much I love you!

I’ve Truly,

Sunken Too Deep.”

-----

Editor; Hailey :>

a/n; heya! I’m new to tumblr, shout out to the owner for this awesome theme I’m using! This is blog is going to mainly be skz, I love them sm, besides the point I want to make this blog dedicated to male readers since I know there aren’t a lot of those out there! Please welcome me lovingly I’m scared of public things like this haha, this is my first time writing something like this so please give me kind criticism please ;;

#stray kids #mxm #stray kids x male reader #im new #pls be gentle #im scared of posting this #im scaaaared #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #stray kidz #stray kids hyunjin

84 notes · View notes