lavendernightmares-indigodreams

[lavendernightmares-indigodreams]

Noticing I'm distracted and resisting the urge to distract myself from my distraction

[lavendernightmares-indigodreams]

Rinsing His Kisses: The Ritual of a Washboard

I want to fill this tub and toss myself in wring myself out expose your charm scrape the stains against the steel watch you drip-drip-drip out of me collect the drops in tiny honey glass bottles hold them up and announce, See this, this is what disarmed me

Let me prepare a slide Let me show how he harmed me Let me hold him up to the light Don’t look away, for he’s here: all his glory reduced to [a smear on a stage] my insanity: microscopically validated

Is it enough to let me rewind? Take me back to the first time I ignored the signs that I was falling in love more than I ought Is it enough to let me bleach the spots where our threads intertwined? Make it so that we met, but that I left after half past nine, that I drove home, that I did not stay to eat, that I escaped, and instead of becoming mine, he became just another first date story an anecdote I hang on the clothesline to dry

Instead our first kiss haunts me he held my cheek so tenderly I could almost forgive myself