laney-swan

[laney-swan]

What they don’t tell you about a divorce hearing…

1. How awkward and uncomfortable you will feel

2. How it opens up old wounds that were healing fine during your separation

3. Even through a zoom hearing, you feel nervous to talk to a judge

4. You feel really icky after and need a pick-me-up

What I did to counter at these things after discovering this in the moment…

1. Watched Criminal Minds, because even though I might feel bad about my situation there are a hell of a lot more people in the world going through worse. (Choose a show that brings you comfort, or a book)

2. Got take out, because you need a treat after a rough day (I suggest a comfort food for you, I got Mexican)

3. Spending time with people you love, because you need your support system during this time. (I spent the night with my Dad and Step-mom watching a movie, and spent some time on the phone with my best friend)

4. Chocolate, because a sweet treat is always deserved after your heart has been broken. (Anything sweet will do, but I prefer sea salt chocolate covered caramels)

5. Create something, because being creative can be used as an outlet for your emotions. (I sat and colored for a while, and wrote in my bullet journal)

[laney-swan]

This is the vibe I bring to the function…

[laney-swan]

I understood the assignment…

[laney-swan]

A lot has happened over the last year.

Firstly, I’m divorced, which I never thought I would say. Second, I moved back in with my parents after living with my ex-husband for five years. Third, I’m so glad that I’m divorced, and living with my parents. Over the last six months I have discovered that I was in a toxic relationship, with a closet narcissist. He love bombed me for the first two years, pressured me into eloping, and cheated on me (possibly twice). I then started healing as soon as I drove a fifteen foot box truck from Orlando, Florida, back to Massachusetts with my two cats. It was then that I started to realize that I was capable of anything, after being with someone who made me feel like I should just be a supportive wife 24/7.

I had a lot of help along the way, from family who supported me and love me unconditionally. To friends around the United States who made sure I had a shoulder to cry on and someone to make plans with. I’ve started journaling, writing, and reading again, now that I’m prioritizing myself over others. I’m saving money for big dreams, that I am confident I can make come true. I’ve started to love myself the way I am, and for the stronger person I am becoming. Although I had to mourn the life I had, and the future I so desperately wanted to make work with my ex-husband, I am eternally grateful to the universe for getting me to where I am today. My only regret was that I didn’t see it sooner, and that being a wife is only a small part of who I want to be.

I’m looking forward to learning more about who I am, and figuring out what I truly love.

I hope you will consider following along.

All my heart,

Laney Swan

[laney-swan]

A year ago if you had asked me where I would be, I never would have answered living with my parents, saving for a car, being a receptionist and starting over as a divorced woman. I would have said something along the lines of, hopefully pregnant with my first kid, working at Disney as a Costumer and looking forward to the next season of Bridgerton.

Well, this is how my life has been over the last year…

May- left my job at Disney World for a job less stressful at Universal Studios Orlando, and aspiring to start my own costuming business.

June - discovered my husband was cheating on me, and he asked for a divorce. I left Orlando to move back in with my Dad in Massachusetts, and started job hunting.

July - spent July 4th with my family for the first time in three and a half years, got a job in retail to sustain myself.

August - Applied for a bunch of jobs, while sleeping in my childhood bed as a 29 year old woman, cuddling with my two cats for comfort.

September - Celebrated my 30th birthday, got a job as a receptionist, took a trip to upstate New York to see one of my older sisters and started filing divorce paperwork.

October - Trained for my new job, made new friends in my area, celebrated Halloween with my parents and started sewing again.

November - Volunteered with a children’s dance studio to work on costumes for The Nutcracker, my divorce gets a court hearing and spent Thanksgiving with my godson, youngest sister, and my mom.

December - spent the entire month sewing, running around to see family, and enjoying the holidays with people I hadn’t seen in years.

January - Started journaling regularly, writing daily, reading nightly, practicing self care, keeping up with family, and got divorced.

I mean, it hasn’t even been a full year and my life has changed drastically! However, I wouldn’t change anything (except maybe not getting married to my ex-husband). I’ve learned so much about myself as an individual that I forgot about when I was part of a couple. Like how much I love clothes (thrifting high end brands to be specific), and that pink does in fact go with green, that bows make me feel pretty, that Rory Gilmore is my spirit animal, that I love to read romance novels, that I loved Star Wars before I met my ex, and moving to New York was my dream since I was a child. Most of all I have learned that I am worthy of love that lasts, where I am that persons number one priority, and that I should be able to have my cake and eat it too.

So I won’t settle, I am ambitious, and I am high maintinece. And you know what… there is nothing wrong with a woman who wants it all, is willing to do what she can to get there, and has an occasional breakdown (which she brushes her self off with another vacation to Disney World afterward 🤷‍♀️).

I am not who I was a year ago. A year ago I wouldn’t have left the life I thought I truly wanted behind. Today, I’m a changed woman and I will never go back to the girl I was.

[laney-swan]

The way this book Mia’s helped me is unbelievable. The last few months have been about moving on and healing. I am just now starting to understand why my marriage failed, and why I’m in the process of a divorce. As much as I wish things hadn’t happened the way they have, I wouldn’t take it back. I have become more confident, stronger, and have dreams I never thought I would have again. I’m looking forward to my next chapter in life, and become a better version of myself.

[laney-swan]

[laney-swan]

Hello May,

please be good to us and full of better days, laughter, happiness and amazing things 🌿🪻🌸

[laney-swan]

“Precious light is protected, harbored in the souls of unicorns, the most mystical of all creatures. There’s no creature with more power or magic. As long as they roam the earth, evil cannot harm the pure of heart.“ 

-Legend (1985)

(Gif Source)

[laney-swan]

[laney-swan]

A cozy place like this 🧺

[laney-swan]

㋡🥀

[laney-swan]

Peder Mork Monsted

[laney-swan]

summer in the countryside

[laney-swan]

[via]

[laney-swan]

dreaming of cosy autumn days 🍂

[laney-swan]

A cozy place like this 🧺