#writing to cope

[severinewrites]

finding independence without love.

Dependency is common in some relationships and could happen in both platonic and romantic relationships. We see our partners/friends as a source of happiness every time we feel down. Our clinginess strengthens when we have a special person in our lives, thinking of them as a person without flaws or perfect. This can be an unhealthy way of how we act or think in our relationships with other people, we can’t expect they’ll satisfy our needs immediately, it’s like you are viewing them as the top of our pedestal, admiring them a lot.

I am saying this from my perspective as a young adult, I’ve experienced the first time feeling disappointed in my ex-crush when I hear he likes someone else. It hurts a lot to hear from the person you’ve admired for so long like someone other than you, I mean, it’s a universal experience, right? Getting disappointed or rejected, you start to get mad at yourself like hitting, pulling your hair, or even slapping yourself for not getting chosen, you feel like an idiot for being delusional thinking you’re the “one” for them. It’s a tragic feeling, but I tried to forget about them, not as a friend but as a “crush”.

During my Christmas break, I struggled to cope with my feelings, so I doomscrolled YouTube for 10-12 hours for 3 days straight without reaching out to someone because I needed to isolate myself from what happened, trying to forget it ever happened. Then, I stumbled upon a show called “Moominvalley” on my for you page, I decided to watch the clips, and guess what? I fell in love with it quickly even though it’s been 3 days since I knew about this show. Moominvalley is a comforting show, and what intrigued me about the show is the character Snufkin, an easygoing and carefree enjoys thinking about things and always comes and goes as he pleases, going on adventures. Like Snufkin, I enjoy solo trips, I'm not a big fan of trips with my friends (depends on my mood but I prefer solo to groups) since I do treasure my alone time a lot, able to think about stuff or explore everywhere without any people around trying to drain my energy emotionally and physically. With my solo trips, I'm able to reflect on many stuff without any distractions. Just because I enjoy being alone doesn't mean I don't feel lonely… I have friends who care about me a lot—including my ex-crush but despite them being overall supportive and approachable, I can't help but try to push them away from me—isolating myself, especially what happened between my ex-crush and me, I can't face them anymore something that leads me to isolate myself from them and my friends, not wanting help or comfort from them anymore. I shut myself from them, I don't want to make things complicated. Snufkin really relates to me on a deeper level, making him my kin since he does push away friends, has abandonment issues, fears getting attached, is sad on the inside, and struggles to talk/chat with someone.

I’ve learned that even the people you deeply love and admire, you need to accept that you can’t control how they feel or act because… they are humans, right? They deserve to feel or act what they want, even having feelings for somebody they like, even if it’s not you. It’s sad because that person made you feel alive or wanted, through the physical touch, words of affirmation, and more—makes me so special to them. Maybe that’s the reason why I fell in love with them in the first place. This also relates to the relationship between Moominttoll and Snufkin, Moominroll being clingy and a bit obsessed with Snufkin makes him admire him because of his adventures but unlike Snufkin, he tries to avoid any attachment to Moomintroll, resulting in him leaving Eevery time to get some alone time or to isolate himself in his adventures. Moomintroll is also one of the characters I've skinned, his being so clingy towards Snufkin reminds me of how I acted towards my ex-crush but not as obsessive, just right. Moomintroll has longings for Snufkin, always wanting to be at his side every time, like how I've wanted to be at my ex-crush's side whenever I have a chance too—but sadly they found someone they always want to be close with… I'm glad for them but I tend to feel lonely without them around, yearning for some message or conversation from them—nothing is the same anymore as before… but that's life, there will be changes, whether you like it or not.

Therefore, I still need time for myself to find my purpose in life outside heartbreaks. Even though I would love to talk/chat with them, it’s time to use this time to take a break from them for a while, giving myself time to grow as an independent person—not needing their comfort or help and focusing on my passion for writing, like what I am doing right now. Sometimes, we need to depend on ourselves, without needing anyone to fix us. That's what I did to cope.

To end this, I would like to add a quote from Moominvalley from the character Snufkin, he once said:

“You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much.” - Snufkin (Moominvalley 2019)

We can't really be free if we admire that special person too much, draining your energy mentally and emotionally. I wish I've heard this show during my childhood then I wouldn't have to deal with heartbreaks all of the sudden. But I guess things happen for a reason. Moominvalley is truly a masterpiece, especially the creator itself Tove Jansson, the one responsible for making this beautifully crafted show for us to love and enjoy, making us learn meaningful lessons.

We humans seek longing, wanting be loved by that person we admired but I know we're better than that—I’m better than that anyways! We know that those people we love are humans too, so why waste our time waiting for approval from them? We could try to look after ourselves and be a independent with or without them—needing no love from them at all! Love can wait but not with hopes and dreams, our passions in life are much more important than some hopeless romance. We don't need that person we deeply admire to take over our lives, we should move forward and never look back! It's such a shame not to take a chance to do what you're passionate about when we only live once.

It's possible for us to grow to independent individuals thriving to make the world a better place! With my strong love for writing, I could write freely, writing down my musings, feelings, and emotions. I’m grateful to be alive where the world is filled with endless possibilities, where you can be free from everything! Be who you want to be, explore everything until you find your purpose—that’s the beauty of independence without love!

“It is simply this: do not tire, never lose interest, never grow indifferent—lose your invaluable curiosity and you let yourself die. It's as simple as that.” - Tove Jansson (Fair Play 1989)

[ydsurluvhsm]

nalu bedtime headcanons (with happy & plue 💤)

🪥 lucy’s the one who makes sure everyone brushes their teeth before bed. she’s got strawberry toothpaste and a glittery brush and does that lil swirl rinse and spit like a toothpaste commercial. natsu’s just watching like 😳 and then tries to copy every single thing she did.

🐟 happy uses enough toothpaste for five people and pretends it’s sea foam. he’s like “rawr i’m the minty ocean beast” and natsu’s like “me too!!!” and then it’s chaos. bubbles everywhere. lucy is not impressed but also giggling.

🧊 plue doesn’t even have a mouth but he still lines up at the sink. lucy gives him a pretend brushing and says “good job, plue!!” and he wiggles like he won a trophy.

🩰 lucy wears matching pajamas. like. real matching pajamas. with ribbons and bows and lil moon prints. natsu takes one look at her and his brain just blue screens. “you look like one of those princess dolls,” he says, voice full of awe. “what does that mean?” “idk. you’re just… pretty.”

🌙 natsu wears whatever he finds. sometimes it’s his shirt. sometimes her shirt. sometimes a really weird combination. once he slept in pants with only one leg. no one asks questions anymore. happy sleeps in a donut-shaped blanket like a smug croissant.

🛏️ they all dogpile into bed together. lucy’s in the middle because happy says she’s the “softest pillow with the best heart.” natsu latches on like a sleepy furnace. happy curls up on lucy’s stomach. plue is lovingly tucked in under his own baby blanket.

📖 lucy always tries to read before bed. natsu complains and says he’s bored, then accidentally falls asleep listening to her voice. happy’s tail flicks when he dreams. plue makes sparkly noises.

🔥 around 2am, natsu wakes up like, “do you need snacks? do you want fire? i could roast a marshmallow in here. should i fight something?” lucy’s like “go back to sleep.” he’s like “okay. but i’m on standby.”

🧺 they fall asleep holding hands under soft quilts. the room glows a little from the moonlight. it smells like clean sheets, warm breath, and a little bit of dragon. nothing scary gets in.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

me rn: being a kid and staying up late felt like you were unlocking some hidden magical level of reality… like everything was sparkling and secret and just for you. now i’m barely functioning on 3 hours of sleep because i stayed up writing bedtime headcanons for fictional anime characters and drinking apple juice out of a mug shaped like a bear.

anyway i’m on my period and going to bed at 7pm like a little victorian ghost child. honk shoo mimi to all who dream 💗🍼💭

[takemeoutmiles]

delta dawn by tanya tucker but its really about asterid march

lyrics i think fit her specifically:

- in her younger days they called her delta dawn, the prettiest woman you ever laid on

-delta dawn whats that flower you have on? could it be a faded rose from days honey by?

like. her being the prettiest woman of district 12 whenever she was young, her losing her best friend to the games, her falling in love with burdock and helping haymitch. her watching haymitch lose himself and her marrying the love of her life. her having kids with burdock and thinking she could finally have her happily ever after, but no, life is never that fair. burdock dies and she loses herself in the grief of everything that has happened in her life. she tries her hardest to raise her two babies alone but the mental hardships are too much so she shuts them off.

she is forced to watch her youngest get reaped like her best friend did 24 years earlier, she is forced to watch her oldest step in place of her youngest. she is forced to watch her oldest almost succumb to the same mental issues she did. she is forced to watch the capitol parade around her baby like she is a puppet.

she is forced to watch as that same baby gets thrown into the games again. this year its the first time she hears haymitch’s name called, but he evades the arena this time.

she is forced to watch the start of the rebellion.

she is forced to hear about how her youngest died. in the same field of work she did.

she forces herself to give katniss’ guardianship to haymitch because she just couldn’t handle it.

she is forced to be a witness of events.

she cannot change these events.

[yumephilia]

Traumatised yumeshippers who use shipping to safely process, take control over, and make better memories in place of your traumatic memories; you're valid!

[frogs00]

I can't honestly say that I never felt loved. I have felt loved, in fleeting moments.

Like the year I turned five and started kindergarten, raising frogs with my class, and playing in the sandbox with my friends I had only met that day, but we had already promised to stay together forever.

When someone hugs me a bit too tight and it makes me wonder if they're holding you on in fear they'll lose me if they let go. Fearing I might slip through their fingers like grain, or sand. Or perhaps like water, pure and cool water that quenches their dry throat and brings life to them. It makes me feel important.

Holding me tightly because I'm not delicate, because I could easily push and pull myself free. Because I could Sprint and fly away, if only my wings would sprout quicker, if only I wanted them to.

Or when a bird comes close to you, when it doesn't startle if you breathe too quick or too hard. Because something inside you makes that little bird trust you, they let you hold them at arms length because you control those hands.

Moments like those are fleeting, but they're very dear to me.

Everyone wants to feel loved, it's human nature. The want, the need, the yearning for any form of tenderness can blind people.

You blind me. You are tender and sweet, and it's too much to bear. You make me feel loved and it terrifies me.

This is why I think I do anything for you.

I'd burn holes in my skin if you said you wanted to touch my bones. I bring you my very heart on a platter, and if you were to complain it wasn't beating, I'd poke and prod it until it pumps because my heart only beats for you.

Only for you.

[charlie-the-sloth]

Is it too much to ask that I want someone to write poetry about me? Like I want someone to write down all my perfections and faults just to tie them all together in beautiful verse. I want someone to be so in love with me that they have no other way to describe me than to compare me to something in nature. I want to be a rhyme on someone's heart. Is that too wild of an ask?

[ottersandfandoms]

So at the Blitz hate party, Blitz had a lot of exes. A LOT. 

And I think this just shows how sex is his immediate coping mechanism when things get hard, as well as this desire to be in control and need for closeness. Blitz likes being in control, he makes himself the boss of his company and really just likes to boss everyone around. His whole life he hasn’t had any control in what’s happened to him, the fire was an accident, him being bought to be Stolas’s playmate, and just the overall lower rank of being an imp. He desires the feeling of being the one in charge as well as in control of his own feelings. In regard to relationships, if he is in control of the situation, he can’t get hurt. Of course we are shown this is not true as Blitz is clearly a very hurt individual. He is so desperate for this comfortable intimacy and understanding yet so terrified of being close to people. He both craves and fears love. It is this cruel paradox and cycle that he cannot break. A big part of what drives this is: if he lets people get close, it is not only himself who will get hurt, but THEM. His mother died because of him, Fizz was permanently injured, his sister is a drug addict, even if Blitz knows the fire was an accident, he still very much blames and hates himself because of it. He has built of this belief of himself being this great destroyer of relationships and people that it has become a self fulfilling prophecy. He breaks off these relationships because if he doesn’t, he will have to challenge his twisted beliefs and deep rooted self hatred. He rationalizes to himself that nobody would really want him, nobody is even capable of actually caring for him. His dad never wanted him. He was never enough. He can never be enough. And yet he is terrified of being alone so he gets with all these people to give himself this false sense of closeness and control. But he can’t allow himself the one thing he really wants: to be wanted. And this is why this party and the conversation with Verosika are so important. Blitz finally realizes that he is just hurting people more by destroying these relationships than he would by keeping them.

[caps1gal]

Chapters: 8/? Fandom: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One, The Transformers (IDW Generation One) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Ironhide/Ratchet (Transformers), Optimus Prime/Ratchet, Jazz/Prowl (Transformers) Characters: Optimus Prime, Ratchet (Transformers), Ironhide (Transformers), Prowl (Transformers), Jazz (Transformers), First Aid (Transformers), Smokescreen (Transformers), Bluestreak (Transformers), Cliffjumper (Transformers), Skywarp (Transformers), Starscream (Transformers), Sideswipe (Transformers), Sunstreaker (Transformers), Megatron (Transformers), Soundwave (Transformers), Laserbeak (Transformers), Ravage (Transformers), Pharma (Transformers), Bumblebee (Transformers), Red Alert (Transformers), Mirage (Transformers) Additional Tags: Pining, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Angst, Angst and Feels, Falling In Love, Character Death, Loss, Healing, Moving On, Mechs in love, Ironhide has enough love for both of them, Flashbacks, War, Ratchet loving everyone other than himself, no beta we die like Cybertron, Sticky Sexual Interfacing (Transformers), POV Alternating Summary:

Very slow burn OptiRatch fic. Wherein they have always been in love but neither made a move. So Optimus loses his chance to Ironhide. He still relies on his medic and best friend throughout all their adventures.

[highvaluewomb]

you cannot repent enough to justify your existence, you have to let it go.

[remh-oldsoullikemine]

"Like Wildflowers" #poetry #poem #books #mixedemotions #poetrybooks #poe...

[severinewrites]

all things bright & beautiful.

“The Heavens Are Thine, The Earth Is Also Thine—As For The World And The Fullness Thereof, Thou Hast Founded Them.” - Psalms 89:11

All things bright and beautiful, every time I see nature, my heart and soul spark—as it lifts my spirits. Every refreshing breeze that caressed my face—it feels all too dreamy, from what I can tell.

As a person who lives in an urban place, there’s pollution everywhere, and little to no trees around my area, which is upsetting. There is, but the more trees, the merrier. I do love to see trees around my area. I had once a vacation with my family to Baguio, known as the City of Pines, in shock, there’s no pollution but cold weather, and more trees, trees are everywhere which is what I like to see in my homeland but oh well. On that trip, I was able to focus on myself without any disturbances. With trees, I was able to admire God’s creation, and I now begin to understand why Christians admire God so much, his unwavering and unconditional love that is.

Every day, as I walked to school, I was greeted by the golden sunrise touching my face. It was so bright that I was indeed blinded by it, but it wasn’t that bad at all. I do love seeing the sunrise in the early mornings. I always picture it if I’m in a mood too; if I’m happy, then I take pictures of it. It is a breathtaking scenery to see every morning, the best way for nature to greet you.

Not only that but the birds too, greeted me, the singing of the golden-bellied birds is so wonderful to hear every morning, it soothes your ears as they sing in harmony. I adore birds that sing, and I do wish I had a garden of my own, I’ll be glad to open my garden for them to stay if ever pollution gets worse. Birds are one of the most important creatures, I could say that since they did play a significant role in the bible, but that’s all I know.

The clouds too are one of the mesmerizing things to see in the morning, as they pass you by. Clouds can change based coming from the light of the sun and time, skies may appear to be pink, orange, purple, or blue. It’s such an artistic combination of colors to see in the sky, just like a painting of The Starry Night by Van Gogh, one of the best times to take a picture before you start your day!

If you ask me, why is a young writer such as me writing about nature? Well, maybe I’m just a writer who adores nature so much, it has helped me cope when I’m in my darkest moments in life. I just want to share my thoughts, that’s all. If you ask me if I have some takeaways, I would simply encourage one of you to appreciate everyone to love nature, just pause and look at your surroundings.

We all know life is worse, it consumes our energy, making us depressed and hopeless. In my journey of battling depression, sometimes we take a step back and stop what we are doing, feeling unmotivated to do anything at all. I’ve always doubted myself, if I could look after myself, to pick myself up without any help. But then, I saw what was outside the window in my classroom, and wow… there was a lot of beauty, I said. Life is hell, I know, and finding one’s encouragement is hard to come by but all I could suggest is to look at the brighter things in life, like admiring the beauty of the earth, even if you find it boring. After all, it’s one of God’s creations.

12.15.2024

[frogs00]

Gosh, I love writing Bottom!Janis. Sigh. I never get bottom!Janis request, though 😔💔

[charlie-the-sloth]

I've kinda been obsessed with subtle intimacy here lately. Don't get me wrong, grand gestures are wonderful too. But matching mugs for our lazy Sunday mornings, waltzing around the kitchen at late hours, and your hand in mine as we walk. That's immaculate.

[rumoredr3birth]

The love I carry was passed to me by my mother

Our family tree rots with this violent malicious love

My grandmother never loved gently till her lover died

My mother killed parts of my father to find her peace

I think I hate you

I think of you standing infront of me & I don’t yearn to kiss you anymore

I want to hurt you & no matter how many times you apologize I still need to punish you for all you did to my love

My love, something I thought I didnt inherit, runs through me with the anger of a bull

I blow out hot air & I stomp my feet at the mention of you

I see red

Where I used to feel cold I now run hot

Venom pools in my mouth & I bite my tongue for you

I’ll step away like my father before me

Im the only piece of him my mother has yet to kill

When you open the gates I won’t stamped

I’ll look you in the eyes

& with my fathers voice booming from my chest I scream

I love you

Decades of love burn for you

Your on fire

Red hot fire

I run because it’s all I know

All I was very taught

I hope you can dodge

-y

[takemeoutmiles]

i wonder about you a lot, whether it’s fleeting thoughts or if you’re all i can think about for days. a few months ago, that would’ve meant something an entirely differently.

a few months ago that would’ve meant so much pain. trying to heal from the heartbreak you gave me. trying to learn the lessons my friends said was there. trying to find a purpose after losing someone i had been utterly enticed with for almost two years.

now it means something better. i think of you more fondly, i somehow see you in a better light. that we were both young teens that didn’t know all the rules or tricks in this game in love. i still love you, and i probably always will, but that flame of love became a tiny spark. i’ll take care of it, i promise.

we don’t talk much anymore, and i don’t entirely know if thats a curse or a blessing. it gave me the space i needed to find myself, i’m forever grateful for that. but it also made me realize how obsessed i was with you.

you gave me a reason to wake up in the morning, and i thank you for that, but i also realize that it was unhealthy. it’s better now.

maybe oneday you’ll see my words on these pages and see what you lost and what you gained. and maybe i’ll reflect back and see how much i’ve learned

[zephyrionschattenflug]

Keep the thoughts at bay

Keep the thoughts at bay.

The black ichor oozing

out of long forgotten scars

infected with that bitter poison.

Ugly, ugly-

Silence!

Keep out the frantic bats

swarming my clouded head.

The rats feeding

biting, greedily clawing

at the crevices of my mind.

Alone, they won't leave me

alone.

The whispers haunting me.

Worthless, worthless.

Keep in the darkness

drowning, suffocating you,

keep it all inside.

No one loves you.

Hollow, hollow.

No one listens.

There's no meaning.

Kill yours-

I put pen to paper

and I channel the shadows,

insatiable beasts, bleeding for me,

their ink flows at my behest,

as I keep the thoughts at bay.