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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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It’s kind of disheartening the way people talk about that woman who smiled in her mugshot, saying things like “that’s women” etc. Saying she didn’t get enough jail time because she clearly isn’t sorry. Saying that anyone defending her is a trash person.

It’s just people having a go at a woman for being female, as usual. It has nothing to do with what she did and everything to do with her gender and what she looks like.

The thing is....women get forced to smile for a lifetime. At a certain point it can become a habit. I sure got forced to smile all the time. Everybody always said “smile, your smile is pretty, youre prettier when you smile. You look sad or ugly when you don’t smile and we don’t like to see sad, ugly or unsmiling women.”

That’s the message that you live with as a female. You have to be pretty in every photo or you will hear about it. I can’t tell you how many times some relative or friend came across a photo of me and expressed a negative opinion, asking why I didn’t smile. I would have been prettier, they said.

A few years ago I realized that society was treating me like a clown - like someone who had to put on a show for them. Like someone who had to look happy and agreeable and filled with mirth - even if she’s not. Three years ago I stopped smiling unless I wanted to. I got a lot of pushback. A lot. From family, friends and strangers.

Men on the street would tell me “Smile!” or “Things can’t be THAT bad” because me just walking around with my normal face means that I must have a terrible life. Really? I think it means that theyre imagining that I have terrible life or that I am in a terrible mood when in reality on the inside i’m just thinking about chicken or wondering what Jungkook is doing. Nothing is wrong when I’m not smiling. Nothing.

Despite the pushback I’ve continued to not smile. When people say negative things about it I ignore them or make them feel stupid. One day in line at Walgreens I was not smiling, just thinking about writing stories or painting. A man next to me asked me if I had brothers because I seemed manly to him. I said “It’s a good thing one of us is manly” and then walked past him and checked out. lmao

But not every woman is me. Most women would have been sad that he said that or felt that it really meant something about them as a woman or made them less of a woman. I didn’t feel anything. I recognized it as what it was. My serious unsmiling female face was repellent to him. He wanted to see a smiling bubble head like those chicks in anime. He wanted me to smile and tilt my head to the left like he expected. I am not a waifu. And other people’s expectations are not my problem.

So I’m saying this not to say that what she did was right. I’m just saying the fact that she smiled and tilted her head in a picture doesn’t mean ANYTHING. It’s a learned habit. It certainly doesn’t mean she deserves more time in jail. Smiling in photos is a reflex, it doesn’t come from genuine happiness or a truly carefree state of mind. Not when you’re a woman. It comes from a lifetime of harsh conditioning in an extremely sexist world.

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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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Oh my God

That is so cute TT

Keanu has always been the cutest <333

#keanu #keanu reeves

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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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It’s not all bad news today, I just wanted to say that I worked on Helping Hand a lot and its going really well. I like it and I think you’re gonna like it too. It’s almost done but....you know, writing love scenes is hard and it takes a lot of time. The logistics alone of what each of them are doing or feeling takes a lot of nitpicking with to get it reasonable so that it reads well.

I’ve had quite a few people ask already when I’ll be done but you can never really tell when you write love scenes. Sometimes I scrap the whole thing and start again. Sometimes I feel like what I’ve got is great but it just needs a bit of garnish to make it hot. Garnish can take time, too. All I can ever do is just work on it little by little until I feel its good.

My plan is to go pick up some Taco Bell and energy drinks and just write and paint this weekend. So you’ll be seeing that story finished soon enough and probably some other stories popping up here too. I have a couple others in the works. I just work on them all slowly bit by bit as I get the time.

See you soon!

#writing #updates

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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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I feel somewhat better right now though still sad. I was listening to all my Boyfriend albums and drinking rum and crying. It was somewhat therapeutic, but then I fell asleep and that was more therapeutic. Sleep’s always good for what ails me.

I just hate how now when I listen to their music it will always bring that element of sadness, you know? It used to be pure happiness but now it will always be bittersweet. That’s one of the worst things about groups disbanding. Its not just that you wont ever get any more songs or see them perform, its that all the old songs are ruined now too.

I can’t listen to any song without thinking about the fact that they’re disbanded now or thinking about where I was in life when I first heard that song and how long ago that was. I think about myself four years ago, three years ago...it always seems like I was so much happier then. It makes me worry about my life now and about how time passes so quickly. Before you even fully realize how much something means its usually gone.

These were things I didn’t know would happen until those last bands I liked broke up. On those days the other fans were crying and I thought they were stupid. Hell, I said that they were stupid. “Its just some music. There are countless good groups out there, move on. Go support some unsigned band who actually needs your love.” I had all the answers. I was the tough girl hardass back then. It took me a long time to realize what those disbandments meant.

I guess I got busy with art and other things right after they broke up and one day I went to listen to one of those disbanded bands...and my heart just cracked as I realized how much I had really liked them and still did. I realized no other band would ever be like that, not ever again. I started watching their videos, particularly from the shows that I had been lucky enough to attend myself, and I just missed those days so much. I realized how good they were and how good I had it...and never would again. I think about the friends I had back then...we don’t even speak anymore.

That was when I learned that when bands break up the old music gets ruined too. Every time I hear it I think “they were so good. People don’t make music like this anymore. Times changed but times were so good back then. Why do good things never last? I was happy back then. I was better looking then. Now I’m just fat and stupid looking. What happened to me? I used to kick ass. They used to kick ass. And now its OVER. I don’t feel like fighting for any of my own projects most days, and they already threw in the towel on theirs.”

*sigh* Now I just have yet anther group to trigger my maudlin sentimental regrets. But I won’t let it get me totally down. I will try to preserve all the good parts of their music and my good memories of them. It’s not like they’re dead, thankfully, I’ll get to see them again. I’ll get to finish that Donghyun painting I wanted. Maybe someday I’ll be as happy as I once was again too, and then I won’t think things like “back then, when I was first getting into their music, I was happy but now I’m just a sad potato etc”

I’ll stop being the sad potato soon and then I’ll do some sort of artistic tribute, not just to Boyfriend, but to all the groups I’ve lost who made life happy at one time or another before life took them in another direction *sobbing*.

#boyfriend #i'm gonna stop crying i swear #its just better if i get it all out now #then i can move on

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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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In tears right now. Boyfriend disbanded today and I’m very very sad

I really loved them a lot. Really.

They were the first Kpop group I ever liked. I was always surprised that they weren’t more popular and that I didn’t get many comebacks with them from 2014 to now. They always had the best songs and the best MVs. I loved every member. I watched their variety shows so many times and I wished that they were my friends.

There was a time a couple years back when I was very sad and lonely, I always listened to their songs and they made me happy. One week I had no internet and was stuck in my apartment with nothing to do, but I had the new boyfriend album so I just listened to it and wrote and drew and painted. I listened to it over and over. I had other stuff to listen to but I didn’t want to. I really liked that album. I listened to that one album for the whole week. And even after that week I kept listening to it. I still do.

When I first started drawing four years ago i used to draw Donghyun all the time. I was terrible at it, and my progress went from laughable to cringy and kinda plateaued at cringy, but I was always so proud of those drawings. I would show them to literally everyone and tell them he was my favorite singer. He always was.

I used to always tell people one day I would get good at painting and I would give him the portrait that he deserves.

Last night I painted my best portrait, it really is beautiful, and today Boyfriend disbanded. I feel like every time I get something I lose something else. But mostly I just lose something - I lose more somethings every year.

Everyone else’s favorite groups get more famous every day - hell, every minute - but mine fade away and disappear. It feels terribly unfair and terribly lonely. Of all the friends I had who liked Kpop over the years nobody liked Boyfriend but me. Just like in everything else in life, I was totally alone as their fan.

And now Boyfriend is over.

Three years ago two of my favorite groups disbanded and I’m still sad about it today. Now this.

I’m just really sad.

I hope that they will be happy doing whatever they want. They’re all very very talented and deserve the best. They deserve the world.

But the world isn’t very fair.

#boyfriend #sorry for being depressing #i guess i'm in mourning #how much more can i lose #i really dont know #i should gain more things to love #but its not easy for me #i dont love things or people easily #or much at all these days

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lareinaquyakoroleva1-blog · 5 years

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A Helping Hand [pt 1] [M]

Summary: When sleeping over with Jungkook on tour you find yourself overly excited and unable to sleep so he offers you a hand. And then more than his hand...

Ever since you and Jungkook started hanging out again things just felt different between you. Well, you certainly felt different towards him, and you couldn't pinpoint when that happened.

Two years ago you had a famously huge falling out – or rather a semi public screaming match – at an informal awards show after party with a bunch of famous guests. You accused him of not caring about you at all ever since he got famous.

You'd been feeling ignored by him for some time and that night it came to a head. You'd had too much to drink and watched some model pawing at him while he did nothing to stop her. You were so grossed out so you picked a fight. You waltzed right over to Jungkook and shoved the model aside.

“Hey! What the hell?!” she cried but you hissed at her, making her scurry off in fear of your open hostility.

“Y/N, what the hell was that?” Jungkook asked. He had never seen you attack anyone like that before.

You folded your arms over your chest and told him that you were leaving.

“Why? The party just started,” he said.

“Well, I don't feel comfortable here and I don't have any friends here.”

“I'm here,” he said, looking at you clueless. “BTS is here.”

You scoffed. “BTS are your friends, and youre not really my friend anyway. Not anymore,” You said. Then you went on to rant about how he had changed.

You said he became a fake snob who only cared about money and fame. He tried to deny it but you said he was never a real friend to you, even though deep down you knew that wasn't true.

When you said that something snapped for Jungkook. You had never seen him get really redfaced screaming mad at anyone before, but he was just that mad at you that night, as he began to recount all the nice things he did for you growing up which you had the nerve to be ungrateful for now. He ran down a stunning list of all the times he had helped you, comforted you, defended you, made sacrifices for you.

“BTS is the only thing I never gave up for you and you can't even stand me having that!” he ranted. “It's not my fault I succeeded! It's not my fault I'm actually good at something unlike you who has quit everything you ever started!”

“Excuse me?!” you cried shrilly.

“Piano? Quit! Ice skating? Quit! Debate team? Quit! Ballet? Quit! Writing? Quit! Spanish club? Quit! The only thing you're good at is quitting!”

Your mouth fell open and your face turned red. How dare he try to turn everything around on you? And in front of his fancy new friends, no less?

“Now you're even quitting our friendship?! Well, go on, go then!” he yelled pointing at the door. “It's not like I didn't see this coming, Quitter!” he yelled at you, eyes blazing.

You couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. You huffed and stalked your way to the door before yelling back. “You know what? I do quit you! I'm not your friend anymore, Jeon Jungkook! I never want to see you again!” With that you screamed in fury and stomped out, slamming the door behind you.

True to your word, you didn't speak to Jungkook for eight months. The other members of Bangtan tried to patch up your friendship. They even tricked you into seeing Jungkook on more than one occasion. But you refused to forgive him or talk to him, and you only avoided him, muttering insults like “jerk” and “fake friend” under your breath whenever he tried to come near you. In a way you knew you were being petty but you still couldn't stop.

It was only when Jungkook himself sent you a 5 page long handwritten apology letter from some remote country while he was off on tour that you broke down and cried letting go of your grudge and forgiving him. He even mentioned all the things you didn't quit – like photography, college and singing.

“You are good at so many things. You're not a quitter and I'm sorry I called you that. I was angry, I felt attacked and I lashed out at you when I should have tried to understand you.”

You called him and apologized too, saying that you were the one to blame for that ugly fight. You simply got too jealous. You'd always had all of his time and attention but you started to feel forgotten. He was always “Y/N's best friend” back home but now Jungkook belonged to Bangtan, ARMY, and the rest of the world. You felt like there was nothing left for you but scraps here and there. You felt like you used to be the first person he thought of, but you had become an afterthought.

Jungkook told you not to be ridiculous. “You will always be my best friend. I love you. I could never just forget you,” he told you.

He had never told you in words that he loved you before and you could not have imagined how sweet the words would sound rolling off his lips. You were so elated that you forgot all about the fight. It was like it never even happened. You started to accept his invitations to fly out to his concerts and hang out with BTS. Once you got closer with the rest of Bangtan you started to feel less like they were taking Jungkook away from you and more like you both had just gained some more friends.

Over time things got good again and you felt as close to Jungkook as before – or maybe even closer.

You didn't know if it was because his appearance had changed a lot over the past couple years or because it had been a while since you'd been around him a lot, but he was suddenly just incredibly attractive to you. Each time you saw him you ended up in an aroused state somehow, usually having to take care of yourself at the end of the day once you were finally alone.

Trying not to worsen his effect on you, you tried to keep Jungkook at a bit of a distance, forbidding him from his usual behaviors of jumping on you and tickling you or showing excessive skinship, since it only turned you on now.

“We're not kids anymore,” you'd complain and push him off you, but he would only pout and beg for cuddles until you caved, letting him wrap himself around you and smother you with affection.

“Don't fight it, you need this. Wouldn't want you getting lonely again,” he would tease, and you couldn't deny it was true. When you didn't get enough attention from Jungkook you didn't even feel like yourself anymore.

So, many nights were spent in awkward situations that Jungkook didn't know were awkward for you. He thought it was fine for you to sit on his lap when there were no available chairs. He thought it was fine to just wrap his arms around you whenever you looked cold or to run his nose along your neck as a prank just to watch you gasp and turn red.

He thought it was fine to ask you to go swimming with him and wear no shirt and the skimpiest trunks imaginable, showing off his broad chest, perky pecs, trim waist, washboard stomach, muscular legs and impressive dickprint.

(Yes, you looked. You'd always heard that dicks got smaller in cool water but there was no water cold enough to diminish the majesty of what Jungkook was packing.)

He also thought it was fine for you to sleep in his tiny bunk with him on the tour bus and in his hotel room beds with him. When you went on the tour the others split rooms as usual, but he shared a single room with just you.

“Otherwise, you'll complain that you don't get your 'alone time' with me,” he explained teasingly. “Dont wanna be 'quit' by you again.”

“Shut up Jungkook,” was all you said with a pout.

You spent a lot of torturous nights lying awake sleepless horny and agitated while Jungkook dozed next to you angelically, peacefully unaware of your inner struggles with your libido.

Having you in his bed didn't ever seem to bother him at all. He never lost sleep and would even turn over and cuddle you in the night, never knowing how you laid there eyes wide open thinking that you were in some type of heaven/hell hybrid.

You wondered if you should just tell Jungkook that your feelings towards him had changed somehow but you were too chicken. Still, you had to do something to alleviate your struggles. So you started bringing along a toy for yourself whenever you went to visit him.

It was a small red bullet – shiny, compact, powerful and could get you off lightning fast - the only problem was that it buzzed audibly so you had to take extra care not to let him hear you using it. You didn't want him to find out about it or notice how many times you had to use it – which seemed to grow increasingly more each trip.

One night you were staying with Jungkook in New York City and you were having a particularly hormonal time. Jungkook was looking particularly handsome and your period would be starting in a week, meaning it was the horniest time of the month for you.

All you could think about was how much you'd love to be rammed into oblivion and Jungkook wasn't making things any easier by being cute and charming while always hanging on you.

Everything he did said and wore made you miserable. You could hardly talk to him, for fear that you would say something inappropriate and expose yourself.

“You've been really quiet today. Are you mad at me again?” Jungkook asked you quietly while you were at a nice restaurant eating dinner with the others.

“No. Of course not, Kookie,” you said, taking his hand under the table and smiling at him reassuringly. Or at least, you thought it was a reassuring look but there must have been something else there too because he looked deeply into your eyes and he apparently saw something he liked because he linked his fingers with yours.

The simple act made you feel all horny again, longing to have his hand in more interesting areas of your anatomy and thinking about how much you'd like it if your entire bodies were entwined like that, but then you quickly pushed that thought down.

Jungkook smirked, letting out a pleased little hum.

“What?” you asked, feeling self conscious.

“Nothing,” he said and squeezed your hand before letting it go and continuing to eat.

Later that night you were getting ready for bed, preparing for your turn in the bathroom, when Jungkook strolled out of the bathroom shirtless and fresh from the shower wearing nothing but a towel tucked around his waist.

Your hear rate accelerated. Your mouth filled with drool. It wasn't anything you hadn't seen before but just knowing he was totally naked under that towel had your pussy quivering. The way his dark wet hair framed his face and dripped water droplets down his sexy chest made your mouth go dry and you licked your lips. Why would he do this to you?

'Jesus Christ,' you thought to yourself as you chewed on your lower lip, your head tilting as he walked over to the closet to pick out something to sleep in. He glanced back over his shoulder and you managed to quickly tear your eyes away from the sight of his firm ass beneath nothing but white.

“What's up?” he asked, as he dried his hair with an excess towel. You could have sworn that you saw mischief dancing in his dark orbs. Did he know what you were thinking? Or what you were feeling? Was he, perhaps, doing this on purpose? Showing off because he knew about your problem? No, he couldn't possibly know! And you needed to keep it that way.

“Nothing's up. I-I'm gonna go shower now,” you stammered out, hopping up from the bed and picking up your overnight bag.

“Okay, I'll be right here waiting for you,” he said seductively and winked at you.

You paused wondering if you had really just seen that (or heard that). “Did you just wink at me?” you asked.

“No,” he said innocently. “Why would I do that?”

'Okay I'm officially going crazy!' you thought, and you dashed into the bathroom and locked the door behind you, rummaging through your bag for your much needed toy.

Stay tuned for the second and final part! I’m working on it but I wanted to see if anyone would like this story in the meantime. ;)

#jungkook #smut #jungkook smut #bts #bangtan #bts smut #bts scenarios #jungkook imagines #bts imagines

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