lambtotheslaughterr - Tumblr blog

lambtotheslaughterr · 5 days

Text

I Burn : Part Eight

A Rafe Cameron Mini Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 3.6k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

PART SEVEN | MASTERLIST | PART NINE

You knew what you had to do. And nothing was going to stop you.

Siena left this morning. Everyone gathered in the lobby to see her off. You didn’t join them. You had a plan to keep to. When it came time for group session, you remained in your room. A nurse that wasn’t Nurse Carney came looking for you. She found you in bed facing the wall, the covers pulled up to your neck. She tried getting you to respond, to come join group like mandatory, but you didn’t budge. She left soon enough.

You knew you would be left alone. You knew that Dr. Mooney would know exactly why you didn’t attend group. When he was ready, he would come looking for you. And that’s just what you wanted.

For most of the day, you remained in your room, stewing in your anger. Dr. Mooney was a phony, a fake. He didn’t care about you or the others here. He only knew how to put on the mask of a good man & wear it convincingly. But you saw him for who he truly was. And soon, everyone else would to.

It was around 7 when you started to get ready. And you weren’t just slipping into a clean pair of PJ’s. No, you were getting dolled up. The most crucial part of your plan would soon be coming together.

At 7:30, the time for your one-on-one with Dr. Mooney, you sat on your bed with your hands in your lap staring blankly straight ahead. You knew he would come. After yesterday, he couldn’t let you avoid him forever. He would be forced to put on his mask of good intentions & seek you out. You depended on it.

And like clockwork, about five minutes after your one-on-one was supposed to start, you felt the air in your room shift as someone stood in the doorway. You didn’t need to glance over to see who it was.

“We missed you in group.” Dr. Mooney started, remaining just atop the threshold.

You shrugged, not looking in his direction, “Did Nurse Carney miss me, too?”

You heard Dr. Mooney inhale sharply before glancing over his shoulder. Then he stepped into your room, swinging the door so it was only half-way closed. It was a well-known policy that the only time a doctor was allowed into a patients room was in case of emergency services. He must view his exposed affair as an emergency. You smiled internally to yourself.

“I think it’d be best if you joined me in my office.” Dr. Mooney kept his voice stoic. You didn’t buy it.

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” You commented, your voice louder than he would like. “You’re a creep, like I said.”

You felt Dr. Mooney giving you a warning glare, but you didn’t care. You dared him to keep pushing you.

“Miss. _____, I must order you to follow me to my office.”

“Miss. _____? What happened to first name basis?” You finally looked towards him, your eyebrows raised, “What? You don’t like me anymore?”

“Dr. Mooney.” It was the nurse from earlier. She opened the door all the way, peering between the two of you in a confused manner.

“Nurse Graham, I’m glad you’re here. I’m trying to get _____ to join me in my office.”

She crinkled her eyebrows, “She isn’t feeling well today, doctor.”

“It’s okay.” You smiled innocently towards her, “Dr. Mooney always makes me feel better.”

You didn’t miss the accusatory flash of Dr. Mooney’s eyes, nor did you miss Nurse Graham’s concerned expression due to the undertone of your comment. You stood up, adjusting the skirt of your dress. You stepped towards Dr. Mooney, “After you, doctor.”

He sighed heavily but forced a grin, nonetheless. You followed after him as he exited your room. In the common area, you spotted Rafe, Renee, & Albert hanging around. All their eyes were on you as you crossed the room. You were quick to lower your eyes, feigning shame.

In just a couple minutes, you found yourself in Dr. Mooney’s office. He gently closed the door behind himself as you stood in the center of the room. He passed by you to his desk, grabbing his clipboard for his notetaking. But you wouldn’t be talking about yourself this evening.

“Take a seat, _____.”

He sat in his usual chair across from the couch, but you remained standing. Facing him head on as you stared down at him.

“No.”

Dr. Mooney pressed his lips together in frustration.

“We can talk just like this.”

His eyes met your own, & he didn’t bother to hide the animosity there.

“If you insist.” He cleared his throat & leaned back, “How are you feeling? Anything specific you want to talk about?”

You chuckled darkly at that, turning your back on him as you walked the edge of his office. Alongside the wall behind the couch was built in bookshelves. All the books were expected, all regarding the field in which he worked. It was just too bad there was no books on how to hide being a hypocrite or having a moral compass. On a shelf that was eye-level was a picture frame. In the picture was your beloved doctor & who you imagined to be his wife as they smiled blissfully at the camera. Poor woman.

You fingered the picture frame, your fingers grazing over the edges. “Let’s talk about you.”

“_____...” He sighed behind you but you grabbed the picture frame, spinning around for him to see you holding it.

“We can talk about her instead, if you like.” You smiled wryly, “Or Nurse Carney. I don’t know, which would you prefer?”

Dr. Mooney narrowed his eyes towards you.

“Or who do you prefer?”

“I suppose there’s no dancing around this, even though it is not your business, I might add.”

You feigned surprise, “Not my business? Maybe.”

You rounded to the front of the couch, slowly walking towards him as you held the picture of him & his wife in your hands, “But it’s hers, right? Or at least should be.”

He stood up then, tossing his clipboard onto the chair before ripping the picture frame out of your hands.

“Are you threatening me, _____?”

You batted your lashes at him, “Why would you think that? You’re the one who taught me that being honest with yourself is the first step in acknowledging your problems.”

Dr. Mooney glared down at you, “What do you want?”

“The same thing you ask of us every single day. To be honest.”

He exhaled through his nose, shaking his head.

“Oh, c’mon, Dr. Mooney.” You stepped closer, closing the gap between the two of you. You ran your finger down the buttons of his shirt, peering up at him, “It’s okay to admit you’re like the rest of us. Just as fucked up.”

He snatched your hand, raising it away from his chest. You slid your hand through his grip so his hold was then on your wrist.

“Kiss me.” You whispered, rising on your tip toes to reach him.

Dr. Mooney ripped away from you then, staring incredulously at you.

“What?” You glowered, “Am I not your type? Do you need to be my boss? Boss me around, then. Tell me what to do.”

You reached for the hem of your dress, quickly raising it up & pulling it over your head.

“_____, stop.” He demanded, his voice hard & firm.

“Make me.” You responded just as coolly. Tucking your fingers into the waistline of your tights, you began pulling them down.

“Quit!” He raised his voice & you froze, staring wide-eyed at him.

“Why don’t you want me?” You felt tears begin to kiss your eyes. “Am I not pretty enough? Old enough? Fucked up enough?”

When Dr. Mooney said nothing, you reached behind your back to unclip your bra.

“That’s enough!” He yelled once more, grasping you by the shoulders. The sudden movement forced your feet to get tangled in the half-way pulled down tights, causing you to fall backwards & onto the couch. Dr. Mooney fell with you.

It was then that you started crying, screaming, begging, & thrashing about. Dr. Mooney held you still as best as he could to keep your hands & limbs from hitting him.

“No! No! Please, stop!” You cried out.

“_____!” Dr. Mooney’s voice rivaled your own but you screamed louder.

Then, like music to your ears, you heard the door to his office slam open. Both of you quit moving, & you spotted just over his shoulder as three pairs of eyes stared into the office mixed with horror & concern.

“Dr. Mooney!” Dr. Frazer raced forward, but Dr. Mooney was faster at removing himself from on top of you.

Dr. Mooney was breathing heavily, staring wild-eyed at his colleagues. Nurse Graham rushed forward, grabbing your discarded dress on the floor & covering you with it. Nurse Carney remained in the doorway, her hands over her mouth as she took in the scene.

“Holden, it’s not what it looks like.” Dr. Mooney’s voice shook with worry as he took in being on the end of all the heated & accusatory glares.

“Nurse Graham, please get Miss. _____ back to her room.” Dr. Frazer ordered though his eyes never strayed from Dr. Mooney.

You winced as Nurse Graham helped you up & shielded you from the other eyes in the room as you slipped back into your dress. Tears cascaded down your cheeks as she wrapped a secure arm around your lower back & led you out of the room, sure to keep you as far away as possible from Dr. Mooney.

As Nurse Graham led you back towards the youth wing, you continued crying, your body shaking. But inside, you felt deep & irrevocable pleasure.

Shortly after Nurse Graham brought you back to your room, she suggested you lie down & rest & remain in there until someone came for you. But you would do none of that.

Leaving your room, you headed down the hallway towards the rest of the rooms. It was dinner time, everyone else would be in the mess hall. The nurses were busy, their attention elsewhere. And you knew no one would come looking for you for a while.

Near the end of the hall, you reached an open door. The chalkboard to the right of it read Cameron, R. You stepped inside. It was empty. He was likely with the rest of them. But you had time. Making yourself at home as if it was your own room, you removed the tights from your legs & sat on his bed, pushing yourself backwards until your back met the wall. He would be there soon.

After about fifteen minutes, you heard voices in the distance & footfalls as they echoed down the hallway. One set grew closer & you waited patiently & quietly until the object of your mission appeared in the doorway.

Rafe hadn’t noticed you at first, but when he did, he halted immediately, staring at you in mild confusion.

“Hey.” You offered a smile, your feet dancing as they hung off the edge of his bed.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

You moved off the bed, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. Rafe watched you like a hawk as you stepped right up to him. Without saying a word, you reached for the top of his jeans, gliding your hand down until you felt the button & zipper of his jeans.

“I’m leaving tomorrow, & I wanted to give you a good-bye present.” You lied through your teeth, leaning forward to graze your lips along the column of his throat.

“You’re leaving?”

“Mhmm.” You kissed his neck, feeling his body shudder beneath the action. “And I don’t want to leave without rewarding myself.”

A fierce hand found itself at the back of your neck, the fingers tangling in your hair as he pulled your head back so he could look you in the eyes. You didn’t miss the look of suspicion in his eyes but he needn’t worry. He wasn’t your target. But you did need him.

“What are you waiting for?” You eyed him below your hooded gaze, “Fuck me. Before you can’t.”

His eyes studied your face, lingering on your parted lips. For a moment, you thought he wouldn’t take the bait, tarnishing your plans somewhat, but then he leaned forward, & you grinned to yourself when you felt his mouth on yours.

With no time to waste, you placed your hands on the fabric of his shirt, moving him to he had his back to the bed, then you shoved him backwards until he fell onto it. You quickly turned away, closing the door to his room, before walking back towards him.

“You’re up to something.” He commented as you climbed onto the bed, straddling his lap.

“Soon you will be, too.” You quipped, latching your mouth to his. Rafe returned your kiss with fervor, his hands finding your hips as you began to grind against him. He groaned hotly into your mouth as you stuck your tongue into his, massaging the inside.

With swift & experienced skill, Rafe swung you over so you lied on the bed, easing between your thighs easily. His bulge was prominent as he ground it against your center. You welcomed it. As he began to leave a trail of hot kisses down your neck, you moaned.

“Do you have a condom?”

Rafe paused in his ministrations as he leaned backwards, “Really?”

You stared at him, unwavering, “No condom, no sex.”

He rolled his eyes at that but moved off the bed, “You know they check all our things before we get settled in here.”

You knew, but something told you that Rafe would still manage to sneak something in. He climbed on top of the built in desk to reach above the closet. He blindly felt around until his hand finally found what he was looking for.

“Courtesy of my dad.” Rafe commented as he climbed back down, “He knows me well, I’ll admit. And if I’m gonna be fucking some looney bins, he’d rather me not impregnate them.”

“Thanks, Daddy Cameron.” You laughed lightly, though Rafe cringed slightly at your nickname.

Returning to you on the bed, Rafe slipped his shirt over his head before reaching for the hem of your dress. You lifted yourself up enough for him to remove it. Then you two were back to making out as he began to unbutton his jeans & pull them off. But you were growing impatient. You knew you had some time before you had to be back in your room, but the sooner the better.

“Forget the pants.” You breathed out, reaching between your bodies to grasp his velvet cock. Rafe bit his lip, stifling the moan that sounded in his throat.

“Fuck me. Now.”

Rafe was only eager to meet your requests. But when his hands reached for the top of your underwear, pulling them down, his next words surprised you.

“You’re dry.”

Of course you were. This wasn’t the burning you were used to. This burning was fueled by vengeance.

“We don’t have time for you to get me there.” You commented, reaching for him, “Don’t worry, though. I’ll be wet in no time.”

It was obvious that Rafe wanted to rebuttal, but any attempt of his was thwarted when you yanked him on top of you, pressing your exposed pussy to his leaking cock.

“By the way,” you started, meeting his eyes as he tore the condom wrapper, “I like it rough.”

Rafe smirked at that, “Of course, you do.” He slipped the condom on, “Slut.”

A yelp parted your lips as he forced himself inside you. Rafe growled into your neck, not waiting for your walls to adjust to his size before he began pounding into you. He covered your mouth as you cried out, the pain from his thrusting reaching all ends of your body.

“God, you’re fucking tight.” He breathed out harshly. And you smiled at the comment.

“That’s surprising.” The smile fell from your face with his added observation. You would be forced to ignore it though to see your plan through.

Rafe yanked on the back of your head so he could look you in the eyes as he fucked you into his mattress. He leaned forward, catching your lower lip with his teeth. Your lip stung from his assault on your mouth, but you felt glee when you tasted blood. When you reached to rake your nails along the length of his back, he caught your wrists, pinning them to either side of your head. His grip was bruising. You smiled to yourself.

“Harder.” You pleaded, watching as Rafe’s eyes darkened with pleasure.

Rafe slammed into you, & you pressed your lips together to keep from moaning or crying out. Your pussy was throbbing, burning, as Rafe fucked you mercilessly. This is what you needed. And Rafe was the only person you knew could do it.

His movements began to get choppy, & you felt his cock swell deep inside you. So close. Rafe let go of one of your wrists then, reaching for your chin as he grabbed it harshly. Then he smothered your mouth with his. A guttural groan filled the space in the room as Rafe pressed into you with one final harsh thrust. His groans continued but grew quieter as he spilled himself into the condom.

Thank you.

When you felt him pull out, you lied there for only a moment longer to catch your breath. Rafe stood up, walking towards a nearby waste bin below the desk to drop the condom inside. You hurried off the bed, slipping into your underwear & dress. When he turned around, he had already rebuttoned his jeans, but he kept his eyes on you.

“So, what are you up to?” He questioned. You knew he wasn’t stupid, but he got what he’s always wanted. That would be all he needed to know.

You smiled but said nothing. When you made to leave though, Rafe was quick to catch your wrist, your muscles tender & sore there.

“Hey, why are you leaving?”

But you just shook your head, though your smile never disappeared. Leaning forward, you kissed his cheek, “Thank you.”

Rafe let you go as you backed away towards his door. You opened it, slowly poking your head out. The hallway was clear, you’d have to leave now.

“It was nice knowing you, Rafe Cameron.” You grinned at him as you stepped out of his room, “Thanks for the good-bye present.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but you were already speed-walking down the hall before he could. Slipping back into your room, you were relieved there was no curious eyes in the hall. Getting undressed, you changed your underwear & got into a pair of PJ’s. Crawling into bed, you returned back to facing the wall, the same way you had been when Nurse Graham came to your room that morning.

As you reflected on the events of the last hour, & the events that were sure to come, you finally felt the burning rage you had felt begin to simmer. Now, all you had to do was wait.

It was a couple of hours after your good-bye tryst with Rafe that your room flooded with light, waking you from your restful sleep.

“_____!” It was your mother.

Hurriedly turning around in bed, you felt your practiced tears appear.

“Mom!” You cried, reaching for her just as she gathered you in her arms. You cried into the crook of her neck, your body shaking as she held you to her. Over your shoulder, you noticed your father standing just inside the room. His eyes were red, watery, but full of fury.

“Daddy.” He joined you & your mother then, hugging you both in his arms. After they held you for some time, your parents finally pulled away.

Your mother ran her hands down your face, holding you gently, “What happened?”

You sniffled, tugging the sleeves of your sweater to cover your hands. You pulled out of her grasp, bringing your knees to your chest as you looked away, crying to yourself.

“Honey, you have to talk to us. The police are here waiting for you.”

You winced, shaking your head. Looking at them through bleary eyes, you begged, “Please, I don’t want to talk to them. I just want to go home. Mom, please.”

“You will, we will. We’re taking you home immediately.” Your father revealed, his voice firm but with a hint of fear.

“But sweetie,” your mom started, catching your eyes, “you have to talk to them. You have to tell them what happened, what Dr. Frazer & the nurses walked in on.”

“I can’t!” You exclaimed, pulling further away from her, “No one will believe me.”

“We believe you, baby. Just tell them.”

You continued crying, shaking your head. This is what you wanted.

“Dr. Mooney is saying you came onto him & that he was trying to stop you.”

You whipped your head up, staring wide-eyed at your dad, “He’s lying! I didn’t. He…he’s the one who…”

Your mother hugged you again.

“I told him ‘no’.” You finally said, your voice barely a whisper.

“What, honey?” Your mother frowned, pulling away to look you in the eyes.

You stared hard at both her & your father, tears still falling. But with an edge & hardness to your voice, you finally revealed what they needed to hear.

“Dr. Mooney raped me.”

and i oop--

alright ya'll. this was a HEAVY chapter as far as plot goes. the amount of rewrites it went through is insane but i am very pleased with the final product. as always please share your thoughts w me via commenting, reblogging w reviews, or dropping an ask. i'm seriously so eager to hear what ya'll are thinking after this.

thank you for reading!

beau<3

Requests are currently CLOSED.

Read this post on why doing more than liking a tumblr writers work is essential to our content creation.

[my love language is words of affirmation, it would make my day if you could comment your thoughts, reblog with tags, or drop an ask that shows your support. thank you for reading tumblr writers, we appreciate you]

taglist: @jsrafesgirl @bunnycvnts @ditzyzombiesblog

to be added to a taglist read rule 11 on my pinned post. requests will be dismissed otherwise.

#dark!rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #dark!rafe cameron x reader #dark!fic #dark!fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfiction #outer banks fanfiction #non con fic #dark!outer banks #i burn part eight

73 notes · View notes

lambtotheslaughterr · 6 days

Text

Rise : Chapter Fourteen

A Rafe Cameron Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 5.7k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

CHAPTER THIRTEEN | MASTERLIST | CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The door opened with a moan, & you rose to a sitting position, preparing for Adrianna to bring you your breakfast. You were glad you were given a couple days to recoup after the latest move. Everything was a blur. All you remembered was being sick, completely out of it, & never fully aware of your surroundings. But thanks to Adrianna, you managed to get better again. And now you could finally pull your own weight at the mill.

But when you looked up to greet Adrianna, it wasn’t her dark brown eyes you met.

Rafe stood in front of the closed door, his arms crossed as he peered at you. You felt like a fish out of water, like you were a strange sight to see. Adrianna insisted on you being separated from the others for some time in case your sickness was caused by the virus, but once you had improved she let you mingle with the others. But you had never seen Rafe in that time. He must’ve been busy running the place as best as he could in the end of world times.

You brought your knees closer to your chest, resting your chin on them before you finally spoke.

“Hey.” Your voice was hoarse, not having used it much, but you hoped the timid smile on your face revealed your welcomeness to his presence.

Rafe frowned, his brows creasing & causing the skin there to crinkle. He stared at you longer, making you shift under his gaze.

“Are you okay?” You questioned. He did look tired.

“Are you?” He returned.

You shrugged, rubbing your arms, “Better, at least.”

Rafe moved further into the room until he was standing across from you. Your bed was a mattress on a pallet, so he towered over you with his staggering height. But you didn’t mind. You just wanted to stop looking at you with that worrisome look on his face.

“I’m okay, Rafe.”

His lips parted, as if he was trying to understand something that couldn’t be deciphered.

“Are you?” You asked again, concerned about his unchanging gaze.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat, repeating himself to sound more stabilized.

You nodded, but said nothing more. Was he here to bring you to the mess hall? You knew your way around enough, you didn’t need someone to hold your hand anymore. However, you couldn’t deny being somewhat relieved to see him, to have him here.

“You didn’t bring food. Are we going there?” You asked, changing topic. Your stomach was growling with hunger.

Rafe inhaled sharply, finally snapping out whatever funk he was in upon seeing you.

“In a bit, yeah. I wanted to talk to you first.”

Rafe moved closer then. You scooted over to make room on your full size mattress so he could sit with you. As he did, his eyes never left yours, & yours never left his. This was someone you were comfortable with. Rafe always looked out for you.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked again, & you felt mildly irritated at that, like he was coddling you. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head, “Will you quit asking me that, please? I’m okay.”

Silence filled the small room for a moment as Rafe seemed to think quietly to himself. You hoped he would hurry up with what he wanted to talk about so you could go eat before everyone else got the majority of it.

“Do you remember anything?” Now it was your turn to be confused. Remember anything?

Frowning, you stared at him, “Like what?”

Rafe swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving swiftly under the skin of his throat, “Before coming here.”

You paused to think. You remembered the lakehouse. Millie. The group separating. And then your head started to hurt. You winced, like you felt a headache coming on. Why was Rafe asking you this?

“Adrianna said I’ve been sick for a while. It’s hard to remember.”

Rafe looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself from doing so.

“Why, Rafe?”

He sniffled, pressing his lips together as he fell into deep thought. When he finally looked at you again, you were concerned about the look in his eyes.

“Sayyed?”

You felt your heart stop for a moment at the sound of your boyfriend’s name. Adrianna had told you what happened. That the virus came for him & Nuha too fast, that there was nothing to be done. You had a vague memory of Sayyed telling you he loved you, but you couldn’t be sure. It felt more like a dream than anything.

“Adrianna reminded me.” Your voice softened, almost to a whisper. You wished you could cry over his death, over not being able to say goodbye, or at least remember it.

“She…reminded you?”

You looked away to stare at your feet, “The virus. I don’t remember a lot, Rafe. My memory is kind of foggy. She said that would be normal for a while.”

He inhaled sharply again, drawing your eyes back to him. He looked conflicted.

“What is it?” You asked.

Rafe forced a smile then, shaking his head,, “Nothing. I’m just glad you’re better,”

You returned the smile, though it was small, “Me too.”

“Let’s, uh, let’s get some food, alright?” Rafe stood up, offering you his hand, & you took it, letting him help you raise yourself to your feet.

In that moment, Rafe took a moment to look you over from head to toe. You felt like he was still studying you. But when his eyes fell to your legs, an amused smirk appeared on his face, “I can’t believe you packed these.”

You looked down, addressing the clothes you wore. You gave a small laugh yourself, “I’d never get rid of these.”

Rafe nodded, “I think that’s good. A reminder of happier times, huh?”

You met his eyes, nodding, “Something like that.”

Rafe left you at a table with Kai, Vic, & Maddy as he sought Anna out. He didn’t get far before she entered the mess hall herself at the farther end. Anna took in Rafe’s subtle look of rage as he grabbed her elbow & moved her to the hallway.

“What the fuck is wrong with her?” He hissed, making sure his voice was low & voices carried far & quickly in the spacious room.

Anna pulled her arm from his grip, rubbing the spot that he grabbed so harshly before answering him, “What? She’s fine.”

“You know what the fuck I’m talking about. She doesn’t remember anything!”

“So?” Anna bit back, glaring up at him, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Rafe was angry, but he stopped in his verbal assault to reflect.

“Or would you rather she remember that you made her kill Sayyed?”

His nostrils flared still as his anger began to simmer down.

“I thought you’d be jumping with joy.” Anna added in a sarcastic tone, “But if you want her to know the truth then be my guest.”

“No.” Rafe shook his head, “She said that you told her she would remember in time about everything.”

Anna sighed, shrugging, “I don’t know. Like I said before, I’m not a psychologist. I took a class or two, so I know what she’s experiencing right now, kind of, but as far as if she’ll her memory of everything will return, I don’t know.”

“What she’s experiencing?”

Anna nodded, “Amnesia, obviously. Dissociative or selective, doesn’t really matter which, they both do the same thing.”

“Which is?”

She sighed heavily, clearly bothered that she had to explain the basics to Rafe, “After a traumatic event the brain will shut down, protect its host from the memories that caused the trauma. She doesn’t remember anything because her brain won’t let her. And I think that’s for the best, at least for you, isn’t it?”

Rafe stared at Anna, “But only for some time?”

“I. Don’t. Know.” She enunciated, “Could return tomorrow, next week, or never again. There’s no saying.”

“If she remembers…” Rafe didn’t want to think about it.

“Then you’re a dead man.” Anna said jokingly, but Rafe didn’t view it as a joke.

If you remembered what he’s done, he would lose you all over again, & he was positive there would be no containing you then.

It felt nice to be part of the group again. You had blurred memories of the time when the group was split, but you had an inkling that it wasn’t an enjoyable time. When you had seen Bear for the first time two days prior, you gave him a hug that would rival his nickname. He returned it with fervor, claiming he was glad you were okay.

Now, he was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Bear?” You asked Kai, who jumped slightly at the sound of your voice as he cleared his plate of food.

“Um, I think out scavenging.” One thing that bothered you though since rejoining the group was that Kai never looked you in the eye. He kept his head down often & avoided a lot of talk with the others.

“Hmm.” You hummed. At the far end of the mess hall, Rafe appeared, Adrianna right behind him. You left your food behind on the table & approached him.

“Everything okay?” He asked, his tone full of worry. You were grateful for his older brother like attitude, but you hoped he knew you could take care of yourself again.

“I want to be a part of the scavenging group.” Your eyes flashed between his & Adrianna’s.

Rafe inhaled sharply at that. He gestured for Adrianna to leave the two of you & she did. You frowned, looking back at him, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He admitted.

“What? Why? I was the best back at the lake house. We both were.” You reminded him.

“I know, but ya know, things change. Micah is in charge of scavenging now.”

“So, I’ll join him.” Little did you know how much Rafe pitied you. So innocently unaware of Micah’s hatred towards you. If Rafe allowed you to go out with Micah, there was no guarantee you’d come back.

“No, _____. We need you here. You’re good in the garden with Maddy.”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest, “Bullshit. I was never good at that. That was Millie’s thing.” At the mention of your deceased best friend’s name, you felt your defiance lower.

“I want to scavenge.”

“No.” Rafe replied with finality. “If you don’t want to garden, fine. We’ll find something else for you.”

“I’ll be fine, Rafe. I know you’re always looking out for me, but I can take care of myself.”

He looked troubled, almost…sad.

Stepping closer, he kept his voice low. He brought the palms of his hands to your upper arms, not quite touching you, but grazing the skin there, “I can’t lose you again.”

You peered up at him, your heart beating faster. Why was he looking at you like that?

�� “You won’t.” Your voice was barely audible. But Rafe shook his head anyway, “I won’t risk it, I’m sorry.”

With that, Rafe stepped back, his voice at normal level again, “Work with Maddy today, we’ll find something new for you tomorrow.”

Then he left you standing there. Begrudgingly, you returned to the table. Maddy, one of the new people, grinned up at you.

“I’m with you today.” Your tone wasn’t a happy one but that didn’t deter her bashful attitude.

“At least you’ll get more sun.”

Yeah, you thought to yourself, at least.

It was nighttime, & you were helping one of the other new people, Barry, clean up the mess hall from dinner. You were about finished & ready to head back to your room when Rafe appeared.

“You got the rest covered, Barry?” He asked & Barry nodded.

“Great.” Rafe looked to you then, offering his hand, “Let’s get you to bed.”

There it was again, the coddling. Sighing annoyingly, uncaring if it was obvious, you bypassed his hand & stalked towards the hallway. Once in the hallway, Rafe caught up to you, “What’s wrong?”

“You’re babying me. I hate it. I wish you would stop.”

“I’m not babying you.” He argued, his voice defensive.

“No?” You stopped in your tracks to glare at him, “Keeping me from what I do best? Putting me to bed, Rafe? I mean, god, come on.”

“I just don’t want you to push yourself.”

Though you understood the sentiment, you wished he would let it go. You were stronger & better than that.

“I’ll be fine. You’d know that if you’d let me do my own thing.”

“Doing your own thing is what got you sick in the first place.” Rafe finally seethed, “I won’t apologize for looking out for you. And I won’t stop either, so get used to it.”

Then he walked ahead of you. You stood there for a second longer, watching as he grew further away from you. You felt conflicted. You knew he only meant well, but you couldn’t help your need for independence. But you had to admit to yourself if roles were reversed, you would look out for him in the same way.

“Rafe, wait.” You jogged up to him, gently touching his elbow with the tips of your fingers, “I’m sorry, okay? You’re right. I wouldn’t have survived if not for you. I guess I just want to do more for the group than just have my hands buried in dirt all day.”

Rafe’s gaze softened at that, but he nodded, “I know. Like I said, we’ll find something else for you. I promise.”

The two of you traded a smile before you started walking again. You were following blindly alongside him, not really paying attention to where he was leading you until the two of you stopped just outside a door you didn’t recognize.

“I thought you were taking me to my room.”

Rafe looked between you & the door, “I am.”

Then he opened the door wide enough for you to enter. You peered inside first, taking in the larger size than your own bedroom. There was a bed against the left wall—a real one with a frame & everything—& a window straight ahead. It was dusty & musty but clean for the most part. But you couldn’t help the frown on your face, “I don’t understand.”

“It’s our room.” He revealed.

Your eyes rounded, staring at him appallingly, “Our room?”

Rafe let out a shaky breath as he looked you over, “You don’t remember a lot…”

You felt your brows cinch together, concerned about the tone in his voice.

“You weren’t with Sayyed at the end. Not, ya know, with him, like before.”

You felt your mouth fall open to ask but closed it. What was Rafe getting at?

“You were with me.”

What?

An awkward, forced breath of air, that somewhat sounded like a startled laugh, left your mouth.

“We’re together, _____. We have been for a while.”

“No, what? That’s not…” Your head was beginning to hurt again as you struggled to comprehend what he was saying. Out of instinct, you backed away, but Rafe was quick to catch your hand, holding it desperately as if he was scared of you slipping away.

“Anna’s not here to confirm for you, to help you ease into it. But I am.”

You stared at him, distrustful. No. There was no way. You would never leave Sayyed, let alone for Rafe. Rafe was like a brother to you, you couldn’t…wouldn’t…

“It’s why the group split.” Rafe told you, “Because Sayyed found out about us.”

A shocked gasp left you, “No, no. I didn’t—”

“You did, _____.” Rafe’s voice was soft but his grip on your hand firm, “In the woods. After Millie.”

Tears kissed your eyes as you vaguely recalled something happening in the woods after Millie’s death. But the images were still blurred.

“I’m sorry.” Rafe’s thumb rubbed the skin on your hand, “But it’s true. We’re together.”

You stared past him, your eyes falling to the bed. You had slept with Rafe? Been sleeping with Rafe? It didn’t sound like you, it couldn’t be.

A sob finally erupted from your throat as you felt deep down that what Rafe was telling you was true. You had cheated on Sayyed. With one of his best friends no less, with one of your own.

“Oh, my god.” You covered your mouth with both your hands. You couldn’t fully remember the events happening, but you could remember the heartache of hurting the person you loved most.

Rafe swallowed, stepping closer to you. As you cried into your hands, he wrapped you into a hug, his chin resting near the top of your head. He ran his hands in circles along your back, hoping to soothe you.

“I swore I would protect you & I meant it. You may not remember but you know it’s true.” And you did. But still. This was the reality you were coming back to?

Rafe pulled away just enough to grab your hands, to look you in the eye, “You’re my girl, _____. Mine. And I’ll be damned if I ever let another thing happen to you again.”

It’d been a little over a week since you re-assimilated to the group. Bear, Micah, & the others were still gone in that time. But when they returned, you would be the first to find out. Rafe secured you a new position in the group. Sayyed’s old one.

In an office on the ground floor that overlooked the gravel parking lot was a comm set-up. The computers were useless of course but there was a working satellite radio, & a few walkie talkies. It would be how you communicated with the scavenging group once they were within range & announcing their arrival. But while you waited for that call, you were constantly calling out to other survivors on the shortwave radio. In the week you had been doing that, there was nothing but white noise that responded. One time you heard a dead announcement about the end of times nearing, but it was on repeat. No one ever responded.

It was about midday, & you were preparing to head upstairs to get lunch, when the sound of the walkie talkie crackled with a muffled voice.

“Base, this is scavenger. We’re five miles out.”

A grin ripped across your face at the sound of Micah’s voice. They would be here soon. You hadn’t seen Micah since rejoining the group, but with Rafe busy doing his other duties, this would be an opportune moment to talk to Micah about joining the scavengers. It wasn’t that you were ungrateful for Rafe getting you out of the garden, but you wanted more. Micah could give it to you. He was Rafe’s right hand after all.

You responded over the walkie, “We hear you scavenger. Look forward to seeing you.”

“Who is this?” Micah’s voice sounded, & it sounded displeased. He had always been so moody.

“_____, Micah. It’s me.”

There was no response. But you didn’t care. You were just happy to see two of your friends again.

But the moment was ruined when the door behind you opened. You spun in your chair, finding Rafe standing in the doorway. There was a malicious look in his eyes.

“What’s up?” You asked, suddenly feeling like you had been caught doing something you knew you weren’t supposed to be doing.

“They’re almost here.”

“Uh, yeah.” You glanced down at the walkie in your hand, “How’d you know?’

Rafe reached into the backside of his jeans, revealing his own walkie.

Of course, you thought to yourself.

“But I can take care of it from here. I’ll help them unload & whatnot.”

“No.” Rafe was quick to respond, shutting the offer down, “You’ll stay in here. I’ll help them.”

“What? Why?” You felt yourself growing frustrated. Ever since he told you that you two were together, something you still struggled to get used to, he hadn’t let off of his protective side. In fact, it felt more heightened at points.

“You get lunch, I’ll cover for you.”

“No, Rafe.” You had had enough. It was one thing to get used to him against you at night, his body molding to yours as you fought to sleep at night, but it was an entirely other thing to boss you around like he owned you. “I can help. I will help.”

“_____.” Rafe sighed, equally as frustrated as you.

“Stop babying me, Rafe! Goddamnit!” You raised your voice, “Why don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not that.” He groveled, his voice hard & low as he narrowed his eyes, “I just want you to eat.”

“Bullshit.” You argued, standing up, “You promised me that you would help me. This isn’t helping & I’m not buying what you’re saying.”

He stared at you silently, his lips rubbing against one another.

“Do you trust me?” You asked.

“Of course.” He replied without pause.

“So, let me do this. Okay?”

He looked past you, staring out into the gravel lot, contemplating your plea.

“Fine.” He shook his head, “But we’re doing it together.”

It wasn’t ideal, but you had learned quickly that Rafe wouldn’t compromise often. You had to get what you could.

“Fine.”

The two of you stared at one another momentarily before he stepped forward, his hand reaching for your face. You flinched just a little, but enough for him to notice. He frowned at that.

“You still won’t let me touch you.”

It was true. It was strange sharing a room, let alone a bed, with him. You loathed that you couldn’t recall your own memories, that losing Millie, Sayyed, & Nuha had fucked you up beyond repair. But the reality of you being with Rafe? It was still surreal to you. It didn’t sound right, feel right. But Rafe always looked at you with longing, like he missed you. You couldn’t feel the same. You still saw him as Rafe Cameron, coke fiend & BFF. It was hard to grasp that he was your boyfriend.

“I just need time.” You told him, looking away to sit down. Rafe followed suit, dragging out a nearby chair by its legs before sitting beside you.

“I know, I just…” His words fell short as he eyed you warily.

“I know.” You reassured him that he didn’t need to voice it. You saw it clear as day in his eyes.

“Any luck with the comms?” He questioned, nodding towards the radio.

You shrugged, “No. Nothing. We might be the last of us.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” He said, but he was smiling in a joking manner. You didn’t share the sentiment.

“As long as we’re together, right?” He asked, gripping your jean clad knee. Your muscles tensed beneath his touch, but you forced a smile anyway.

“All of us, yeah.”

Rafe was about to say something, his mouth opening, but the sound of gravel crunching caught both your ears. You turned in your chair to see Rafe’s truck pull into the lot.

“They’re back!” You leaped from your seat, ready to race outside to greet Bear & Micah.

Rafe beat you to the door though, & you noticed that he was purposefully walking slowly & using the width of his body to block you from surpassing him. You were forced to walk behind him. Like his dog. The thought made you cringe.

Outside, you watched as Micah hopped out of the driver’s side. Matt & Robbie, you guessed, were in the bed of the truck & leaping over the sides. The passenger side opened then & Bear stepped out. You didn’t care about what Rafe wanted then. Pushing past him, you launched yourself towards Bear, enveloping his larger frame into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” You spoke into his chest. He pulled you back then, looking you in the eye. You frowned when you saw his face. He had a black eye & split lip.

“What happened?” Your voice rose with worry.

Bear’s eyes flashed briefly to Micah who was rounding the front side of the truck. You followed his line of sight.

“Micah, hey.” You offered a small smile.

But Micah didn’t return it. He paused, staring at you bewildered. Then his expression changed to one of deep anger. It made your skin go cold. What was his problem?

Without a greeting or smile back at you, Micah stomped towards Rafe. Rafe tossed you a concerned glance before he & Micah stepped inside.

Turning back to Bear, you inspected his face, “What happened?”

But Bear was looking at you that same way Micah had. He looked confused.

“Are you okay?”

You stepped back, surprised by his question. Why would he be asking you that?

“I’m fine…” Your voice faded, “Why?”

His eyes flashed over your head to the mill behind, likely looking for Rafe & Micah.

“Why are you talking to him?”

“Who? Micah?”

Bear frowned.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You questioned, but you felt hurt by the inclination. Had something happened between you & Micah?

Before Bear could respond, you heard the sound of your name being called.

“Go get lunch.” Rafe ordered, his voice hard as he walked towards you & Bear.

“But—”

“Just go. I got it from here.” Rafe wasn’t looking at you though, his eyes solely placed on Bear.

You felt like you were caught in the middle of an unspoken battle between the two of them. What the hell happened?

“It’s okay.” Bear voiced, making you look back at him. He nodded, faking a smile, but you saw right through it.

“Make sure you see Adrianna.” You told him, to which he nodded in agreement.

Backing away from the two, you glanced over your shoulder in curiosity as Rafe blocked Bear from your view to speak with him.

Inside, Micah was nowhere to be found. You began making your way to the second floor to get yourself some food. But as you did, you felt your stomach swimming & your head growing dizzy.

Something was wrong. You had felt it when you first came to a week or so ago, but as the days passed, you felt the inkling growing stronger. Rafe was lying to you, or at least keeping some truth from you. There was too much negative tension, too many bad feelings in the air for you to be fully in the loop. That would come to an end. You’d make sure of it. If Rafe wouldn’t tell you the truth, you’d find someone who would.

It was shortly after dusk when you found yourself crawling into bed. Rafe had yet to return to the room, & you saw little of him since lunch. Same with Micah. Bear.

You felt like they were being kept from you, or you them. Either way, you’d confront Rafe about it.

For the next twenty minutes, you read a book: a collection of Irish literature that someone had found & stored away on a bookshelf in the mess hall. But as you read, the words weren’t registering. Your mind was too busy trying to fill in the holes of your memory. But the more you tried the more your head hurt.

You were mindlessly reading the final paragraph of a short story when the door to the bedroom opened. Rafe stepped inside, spying you on the bed before smiling. You didn’t return it. Dog-earing the page you were on, you placed the book on the floor, pulling your knees to your chest as you watched Rafe get undressed. His back was to you as he slipped out of his flannel, t-shirt, & jeans before he finally made his way towards you.

“Watcha’ reading?” He asked, peering over you to see if he could spot the book. You shook your head, “Nothing.”

He hummed in response, groaning quietly to himself as he slid under the covers shirtless & in his boxers. Once he was comfortable, his read resting against a pillow against the wall, he smirked up at you.

“You alright?”

You narrowed your eyes, “You tell me.”

Rafe crinkled his brows at that, “What’s wrong?”

“Something.” You blatantly pointed out, “I don’t know what, but something.”

He was silent, staring at you unblinkingly.

“But you do.” You added, “And don’t deny it.”

Rafe sighed, sitting forward, “Okay, what’s this about?”

You glared at him, frustrated that he was playing dumb, “Don’t. Don’t fucking do that. Don’t respond like you don’t know what I’m talking about, you know exactly what I’m talking about, Rafe!”

Rafe returned your glare then as he studied your face, “And what exactly is it do you think I know?”

“Everything!” You exclaimed, your voice cracking. No, you pleaded with yourself, don’t start crying now.

“Everything, Rafe. Do you think I’m blind? Stupid?” You asked incredulously. “Micah looked at me like he hated me. Bear has his walls up. You’re keeping me from them. What the fuck is going on? And don’t feed me some bullshit about it all being in my head. It’s not!”

“Okay, okay, calm down, will ya?” Rafe sighed, looking away in contemplation. You stared at him, willing him to look you in the eye & tell you the truth.

“You & Micah aren’t friends.” Rafe finally looked at you, but revelation shocked you.

“What? Why?” Your voice shook.

“Because he…” Rafe fluttered his eyes closed in frustration, “blames you for Millie’s death.”

What? You blinked away tears as the words repeated in your head.

“Why would he…?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I do, but it still doesn’t make sense. He’s angry, wants someone to blame. He picked you.” Rafe licked his lips, shaking his head, “And as far as Bear goes, he uh, he doesn’t agree with my method of doing things.”

Though you were still stuck on Micah’s hatred toward you, especially the reasoning, you were concerned about what Rafe had just revealed about Bear.

“Your method?”

Rafe inhaled sharply, “I’ve done some shitty things, _____. But they were necessary. For our survival.”

“What’d you do?” You were beginning to regret learning the truth.

“I’ve hurt people.” Rafe responded flatly, as if he was removing himself emotionally from the conversation, “Killed them.”

“The men in the woods?” You asked, suddenly recalling a vague memory.

“Yes.” Rafe nodded, “And others.”

“Others?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“It doesn’t matter.” Rafe shook his head, “I did what was needed for us to get this far. I did what no one else could or would do.”

You frowned, your mind running wild with the possibilities.

“And the only reason I’m keeping a close eye on you is because not everyone here can be trusted.” The final piece of information unsettled you.

“They know what you mean to me, & they know your condition. If anyone here wants to get rid of me, they know to go through you to get that done.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Your head was throbbing, “If you don’t trust some of them, why are they here?”

Rafe met your eyes, his gaze unwavering. “Because we need them.”

Your head was still spinning but your heart softened. Your distrust faded.

“I told you I wouldn’t risk losing you again. I need the others to keep that from happening.” It surprised you to see his eyes begin to wet, redden, like he was holding back his own tears.

“This is the new world now, _____.” Rafe began, “Our enemies become our resources to survive, whether we like it or not.”

“I understand.” You commented. But you didn’t. Something was still off. But you couldn’t pinpoint it.

Rafe smiled but it wasn’t happy or real. You scooted closer to him on the bed. Hesitantly, you placed your hand on his shoulder. You felt him shudder beneath your touch. Feeling braver, you maneuvered him so he was in a position where he lied with his head on your chest. Rafe was quick to wrap his arms around your middle, tugging himself closer to you.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your fingers running through his hair.

He turned onto his back then, looking up at you. There he was, your best friend staring up at you with that look of longing. Before you could say anything or stop it, he placed his hand on the back of your neck & pushed himself up.

Rafe kissed you, his lips soft yet firm. You resisted at first, but found you had nowhere to go with his hand keeping you in place. And then before you knew it, you were kissing him back. It wasn’t because you necessarily wanted to, or because you had a sudden epiphany about being attracted to him, but because it was the first honest thing you had gotten in the last week. So you welcomed it. If only for a moment.

Rafe rolled onto his front, never letting his lips separate from yours. He easily found himself between your legs, but the second you felt his prominent arousal pressed against your center, you gasped, shoving him back.

“I’m sorry.” You covered your mouth, your hands shaking, “I can’t. I’m not, I don’t know. I just, I’m not ready.” You admitted.

Rafe sighed, & you could tell he was mildly irritated, but he nodded once, “Okay.”

He rolled over to his side of the bed then, looking at the wall. A pang of guilt shot you in the chest. Ignoring your nerves, you eased toward him, situating his arm over your shoulders as you rested your head on his chest. You felt relieved when you felt Rafe relax into it.

“I’ll get there, okay? But I have to go slow.” You craned your neck to look up at him. Rafe’s face was expressionless but he nodded, leaning forward to kiss you on the forehead. Your skin burned where his lips touched.

“I know you will.” He replied, “I’m just impatient to have you back.”

The two of you settled into bed in that position, & soon enough Rafe was breathing evenly as he slept. But you lied there wide awake, reflecting on everything he had just revealed to you; more so on your relationship with him. You were genuinely worried that he would never get you back, & if that was the case, you worried about your status among the group. You felt that if you didn’t fall back in love with Rafe Cameron then you would cease to exist. And as much as you hated to admit it, you needed him to survive. It’s like what he said: our enemies are our resources to survive. Rafe Cameron was yours.

quite a bigger chapter for you all! i apologize in advance for the last half of this as i wrote while being drunk (teehee). anyway! just a filler chapter to ground reader's suspicions & her struggles with amnesia.

as always, please share your thoughts w me via commenting, reblogging w reviews, or dropping an ask.

thank you for reading!

beau<3

Requests are currently CLOSED.

Read this post on why doing more than liking a tumblr writers work is essential to our content creation.

taglist: @jsrafesgirl @namelesslosers @bunnycvnts @ditzyzombiesblog

if you want to be added to a tag list: follow my blog, interact with the work you want to be tagged for regularly, & follow the requirements to be added which you can find on my pinned post.

66 notes · View notes