languagenderflux - Tumblr blog

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Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006) The Umbrella Academy (2019 ─ ) Zombieland: Double Tap (2019) The Simpsons (1989 ─ )

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the phrase "why? well, it's a sex thing for me" is always on the tip of my tongue and one of these days it's going to slip free with catastrophic consequences

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My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

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body paintings by Karen Turner

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More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

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I hate hate hate hate how dog friendly everything is in the city now. Barring medical necessity, there is no reason to bring your dog to a restaurant, there is no reason to bring your dog to the grocery store, there is no reason to bring your dog to the nail salon. Dogs do not need to go everywhere you go why am I being forced to be around dogs all the time

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“Posting a spotify link on tumblr is useless because no one listens to them anyway” wrong. It serves the purpose of showing you who likes you enough to have sex with you

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this has probably been done before, but i'm curious to see!

what is your gender identity?

cisgender

transgender

nonbinary

genderqueer

multigender (bigender, trigender, pangender etc.)

genderfluid

agender

xenogender

demiboy/girl/flux

multiple of these

none of these/other (put in tags?)

unsure/questioning

unfortunately bc of the 12 option limit i couldn't include everything, so i went with the ones i remembered off the top of my head!

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Source

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Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

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If you're struggling with the cost of living right now (reasonable), this is your PSA to...

Google universities/colleges near you.

If you can't get out to more than one, look up which one has the highest tuition.

Look-up when the graduation date is

Drive neighborhoods near the university the week before graduation

So much stuff gets left out on the curb. Wealthy college students tend to prioritize convenience over money, so instead of carefully reselling their perfectly good stuff, they frequently give it away or put it out with the trash because that's easier than moving, reselling, or donating. Take advantage of this.

I furnished pretty much my entire apartment from college giveaways and yardsales.

What I got for free:

Mattress and box springs

2 10 ft area rugs

The massive 9-drawer chest (that has a label on the back that it was custom-made and shipped across the country) that my TV sits on.

Two 13 x 2 ft raised garden beds

My desk - just sanded it down and refinished it.

Three short stools

An organizer rack

Watering can

Tommy Bahama outdoor cooler (retails for $350)

Chairs

Shelves

What I got for cheap:

Two futons for $50

Custom coffee table with storage for $25

Three tall stools for $30

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SEMEN RETENTION-- WRAPPED!

You conserved 137ml of fluid!

You didn't jack off 140,346,824 times!

The thing that got you most horny was... The rich loam by the river delta!

Your warrior essence grew by 84%! WOW!

The thought that kept you from masturbating the most was... The hard red clay of the valley!

Your male spirit takes the form of the Conquering Lion, and its element is the Roaring Thunder!

If you jerked off now, you could save all of us

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this

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shoutout to flags that look like landscapes fr gotta be one of my favorite genders