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what’s the word for post nut clarity but for situations
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How have I successfully gone from “you’re the most important person in my life, I want nothing more than to love you” to “you make me want to kill myself” TWICE in my life. Damn, I must really suck. It’s clearly me the problem, as it has happened yet again. Maybe I’d be better off alone so I can stop ruining everyone’s lives
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depression: i want to die
anxiety: but what if you die
me:

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5 years later, and you were right. And I broke my promise. And it’s really fucking annoying that you were right. I am the problem. You’d be happy to hear me say that. I’m a good mom, but I don’t think I was made to be a good partner / wife, which is a bummer, because I’ve always tried to be a good spouse.
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Son wakes me up at 4am for oatmeal. Then I stay up doing laundry for hours. Then, have to take step daughter to her first therapy appointment. Come home to continue doing laundry for hours. All of the laundry is finally done and away, but the kitchen floors are in desperate need for a mop. It never ends. I need a nap.
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You ever read old love bombing messages from your emotionally abuse ex, roll your eyes, and thank the fucking UNIVERSE that you are where you are now? Yeah. Me too.
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I cut all of my hair off again, no one is surprised
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"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
- the perks of being a wallflower
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I’m better off and stronger now, but one thing I don’t get,
Is why was it so fucking hard for you to just commit?
Did you know you were in over your head and you’d never catch my pace?
Or were you intimidated by the fact that I’m more than a pretty face?
Whatever the reason, I’m glad you chose to threaten me with your lies
It took you putting a gun to your head for me to realize
That I’m worth more than food thrown on the floor and you yelling at my tears
I’m happier now than I ever was during those nine shitty years.
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If we’ve gone like 5 years without hanging out, don’t show up at my funeral with some fake ass shit. That is all.
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