kywaslost - Tumblr blog

[kywaslost]

Of every work I've written, what would yall like to see a part 2 of?

[kywaslost]

Pov you want to write one singular fanfic just to discover every piece of writing you've done since you were 11/12 has been deleted... along with your list of inspiration prompts :/

[kywaslost]

i had a nightmare, so naturally i wrote about some related to it lmao

My Pleasure | BFF!Levi Fluff

✧ word count ➼ > 950 ✧ notes ➼ fluff, bff!levi ✧ cw: mentions of gaslighting, mentions of invalidation

The breeze was pretty significant with how high up you were. If you looked under you, you could see the night lights. You weren't on that tall of a building, but it was high up enough that you were hidden from prying eyes. Your legs dangled off the edge of the building as you stared off into the distance, doing what little you could to regulate your mood.

Although your head was swirling with chaos, you wore a blank expression on your face. Your eyes seemed empty, and you had been masking for so long that it seemed like second nature at this point.

You didn't even remember what you were upset about, but all you remembered was that you were with your group of friends and had gotten upset about something. When you brought it up, instead of having a productive conversation, your friends decided to invalidate every other thing you were saying. You felt attacked and pushed away, and ended up deciding that the best thing to do was to shut up and mask.

"Haven't seen you here in a bit."

You heard a familiar voice and looked up, seeing probably the only friend you had right now that you didn't resent.

"Could say the same to you."

Levi took a seat next to you.

"Friends say you've been acting different."

You were looking down towards the street below you, holding your hands together as you twiddled your thumbs as a way of fidgeting. It was ironic that your friends even said anything, given how quick they were to push you aside.

You were upset and you couldn't deny that, but you felt you didn't have the right to be upset. You had internalized their beliefs that you were 100% in the wrong, and convinced yourself that any negative emotion you were having should just be pushed away and that you didn't need to bother anyone else with it.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Levi said with a scoff. "Look at me."

After a few seconds of no response, he tutted in disapproval and shoved at your shoulder a bit.

"Look at me," he repeated.

You finally turned and lifted your gaze to meet his. You could see the deep level of concern in his eyes, and he was immediately able to see past your mask, and see the pain in yours.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

His soft tone made you tempted to break down and cry on the spot, but you couldn't. You still felt like you weren't allowed to.

"...I got upset about something," you said after a long pause. "I don't even remember what it was to be honest, but they kept on insisting that what I was saying didn't happen..."

You trailed off, pausing for a few seconds before continuing quietly.

"...or that I was overreacting, or that I was being dramatic. It seemed like every other word that came out of my mouth was just getting shut down."

You emotionally withdrew from the situation as a method of protecting yourself. Levi was able to tell that immediately. It was a habit of yours that he had picked up from day one, and he couldn't blame you, as harmful as it was.

"I'm questioning if maybe they're right," you continued. "Maybe I am just seeing things that aren't actually there, feeling things that I have no right to feel-"

"Cut that out," he said sternly, cutting you off.

You immediately stopped talking and looked at him in confusion.

"Are you not hearing yourself?"

He sounded annoyed, but the look of concern in his eyes remained.

"You're allowed to feel how you feel," he said with a frown, as if he was astonished that you were even doubting yourself. "It doesn't matter what the fuck other people say happened or not, how you feel is how you feel and there's no changing that—and they're fucking idiots for trying to tell you otherwise."

You looked away, pondering over what he was trying to say.

"And they're assholes for trying to tell you that you're not allowed to feel a certain way or invalidating what it was that got you upset."

Your cheeks began to heat up as he spoke. As always, every word that came out of Levi's mouth hit you like a truck. The validation from him alone brought up something within you, although you couldn't tell exactly what it was. It made your heart pound and your entire body heat up. It was just the effect he had on you.

"...really wish more people were like you," you whispered.

"Yeah?" he said, glancing down at you.

"Yeah," you affirmed, looking down at the ground again. "Sorry for being a pain in the ass."

He shoved you again.

"Didn't I say to cut that out? Quit pitying yourself."

The pout returned on your face as you slightly stuck your bottom lip out.

"You're valid and allowed to have emotions or get upset over things. I don't give a shit what the rest of your friends say. They can fuck off for all I care."

You quickly found yourself leaning against him with your head resting on his shoulder. This wasn't a new occurrence and it provided you an oddly comforting feeling.

"Thanks for always being there," you mumbled as you shut your eyes.

It was always Levi that was there, no matter how shitty your situation was. If you were a little less distracted, you might have been more willing to explore whatever it was that was going on between the two of you, but neither of you were emotionally aware enough at the moment to do anything about it.

"...my pleasure."

#: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @sleepyfairyxo @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @levis-squishy-cheeks @dumbfound-princess @deepzombieyouth @evas-leslas join my taglist!

[kywaslost]

And somehow I'm both

"you sound smart" that's because i've spent years doing academic writing to the point that it's my default cadence plus or minus the use of profanity as a tone indicator

"you sound stupid" that's because i'm dumb as fuck

[kywaslost]

Settle Down

Settle down, they say.

Take it slow and go day by day.

Sure it hurts now but the moment won’t last

Before you know it, it’s in the past.

You don’t know what you’re talking about,

You’re doing it for attention, for clout.

You’re only 19, the world you’ve barely kissed,

Besides, those issues don’t exist.

Well if they don’t exist then why do I feel this way?

Because at this rate I’m going to pass away.

Succumb to the thoughts that crowd my mind,

Happiness is becoming harder and harder to find.

Settle down they say,

And all the pain will go away.

Yet I’ve tried again and again,

And in the end it comes back times ten.

I’ve done the things they say to do,

Paint and draw and talk it through.

Yet every time I open up,

Someone’s life I feel I disrupt.

So here I lay with thoughts astray,

Yet somehow manage to push them away.

I get out of bed and go about my day, 

With all these emotions now on display.

Because in the end why would I hide

The part of me that can now provide

Someone with the comfort of knowing

That they are not the only one that finds life unknowing.

Settle down, take it day by day

Because these feelings won’t go away.

Learn to accept them, become one,

Because a day will come when the battle is won.

[kywaslost]

To Be Crushed By The Waves

I wish I could drown in water the way I drown in my love for you. I wish the waves would swallow me whole, because then I could finally get my mind off of you. I’d be wrapped up in the arms of the waves in place of the arms I once craved. I could finally get over the future with you I had paved. Oh, to drown in those waves.

The water would cover the tears I’ve shed over us and what we could have been. Oh what I’d give to feel your gentle touch across my skin. The way you kissed my lips as if there weren’t a worry in the world. Now I am left to live in the memory of us, one I have unfurled. Oh, to drown in those waves.

The person once drowning in love for you Is now drowning in the confusion I have from you. There was once a want for me, for us But now you don’t want to discuss what you wanted for us. Oh, to drown in those waves.

If only I could drown in the water, The one that has clawed her. Calling her name, hoping she would answer, To give in to the temptation to answer. Oh, to drown in those waves.

I’m going to drown one day, And there’s no pushing the thought away. For without you, I have no purpose, Therefore I cannot surface. Oh, to drown in those waves.

[kywaslost]

Original Content Masterlist

Trees

To Be Crushed By The Waves

Settle Down

[kywaslost]

Trees

Some stand tall, some short, yet here I am. I wish I were a tree. Maybe then I would be ok. Trees are wanted, they provide so much. Paper, oxygen, aesthetic beauty. These things bring the world joy. Why can’t I be a tree?

The worst part is, trees can’t get hurt. Even when they do, they never fail to stand tall and keep pushing through. I wish I were a tree. Fungi and trees live in a symbiotic relationship, benefiting each other without causing the other harm. Trees provide shelter too, and not just for animals. Plants and humans benefit from their massive branches and fallen limbs. I wish I were a tree.

In the end, I’m only benefiting the decomposers.

Sometimes I believe the only impact I am going to have in this world is the muddy footprints I leave on this trail, and even then they’ll be washed away come the next rain. Or maybe it’s the death of plants I stumble over. It’s ok though, I’ll be joining them soon. I just have to give it time.

I envy the tree I now sit under. It’s battered and worn and has clearly seen better days, yet it’s still standing strong. It’s lost half its limbs, and they’re dropping lower now, almost as if begging the ground to swallow it whole. Yet there’s still a part of the tree bearing new leaves, reaching to the heavens and protruding its strength. I wish I were a tree.

I envy this tree. Its scars are beautiful. People won’t judge this tree for its battles, its struggles, its successes. I bet the other trees here didn’t give up on this one when discovering its secrets, its struggles. Why won’t people think of me that way? I wish I were a tree. Maybe then they wouldn’t be as repulsed by my scars, my past, my story. I would be worth so much more as a tree.

What am I saying, though? If I were a tree, I would be the one just across from me now, dead and breaking at the seams, unable to bear the weight of the animals trying to thrive in my presence. Or maybe I would be the tree to fall on some innocent family’s home, ruining their lives. Let’s be honest, no matter what life form I am, I’m always ruining something for someone. But at least I’d be pretty.

I wish I were a tree.

A/N: Some of y'all said you'd still like to read my writings, even if it isn't fanfiction, so here you go!

[kywaslost]

KYYY!!!!

YOU'RE BACK

YOU'RE WELL

WE MISSED YOUUUU

I'M SO HAPPY YOU FINISHED YOUR COURSE!!! THATS AMAZING!!!

YOU'RE SO COOL!! AND RESPONSIBLE!!! (WHAT'S YOUR SECRET)

YOU'VE BEEN SO HARD WORKING!!!

YOU'RE DOING ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR!!! (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪(⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪(⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪(⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪(⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪(⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪(⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪(⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪(⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪(⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪┌⁠|⁠o⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠o⁠|⁠┘⁠♪ᕙ⁠(⁠＠⁠°⁠▽⁠°⁠＠⁠)⁠ᕗᕙ⁠(⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠)⁠ᕗᕙ⁠(⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠)⁠ᕗᕙ⁠(⁠＠⁠°⁠▽⁠°⁠＠⁠)⁠ᕗᕙ⁠(⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠◉⁠)⁠ᕗ(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

HI KO!!

I AM BACK!

I MISSED YOU GUYS TOO!

THANK YOU!!!!! <3

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

[kywaslost]

Hello, my dear friends, long time no see!

I apologize for my absence, it's been a crazy past several months! Since I last posted, I've started and finished my first semester of college, as well as college color guard. I haven't had much time or inspiration to write, which is why I am here!

With the new year, there may be some changes here. I have fallen out of writing fanfiction. I wish I could say that someday I'll return to these writings, as I love writing for myself and you all, but I do not want to provide false hope.

I offer a proposal, however! I have been writing short stories, or narratives, whatever you want to call them. Would you all be interested in reading those? Please let me know what you all would like to see from me!

I wish you all a very happy new year!

[kywaslost]

crow 900

[kywaslost]

Hawks x gn! reader, comfort for trauma.

I started to write this about year ago when I had bit hard times so this is very self included lmao. Tried to write it so it could be perceived different ways.

Content warnings:

Talk of trauma and flashbacks (not specified), nightmare, panic attack, small mention of dying in context of the panic attack, mentioning of yelling. (not happening in present time)

Sending warm hugs, remember to take care of yourselves! <3

Hawks was very observant person, noticing the sings almost immediately, something was on your mind, bothering you. He was trained to pay attention to the smallest details after all, it came with the job and not something he could just turn off.

And when it came to you, he had always had his eyes close on you, learning your own unique patterns and behavior around different situations, feelings and emotions. Determined to learn and understand you and how your mind worked better. How could he not? The man couldn't pull his eyes off of you, his mind off of you, he adored you. Especially now that you two had been together for a good while, he knew what sings to look out for, he knew when your trauma had started to get the better of you again. He knew you. No point hiding it.

That said, he was usually here to help you within the same day you would start getting these flashbacks and vivid memories. Helping you through the uncomfortable, and terrifying feelings. When everything felt like it was happening all over again, right in this moment.

Even though you weren't physically there, I mean.. you were literally just sitting on your bed, trying to shake off the thoughts. If only he was here.. He always made you feel more grounded, more present, more safe, more seen, understood. Even at the times when you didn't understand yourself. Like.. seriously.. what was wrong with you..? this wasn't even the same house as back then! There was nothing happening that should remind you of it at all! You were alone. Away from that time, it happened years ago, you were safe now. Things were supposed to be different now.. better now.

But it did not feel like that. Sure, you weren't physically there, but that didn't mean your mind wasn't, that it didn't feel like everything that happened back then, wouldn't be happening now all over again. Like it never even ended. Feeling like you were stuck, in that certain period of time, with no way out, trapped from the outside world.

Always haunting you at the back off your mind.

You couldn't even move, frozen stuck in a memory that shouldn't even have this tight of a grib on you in the first place. Hell not anymore at least. It already had been.. what.. four years by now..? Why couldn't you just let go? Move on? It's not like things were like that anymore. Your life was different now, things were better, life was better. It's all in the past now.

Or so it should have.

It couldn't have been any worse timing for all of this to come down either.. There had been few smaller triggers building up each day.. Of course right when he had had to leave for a one of his longer missions. Usually he would come back home at least for the night. Unlucky you, he hadn't been here last night, not here when you had woken up out of breath, from the distressing nightmare you had. Slightly shaking as the image right before waking, kept replaying in your head. You rarely even had any nightmares, but when you did, it was usually about that time. Making you feel terrible and paranoid for the rest of the night.

That nightmare had been the last trigger that would later that day, pop up in your head again. You had felt so powerless, trapped, scared.. So out of control.. just like you hadn't had any control over what happened those years ago. Just like you didn't have any control over yourself right now.. You were just.. frozen.. unable to move or think rationally. Shaking.. and.. crying? Were you.. crying?

Why..? Everything was fine. You were fine. You were just being dramatic, overreacting. The panic attack you were starting to have right now? it was fine.. It happened, it would go away. It would go away. Why did your mind and body have to make such a big deal out of this.. it was fine!

..or maybe not. Definitely not. You were not fine. Nothing was fine.

You were barely functioning, spacing out every other minute. Trying to power through it at first. Standing up, only to end up staring in front of you for a good few minutes, then snapping back out from it to continue doing- ..Whatever it was that you were doing, you couldn't really remember. Feeling bit hazy from all of this, overwhelmed and tired, feeling like you weren't really in your right head space.

This had continued few hours now, every now and then feeling small hope, like maybe, just maybe your thoughts would finally leave you alone, stopping from reminding you of it all. Get rid of the heavy pressure on your chest, feeling paralyzed and tense, caused by all the unwanted memories. All the noises and talking in your head.. everything was so loud, you could hear the yelling, remember the words... There was sobbing... Although that one could be just coming from you.. You didn't realize when, but you were straight out bawling your heart and eyes out. It was the kind of cry that left you gasping for air but still feeling like you couldn't breathe, adding to the panic and fear you were feeling.. This was it.. this couldn't possibly get any better.. this was way too much.. everything was too much.. you couldn't stop, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't handle this.. you were probably going to die from th-

"..dove?"

You suddenly stopped crying.. or more like your body froze from the unexpected voice, coming from outside of your thoughts. Your brain trying to process who that voice belonged to. It wasn't just another voice in your head. It was more soft and familiar, nothing like the voices you had been listening for the past hours, yelling, crying.. no.. this voice was different. It was more.. gentle, caring, worried too. This was voice belonged to someone you really cared for.. You would recognize that voice anywhere. This was his voice. Keigo's voice. Keigo was home.

He was finally home.

You hadn't heard him landing on the balcony, too drowned in your own head and thoughts, hearing only your loud gasps and sobs, along the heavy thoughts screaming in your mind.

As soon as you heard his voice, you could feel a feather flying up to you, brushing over your hand and arm in a soothing manner, another one carefully caressing your cheek, wiping away your tears. Sending more feathers hovering around you and the house, making sure you weren't hurt. He made his way towards you, first inspecting the house from any intruders just in case.

There weren't any. Not ones that his feathers could sense at least, not ones seen by eyes but felt. There was only the thoughts that had intruded their way into your head, finding the the deepest darkest places in there. Never asking for a permission, trying to bring it all back to the surface, creating huge waves that threatened to drown you along them. When all you wanted from life was to move on. A cruel game you couldn't quite just hop out of.. a play you wished you had already won.. but apparently had not.. Those cruel thoughts had won over once again. They had been too strong. Feeling like a fresh wound that would never heal, as life always kept ripping it back open, over and over again.

"Oh, dove.. I'm here now, love. It's okay, you're safe now, you're safe here. Just let it out, it's okay"

The feather caressing your hand was pretty soon replaced by one of his own, as he sat next to you with a concerned look, trying to figure how to best help you come back to the shore, away from those cold thoughts.

He had a strong hunch of what was going on. There weren't many things that could bring this kind of fear and panic in you. Not many things affected you this strongly. He had seen this happening before. It was pretty clear.

This was the cause of your trauma.

He wanted nothing more than being able to take the pain of yours away, and all the heaviness that came with it. The pain that in your own words felt sometimes excruciating. Wishing he could take it all and turn them into a harmless distant memory, like a light feathers, that were still strong enough to lift you up from all of this, not wet heavy ones bringing you down on the sea. Instead ones lifting all the distress and burden that had kept building up over the years. He just wanted to take them all of off your chest.. To give you a wings strong enough to prevent you from drowning in those tears.. in those memories.. He more than anything just wanted to see you be okay. To be happy and free of your pain.

Because he knew.. What it felt like having to carry the heavy burden on your back alone.. When sometimes the feathers life had given you, the once supposed to keep you high in the sky, were the reason that actually dragged you down.. Weighting on you instead of lifting you up.. It wasn't fair, it shouldn't have to be like that, you shouldn't have to feel like this.. He didn't want you to feel like that. To feel alone.

He wanted to be there to lift you up. When everything felt like it was forever turned upside-down, he wanted to be there to help you to bring it back up. He wished to be a safe place for you, around all the chaos, someone you could lean on.

To be there like no one never had with him before, not physically at least ..or emotionally really either. All those years, fighting his past alone.. The plushie of a Endeavor could only help so much.. It was everything he had had before you, only one allowed to see the more vulnerable sides of him.

He wanted you to have more than that.

To actually have someone by your side, when everything became too much for a one person to carry alone. He wanted you to know you were not alone, and would never be, as long as he was still here alive and breathing. You didn't have to go through this alone. He wouldn't let you. His wings were strong enough to carry you both for sure. His wings were wide enough to shield you when you felt at your vulnerablest, most exposed. They could keep you safe. He would make sure you felt safe and cared.

You stared at his hand, resting over yours. You tried to stop shaking, tried to stop crying, tried to say something.. but the only voice leaving you was your loud sobs and hitched breathing, as you broke down once again.

For some reason having him here resulted in you breaking down even harder. Now that he was here, seeing you in this state. You just couldn't hold it back anymore. But fortunately both his wings and arms were safe enough, so that when he carefully asked if he could wrap them around you, you let him. Because he was safe, Keigo was safe. Keigo made you feel safe.

When you gave him the okay, he carefully pulled you into a tight, warm, comforting hug, embracing you fully. His presence grounding you a bit more, as your mind finally gave you a permission to give in, to let it all out, no holding back. You just sobbed into his chest without thinking no more, you just had to let it out, and he would let you. It was okay to do so now.

Finally feeling seen and safe, unable to hold your emotions back anymore. It all just came down, after hours of trying to fight against them. You simply let them flow. Crying in his arms as he held you against him close, caressing and drawing soothing shapes on your back. Not caring about the wet mess you had created on his shirt from your tears and snot. All that mattered to him right now was you, and making sure he was there for you. Whether you needed to ear to listen, or just a shoulder to cry on. Whatever it was that helped you out, he would provide. He would give you anything you needed in this moment. Keigo would do anything to sooth down his hurting dove. Kissing the top of your head, whispering comforting words to your ears while simply letting you know he was there. Telling you he cared.

If no one else had been there to show how much they cared for you before, he definetely was. He cared so much.. and this? This was something he cared about. His love and care wasn't limited or tied to a how useful you could be. He didn't only care when you shined, he still cared for you, when you weren't at your best, when you were feeling at your lowest, when you felt most undeserving of his love and care. He cared. Especially in those moments, he cared. He wasn't afraid to show it either. His unconditional love for you was strong.

When you felt like no one could possibly ever understand, he did. He saw you, all of you. He saw the pain and hurt in your eyes. How it had slowly built up, the heavy burden on your shoulders pushing you down.

He saw it all. He cared and loved all of those parts, even the most messiest ones. Especially the messiest ones.

You weren't alone anymore, he was right there with you. Fighting these demons of yours together. You didn't have to face them alone, or suffer in silence because of them. He was going to be there, right besides you, no matter what life threw your way. Keigo would always be here.

It was going to be okay.. it was going to be okay.. he was here.. you weren't alone anymore. You weren't alone, he wouldn't leave you suffering alone with this. Keigo would always be there for you, like you were there for him. He would stay. He would always stay.

After crying your eyes out and successfully wetting his shirt due it. Your sobs had slowly started to calm down, some of the tension in your body had started to dissappear, replaced by extremely tiredness that went through your body. After that intense, both emotionally exhausting, yet somehow relieving moment, you felt drained, empty. It felt like every piece of energy had left your body through your tears. You were simply just exhausted from the past dew days. Earlier feeling way too many things, while now not sure what you were really even feeling.. Expect a bit more warm and grounded, more safe now.

You had no idea how much time had passed. Only thing you could be sure of, was that he was here, supporting you through this the whole way.

And right now? You really needed a good night sleep, huddled close to him. Protecting you from the outside world. Maybe this time you could actually sleep too, and preferably not see anymore nightmares.. but if you did. At least this time he would be here, help you calm down from the fear. That you could be sure of.

He's presence and words were silencing the insecurities and cruel thoughts in your head. Slowly being replaced by his love and care, focusing on him and how he made you feel instead.

"C'mon love, let's get you some sleep, alright? I promise I'm not going anywhere, I'll keep an eye on you through the night. Nothing is going to hurt you. You're safe here, I'm here."

You could hear his heartbeat, it was calming, grounding. A yawn escaping your lips, you were indeed tired, your mind had being going for hundreds miles a minute way too long.

"We can talk more about what made you feel like this in the morning, alright? I want to hear everything that's been on your mind these past few days, but right now. You need some rest. Let's take it easy, okay? I love you so much dear."

He kissed your forehead while you let out a breath of air, it felt good to breathe again, even if you felt heavy all the other ways. Sleeping could probably help you a bit, you weren't really in a state to speaking right now. You needed to get your mind off now, focusing on just resting by his side.

He would help you to lie down on the bed, trying to not overwhelm your head. Carefully wrapping his arms around you, getting you comfortable cuddled close against his chest, keeping you in safe loving arms. He was worried for sure, but he kept himself calm for your sake, refraining from asking too much of it all, it would be too much for you right now. He would be patient waiting for you to feel more calm, ready to share, a moment when you could properly talk what was going on in your mind.

Moment of silent as he hugged you tight, afraid of letting you out of sight. He knew how much this still hurt you, this wasn't something overcomed over night. It took time to properly process the hurt and pain, slowly trying healing from it took time. But he would be here, he understood, sometimes it hit harder, and sometimes it was almost forgotten. Healing wasn't linear, it had it ups and downs. One thing was sure, he would help you through it all, he loved you afterall. You were his beautiful dove with a beautiful heart, seeing you like this didn't change anything at all.

"..I love you Kei, thank you for being here.."

Those were the last words you would whisper to his chest. Close under his wings, he could hear your heartbeat calmer than a moment ago. Breathing slower, more peaceful now. You were going to fall asleep, wrapped tightly safe in his arms. You could talk about this when the sun rose up, now you needed to rest up.

Honestly you would probably still feel like shit the next morning, when you would have to wake up. You would definitely feel the sensitivity puffy eyes.. Having episode like this, took out energy a lot.

But it was okay.

You were going to recover from this moment and move on, luckily he was by your side. Even if it took a bit of time, he would help you recharge, feeling better whatevere the next day would bring up. He would listen and be there.

It was okay to be broken some times, nothing few of his kisses couldn't help heal after a while. Well.. even if it wasn't exactly that simple, it was a nice start. You would heal within your own time, and he would be here no matter what.

[kywaslost]

This is an appreciation post for the fanfic authors who aren’t included on rec lists

For the fanfic authors who don’t get art of their fics

For the fanfic authors who can’t get to 1000/500/100 hits

For the fanfic authors who don’t get comments/reviews

For the fanfic authors who write for small fandoms

For the fanfic authors who write rarepairs or gen fics

For the fanfic authors who get hate for the ships/characters/fandoms they write

For the fanfic authors who write in English despite it not being their first language

For the fanfic authors who don’t write in English

For the fanfic authors who don’t think anyone reads or likes their work

For the fanfic authors who aren’t big name fans

For the fanfic authors who don’t get requests in their inboxes

For the fanfic authors who can’t write stories that are more than a thousand words

For the fanfic authors who only write one ship

For the fanfic authors who are just starting

For the fanfic authors who have been writing fic for years

For the fanfic authors who use fanfic to practice writing

For the fanfic authors who write self-insert fics

For the fanfic authors who write about their OCs

For the fanfic authors who write to vent or cope

For the fanfic authors who are just waiting for their big break

Keep creating, I love you ❤️

[kywaslost]

Heartburn - Keigo Takami

A/N: Working on requests has been a bit draining, and I’ve been in the mood to try and write for Hawks again so here’s this. Totally not based on how sick I felt the other night because of heartburn…

Warning/s: mentions of pills, mentions of vomit, gagging, and throwing up

Tears swelled in your eyes as you hunched over, slowly lowering yourself to fully brace yourself against the counter. Your phone dropped to the cool surface, switching to speakerphone as you awaited Hawks’ voice on the other end. You were begging anything and everything for him to pick up the phone. He didn’t answer the first time, and your facetime went unnoticed. You weren’t sure how much longer you could last without his help.

The pain just below your ribs increased and you couldn’t help but gag. Just as you were about to give up on the phone call, Hawks’ voice came through.

“Hey baby bird,” he cooed softly. “Everything ok?”

“Hey,” you replied quietly. “I need help.”

“What’s going on?” you could hear the worry in the hero’s response. “Are you hurt?”

“You know those chewy things for heartburn,” you began. “Can I take them with these pills in a pink bottle that says ‘stomach relief’?”

“Oh,” there was a soft chuckle on the other side of the phone. “You shouldn’t need to, but you can. The tums should work fairly quickly.”

“They ain’t tums,” you grunted, wrapping an arm around your chest. “They’re those chewy things.”

“Yeah I know what you’re talking about. They’re just a different type of tums.” Keigo was silent for a moment. “You have heartburn?”

“Bad,” you grimace again. “Just below my ribs. It hurts like hell. If I stand up for too long, or sit up too fast I feel like I’m gonna be sick. I took one of the chewy things earlier but it hasn’t done anything.”

“How long ago?”

You hummed in thought, glancing back at the stove in the kitchen. “Maybe 20 minutes ago? I don’t know, to be honest.”

“Take another one and give it another 10 or 20 minutes. If that doesn’t work then you can take the pills.”7

You nodded, knowing Hawks couldn’t see you. “Ok. Thank you.”

“Hope you feel better, dove. If you still feel nauseous when you go to bed, take some Zofran and have a bowl on standby. Make sure you drink plenty of water. I’ll be home in a few hours, but call me if you need anything else.”

You smiled slightly despite the pain in your chest and abdomen. “Ok, Kei. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.” You set the bottle of pills down on the counter, digging through the shoe box of medication for the chewable tums you had just tossed into the box. Then, you grabbed a glass of water and made your way to your room. You gently laid down on the bed, shaking another chewable medication into the palm of your hand before tossing it back into your mouth. You took a sip of water and lowered yourself down to lay on your side.

Time passed and the pain didn’t ease, so you shakily took two of the pink pills you had called hawks about. They were fairly large pills, causing you to gag once again as you took them with another sip of water. 

You toss and turn for hours, hoping to find a position that could relieve your pain, even if just momentarily. The space between the base of your ribs hurt the worst and even just the slightest bit of pressure threatened to make you throw up right then and there. The pain was enough to keep you awake, but at the same time you were so exhausted you managed to doze in and out of sleep.

You awoke every 45 minutes to a new, achier type of pain just below your ribs. You tried adjusting your position but it only ever managed to make the pain worse, causing you to gag and desperately try to keep the contents of your stomach from covering your blankets. No matter what you did you couldn’t relieve the pain.

Hawks came home just past two in the morning, silently making his way through the apartment in search of you. He cracked your door open ever-so-slightly to see you asleep in bed. He took the opportunity to take a quick shower and change into his night clothes before checking in on you one last time.

Keigo gently lowered himself to sit on the edge of your bed, taking in your distraught look. Your arms were wrapped around your torso and you were curled into a ball. Your eyebrows were furrowed in what Keigo could only assume was pain. He wanted to wake you and try and help relieve the pain, but Hawks also knew that if you woke up you may not get back to sleep and that was something he didn’t want to risk. Against his better judgment, he stood slowly so as not to wake you and began walking towards your door.

He froze, however, when he heard you groan and then cough harshly, followed by what he could only assume was a gag. Whipping back around the winged hero rushed back to you. He sat beside you once again and gently rubbed your back with one hand, holding your hair with the other in case you did throw up. 

You gagged one last time before coughing, rubbing at your chest, then leaning into Keigo’s arms. Your head rests against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around you, one drawing gentle circles into your bicep. His head lowered to rest on top of yours, but not before he pressed a light kiss against your hairline. 

“Not feeling any better?” he whispered softly, holding you just the slightest bit tighter.

You could only shake your head and cry into his shirt. “Make it stop.”

Taking a look around the room, Keigo saw medicine sitting on your bedside table. He reached over, gentle not to jostle you too much, and unscrewed the lid to the pills. He returned the bottle to the stand, and in return picked up your glass of water. “Here,” he muttered, handing the pills to you. You swallowed them quickly, thankful for the water that Keigo pressed to your lips. The coolness of the liquid barely managed to soothe the everlasting ache, but it was a start.

“Let’s lay back down, yeah?” Keigo offered, guiding you to lay against his chest as he got under the covers. Once you were comfortable, he began to gently massage the areas that hurt you the most. “Do you feel like you may be sick?” he asked. When you shook your head and closed your eyes, Hawks hummed in content.

You continued to wake up every hour or so, but every time Keigo would wake with you and do anything he could to help put you at ease. He hated that you had heartburn this bad, and that it happened more often than you’d like. There had been countless times he would awaken in the morning to you asleep on the bathroom floor, where you had resided after being in so much pain it would make you sick. 

But for now, all Keigo could do was hold you and comfort you until you felt better. 

[kywaslost]

I have the intense urge to put requests on hold and write for Hawks again 👀👀👀

Like platonic fluff and comfort and stuff like I used to write.......

Any ideas????

[kywaslost]

Happy Fathers Day, I'm finally on time for something!!! I don't have that much flavor this time though folks. just sweetness. that's it. hope that's cool, never too bad.

if you think this is anything but platonic then no, plz. away

[kywaslost]

A request for how ciel would ask f!reader to be his girlfriend please? I rlly love your works!

He Asks You Out - Ciel Phantomhive

A/N: It means so much to me that you like my writings! <3 I’ve dedicated so much of my life to writing and one of my main goals is to make people happy, so this really warms my heart! I hope you like this!! <3

Ciel would be so nervous

Like the boy is shaking in his boots

His engagement with Lizzy broke off months ago, but he knew even before then that he wanted to be with you and not her

So he’s been thinking about asking you out for ages

He runs all of his ideas by Sebastian, knowing that he was going to be teased for the rest of her life by the demon

But eventually he settles on asking you out over a nice dinner and evening walk

He invites you to stay the night at the manor and has Sebastian and Bard make your favorite food

During dinner he’s lowkey kinda panicking because he knows that within the next few hours the two of you will either be in a new kind of relationship or it’ll be the last time he ever talks to you. 

He extends a hand to you with a soft smile, asking you to go on a walk with him

You’re more than happy, and he leads out outside to the garden

We all know Sebastian is following at a distance as moral support for poor Ciel

It’s the most perfect evening: it’s not too hot or too cold, there’s a gentle breeze caressing your face and brushing the hair from your eyes, there isn’t a cloud in the sky, and lightning bugs light up the path you’re walking

Your hand is held in his, CIel’s thumb gently rubbing your skin

Deciding to finally get it over with, he takes a deep breath

“May I ask you something?” he asks timidly, his good eye barely meeting your gaze

“Go right ahead.”

Ciel can’t bring himself to confess, because the way you’re looking at him so intently infatuates him. He’s so afraid of messing things up and losing you

But there’s also the chance of spending the rest of his life with you and he doesn’t want to pass that up

So he bites his lip, clears his throat, and stops walking. Taking both of your hands in his, his gaze meets your own. 

“Y/N,” he starts. “I don’t know how to say this. I like, no, I love you. And I have for a while, since before Lizzy and I broke up. I admire you and everything you do, and I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. But only if you feel the same, of course.”

You were so thrown off, but quickly pulled Ciel into the tightest hug

Ciel is so nervous yet relieved that Sebastian has to sneak sleep medicine into his tea before bed because the poor boy can’t sleep

Anyway, Ciel asking you out would take place in a peaceful yet beautiful setting, and he would practically be shaking in his boots with anxiety :)