l0ve-f0rever

[l0ve-f0rever]

Hell yeah!

Dude. I just finished watering some trees (seriously, what was I even doing?) Alex, I think I’m in a death pact. You know how in Cyborg Ciderman No. 2: Carbonation Quest, Cyborg Ciderman No. 2 tells Matcha Man to kill him if he ever stops being a hero? Yeah. I think I just did that. Alex, this is awesome.

-Sawakita

noway. like. LIKE ACTUALLY?????

ohmygodohmygod UR LITERALLY CIDERMAN BROOOOOOOOO. was it like. the whole sunset shebang and everything or WHAT.

LIKE DEATH PACT DEATH PACT. SICK.AS.FUCKKKKKK BRO.

[l0ve-f0rever]

Maybe it would be some kind of- some kind of nightmare monster? Some sort of social commentary, or-or a metaphor for our past sins? What really matters is that we’re proving whatever it is wrong for not caring about others by defeating it with the power of our friendship we’ve gained by pushing each other to the limits.

Dude. I just finished watering some trees (seriously, what was I even doing?) Alex, I think I’m in a death pact. You know how in Cyborg Ciderman No. 2: Carbonation Quest, Cyborg Ciderman No. 2 tells Matcha Man to kill him if he ever stops being a hero? Yeah. I think I just did that. Alex, this is awesome.

-Sawakita

noway. like. LIKE ACTUALLY?????

ohmygodohmygod UR LITERALLY CIDERMAN BROOOOOOOOO. was it like. the whole sunset shebang and everything or WHAT.

LIKE DEATH PACT DEATH PACT. SICK.AS.FUCKKKKKK BRO.

[l0ve-f0rever]

I KNOW. I KNOW!!!!!!

Dude. I just finished watering some trees (seriously, what was I even doing?) Alex, I think I’m in a death pact. You know how in Cyborg Ciderman No. 2: Carbonation Quest, Cyborg Ciderman No. 2 tells Matcha Man to kill him if he ever stops being a hero? Yeah. I think I just did that. Alex, this is awesome.

-Sawakita

noway. like. LIKE ACTUALLY?????

ohmygodohmygod UR LITERALLY CIDERMAN BROOOOOOOOO. was it like. the whole sunset shebang and everything or WHAT.

LIKE DEATH PACT DEATH PACT. SICK.AS.FUCKKKKKK BRO.

[l0ve-f0rever]

I DON’T KNOW. IT JUST KIND OF HAPPENED.. IT WAS IN MY LIVING ROOM, BUT I THINK THE LIGHT HIT EVERYTHING AT A REALLY COOL ANGLE??? I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION. I WAS MAKING A FUCKING CYBORG CIDERMAN DEATH PACT!!!!!

Dude. I just finished watering some trees (seriously, what was I even doing?) Alex, I think I’m in a death pact. You know how in Cyborg Ciderman No. 2: Carbonation Quest, Cyborg Ciderman No. 2 tells Matcha Man to kill him if he ever stops being a hero? Yeah. I think I just did that. Alex, this is awesome.

-Sawakita

noway. like. LIKE ACTUALLY?????

ohmygodohmygod UR LITERALLY CIDERMAN BROOOOOOOOO. was it like. the whole sunset shebang and everything or WHAT.

LIKE DEATH PACT DEATH PACT. SICK.AS.FUCKKKKKK BRO.

[l0ve-f0rever]

Watering trees sure is. Sure is something! Entertaining. I feel connected with nature. Or something.

[l0ve-f0rever]

..we never did get to ask you this question under the influence, so I guess we'll just have to extend this for a bit.

*Truth spell... but only for this ask*

..thoughts on Mera?

Shit. Mera? Shit. Why? Why would you send me that? She’s going to hate me more than she already does. That’s if I haven’t hit rock-bottom in her mind, of course. I have done nothing but fuck everything up for both of us, and she has done nothing but give me the world. She’s the prime example of someone I know that I owe the fucking world, and she will not let me give shit back to her. I don’t know how to give back, I don’t know how to be selfless, I don’t know how to love- but she does. Mera understands me better than anyone- she sees the full picture, and she despises it. Nevertheless, she hasn’t killed me. Maybe it’s because she genuinely thinks I can be better. Maybe it’s that something I don’t understand that made my world grow so much wider than the average and mundane, filled it with radiance. Maybe it’s just because it would make Maeko upset. I don’t know. Whatever it is that makes her keep giving to me, I believe it. I believe her. I hate her, and if I’m allowed to love, I love her. She knows things I don’t, sees things I don’t in myself- and that’s terrifying and harrowing and real. I just wish I could return the favor to her- to understand her in the same way she does me, to help her when she needs it, to begin to pay off the world I owe to her- because I owe her. I owe her my life, I owe her my love, I owe her everything I am, and I know that will never be close to enough. I also know that I’m going to try. And if I ever stop trying, if I ever go beyond the point of no return I think I’m already past, I trust her to kill me.

The point is, if I’m going to be killed, it will be by Mera’s hand and no one else’s. Because I trust her. Because I owe her. Because- damnit, I love her.

[l0ve-f0rever]

OK.

What the fuck do we do now?

Kouki. Kouki I will-

I fuckng.

do you not fucking know what DELETE means??????????????????

DELETE. NOT. SCHEDULE.

[l0ve-f0rever]

THE TRUTH SPELL MADE IT SO THAT I LITERALLY COULDN’T DELETE SHIT. I TRIED. THE WEBSITE WOULDN’T EVEN LET ME HIT BACKSPACE. I CAN TRY NOW, MAEKO HASN’T SEEN IT RIGHT?

What the fuck do we do now?

Kouki. Kouki I will-

I fuckng.

do you not fucking know what DELETE means??????????????????

DELETE. NOT. SCHEDULE.

[l0ve-f0rever]

Your Orpheus. You will always turn around, you’ll never let go of that glimpse of your love.

An act that is damning doesn’t mean it wasn’t an act of love.

Some people leave claw marks in those they love because to let go is to never turn around. To never check that that person is ok, that they are there.

Oh. I- um. I think that truth spell’s starting to wear off. I… there’s no point in it anymore, is there? Anyways, that doesn’t make him any less selfish- for looking back, over and over again, to see her tears.

[l0ve-f0rever]

so what are your thoughts on Maeko anyways?

I- Oh no. Oh Maeko, I can’t do this. Mera. Mera, please help me. MERA PLEASE I’M GOING TO DESTROY HIM I’M GOING TO-

||'Mera here! I w- oh god. um. I thin- Mae- FUCK. KOUKI TAKE THE DAMN PHONE NOW.

I took the phone from Mera because someone needs to be mentally stable when I break Maeko like I always do, and I- I LOCKED THE BATHROOM DOOR CHISATO YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN DON’T YOU DARE TRY MAEKO NEEDS YOU- my thoughts on Maeko! Yes. Maeko is something too complicated, to immaculate to ever describe! An angel wearing the clothes of a human, perfectly dotted with scars and scrapes like stars, with a smile that brings so much radiance and color to my world, every detail is so incredibly perfect I can't even begin to describe it! I want him. I want her so desperately, I want him every second of every day and every moment she’s not with me is unbearable agonyyhebdhehwhsjskekesnehehehcbzbznznakwlwpwperirurhrhrbrvrvrxrzrqywuwiejfncmeellwpwpwpwidjdmMama an bxjksososjdbwvwusidjbdvwhsisjdnfnfnlelwpeoejeheveveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeee I think Maeko taought me how to wan- Kouki if you take this phone I will smash your bloody spine i- Hello again! Jumping out of windows sure takes a lot out of you! Meras kind of after me, so I apologize for any typos! Or, well, the more typos r the better, seeing as I’m going to hurt her just like I always do. He’s something pure, radiant, beautiful that I do not deserve to touch, rjendndndnkdoerkbut want so desperately with every fiber of my being- I want to merge souls,rnenejeifiroekekmenwheheheidid I want to be his dog, I want her to be my dog, I want-!/!$!!:)3$:$:)!::$$:$:!:!!:!!:!:!,!:$&:&:&3&29293&:$:$:!BLOODYHELLHESGOTAGRIPSNNSEBEHHEHEJDKXDKDNSBSHWGHWUSJDNDNDFNFHOLYSHITHOWDOESSHEDOITILOVEHER.

Best friend! Yeah. Best friend. Only friend! Only real friend! I mean, the only one who actually cared! The others? I- I mean! No- no I love the others and I care bout them too but this isn't the same! I don't know why it isn't the same but sometimes it feels like I just want and want and- KOUKIGETOFFME.NOI'MNOTGIVINGYOUTHEBLOODYPHONEHE'SGOTAGRIPOHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKISWRONGWITHHIMI-

I lover her. I love him. I love her. I love him. I love her. I love him. Iwnsbrjkeskd I love her. I love him. JensenhejekwkI love her. I love him. JwjdjkeiI love her. I love him. I love her. I love him. I sjeheidndbsjiwke I love her. I love him. I lover her. I love him. I love her. I love him. OH MAEKO WHAT IS LOVE MAE I'M SO BLOODY STUPID I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER DESERVED YOU OH MAEKO SHES MY GOD HOW DOESONE LOVE SOMETHING THEY DO NOT DESERVETO TOUCHvehejsjdnrhwjejej OR TO BE LOVED BECAUSE I WAS NEVER MEANT TO LOVE AND I DON'T EVEN THINK I CAN DO THAT, I MEAN. OH MAEKO DO I LOVE HIM OR THE THING THAT CAN BE WORSHIPPED NO NO NOKNEJEHDHWJWKWJEKELRLFKFMGMFNDKEOWPWLDMFFNRNEBEJSJDKDKDKLDLSLSMSKCNCMFJEKWLWLEDKCNRJDJDKL

Mera again! God it feels good not to type with a twig with a scary amount of willpower hanging off of me. Said twig is unconscious, so it should be fine to type. finally. Mae is per- NO.NO. FUCK. GOD FUCKING- sjdhcbksjdhcbdbhjsdbchjbsdcbdsjhcbdjhcbjhsbc

You want to break the phone?

yeah.

Alright, just don’t press post. On three. Three, two, OOOOOOONNRNEBEJEJRKROEKEKEK

[l0ve-f0rever]

Bare with me because I only know so much about the myth

Orpheus was a musician that was blessed by the gods. He fell in love with a woman named Eurydice and they married each other, but unfortunately she was bitten by a snake and died.

Orpheus travelled all the way to the underworld to see if he could bring her back. He presented himself in front of the gods of the underworld, Hades and his wife, Persephone. Orpheus played them a song that was so heartbreaking that Hades told him he could take Eurydice back with him to the moral realm. Under two conditions though, she would have to walk behind him while walking out from the caves of the underworld, and he could not turn to look at her as they walked.

As Orpheus walked he couldn’t hear Eurydice’s footsteps or see her shadow though. He worried that Hades had tricked him and as they got closer to the end of the cave the more paranoid he got. In the end Orpheus terrified he had been tricked, turns to see if Eurydice is behind him before he reached the end of the cave. She was, but he had looked and she was sent back to Hades.

Orpheus could not go back to the underworld after that. He would continue the rest of his life wondering the earth singing a song of mourning till he is killed. What kills him is different depending on the myth, though it’s said a part of him is left behind to forever continue singing.

The myth changes depending on the retelling. Some people say Eurydice tripped before crossing the line and that’s why he turned around, other times it’s cause he could hear her begging him to look at her, not knowing about the promise. In every myth though Orpheus will turn around. Why? Because he loves his wife more than anything in the world. Because the quest was quite literally impossible if he actually loved her.

…Oh.

[l0ve-f0rever]

….I don’t have enough patience for the “I should leave everyone I love” especially because I don’t believe the “I would have left if I actually loved them” bullshit. That’s not how it works.

It’s the whole goddamn Orpheus myth really. There’s no world where he wouldn’t turn around. There’s no world where you could leave those you love.

Who the hell is Orpheus? That’s besides the point. There’s no world where I could leave those I care about because there’s no world where I could love them enough to spare them from myself despite their complaints.

[l0ve-f0rever]

I think your gonna have to figure it out yourself buddy. If it’s your gimmick then no one else can do it for you. Hell maybe your gimmick is going around asking what love means to different people or whatever

I mean- that’s not a bad idea. But how can something so complex be a good foundation for a character? Who cares? I know what love isn’t, and that’s hurting everyone I care about with my selfishness and sin. I can’t stop talking about myself, I can’t hold my emotions in when everyone needs me, I can’t do shit but hurt. If I really loved them, I’d have left them before they ever had the chance to give a shit about what happened to me. If I really loved them, I’d have never existed.

[l0ve-f0rever]

Love person again. One “baby don’t hurt me” is from a song, and two I have you several examples of different ways you love someone

Okay, and? Do you know what love is? Or just ‘how I love?’ Newsflash; if I really loved the people in my life, I’d love them enough to leave them behind no matter how much it hurt all of us because everyone would be happier in the end. But I don’t, because I cannot stand their tears- I just can’t hurt them on purpose. It’s my greatest weakness.

[l0ve-f0rever]

Baby don't hurt me!

No more...

I’ve been hearing this strange message a lot recently. What does it mean? Is this some sort of secret code? Some sort of prank? Some ruse? Is love itself a ruse? Am I a ruse? What am I? Why did I hurt you? I’m not love, I’m hurt! Am I hurt? How did I hurt you? How do I stop hurting you? Why am I your baby? Is this the anon that got my parents divorced?

[l0ve-f0rever]

Love is very meaningful. Every time of love is.

Here let’s break it down a little. (Remember this is just observation and from what I as a person can tell with no knowledge of your innermost thoughts and feelings.)

You seem to experience a lot of platonic love, for example Alex! You seem to see him as a good friend and harbor platonic feelings for him.

Then familiar love, I would say you seem to experience a mix of familiar and platonic love to Masaki, you said in your post after all that he is like a brother to you and a great friend.

Then Maeko, I would say you have romantic feelings to him. She is your partner after all and you seem to deeply love her.

Those are just some baseline guesses of love for the people in your life! Maybe try looking into love and love languages, stuff like that. It could possibly help you. I would also suggest therapy if you can as understanding your own emotions can help with understanding how you feel love. I hope this helps!

Yeah, but what is love? I need something concrete! Something meaningful! Something, anything that can give me meaning! Have I loved? Do I love? Can I love? I don’t know what love is, and I’m starting to doubt anyone does unless it’s ’baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more!’ Is there some kind of secret message in those words? What does it mean?????

[l0ve-f0rever]

I wouldn’t say love is flimsy! There are so many different types of love! Platonically, familiarity, or romantically.

It would be interesting to explore the different ideas of it. I mean you already so much different types of loves for the people around you!

Yeah, but is it remarkable? Is it meaningful? What constitutes its types? What am I? What is love?