let-your-chaos-explode

[let-your-chaos-explode]

I just watched Wish (2023) and it made me realize something kind of sad about Disney’s treatment of villains.

So Disney has a long history of villainy from the OG Evil Queen who is willing to murder a girl just for being pretty to the misguided like Auto thinking he’s protecting humanity in Wall-E. They are mean, jealous, prideful, vain, and many relish in just being the worst of the worst. However every now and then we get a glimpse of more complexity. Zootopia’s Bellwether dealing with years of racism and mistreatment, Gantu trying to stop what he thinks is a monster in Lilo and Stitch, Up’s Muntz being a heroic explorer before paranoia consumed him, etc. The thing that makes me sad about these villains is that not one of them has ever had a chance at redemption or change in Disney’s eyes and nowhere is that sadder to me than their latest villain, King Magnifico.

(Spoilers below)

King Magnifico is the magical founder of a utopian society that accepts people of all races, religions, and backgrounds. Who created this wonderful place after what is heavily implied to be a violent invasion destroyed his homeland when he was but a child. This past trauma led him to study magic and become a powerful sorcerer so that nothing could hurt him or the people he cared about ever again. His magic is a protection that he extends to all who choose to live in the city. The city is vibrant with a colorful community full of artisans, musicians, and dancers. He takes no taxes from them, but does take their one true wish upon joining this society.

When given these wishes it is understood that he will ensure their safety and possibly grant them one day. Something important to note about the physical manifestations of the wishes is that they give off a warm and comforting aura as they represent some of the purest parts of a person’s soul. Magnifico has been surrounding himself with this magical comfort for a very very long time by himself and I don’t think it’s unfair to say he has become addicted to their presence. The wishes are giving him a magical comfort through the kind souls within them, a feeling he could’ve probably also gotten if he had spent more time with his people.

It doesn’t look like he ever really got the chance to commune with his people properly because somehow the society kicked off on his wish granting abilities. People had to give him their wishes if they wanted them granted and eventually the ones that he couldn’t grant in good conscience or out of fear started adding up so he began locking them away. Keeping them safe so no harm came to the people. The rare occasions that anyone else interacts with these wishes is during wish granting ceremonies that the people are borderline rabid for. With good reason, it is their souls they’re thirsting for after all even if they don’t really know it.

However, Magnifico clearly doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as he’s given these people a wonderful safe haven from the horrors of the outside world where they can be whoever they want to be, do what they want to do, make what they want to make, and still all they see in him is a tool to fastpass to something else they want even more than the peace he’s given them.

This is clearly shown early on, before any of his evil behavior starts to take root, in relation to his assistants. We get a expo dump after the first song telling us that Asha wants to become one of his assistant to increase the odds of her grandfather’s wish being granted as there is a correlation between past assistants and having wishes granted. Something important here is that there have clearly been many assistants, suggesting that it’s a revolving door position without really explaining why. Who would want to keep finding assistants over and over again, when really you should find someone who could do the job long term right? Well we get to find out the likely reason when Asha steps up for the role.

When Asha comes to interview for his assistant position he sees she is nervous, he tries to calm her down, and he even manages to relate to her through fond memories of her kindly father who he clearly knew. After seeing her true resolve to do good he decides to trust her with something few people in the entire kingdom get to see, the vault of wishes. To which Asha doesn’t even hesitate to ask, after politely being told not to prior, if he’ll grant her grandfather’s wish.

Magnifico is blatantly stricken by her request, sadly remarking that most people at least wait a few months before doing so a.k.a pretend to be interested in helping him rather than trying to use him to grant a wish. This is likely why the assistant job is a revolving door. Magnifico tries to find someone who he thinks will truly and selflessly fulfill the role only to discover time and again that people are just using it to get direct access to him to ask for a wish. Then he can’t trust their true intentions anymore and moves them along.

After Asha makes her request he does take the time to look at her grandfather’s wish but dismisses it as too dangerous because it is the vague desire to inspire the next generation. Clearly we as the audience know that her grandfather means to inspire them to do good, but we have to remember Magnifico has seen the worst of society. He has seen the darkest wishes and desires of mankind and survived them. He brushes Asha off telling her she’s too young to understand, which is honestly true. She’s lived her entire life cloistered in peace and comfort thanks to him and the rules he has made. She has never had to know war, strife, or hardship thanks to him, yet she doubts his decision without understanding the trauma that guides it. This is what I believe pushes Magnifico into his villain arc, something that I don’t think we’ve ever really witnessed in a Disney movie.

Usually a villain already is the villain by the time the film rolls around, even the twist villains. Lotso had already been deliberately sentencing other toys to torture. Prince Hans was already planning to murder his way to a throne. Evelyn was already plotting her revenge. Magnifico wasn’t though. He was the hero. He had saved his wife and a whole city’s worth of people from whatever drove them from the mainlands. He wasn’t physically abusing/mistreating people like Gaston even if he was vainly basking in their adoration.

When Asha pushes him on the wishes he pulls back from her, identifying her in his mind as a threat and treats her as one. He dismisses her and tells her that her family’s wishes will never be granted by him, but he will still keep them safe as he has been doing. Essentially meaning nothing will change for her from what it has been. You know a happy loving existence of complete acceptance and wholesome family life or as Asha interprets it, a fate worse than death.

His interaction with Asha triggers him, as she’s pushed at the flaws in his reasoning for holding onto the wishes. The flaws are true, but his mind is clouded by fear of a lack of control, likely stemming from the horrors he witnessed in his childhood when he had no control. He also likely has a bit of an addiction to the warm fuzzies that the wishes give on top of his fears. While he’s ruminating on that some massive wave of magic blows through the kingdom and messes with the thing he’s already stressed beyond reason about, the wishes.

Magnifico frantically searches for any answer, even considering a dangerous tome of forbidden magic that he knows is trouble before his wife manages to talk him down.

The fact that he could even be talked down rather than ignoring her outright shows that Magnifico does have good in him. He’s just reacting out of a genuine panic. His panic is only worsened by huge mob continuing to beg him for wishes in exchange for doing what should be the selfless act of defending their kingdom from what is essentially perceived as an attack. Not having any faith left in his people he turns back to the evil book to give him the key to stopping this perceived attack.

Just to be clear King Magnifico goes to the big bad evil book not to gain more power for funsies, but to try to find a way to stop a perceived threat. Everything he does from this point on, such as threatening his wife, can no longer be fairly tied to him, because as the movie repeatedly tells us he is under the EVIL book’s influence. His wife even looks through the same book to try and see if there is a way to break the sway she knows it has over him, but says she can’t because the EVIL book said no.

Yada yada yada and Magnifico is sealed inside a magic mirror and smugly told to rot in the dungeon by his previously loving wife.

Seriously?! What the heck?! This guy was the perfect candidate for rehabilitation. He wasn’t flawless, but he wasn’t a murderous psycho like most of the other Disney villains. Disney loves to preach kindness, acceptance, and good will with their heroes, but never does it allow the message of change.

I was shocked going back through the catalogue and slowly realizing none of their villains, regardless of how tragic their origins are, are ever truly allowed a second chance. The hero may offer it, but the baddy never is truly expected to change or reform. Which is honestly super messed up to me. People make mistakes. Some can be small/insignificant, but some are big and do hurt people sometimes. That doesn’t mean they can’t change for the better.

Now I’m not saying every villain is redeemable or good, it’s just a bit surprising that for all the messages of kindness and acceptance we haven’t really gotten forgiveness in 100 years. Seeing the “bad guy’s punishment” just deeply bothered me this time. Probably because so much of the bad that Magnifico does is clearly a trauma response and as a punishment for not acting appropriately to said response he gets sentenced to eternity is magical cell.

[let-your-chaos-explode]

Tissaia looks so concerned as she and Yen talk about Yens suicide attempt in 3x03. She tried to stay professional and cool but then they go that path and she couldn't hold her walls up. You can see it when she tries censure her for that action and then looks away. And then she totally lost it for a second and looks total worried for Yen when she tells her that she still feels like that sometimes.

And then Yen just keep talking about Rience while Tissaia where still processed what she said a few seconds ago.

I hate it.

Agreed.

She totally looks stricken when Yen says she still feels that way sometimes. Like she hadn't considered Yennefer could ever be in that place where she'd feel that way again.

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characters who did not die and are now forced to live with the knowledge that they shouldve, characters that had made peace with said death but it never came and they have to live on, character who despite their wishes will still fight to live should death come for them again

[let-your-chaos-explode]

Yes yes yes!

And though, while not directly relevant, our little Yennaia hearts can always go to this callback:

"He destroyed everything I loved." (3x08)

I know Yennefer was just hinting that everything around her was crumbling down (Aretuza literally, Ciri was missing, Geralt was probably dying and Tissaia dead) but right after that she's talking about Tissaias death. She said that they have nothing left now that Tissaia is dead. So my little Yennaia heart totally believes that Tissaia was her "everything" and that she felt totally lost without her since she said the have nothing left.

I don't think this interpretation is reaching all that far to be honest. Tissaia is the person she references explicitly after that statement so I say we can have it.

[let-your-chaos-explode]

Yes Jenna! #SwanQueen 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[let-your-chaos-explode]

I need Yennefer to get full in revenge mode with Vilgefuck in the next season. Like first he is totally confident in himself but then after they started fighting he sees that she's not playing with him, she wants his blood so badly for what he did to her loved ones (cough Tissaia).

We all saw what Yennefer did at Sodden. Explicitly for Tissaia.

So we can only imagine what she'd do to avenge her when she couldn't save her.

[let-your-chaos-explode]

1x08 /2x06

[let-your-chaos-explode]

I Got You, Babe - Chapter 4

Chapter Summary:

Lady Lesso continues to process her current predicament in stages, from confusion, anger, and fear on to acceptance and having a little bit of fun with her circumstances. As she begins to navigate the limitations of her "curse," she also discovers that some things aren't quite the same. And yet, every new path ultimately leads to the same outcome.

Lady Leonora Lesso clenched her eyes tightly against the melodic birdsong that carried through the open window of her tower. 

“No!” She cried out exasperatedly. “I didn’t fall asleep! What kind of hellish curse is this?!”

Lesso sighed and inspected the flesh of her wrist. Pale, unmarked skin was all to be found. She let her body fall back and flop against her mattress as she looked to the ceiling for answers. 

“Maybe this is a gift.” She spoke aloud. “No consequences for any mistakes…and I have time for me for once. I can do all of the things I’ve always wanted to do!”

Her pep talk was interrupted by a series of knocks against her door. Knock knock knock knock. 

“Rise and shine Professor Dovey! It’s a beautiful morning and I am LATE for the students’ return!” Lesso called before Dovey had the chance. 

She hastily rolled out of bed and stumbled to the door, yanking it open to greet the Dean of Good. A slow, shit-eating grin grew upon her face at Dovey’s open-mouthed surprise and closed fist, still poised to knock. 

“You have ten minutes before our school address.” Dovey finally recovered, snapping her mouth closed with a click. 

Her cheeks darkened fetchingly as her eyes roamed, taking in Lesso’s state of undress. Her eyes lingered on the exposed expanse of Lesso’s long legs. Lesso cocked a hip and leaned casually against the door frame. 

Lesso was not ashamed of her body, despite the modesty of her sharp suits and long coats. She just preferred to maintain a professional appearance while at work. As she stood before Dovey clad only in her satin, button-down, long sleeve shirt and shorts, she was hyper-cognizant of the fact that the other woman had never even seen so much as her ankle. Her grin grew wider. This could be fun. 

“If you want me to be on time, I suggest allowing me the privacy to get changed.” Lesso teased slowly, mirth positively dripping from her words. 

Dovey cleared her throat and shook her head slightly, clearly flustered. She gave an irritated snort and huffed as she marched down the hall, refusing to look back. Lesso didn’t shut the door until the fairy godmother had rounded the corner. 

She was determined to make the best of today. Especially if there would be no lasting effects. She readied herself quickly and nearly sprinted across the bridge to the School for Good. Outside the assembly hall, she caught her breath and fixed her hair. 

“It’s showtime.” She whispered, violently slamming open the doors and striding confidently to the main podium. 

“Are you actually on time?” Dovey asked her incredulously.

“Better to start this semester off on a positive note, don’t you think?” She answered coyly. 

Her sharp eyes followed Dovey’s gaze as her large brown eyes flicked from the column of her throat to the exposed flesh of her forearms, and finally down the lines of her tight, pinstripe pants. Lesso was rather enjoying the way the simple exchange from the morning had left the other woman unnerved, and she was glad she had changed her outfit and foregone the long coat. 

Lesso cracked her cane loudly against the podium a few times and put a glowing, purple finger to her larynx, amplifying the volume. 

“Attention future good and evil!” She called over the drone of inane chatter and silence descended upon the hall. 

“Welcome back, welcome back! I hope everyone had the chance to enjoy a restful break away from classes. Today will be an easy day of reorientation. Regularly scheduled classes will resume after breakfast. Please refer back to the schedules that were distributed before break.” 

Dovey looked to her once more, and Lesso couldn’t help the curious tilt of her head. While the core of the message was the same, Dovey’s delivery was distinctly different from the previous trials. 

“Lady Lesso?” Dovey prompted. 

Lesso shook herself out of her thoughts and added, “If you lack personal responsibility, schedules are in the main halls and in your dormitories. Use your eyes, since I can’t be certain any of you were blessed with brains.”

Dovey muffled a bark of laughter into her palm and cleared her throat. “Have a wonderful first day back! You are dismissed!” 

Lesso hustled out the door without a backwards glance. She had somewhere to be. 

At the junction of the main hall, she hid herself in a darkened alcove and waited. At precisely 27 seconds past 8:52 AM, Emma Anemone turned the corner. With a quick flick of Lesso’s finger, a jet of violet crashed into her back, sending her stumbling slightly forward with a yelp. Black ink spread like tentacles from its mark and started to envelop the hideous hues of her formerly pristine dress. 

Lady Lesso did not wait for Anemone’s reaction and, instead, briskly continued her walk to the library. If she skipped breakfast, that would leave her with three hours of solitude for her own enjoyment before the staff meeting. Anemone’s angered shrieks followed her down the hall and gave her a pep to her step. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesso had settled down with a stack of books. Her curious nature had led her up and down the seemingly endless rows filled top to bottom with books. She had steadfastly avoided the section on fiction and fairy-tales…having had more than enough of her fill during her aching childhood and subsequent personal experiences with many of the main characters. Still, she knew most of the stories by heart. 

Instead, she had gathered a miscellaneous collection of non-fiction works: art history, cookbooks, Italian for beginners, how to play the cello…

Lesso took her hoard to a secluded alcove she had never noticed before in the back of the library. A small, circular table separated a pair of overstuffed armchairs under a stained glass window. It was welcoming and rather cozy. She couldn’t have been settled for more than twenty minutes before a quiet voice broke through her concentration. 

“I don’t mean to intrude. It’s just, I’ve never seen you here before.”

Lesso tore her eyes from the pages and met the inquisitive stare of Clarissa Dovey. The Fairy Godmother had settled into the opposite chair and looked as if she had been there for a time. 

“How long have you been sitting there?” Lesso questioned incredulously. 

A mischievous smile tugged at the corner of Dovey’s painted lips. “About five or so minutes. You were very engrossed in… How to Waltz: Steps With Confidence, Style, and Ease .”

A delicate brow arched in question and Lesso couldn’t contain the flush that crept up her neck. She slammed the book shut and surreptitiously scooted her stack behind her good leg under the chair. 

“You could have just asked! I would be more than happy to teach you.” Dovey clapped excitedly. 

“Perhaps another time…” Lesso coughed. “Why are you here?”

“Oh! I come here often. I find the library to be a perfect place to get a moment of peace before diving head-first into our duties. And there’s rarely a student to be found! Other than the occasional reader, of course.”

“Often?” She questioned. 

“You’re sitting in my chair, actually.” 

“Finders keepers.” Lesso shot back with a shrug of her shoulders. 

Dovey pulled a golden pocket watch from one of the many folds in her dress and sighed at the time. 

“The staff meeting is set to begin. Would you like to walk with me? You might actually be on time for once.” 

“Or…” Lesso stood, leaning heavily against her cane at the change in position. “You could be late for once and see that the world, in fact, keeps on turning.”

Dovey rolled her eyes good naturedly and set off for the staff room. Lesso followed steadily a few paces behind with a contented smile fighting her usual frown. She refused to fight the chaotic glee at seeing the heads turn as they entered the room together. 

Lady Lesso fell heavily into her usual chair and met the questioning eyes of Emma Anemone. A slow, predatory grin overtook the smile on her face. 

“I like what you’ve done to your dress.” She remarked casually. 

Anemone’s eyes narrowed into suspicious slits. “Do you enjoy pain?” 

“Excuse me? I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about!” 

“I know it was you, Red. The way I see it, is that you must enjoy the havoc you wreak. Why else would you do it, knowing it’s only going to come back at you in some shape or form?” The historian seethed, drawing the attention of the rest of the staff. 

Lesso’s eyes flickered briefly to the others before scoffing mockingly. 

“How sad that little girl inside must be!” Anemone continued. “I remember when you got here, Red. You’re just the same now as you have always been. And some day, you might realize that all the time you have spent making everyone else around feel low, is because that is what you feel! And maybe then you’ll realize that not once has it done anything to make you any better than any other Never who has walked through this school. Maybe, one day, you’ll figure out that there are some of us here that have simply been trying to accompany you along the way. Lest you become as alone and irrelevant as you always reared you would be.”

Lesso’s cane clattered to the stone floor as she launched to her feet and slammed her hands against the table. “Listen here, you airheaded…”

“ENOUGH!” 

Dovey’s hand pushed down roughly against Lesso’s shoulder, forcing her back into her seat. She bit her lip hard to stem any remaining words from raging out of her mouth but complied with the demand. The beat of silence that followed was suffocating. 

“There are other, more important things we are here to discuss than the trivial nit-picking between the two of you.” Dovey hissed as she rounded the corner to her seat, pinning the both of them with a rather harsh glare. 

Silence continued to fill the hall, filled only by the scuffle of shoes against stone, creaking of wood chairs, and uncomfortable coughs. 

“Are there any pressing matters that need to be discussed today? I suddenly find myself longing for a cup of tea before morning classes.” Dovey addressed the room. 

Compared to the chaos of the previous loops, not a single hand was raised. Lesso studied the subdued quiet of the room with an astonished expression. The difference was off-putting. 

“Okayyyyy…” She drew out. “I guess I’ll just do it myself!”

Lesso pointed a silver painted nail at Yuba. 

The gnome dumbly looked around before pointing a finger at himself. “Me?”

“Talk.”

“I don’t…” He stumbled.

“Yuba can’t figure out how to get the students to collaborate effectively. I believe Espada is a misogynistic narcissist who doesn’t know how to adapt his teaching methods to fit each student individually. And Anemone wants to overhaul the curriculum to teach sex education and manners.” 

The beauty teacher opened her mouth to respond but was quickly silenced with the snarled “No!” that came from Lesso’s clenched teeth. 

“Well…that was insightful. ” Dovey said slowly. “Anybody have any suggestions on how to address these, uh, weaknesses?”

Lesso leaned over to whisper in Dovey’s ear. “I bet you a fiver that Beauty Teacher volunteers me for her class.”

Dovey’s quirked lip and short nod was the only indication she had even heard Lesso’s proposition. 

“I think Lady Lesso would be an excellent choice to help in keeping the students under control for the health and education course.” Anemone offered. 

Dovey gaped at her in open disbelief, even as she elbowed the Dean of Evil to cease her cackling. 

“Hell no, I won’t teach the course.” Lesso continued, wiping an errant tear from her eye as she composed herself. 

“Any other suggestions?” Dovey called. 

At the answering silence, the Dean of Good sighed and offered the table a tight smile. 

“I think I’ll sit in on Professor Espada’s class. I might be able to offer some tips on teaching strategies for my Never boys. ” Lesso offered with uncharacteristic altruism. 

“Thank you, Lady Lesso, but I don’t need a babysitter. And I am fully capable of teaching my class myself. I have been doing so for many years.” Espada cut in harshly. 

“Suit yourself.” Lesso sneered. 

“Professor, a fresh set of eyes could only help, not hurt.” Dovey argued gently. “And I think I would like to join as well.”

Both Espada and Lesso turned to her with equal expressions of surprise. 

“Meeting adjourned!” The Ever called cheerily, ignoring the dual stares.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesso sat at her desk very much lost in thought. The students in her first period Potions and Poisons class sat diligently studying the texts they found on their desks. The hesitant raising of a small hand broke her attention. 

“Yes?” She answered with obvious irritation. 

The hand fell back quickly to the desk with a muttered, “Nevermind.”

Lesso leaned back into her chair and groaned loudly in frustration. 

“Why are we even here? You can read just as well in your dorms as you can in this godforsaken room. Leave! Before I change my mind.” 

The students hesitated at the command and looked at each other in confusion. 

“I said get out!” She shouted.

Chairs scraped against the floor as the students scrambled to leave. Lesso sighed as the heavy closing of the door echoed in the empty classroom. The familiar headache began to pulse between her eyes. Was this to be a recurring curse as well? She pinched the bridge of her nose tightly, temporarily relieving the incessant pressure. 

The bells of the clock tower chimed noon and Lesso idled for a moment. Did she dare try another attempt at a sociable lunch? It felt like she had already uttered too many syllables on the day, and it had just turned afternoon. Her stomach growled loudly as if to argue with her for even thinking of skipping both breakfast and lunch. She cringed, however, as she thought of the lackluster lunch that awaited her in the dining hall. The cookbooks, she decided, would take priority. Nevertheless, she dragged herself across the bridge and made a beeline for the vacant chair she had occupied on the previous try. To her surprise, Dovey was noticeably absent. A small frown pulled at her lips as her eyes quickly scanned the hall. 

“Looking for someone?” 

“Assessing for threats.” Lesso drawled boredly. 

Anemone leaned across the vacant chair between them with entirely too much interest. 

“Rightly so. I would watch my every step if I dared to pull one over on the person likely most-versed in the history of magic.” 

Lesso’s sharp gaze cut across to eye Anemone from her periphery. 

“Good afternoon Lady Lesso…Emma!” Dovey said brightly as she settled in the chair between them. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all Clarissa!” Anemone placated with an affectionately placed hand on Dovey’s arm. 

Lesso’s eyes followed the movement and her hands clenched at her side. She suppressed the flare of irrational rage and began to fill her plate with the disappointing lunch offerings. 

“You provided some very helpful information today at the meeting. How did you know?” Dovey asked as she shuffled the food around on her plate with a grimace. 

Lesso hummed noncommittally and shrugged her shoulders. 

Dovey cleared her throat at the stall in conversation and returned her gaze to her tasteless meal. 

“Well, this is awkward.” Emma stated quite clearly from the safety on the other side of Dovey. 

Lesso would have kicked her if she could have reached. Instead, she just glared at her plate and choked down a few more bites of rubbery chicken. Suddenly, she slammed down her cutlery, startling the table, and turned fully to Dovey.

“I don’t know how to do this!” She blurted. 

Dovey looked at her nervously. “Do what?”

“Compliments…pleasantness…conversation.” She listed on her fingers, meeting Anemone’s amused stare over Dovey’s shoulder. 

Dovey’s doe-eyes blinked in confusion. “Are you supposed to?”

It was Lesso’s turn to be confused. Hadn’t Anemone said “yesterday” that these were qualities that Dovey looked for? Her penciled eyebrows pinched in the middle. Why did it matter to her what traits Dovey enjoyed? Why did she want to be these things for her? She shook her head slowly and her red curls swept over her eyes. 

“Well, we all have things to work on! Myself, included.” Dovey said chipperly. 

Lesso looked back to her warily. It was nearly the same response as before, and yet entirely different. This time, Lesso didn’t feel like she failed a test. 

“I think I've had quite enough of today’s lunch. It was rather bland, don’t you think?” She continued, pushing away her plate. “Would you like to join me on the walk to Professor Espada’s class? We have some time, but I would be happy for the company.”

Lesso nodded slowly, not quite trusting the turn of events. She placed her napkin over her plate and stood, catching Anemone’s raised eyebrows. As she turned to follow Dovey, a quick crook of her violet finger surreptitiously sawed off a couple of inches from one of the legs on the historian’s chair. The accompanying yelp of surprise as the chair fell off-balance brought a satisfied grin to her face. 

“One of these days, she’s going to get you back.” Dovey hummed knowingly as they walked through the halls. 

They chose a spot high on the hill to settle down. Lady Lesso let her body fall to the ground and leaned back casually on her elbows while she watched Dovey putter about. Eventually, the Dean of Good conjured a delicate looking cushion and sat daintily, arranging her skirts perfectly symmetrical around her. Lesso hid her endeared smile behind a soft cough. 

“Afraid of a little dirt, princess?” She teased. 

“What’s the point in getting dirty when magic exists?” Dovey shot back. 

Lesso tilted her head in begrudging acknowledgement to the argument before her attention was drawn to the clearing below. 

“Double or nothing, a fight breaks out within the first two minutes.” She smirked slyly. 

Dovey, ever the optimistic Ever, tilted her chin in defiance. “I’m sure Professor Espada has everything under control.”

The Fairy Godmother confidently stuck out her hand to shake on the deal. Lesso took her hand and was mildly taken aback at the warm softness of the other woman’s skin. 

“Triple or nothing, Espada doesn’t do anything to stop any hypothetical fights.” 

She tightened her grip minutely and Dovey responded in kind, sealing the deal with a firm shake. 

“You’re on!”

Dovey let loose a gleaming smile that felt more blinding than the afternoon sun. Lesso found she was hesitant to let her hand go. Dovey pulled away slowly and turned toward the gathering group. Lesso, for her part, clenched her now empty hand that was left tingling. 

Right on cue, the brawl began among the young males of the class. A cheshire grin split her face nearly in two at the astonished look that now adorned Dovey’s. And just as before, Professor Espada let it continue. Lesso held out her hand in silent victory and graciously accepted the bills placed into her palm. 

“I think I’ve seen enough.” Dovey sighed in disappointment. 

“Going to intervene?” Lesso asked distractedly as she thumbed through her winnings. 

“Not today. I believe I need some time to think on this before I make any rash decisions.” 

Dovey stood and cleared away her conjured furniture. Her expression was guarded but noticeably stormy. Lesso put her earnings in her pocket and fumbled for something to say. 

“Look, Dovey, he’s out of his depth. And that’s not even taking into consideration that he refuses to teach any of the girls.”

Dovey’s eyes darkened more, if it were even possible. 

“Look, if you think it would help the student’s…I have a double free period. I could start sitting in on the classes and helping to restructure.” Lesso offered quietly, gesturing to the mess down below. 

Dovey looked down at her with genuine surprise. If she were being honest with herself, which she usually wasn’t, Lesso would say the reaction stung a bit. 

“You would do that?”

Lesso looked away, unable to tolerate the scrutiny. “Yes, of course. It could only benefit my Nevers to have some competent instruction.”

She flinched minutely at the harshness of her own response, but that was all she knew. Sharpness was an effective defensive mechanism. She missed the flash of hurt across the Fairy Godmother’s eyes. 

“Yes, well…that would be more than acceptable.” Dovey answered flatly. “Thank you for accompanying me this afternoon. I do have some paperwork I need to complete, so if you’ll excuse me. Have a good afternoon, Lady Lesso.”

Lesso watched her retreating form until she passed through the castle doors before yanking at her hair in frustration. 

Self-sabotage. Every single goddamn time! What was the fucking point?

She snatched up her discarded cane and began her trek back to the bridge. Might as well go back to the library for the remainder of her free periods. After all, there was a stack of books with her name on it. 

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It had been hours. Truthfully, Lesso had cast away the rest of her day in the library without any notion of the passing of the time. She had poured over book after book on curses and theories of time travel and come up short, once again. It was certain to be a curse. Why else would she be doomed to relive the same damn day with varying paths to the same damn outcomes? 

She would still be teaching the same routine. She would still be spinning her wheels on the monstrosity of unifying the two schools. And she would still be woefully incompetent at whatever interactions she had with Clarissa Dovey. 

She didn’t even know why she wanted to try in that area. Fucking wish fish making her think that she wanted something so clearly unobtainable. Lesso scoffed harshly and slammed her open book shut, shoving it off the table roughly. 

A Never, falling in love with an Ever…how disgusting. How repulsive. 

And she startled violently.

Nobody had ever said anything about falling in love. 

She launched herself out of the chair and made to leave. Just as she rounded a corner, her shoulder roughly collided with another, sending them crashing to the floor. 

“I thought I might find you here, but that certainly wasn’t the welcome I was expecting.” Dovey groaned from her position on the floor. 

“Storian, Dove! You nearly gave me a heart attack.” Lesso offered a hand and helped the woman to her feet. 

“Dove?” Dovey asked with a pretty blush. 

Embarrassment flooded over Lesso and she sputtered, unable to find the words to take it back. 

“I didn’t see you at dinner.” Dovey redirected. 

Grateful for the escape the Dean of Good provided, Lesso shrugged. “Lost track of time, I suppose. I prefer to eat alone, anyway.”

Dovey looked up at her through her lashes with an indecipherable expression. Lesso shifted her weight uncomfortably underneath the stare. 

“Doesn’t that ever make you feel lonely?” She finally asked. 

Lesso grit her teeth against the unsettling repeat of the same conversation. 

“Nothing I’m not used to.” She finally bit out.

“Well, I appreciated your company today. It was…refreshing. If you ever change your mind, there’s always a seat for you next to me.”

Lesso felt her throat constrict against the emotion desperate to escape. She clenched her eyes tight and gave Dovey a curt nod of acceptance. 

“Don’t stay up too late! You’ll regret it in the morning.” Dovey said softly as she turned to leave. 

“I highly doubt it.” Lesso mumbled under her breath. 

“What was that?” She asked as she came to a stop, looking over her shoulder. 

A burning question flared to life in her chest. 

“How do you always find me?” Lesso called back. 

Dovey turned to face her fully, confusion plain in the pinch of her brows. “What do you mean?”

“You just always seem to know where to look…even if I’m somewhere unexpected. The library isn’t my usual hang-out.” Lesso answered, gesturing to the shelves around them. 

The furrow of Dovey’s brows deepened as she seemed to think about it. “I don’t know. I just felt like I would find you here.”

Her eyes brightened and she shrugged, continuing her exit. 

“Goodnight Lesso!” She called over her shoulder. 

“Goodnight, Dove.” Lesso answered. 

The nickname gave the other woman a slight pause, but she continued onward. Lesso knew she must be on her way to the lake for her ritualistic visit to the wish fish. There would be no nightly stroll to the lake for Lesso tonight. There was no more information the enchanted creatures could give her. And she certainly didn’t want to intrude on Dovey’s “consultation,” whatever that meant. 

No, tonight she would skip the lake. She gathered a few of the untouched books in her free arm and began her trek to her personal chambers. Her eyes burned and she was mentally exhausted. Not to mention the fact that she hadn’t had a drop of alcohol all day and she was oh so thirsty. 

Lesso slowly walked the length of the bridge to her chambers underneath the starry sky. Up above, she watched the shooting star arch into the night. 

Maybe tomorrow would be different. 

Maybe, tomorrow, she would get today right.

Previous Chapter - Chapter 3

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today's fic writer energy is

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Hey, you’re falling behind.

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Once Upon a Dream - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Forget-Me-Not

Chapter Text

The forget-me-nots bloomed in a perfectly preserved collection, despite the lateness in June. The wildflower was easily maintained and augmented by the fresh hyacinth the sorceress brought daily. It had been no more than a few weeks since the funeral, and still Yennefer could not bring herself to leave this godforsaken place. 

Aretuza remained in ruins on the cliffs of Thanedd. In its current state, it became a stark reminder of what it had always been: a tomb. As macabre as it was, Yennefer knew Tissaia poured everything of herself into the school and would not want to be buried anywhere else. Her grave stood as far out on the cliff as the remaining sorceresses dared to place her with an ornate marble stone marking her final resting place. 

Triss had stopped dragging her inside after the first week of failed attempts. Yennefer spent as much time as she could sitting in the summer grass next to the stone marker. Even the coastal rains couldn’t keep her away. 

Today was no different. 

Yennefer languished against the mound, aimlessly twirling and pulling at the grass as she stared out to sea. Daylight melted into night and she remained. Where else was she to go? Geralt convalesced in Brokilon, Ciri was missing, and Tissaia was…gone. 

She angrily swiped at the stray tears that dared to slip over her cheeks. She could feel the bubbling of chaos under her skin, rearing like a viper ready to strike in response to her anguish. There was none of Tissaia’s touted balance and control to be found. Control was an illusion. An artifice buried with her. 

A choked sob clawed at her throat and the venomous snake of her restraint hissed warningly. 

What was the point of getting her magic back if it was useless to do anything to help her? To do anything to take this pain away? Maybe, in another life, things would have been different. 

Yennefer grit her teeth and the coiled tension snapped. With a shuddering scream, every ounce of grief, each anguished regret, and all of her rage exploded out of her in a catastrophic blast. Wave after wave of chaos poured from her until she felt as hollow as her heart. Her energy fizzled and crackled in the air as her eyesight began to fade. And as she fell, she brokenly observed the crack down the middle of the marble headstone. 

Forget the bottle. Let your chaos explode!

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“Is she okay?”

“Is anyone a doctor?”

“Someone get her some water, please!”

“Miss, are you okay?”

Yennefer swatted fussing hands away from her neck and cheeks as she would irksome flies. The ground beneath her was hard and brought back a muscle memory she had hoped to never remember. 

“What happened?” She groaned against the graveled sluggishness of her tongue. 

The hands she had pushed away returned to her shoulder and neck, offering support as she began to push herself up. 

Yennefer peeled her eyes open squinted against the glaring sun determined to blind her. 

“You collapsed, likely from the heat.”

The figure assisting her leaned over her in concern, blessedly eclipsing the harshness of the sun. Yennefer blinked away the spots in her vision and her eyes settled on those opposite of her. 

Familiar, crystalline eyes searched her own and Yennefer’s heart stuttered. 

“Tissaia?”

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It was really heartbreaking to see how Yennefer cries over Tissaias body, no question. I cried by myself when I watched that scene. Watching Yennefer feel it happening, she found and held and then sobbed over her body... The acting was just... wow.

But can we please talk for a second about how Tissaia cried for Yennefer at the beginning of 2x01 after Vilgefuck left her and stabs dead soldiers? Like I am not talking about that last scream that came at the top of her lungs which could freeze my blood and gave me goose pimple. But I am talking about the first and second time right before that.

She was out there for hours probably days, searching in the head of every soldier for any hints of Yennefer. And then Vilgefuck tells her that she is gone... She couldn't feel Yennefers chaos, everything indicated that she was dead and she was still trying everything to find her. She was so done with everything and still cried her name. Yes, I said cried. Because the firdt two times you can't call it anything else. Because she sounded so tired and desperate at the same time before she broke our hearts even more with that last scream.

Really, Tissaia shouts Yennefer's name in the forest ... that tired "Yennefer...?" with her desperate look with which she has still searched her surroundings. It sometimes just appears out of nowhere in my head and shakes my heart.

The acting was just… wow.

Anya did say that her reaction on screen is was her own reaction to the scene.

We know there's always the source material but when you read the script, and you saw how that death was going to unfold, what was your reaction? What you see. Yeah, it was horrible. Also, I just don't want MyAnna to go. Yes, it was Yennefer and Tissaia, and I was playing that beat. But it's a loss to the show as well. She's carried a lot of people.

Yes, I said cried.

Oh, I don't think there's any doubt that she's crying. Her mascara has run for one thing 😉

I agree on all counts, anon. The acting in both of those scenes is top notch and speaks to their deep bond. (Have to say I was pretty surprised at the depth of Tissaia's feelings and how openly she displayed them in ep 2.01, but I was here for it.)

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Hi, 🤭 love your fics, xx

Why thank you! I have enjoyed so many of yours as well! 😍

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terfs keep mentioning the % of autistics who are trans/nb and that we're 'brainwashed'

and because i'm an asshole, i decided to look into why so many autistic folks are trans/nb. it's not an inaccurate statement, at least the first half, but terfs lie through their teeth so i decided to get to the scientific root of it.

the answer blew my fucking mind.

the study on gender and autism i found said two very specific things about autistic people: we are more mentally resistant to things like social conditioning and binarism. we like our secret third things, y'know.

an excerpt:

“The finding that non-binary identities are most elevated seems to support hypotheses focussed on autistic resistance to social conditioning, which are consistent with existing evidence of the same effect with respect to self-description of sexual orientation. Perhaps elevated rates of trans identity in autism might result from a rejection of the binary cisgenderist norm, which combined with a below-typical concern for social norms could promote the disclosure of the identity.”

94% of autistics surveyed for that paper identified themselves as non-binary.

other studies have found autistic people have higher levels of critical thinking, and require more evidence to maintain or convert to a belief system (hence why many of us eventually fall away from religion) than allistic people.

which means, at least from my perspective, that:

a) the 'brainwashing' terfs are accusing the trans community of inflicting on autistic folks would likely not even work if they tried.

b) the current binary definition of gender flies directly against embedded autistic modes of thinking to begin with.

you cannot brainwash someone into thinking something they already believe.