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[lexxaxoxo]

Sooo I’m back again cause I keep failing and I need motivation and support.

I’m 45kgs again and I feel absolutely trash. But it’s interesting because I don’t really look like I did the last when I was 45 it’s weird I look slimmer.

Anyways I b!ng£ toooo much like almost every day so it’s really hard to restrict right now cause of the blng3 feeling but I’m gonna try my best.

Feels great being here again

[lexxaxoxo]

Hey everyone!! It’s been a long time.

Some things happened to me and many things are different right know. You know sh1t happens.

Buuut I’m 41,7kg again. I can’t tell you how happy I am!! I’m back to edtmblr I might not be as active as I was but I’m gonna be here.

Oh and also I had my birthday too. Kinda disappointed I’m still here. Sweet17🫠

[lexxaxoxo]

Why do I feel the most beautiful when I’m the most mentally ill😃

[lexxaxoxo]

I truly have no idea who I am. I’m in pieces

[lexxaxoxo]

When I didn’t want help my parents forced me to recover but I relapsed. Then I cried for help but they didn’t care. Now I don’t want help and they don’t care. What nice story😃🥹

[lexxaxoxo]

What am I if not my illness

[lexxaxoxo]

I’m between 42 and 43 again. Hopefully I won’t fail this time.

[lexxaxoxo]

I just had a surgery and wasn’t planning waking up but I did. It’s a different kind of pain.

[lexxaxoxo]

Hey can I talk to somebody? It’s not a big deal it’d be just nice

[lexxaxoxo]

I can’t do anything else why this isn’t enough? I literally told my mom about my Ed and my sui thoughts. And because I “wasn’t too depre$$ed lately” she doesn’t even care. It’s so messed up but I can’t do more than this. Do I have to tell her everyday when I feel miserable just for her to not invalidate me?

[lexxaxoxo]

TW - s

I’m so afraid to commit $u1cide. Not because I’m afraid of de@th bc I’m afraid what if it’ll be unsuccessful and then I’ll be scared of de@th the rest of my life.

[lexxaxoxo]

Help!! If I binged in my dreams does it count?? Don’t laugh I’m just dumb and curious

[lexxaxoxo]

Just got my period again. I thought I was doing so much better I don’t understand. 5 months ago when I was 44 I didn’t get it I’m so confused but that means I have to work harder.

[lexxaxoxo]

TW - vent/numbers/ed

When I started to have problems with eating (for the first time) I was like “omg I wanna be so thin but I love eating foods that are considered as unhealthy (like fast food, junk food) I hope I’ll have enough self-control to not eat them” and at this time I never thought about not eating maybe for days. Just wanted to be healthy. When I first reached my ugw (it was 44kg) I was sooo happy because I’ve had enough control and only ate healthy stuff. So after this I was like “now can I eat maybe a burger or something like this or not?” and I did not. I was too afraid I’ll gain back everything. I was 12-13 and it scares me how little I was. Just a literal child.

And now I can’t even eat a normal meal bc I’m afraid I’m not gonna die because of ana. And it feels so weird that I’m 44kg at the moment (like I was when I was 13) and I’m almost 17 but I feel fatter than ever. It sucks.

[lexxaxoxo]

44,2 😃🔫

Finally I’m 43,5 kg again yayy

[lexxaxoxo]

Finally I’m 43,5 kg again yayy

[lexxaxoxo]

I ate sooo freaking much today. I mean I didn’t binge just kinda overate but I still feel shit. I hate every part of my body.

Btw happy new year guys!! Stay safe and enjoy this night!!