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[letmebehuman16]

Dear Diary.

Amid nightly storms only they can hear, a narrator chronicles a decent into fear and paranoia. Stalked by eerie figures, and strange events that haunt their daily life. What begins as as a personal diary, quickly turns into a disturbing list of events, documentation of the unexplainable.

(this is an ongoing project.)

15/12/2006

I was looking through some of mum's things, the house was in a complete state and there was a lot to look through, but I found something weird. It was stained and ripped, kind of wrinkled but it was a page filled with these odd scribbles in graphite. None of the words made sense and I couldn't read anything on the page, but it showed how bad she got. I mean, just walking into the house I could tell: Bin bags everywhere, mouldy food, the sink was filled with dishes covered in rotten food, the place smelled absolutely foul like someone had died in it, there were flies everywhere… It was heartbreaking. She's been… strange, i've mentioned that many times, but she was always so clean, or as clean as she could be. Hell, maybe I'm remembering things wrong, but seeing the place where I grew up in such disarray, it's unexplainable. 

Apart from those pages and the mess, I couldn't find a reason for all of this and mum is still unresponsive. 

17/12/2006

I saw something last night. Though, I feel my lack of sleep is the reason for it, it’s not something I can even comprehend or begin to explain. 

I can’t describe it either, I’m stuck with the feeling. It’s like waking up from a nightmare you can’t remember. I still feel the fear. 

My mind is probably playing tricks on me, I can’t say I’ve been looking after myself. A colleague pointed out how unkempt I look which was embarrassing. 

I need to start taking care of myself again but it’s so difficult. I feel like I’m losing time, technically I am, the days are shorter, but it feels like everything is random, nothing is structured anymore. I’ve been able to brush off these weird occurrences as natural things, but it’s worrying me now. Why is everything going wrong? 

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5/1/2007

Where do I even begin? 

Christmas with Ruby’s family was nice, they’re very lively and Christmas dinner was amazing. Ruby got me a tattoo kit and I’ve been practising since. She didn’t have to get me anything. I managed to get her some art supplies, a few oil paints, a canvas and some good pencils. She’s like family, and now, she’s the only thing remotely close to that.

Mum died shortly after Christmas, she had a seizure. I’m still trying to process it all, it was so sudden, and unexpected. I’m hoping writing it down would help, but I can’t think of what to say. The funeral was depressing, as all funerals are, but with such little family it felt more like a sad, sparse gathering than a celebration of her life. I was the only one who said anything about her, and while I tried to think of things to say, I was met with a brick wall. I couldn’t remember anything. Only recent events, her fast downward spiral and the words “I’m sorry.” 

Everything since the funeral has been a blur. I continued to work, I kept to my routine afraid of stepping out and getting lost. Most nights have consisted of staring up at the ceiling, hoping that at some point, I’d be able to rest. It’s all futile. 

Everyday is becoming monotonous, and I feel like I’m slipping through the cracks in reality. I’m hearing things, seeing things that aren’t there, I have a constant feeling that something bad is going to happen— and so far, that feeling has been right. So many bad things have happened. Maybe that feeling is my instinct? Maybe I’m just assuming the worst, or simply, maybe I’m just being paranoid. 

I was working late tonight, short staffing had thrown my reduced hours out of the window. I got that feeling again. Waking up from a nightmare I couldn’t remember. Like I had seen something I couldn’t quite grasp, or comprehend.

 After that feeling passed, the shop was a mess, produce all over the floor, broken glass, liquids and sticky jams spilled and an almost artistic chaos. I spent a while trying to tidy up a mess I didn’t even know the cause of. I don’t think anyone would understand the amount of confusion I’m feeling. 

When I left work, it took me a while to snap out of an almost robotic-like state. I was doing everything automatically, or I’d become more aware of how automatic I had been. Maybe this had been happening for far longer than I thought. 

It’s a new year.

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13/1/2007

Things have improved slightly. So far there have been no weird occurrences, and I’ve been able to get a decent night's sleep. I think I’ve just been so exhausted my body is forcing me to sleep. Either way, I’m grateful for it. 

I had an argument with Ruby, we never usually argue, and when we do it gets patched up pretty quickly. She said some really hurtful things, and in the heat of the moment I let myself crack. We haven’t spoken in a few days. I apologised, but she seems almost adamant on having me out of her life now. I think I really messed up. 

I don't know how to fix things between us, and I really don't want to lose her. 

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17/1/2007

It's only been a few days and I already have so much to cover. I've decided to move. Moving to a different part of the country would be easier, however, too much has happened around me. I don't feel safe here anymore. 

If I moved to a different country, surely whatever has been following me for the past few months would give up. Maybe it's a rash decision, and I should think about this more, but rationality aside, I want to be unknown. I want to start fresh and there's nothing keeping me here anymore. 

I can't explain the recent event that made me seriously consider this possibility, I don't even want to think about it. I just need to start fresh, give myself some sort of stability, and peace. 

I haven't heard anything from Ruby. I don't know what I'm expecting, a heartfelt apology? I tried to visit her place and she either wasn't in, or is ignoring me completely. Either way, her message has been received. She clearly wants to stick by her word this time. 

The strangest thing is, I don't know what caused this. I know I’ve been difficult to be around, and maybe I haven't tried to make an effort like I used to, but surely they're all reasonable excuses. Ok-- maybe I’ve shut her out slightly, but would you blame me? I don't want to drag her into whatever mess I've found myself in. The last thing I want is for her to end up the same way. She's struggled enough. 

During the argument, she wasn’t herself. Usually she's so sarcastic and lighthearted, but it was almost as if she couldn't stand to see me, like my presence brought her physical harm.

For once I am truly alone. It's terrifying. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. 

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10/2/2007

If this diary is found I'm sure you've been reading the entries written above and below. I'm terrified for my life.Please hand this journal to local authorities if found.

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10/2/2007

I handed my notice into work today. I think it's safe to say that my boss wasn't too happy, but it's not my problem anymore. I'm just glad to never have to set foot in that shop again. 

In regards to moving, I have settled on a small town in the US, the area is kind of rough, but rent is cheap enough and even though it's small, it's compact, people nearby, buildings closer together which would give me some sense of security at least. The least of my worries involve people at the moment. 

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15/2/2007

This was posted through my letterbox today. Some of the symptoms are familiar, and it further solidified my decision to move. I'm hoping to get away from all of this stuff. I've stuck it in here to keep it safe, it could be useful.

What's confusing me is who would post this? Who would even have access to this information and why? Why would someone do this to me? 

[letmebehuman16]

Dear Diary.

MASTERLIST:

Part 1

part 2

[letmebehuman16]

Dear Diary.

Amid nightly storms only they can hear, a narrator chronicles a decent into fear and paranoia. Stalked by eerie figures, and strange events that haunt their daily life. What begins as as a personal diary, quickly turns into a disturbing list of events, documentation of the unexplainable.

(this is an ongoing project.)

27/10/2006

Dear Diary,

It happened again. This is the fifth night in a row that I’ve been caught in an unexpected thunderstorm. Every night, right at midnight, the sky comes to life, jolting me awake with insanely loud thunder. 

What’s so strange is that it doesn’t last long—exactly 10 minutes. Just enough time to make me question reality. No one else seems to experience it. I’ve asked around, but no one mentions waking up or even hearing anything unusual. It’s as if the storms are meant only for me.

Despite the oddness, I’ve found comfort in them. Every night, I’ve been making myself fancy hot chocolates, piled high with whipped cream and marshmallows, sitting by the window and watching the flashes of lightning dance across the sky. The rain taps gently against the glass, and the thunder rolls in the distance—it's a strange sort of calm. There’s something almost intimate about it, like a secret ritual between me and the storm.

As for everything else, things are... well, usual, I suppose. Austen and Ruby broke up, which isn’t surprising. My dog died, which has left an emptiness in the house that I haven’t quite processed yet. And my mother—well, she’s still as crazy as ever. A few months ago, I caught her having a full-on conversation with a betta fish. She swore the fish answered her back. Then, just a few days later, she was convinced the TV was talking to her, giving her life advice. I really need to call her therapist.

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31/10/2006

I’ve been absent the last few days, and I’m sorry about that, but I have a lot to report.

Something... strange happened last night. It was during one of those thunderstorms again, but this time, there was no rain. No clouds, either. The thunder cracked through the sky, and the lightning flashed as brightly as ever, but when I looked outside—nothing. Just the clear, starry sky. How can there be thunder without a storm? Lightning without clouds? Maybe there’s a scientific explanation, but it felt wrong. Unnatural, even. The storm still began at midnight, exactly like before, but this time it left me feeling unsettled.

Something else strange happened. On my way home from work, I noticed a man standing just outside my house, lurking in the shadows of the tree line. I acted like I didn’t see him—I mean, what could I do? I live in the middle of nowhere. The nearest neighbour is a ten-minute drive down a desolate road, and I’m certainly not running that far in the dark. I couldn’t make out his face or what he was wearing, and I didn’t want to linger long enough to figure it out. My gut told me to lock the doors and windows, so I did.

I’ve been telling myself that maybe he was just some random guy passing by, or maybe he wasn’t even looking at my house. People stare off into space all the time when they’re bored. Right? But a part of me can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched. Maybe I should buy a rape alarm. Or make some pepper spray. I haven’t looked out the window since. What if he sees me? 

On another note, I called my mum’s therapist today. She assured me she’d arrange to see her soon, but let’s be real—my mother is unpredictable, and her therapist isn’t exactly a beacon of stability either. The irony is almost laughable. A woman who makes a living by giving advice, but can’t seem to follow her own. How does that even work? It’s absurd. Honestly, she’s just as much of a mess as my mum is, which makes me wonder... is there any hope at all? 

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4/11/2006

Happy November! Spooky season is officially behind us. November always felt like a filler month to me. Not much happens, and the days seem to drag. At least the air is crisp and the surplus of rain feels like a prelude to winter. It’s all fine, except I think I’m coming down with something. My head feels like it’s being split in half, and I’ve been coughing non-stop. Of course, just as the thunderstorms stop, I get sick. Sleeping’s going to be a nightmare. Again.

The man outside my house hasn’t shown up since, which is a relief. I was probably overreacting—he was likely just waiting for someone or taking a shortcut. Who knows. 

Speaking of weird, Ruby’s birthday is coming up soon. I have no idea what to get her. Maybe I should buy her a self-help guide on relationships. She could definitely use it. Austen’s the fifth guy she’s been with this year alone, and to be honest, her taste is... questionable. The last guy she dated before Austen actually tried to get her to dress like his ex. Who does that? Insane, right? But Ruby didn’t see the red flags at the time. She was happy, and no matter how much I tried to tell her it was unhealthy, it was like talking to a brick wall. She’ll figure it out one day, I hope. 

Maybe I’ll just get her some flowers. 

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10/11/2006

Rubys birthday was really fun! We went to this local bar in town and got absolutely hammered. I had to call in sick for work because I was so hungover, but it was worth it. I ended up getting her a bunch of roses and a CD from her favourite band, Muse. She was really happy with it. 

My cold has gotten worse, though, that may be because I was drinking, but that was 4 days ago. Today I've had this strange fever that won't go down. Working with a fever isn't fun-- I don't recommend it. It got easier to deal with as the day went on, and right now it's not so bad, but it still sucks, ibuprofen has been my best friend for the past few days. It should get better soon. 

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Mum was hospitalised today, something to do with her mental capacity. I don't really know what's going on with her, but her therapist called me 5 minutes ago to tell me that she had to section her. I’m planning to visit soon, hopefully I can get some answers. My mums always been strange, but she's never been a risk to herself. It's worrying and I can't help but feel guilty, what if she's just lonely? I've been too caught up in my own mess to even see her. 

I need to do better.

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21/11/2006

I went to see mum today and as I am writing this I'm fighting the urge to break down into tears. She was completely unresponsive and muttering to herself, I don't think she even knew I was there and I sat in front of her the entire time. I was shocked at how fragile she looked, skin and bone, bags under her eyes like she hadn't slept for weeks, her hair was thin and straw-like and her eyes were bloodshot. She was staring through me the entire time, completely unaware of her situation. I guess that's a good thing, mental hospitals are a terrifying place to be, but at least she has care now. 

As for the strange and unusual, not much has happened. Though, I had a suspicion I was being followed a few days ago-- even though there was nothing there, I just couldn't shake the weird feeling I got, the type of feeling you get when you're in serious danger, my palms were covered in a cold sweat, my heart was racing, I kept looking over my shoulder. I feel like I’ve just been stressed, work, my mum, it's a lot to deal with and I’ve not been sleeping because this cold still hasn't shifted. I just need a good night's sleep and a day doing nothing. 

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1/12/2006

I completely forgot this even existed.

 I did not manage to get a day to myself, or a good night sleep. It was definitely wishful thinking on my part, but hey! It's Christmas time. It started to snow around the 27th and now it's been consistent. My door was blocked by snow and I couldn't get my car out of the drive for an hour. It was a struggle. 

Work is going… somewhere, Christmas has made everything busier and honestly it's becoming difficult to even move around the shop floor. Not to mention I have been forced to listen to Mariah Cary every day for the past week. I'm getting sick of her voice. 

Ruby's family invited me over for Christmas. Which was really nice of them, but I also don’t want to feel like a bother.

I'm still sick and haven't had a decent night sleep in a while. I must've had a nose bleed during the night because my pillow was completely stained, and I still feel weird. I asked work to reduce my hours so I'm not working when it gets dark, and I'm driving everywhere. I don't know why I'm feeling so off. I'm certain something is going on, but anytime I manage to think of reasons my mind goes blank. I'm so tired.