larc-en-punk

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Michelle Trachtenberg in Mysterious Skin (2004)

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Ongaku to Hito special issue dedicated to Atsushi Sakurai

𖤐 my scan 𖤐

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my own private idaho will always be my favourite movie. when i first watched it with my girlfriend i remember she told me we were never watching any of my movie choices again, because it was so sad. and i remember i had to explain to her how i did not felt sad by the ending or any other part. don't get me wrong, it is a sad movie, but the tone it uses to convey the solitude and struggles it comments on, to me it is so sweet and so melancholic, that i did not feel sad, i felt seen.

my own private idaho is a movie that you watch when your life doesn't make sense anymore, and then you feel like it speaks to you, like it depicts your very own loneliness (it is a lonely road in the end); you watch it in summer, sweaty, full of nostalgia and an urge to cry that never ceases. and then, when you've finished watching it, you realize how much of yourself has been disclosed by it.

as an adolescent i was desperate to relate to something that would show me how the world works, something bigger that gave me purpose, and it may be dumb to say that this one movie did it for me. when you have the main character showing you how he has no control over his own life, how he is missing everything and everyone without helping it, then you feel seen. the solitude in me and my clouded mind can finally relate to something.

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finally finished reading the poppy war trilogy and i have WAY too many things to say about it, but first let me shed light on one of the mysteries regarding altan's death (because as the last speerly, a legend itself, he remained a mystery to everyone even in death) and why chaghan couldn't find any trace of his soul after passing: it can clearly be linked to how his soul was connected to rin's, as the last two speerlies even their wills became alike (or at least altan made sure to mold rin's will like his), altan's soul was coexisting in rin's body, in rin's mind; chaghan couldn't find any trace of his soul because only after rin's death he would finally be free from any "speerly rage", because there would be no speerly left to pass on what the genocide of their nation truly meant to them.

but, while reaching this conclusion, i also had the realization that altan's soul was actually scattered among everyone. everyone had a little bit of altan in the end, right? rin gained his rage, suni gained his empathy, chaghan gained what we could call somewhat love.

altan's soul became part of rin's, yes, but it was also shared among everyone. therefore, in the end, he did not have anything to himself just like what he had learnt during all his life.

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It’s cool to not be totally healed from something 9 months later and it’s also cool to understand that you don’t really heal from anything you just live beyond it and find new happiness and it’s cool to grieve the loss of some sort of innocence you can’t quite name and it’s cool if you’re crying because I am too

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idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it

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you need to be earnest. you need to tell people that you love them. you need to speak on how you’re feeling honestly. you need to be sentimental. you need to stop letting the fear of other people laughing at you have so much control over how you express yourself. you need to get over yourself. you need to be embarrassing but true.

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when gerard way sings "the broken, the beaten, and the damned" and when kermit the frog sings "the lovers, the dreamers, and me" they're talking about the same people btw

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“how could you have forgotten that” i forget Everything. unless i remember

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summertime in tallahassee

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Revolutionary Girl Utena / stickersheet available

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Revolutionary 

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|PINK / PURPLE| - Utena and Anthy

2019.

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Hide (X Japan)

scanned by wunl

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A new revolution

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Hong'er doing his best