letssendacountrysomecupcakes

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

I'm still on my bullshit!

Found this essay from 2021 today, I definitely have some critiques of it but they're the kind that encourage analysis and discussion so overall I think that's a good thing, tbh. I think it illustrates some of the issues I've been thinking about and trying to articulate really well.

I am, overall, a gender abolitionist. I am also a trans guy and nonbinary. I deeply believe that we cannot even *begin* to break down the structures that encompass gender and sexuality if we cannot look critically at the way we are enforcing those structures in our own lives, as well as how those structures are enforced upon us.

It is an *exhausting* and often painful process to start. It requires completely reworking the ways we think on a day to day basis. And it *has* to be a daily practice. (Though that part can and should be worked up to, especially for us neurospicy folx who may need extra support in changing thought patterns.)

This includes analyzing how we are treated and treat others *both* in an intimate and structural sense. The way we talk about other people in our communities *matters*, especially when it devalues experiences and suffering. Especially when it enforces structural domination, new or old.

Our structures are *changing* as we expand identifiers. They are not being challenged, they are having *added growth*. And we're doing the work for them! We're falling neatly back into a tiered system! Sure, there are additional tiers now, but what does that actually *change* other than how many boxes are in the overall stucture?

So yeah, fuck devaluing the experiences of other people in our communities. Fuck doing the suffering olympics bullshit. Even "as a joke". Fucking stop it.

And extra fuck being *actively unwilling* to critically analyze the structural and societal impacts that influence the ways we talk about and treat other people.

So I got dumped yesterday for saying I believe that transfemmes do experience male privilege pre-transition. My ex did not give me a chance to expand on that belief *at all*, just got triggered and decided I'm unsafe.

I'm going to expand those views here because I genuinely think I'm approaching the topic pretty reasonably and at this point I need to get the processing I've been doing written down.

First off, let me say that my opinion here comes EXCLUSIVELY from transfemmes I've talked to over the years as well as my own experiences with transmasc erasure. (My ex claimed that ALL of the transfemmes I know who've said that only think it because of "internalized transmisogyny" while simultaneously refusing to engage with any of my experiences with erasure that are *specifically* things that happen bc of the learned behaviors inspired by the external factors of male privilege and socialization.)

The actual line that I have on this is that male privilege is an *external* force, not an internal one. It is entirely based in how you're perceived and how *others* interact with you based on that perception. It is based in the *societal and systematic* benefits someone receives based on the fuckin gender marker on your ID.

I absolutely do not think that that means transfemmes *interact* with male privilege in the same way as any c*s person, especially pre-transition. I do not think the *effects* of that privilege are the same and in almost every case it's going to be extremely complex and nuanced based on the individual. I *do* believe that, because that external force is applied *constantly* from a very young age, some aspects of that force can and often do come through even after transitioning.

Part of this being so upsetting for me is that it sounds like a rehashing of the "gendered socialization doesn't exist" argument that was going around here in like 2016 and is apparently resurfacing again. As far as I remember, when that argument stopped because the people who were pushing the conversation were outed as t*rfs who'd been posing as queer teens. The intent was to confuse the community and divide the younger and older trans folx.

The argument that gendered socialization doesn't exist (which, as far as I can tell, is the same argument as "transfemmes never experience male privilege) is laughably dichotomous at best and harmful at worst.

On the dichotomous end, we have someone who talks *frequently* about missing out on "being raised as a girl". If that person also does not believe in gendered socialization, they have the belief that they were also "not raised as a boy". Unless you come from a family or culture that has a third option or treats their kids the *exact* same (unlikely), you were fuckin raised in a way that was distinctly *gendered*.

That can transition to the harmful end *very* easily simply by not processing, analyzing, and questioning your learned behaviors. My ex spent the whole conversation calling me misogynistic and denying/devaluing my friends' experiences. She also very specifically made all of her points while simultaneously telling me I wasn't allowed to respond. At the point that I said, "Hey, I can't keep getting messages tangentially related to this when I'm not allowed to respond so I'm going to respond to a couple things, please keep your boundaries in any way that makes you feel safe", she immediately reengaged herself into the conversation fully, sent 3 messages - one of which was the dismissal of my friends' experiences, and blocked me.

I want to make it very clear that I put my responses under a break, specifically so she wouldn't have to read them immediately. I cannot be the one to enforce *her* boundary that *she* was repeatedly breaking. At the point that someone tells me they want a break from a conversation, I say okay and don't fucking respond until they do. I got two additional texts from her, both of which emphasized her points while continuing to disallow me from rejoining the conversation.

If that ain't the EXACT shit I've dealt with for my entire fucking life 🙄

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

The thing is that the portrayal of Neanderthals as having been inherently grotesque and alien to H. sapiens is something we will never have proof of. But we do have proof that, in different locations and in different populations across time, we all found eachother desirable. We saw eachother and wanted to touch. And the offspring were held by their mothers and raised and had their own offspring in turn.

When you look for the first proof that H. sapiens found Neanderthals repulsive, you have to wait until the Victorian era, when the white masters of empires were busy portraying Neanderthals as stupid, brutish, and (of course) dark-skinned.

In more modern times, we’ve had people arguing that instead of seeing Neanderthals as Benighted Savages, they should instead be seen as Noble Savages, (allegedly) cruelly destroyed and driven from their lands by H. sapiens. Which one of their two you believe says more about your modern political views than it does about ancient H. sapiens.

And, whether we construct Neanderthals as Savage or Noble Savage, the fundamental assumption we project into the unfathomably distant past is still that H. sapiens saw Neanderthals as an Other, with the language we use being almost explicitly that of modern racial dynamics.

But we have no proof of any of that. We have no proof of hostilities. We know we co-existed and we had sex. That’s it.

Humans obviously have sex with some humans and kill others. We also know that, when small groups of humans occupy vast spaces with infrequent contact with others, unique cultures will always form, some more hospitable, some more neophobic/xenophobic. But many cultures of small settlements placed among huge unpeopled landscapes place supreme emphasis on hospitality to strangers. Plus, we fucking love other social animals, as evidenced by how we befriended wolves.

I’m a humourless weirdo and a wet blanket about popular constructions of Neanderthals as “monstrous”, and I freely admit it. But that’s because it’s tied up in legacies of imperialism. Not only that, but it also privileges one culture (yours, mine, modernity’s) as being most human by implicitly assuming we can project it onto people in the past. Since you don’t pretend that all global cultures share exact same values as you do, it doesn’t take more than a few moments’ reflection to realise you can’t do that to the past.

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

I saw a post recently talking about the phrase "no ethical consumption under capitalism" being used increasingly as an excuse not to participate in boycotts (which is incredibly valid and definitely happening)

I added onto that post that the phrase was originally meant to broaden the conversation to include disabled/low class individuals who *can't* participate. The paper plates thing is VERY much also one of the situations this phrase was coined for. I think it may have literally been the original situation it was used in, too, specifically paper plates, plastic utensils, and disposable straws. (I believe it was right around when the straw ban was happening that it got popular online. I'm sure it existed before then, but that's the first time I saw it.)

If the right way is too hard, fuck it. Do it the wrong way.

Folding clothes keeps you from getting the laundry done? Stop folding clothes. Put a basket in your room and throw your unfolded clean stuff into it right out of the dryer, it's fine.

Rinsing dishes off keeps you from loading the dishwasher? Load them dirty and run it twice.

Chopping onions keeps you from making yourself dinner? Buy the freezer bags of chopped onions.

You forget to take your meds and don't want to get out of bed to get them? Start putting them next to the bed.

Can't keep up with the dishes? Get paper plates. Worried about environment impact? Order biodegradable ones online if your local store doesn't have one.

Make the task easier. Put things where you use them instead of where they "go." Eliminate the steps that keep you from finishing the task. Eliminate the task that is stressing you out.

Do it the "wrong" way. It's literally fine.

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

Okay so I feel a little weird adding to this but I am actually affected by it a decent amount. I'm disconnected Jewish. My mom's dad is Jewish, not her mom. That's a *quarter* of my family.

My auntie is Muslim. We aren't blood related but family through circumstance. She's one of my favorite people, I hope she's still happy and in a safe place. It took so much for her to get there and she has done almost nothing but help others her entire life.

I don't *know* most of my family. My great grandma came over with her parents as a baby. A lot of our family scattered around that time (mid/late 20s-early 30s, I don't remember exactly when) and we're kinda all over the place at this point. Worrying about family you barely got to hear about is a really fuckin weird feeling.

I've spent half my life in Jewish spaces and communities, mainly by being pulled into them by Jewish folx who took one look at me and went, "oh you're coming with me immediately". I spent one of the most developmentally formative times of my life in a transient space in the basement of a church. The Muslim woman who lived in the room next to us became family and welcomed us into hers. She introduced us into her communities (where she could, our area is pretty isolated) and told me a *lot* about her view of Islam.

I would not be the person I am were it not for these people who saw me. These people who reached out and welcomed me. The people who welcomed my family, too.

I don't know that this is adding much to the original point, I just wanted to recognize the people I'm worried about. I love them and I hope they're okay.

I feel like this should go without saying, but: Non-Muslims and Non-Jews can and should reblog posts about the upticks in antisemitism and islamophobia and how scared Jewish ppl and Muslim ppl are right now. If nothing else, it's an easy thing to do to spread awareness. But it also signals "hey, I'm listening, I promise" which is not something any of us are confident any of y'all are doing.

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

Hey... so there now appear to be AI-generated science articles on .org websites that are giving biologically incorrect "facts" on basic, for-children topics

The title is "Are There Freshwater Octopus Species?" which should be an incredibly straightforward thing to answer: No.

The article starts out decent:

"Despite their many fascinating features, there is no evidence to suggest that octopuses can survive in freshwater environments."

Cool. Okay. Next section.

"While most people associate octopuses with the ocean, there are some species that can survive in freshwater environments."

Wait. What?

"Freshwater octopuses belong to the genus Amphioctopus, which includes several species that are found in brackish water and estuaries. These cephalopods have adapted to life in freshwater environments and have been observed in rivers, streams, and even hydrothermal vents."

NO NO NO.

One species of freshwater octopus is Amphioctopus aegina...Another species, Amphioctopus marginatus...

THESE GUYS LIVE IN THE OCEAN. [Scrolls 2 more sections]

Freshwater octopuses are still a topic of debate among scientists. While some researchers claim that they do exist, others argue that there is not enough literature to support their existence.

asd;lkfjasdlf;kjasd;flksjdfa

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

okay but he talks about that *a lot*! his connections to suffering come from his surroundings and the people in his life, read some of the side content for Panorama or listen to the podcast and there's a ton there!

why is every la dispute song about watching the news

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

Aaaaaa this was so much fuckin fun! Thanks again for inviting me out! <3

HARDCORE. GERMAN. SPARKLE. PARTY.

with the one and only @letssendacountrysomecupcakes :3

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

I haven't personally verified this as I'm not at a computer, but multiple people in multiple places are saying the same thing. This is fucking insane. First the endless war on UBlock, then the Chromium changes to shut out some blocker functionalities entirely next year, now this?

Something is deeply rotten in recent Google/YouTube policy. I can't imagine that this is legal - how is this not anticompetitive? Google needs to get mega fucked in the press and the courts sooner rather than later.

And I need to switch to Firefox as soon as I get home.

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

"no ethical consumption under capitalism" started as a means to open discussions towards disabled and low class people who do not necessarily have the *ability* to participate in boycotts, not a way to make yourselves feel better about *choosing* to not work towards change.

It's for "I can't afford to not shop at walmart" or "I'm housebound so I have to use amazon" not "but I want it so fuck whatever goal y'all are working towards"

Please stop seeing politics as an identity and start seeing it as a collective means for change

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

So, following this account was meant to give me insight into if this was an actual official account. Instead, I learned how important public infrastructure is. I love you train person <3

What does it even mean to be official? Glad to teach and preach the value of public infrastructure though

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

noir detectives are like spiders

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This is so fuckin important, we discovered our multiplicity like 4 years ago, almost 5 now. It's still difficult to navigate on both our end and our partners' ends but we're all figuring it out!

We also happen to be having our big "woop ya hit 25" mental health crash and WOWIE OCD is unpleasant once you start noticing more of it 😬 but it does explain a decent amount of shit and knowing about it gives us more tools for managing it and communicating about it!

With that context, a lot of my relationships that have ended less than amicably lately ended that way *because of mental health issues.* Generally those issues would be on both ends, but they were *wildly* exacerbated because neither of us had put enough work into understanding the other's issues and learning how to work *with* them to get to a better point of understanding.

We're incredibly thankful for the work our current partners have put into understanding and working with us (though we're definitely still all figuring stuff out!)

Sure you're a queer inclusionist but are you normal about the identities of plural folks

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

I need help with a thing I think the costumers, cosplayers, and disability bloggers might be able to help with!

Does anyone know of a corset that focuses pressure on the front and back of your torso? I have slipping rib syndrome and walking often pulls my ribs more out of place. I'd love to be able to find something that supports and encourages them to stay in a little more!

I've had many corsets, I know how to size and season them and all. I've just found that the more modern corset styles (and the more femme ones) tend to encourage my ribs to slip even more. Basically the corset pressure goes into my side and *up* because it wants to make the hourglass shape, which shoves my ribs up under the layer in front of them.

Any help would be massively appreciated!!

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

[letssendacountrysomecupcakes]

Even laying aside the cruelty and silliness of treating people like criminals for not having a house—don't you think someone should be allowed to not have a house if they don't want one?

Of course people who want a house to live in should have one, we aren't arguing about that. But isn't it silly and cruel as well, that a person can't be allowed to live a dignified transient or nomadic life? Don't you think for some folks, living permanently in one place is never going to set right with them, and they would choose a portable form of shelter because it's better for their spirit? Why not? What's wrong with it?

It's so terrible to realize, how many ways of life could be possible, and how few ways of life are allowed, instead of being punished and criminalized for no reason at all.