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life-rewritten · 2 years

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She finally wrote something!!!!:) here you go a new breakdown on the series War of Y, a show that has me and my friends hooked. Hope you enjoy reading it :D

The Making of Pan

One of the most fascinating arcs the show War of Y explores is the character, Pan. His cold, 2-faced demeanor got people frustrated, angry, and conflicted about whether he was meant to be viewed as a victim or just a whiny self-obsessed character. This episode continues to explore that.

From the relationships with Nott, his manager/second ‘mother’ Koon, and his peers. Pan has always seemed above others like he was only there for himself. We find out that it’s because he has massive trust issues, heavy walls up, and he has not let anyone in, not even Nott who he has been in a situationship for 3 years. Everyone seems used or manipulated by him, yet episode 4 reveals it’s not like that.

Keeping up Appearances

From episode 1, Pan has always been shown to have his own surface appearances, as he smiles at his fans, seeks their validation, and acts docile and meek for everyone he wants to gain something from. He was seen as cunning, conniving, and manipulative. He knew how to get what he wanted. But this episode reveals that the cute mask was also his entrapment. Pan lashed out so many times trying to escape it, trying to let himself be free, but he was always advised that being him wouldn’t be enough. As he said, in this industry, he had to be seen above others, it was the only way to be taken seriously. Nott had it all; the looks, the charisma, the energy. Pan was the opposite well in his head he’s always been, insecure that one day people would desert him because he wasn’t adorable enough, cute enough, or precious enough.

Reasons, Pan had to stay in his mask

His fans were known as mothers, they saw him as childlike and innocent, Koon forced him to keep up with that role despite his want to break out

The directors and producers wanted him naive, docile, and innocent, also a cute manner, Koon forced him to stay in that pure role, and left him as a sheep to be devoured by the wolves. This formed a complex in him (along with his past traumas) of hating people’s touch and feeling dirtied by the people who exploited him

His ship with Nott was meant to be innocent, once he showed a true part of himself not willing to allow Nott’s advances in episode 2, his fans turned on him wanting him to stay cute and romantic in his mask as Nott acts as the passionate partner, or judged him and Nott for being in their mask and being fake and using BL as a stepping stone

We watch the reasons pile up as we see Pan lose control more and more and then watch as he spirals until episode 4 where it’s revealed in his head it was always never an option to show who he was. As the flashbacks consume him in the car as he suffocates himself in monoxide, we the audience realize that this is true, every time he showed his real self he was punished for it. From fainting in NC scenes because he’s overworked and uncomfortable (causing him to lose his place in the director’s eyes), to being hated for not wanting fanservice, to being viewed as shallow and fake as he tried to gain the director’s favor, to then being rejected just for being himself and not his skills. Pan never had a chance to just be himself and feel allowed to profit from that.

Egoistic or Protective?

Pan comes off as egoistic, always thinking the world will be better because of him. Some have mentioned traits of narcissism but as we continue to reveal, we pull back the covers and realize it’s due to perfectionism and a desperate need to be worthy to others birthed from his background. Pan has been forced to be protective of himself, his identity, his skin/body, and his dreams, his position.

His family neglect him and let him fall through in the homophobic environment he was raised in. They were ashamed of his acting choice and continued to use that against him, his mum although she cares, continued to let him stay with Koon because of the choice he had made. He was always fighting for their love, to be seen as worthy, needed, and precious for who he really was, a queer dreamer who just wanted to make them happy. But he was shunned. This becomes his massive goal, the reason he holds onto his necklace each time he’s in a space of hurt and fear, and the reason he got up the next day after crying to try and regain his position in Mafia baby.

His industry makes him replaceable. The old vs new generation isn’t easy, and with this industry, you can’t look weak, as Pan says he had to seem above others, he had to make them feel frightened of him, he had to distance himself from them to be taken seriously and not used. He was insecure about his place (one because he already knew that his dislike of NC was a disadvantage, his queer identity was also another reason he wouldn’t be taken as seriously, his fear of being touched and others). He was a great actor but that wasn’t enough, everyone wanted to use him, exploit his talent, body, and even heart to be there, he didn’t want that to happen and that was a fear for him.

His peers were competitive, fake, and waiting for his downfall. Yes BewGus may be nice and real but they were his competition, he knew what happened to the ones who were replaced, he was afraid of that, he knew Pharaoh was out for his place so he always demeaned him to keep him in check, he knew the makeup artists, people who worked with him and cared for him didn’t care for him, so he never tried to let them in either. He shut off everyone even Nott because of that fear of being replaced and hurt or stabbed in the back.

He used Nott as a boat to get ahead, he was already insecure about being put as Nott’s partner as he admits in this episode, so instead of just dwelling on that, he used it, he used the passionate relationship to become a better method actor, refused to let Nott close to him in any authentic way, and kept reminding himself of him as a threat, he used Nott as a Boat, as he wanted to use the BL popularity to get into network television and be taken seriously as an actor, so he kept reminding Nott he didn’t want to be a shipped pairing. He did all of this and tried so hard to put space and Nott let him. The truth is Pan was just as scared of being abandoned and left (because again being himself wasn’t seen as worthy) and so he pushed back and tried to be in control. In the end, he hurt Nott, but by the end feels like he was right to have left him all along

The Boat vs The infinite ship

Nott and Pan have always had this fascinating devastating thing about their romance. For both of them, the fear of being used/taken advantage of vs the real love they feel for each other has always been their arcs for both growth and regression. Nott feared Pan was using and taking advantage of him and when Pan lashes out and calls him a boat he breaks, it was true then, he was just a toy to Pan, it was never real.

For Nott, he’s been able to control everything in his life, everything else was easier for him, his looks got him to sleep with whoever he wanted, his acting career and others, and it was easier for him to achieve the goals he wanted, unlike Pan who had to sell so many parts of himself and identity to get there. Nott sees things as going with the flow apart from Pan, Pan is who he loves, and he is willing to be used by him. However, it gets to him and hurts him each time Pan’s defenses attack him, Pan’s cold, distanced, and manipulative mask pains him and so, he doesn’t see Pan breaking more than he is and is trying so hard to keep control. Pan on the other hand is different, he’s afraid Nott sees him as an infinite ship; a prison he doesn’t want to enter, he wants to be taken seriously for his acting, to prove everyone wrong who doubted he could do it, to prove himself that he’s worthy and precious of love for his identity.

However, Nott’s dreams of them being together forever a shipped couple entraps that, so he lets him know it’s impossible. This is not his goal, his goal has always been to be taken seriously and not just as a shipped pairing, but it hurts Nott who feels used, and it fills him with insecurities about why Nott wants him. He tells himself lies. He believes them, Nott uses their shipping pictures, fanservice, and pairing as a way to advance himself this is why when he’s later feeling abandoned by Nott (with TTTV) he shuts down and erupts his walls back up, and lashes out at him. But as much as it’s true he did use him, he did hurt him, he did take advantage, he also loved Nott, he just was afraid, and this is proof he was right to be. In the end, the two love each other, and find solace in each other but are left with scars of what the other one does to them.

Nott is punished even more because he sleeps with Pharaoh, a trigger for Pan, his enemy seeking his downfall, his replacement, he did that for a bit with no meaning to it, because Nott doesn’t take anything seriously apart from Pan and he is punished for that naivety and ignorance. In the end, Pan is hurt and sent to regression, and Nott is left behind by the one person he believes frees and sees him.

Pan’s mothers (Nature vs Nurture)

Mother is an important theme for Pan because he seeks maternal care, warmth, nurture, and love. There are three mothers surrounding his life, each he gives a part of himself to and each destroys him in a way internally. Each he makes a mask to survive.

There’s his real mum who he loves and wants validation from, who he wants to be proud of him, and who he wants to make happy. He wears a mask of egoism, and confidence that he will be fine, he becomes a perfectionist with goals and plans to prove everyone wrong and show her he can survive and make it as himself. But as he goes to eliminate himself in this episode, the truth is harsh and suffocates him, he worked hard and sacrificed so much of himself to get to her and in the end, he couldn’t. He was abandoned and left alone only to return if he could be of worth and importance. He clings to her necklace as a sign of comfort, but it chokes him instead, pulling him further and further into this desperate need for validation and love.

His Fans

You have his fans, their fandom name; his ‘mums’, they want to coddle and give him love. In order to do so, he must appear happy, cute, and innocent. And so he tries to do so, despite his hatred of losing control (from his traumas), and his hate of being touched, he tries to keep up the appearances, to please them with Nott, to be docile and effective.

However, if he steps out of line like in episode 2, they either leave him or blame him for his frigidness, look of discomfort, and inability to smile and seem happy with what they want. His fans are his refuge but they also push him deeper into a web of fear that being himself is not enough. His need for their validation and comments almost drives him crazy, he works nonstop even in moments when he can’t, to please and get their love because it makes him less insecure, they’re the proof that he’s loved, wanted and precious, they tell him that and he wants that, but it keeps him in the trap, suffocating until he can’t take it anymore.

This isn’t just his fan's fault, they may be fickle but they are loyal to him as well, but their mothering pushes Pan into a different state for them, he wants to gain their love and affection by sacrificing his authenticity, by making sure who they see is what they want but it’s killing him inside. When he snaps, they see it and start to desert him. It’s painful.

Koon is the most painful, been by his side for 5 years, she has exploited and used his body to gain ahead. Although she cared for him and tried to reduce his discomfort (due to her guilt of what she was making him into) she’s the biggest mother figure Pan has lost himself for. Not only has she taken advantage of him with false pretenses of his body, mind, and insecurities, but she’s also worked him hard with no rest, she acts like a nurturing mother, meek and submissive but behind closed doors she’s fickle, always looking for something new to gain ahead.

Pan is an object for her gain, and she reveled in that, she used him to prove a point to Bew’s manager who poached Bew away from her that she was right and more powerful, she used him to get her other clients ahead, she used him to get her name ahead. She pushed him tirelessly, forced him to stay in a mask that was suffocating him, and let him lash out at her because of it, she knows how he feels about being controlled but deliberately leaves him with his traumas every time she wants something, and she doesn’t try to protect or even stand up for him. In a flash, she moves on with Pharoah, forms a plan and uses him, and then abandons Pan once more. The truth in episode 4 is revealed, she barricaded and fed Pan with information making him feel he needed to hide who he was, so he could be favored.

For 5 years she did this, and we see the results in episode 1, Pan lashes out and tries to regain the power taken from him all those years and so what we know of him is a shell, someone filled with pain, trauma, and scars, continuously stabbed at and slowly unraveling. Koon was the most dangerous form of a mother to him, he sought her protection and guidance and let himself be an object for her, and she used and tossed him away in the mess and chaos she caused. It’s heartbreaking.

War of Y explores many themes, but the making of Pan, his character, his masks, his negatives, and his positives slowly get unveiled and we learn about why he turned into the way he was. Made from the cracks of neglection, abandonment, exploitation, assault, and objectification, Pan has just been trying to make it to his goals, to be taken seriously, to be wanted, to be loved authentically, but also to use his identity and get his dreams to come to fruition, to prove to everyone that he could do it, and yet, in the end, his biggest fear swallows him whole, he was always alone, from the start, it was all futile. But Nott becomes an interesting person, he is the one who loves Pan masks and no masks, he is the one who seeks Pan’s validation and love, he is the one who listens and cares for Pan, and he’s the one who would sacrifice it all to make sure Pan knows that. Pan is not alone, he was made to always feel scared of letting people in, but in the end, room 701 was always a real place of care, nurture, and love he seeks. Now we hope he can return back to there.

#knowing y #war of y #cwg

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Knowing Y is a Podcast & Twitter Space community focused on breaking down and giving commentary on BL/Y/MMM stories.

Through detailed analysis and examination we try to figure out just why and how these series work. We believe that the art of storytelling is important to unlocking the potential of what Y series can be. We seek to understand, to know, and bring light to how storytelling devices, analysis, and themes can help make a show greater and meaningful.

As a group who loves story, we understand that it can be a place of enjoyment, escapism, or learning for every individual and thus we seek to create community for listeners that is not only opening and welcoming, but offers answers to questions and theories we all may have on our favorite BL/Y stories.

#knowing y #me #projects #cwg

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Feel free if you want to write the reasons of why you love those couples or not..... Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Hi,

Thanks for the question, I actually did an answer to this that was pretty similar most of it had my favorite romantic relationships in there. Here's the link. But this since that question was focused on more about characters I'll try and give more information on the couples I tend to obsess about sometimes.

Books:

WangXian: I already explained about why I love the untamed in different forms, the books are one of my favorite ones.

Will/Tessa/Jem: The infernal devices. This is one of the best love triangles I have ever read, painful at places but it actually ended up really well. I am so happy about everything, I love all the characters in this, and each of the ways they helped each other in the relationships, their angst, and their memorable moments I love all of them.

Ty/Kit- Already one of my favorite relationship duo, and they haven't yet even been in a relationship but they're so good, and they're so angsty, and it's so good. Watched them grow and watched their childhood story unfold and how Kit realized about his feelings, urgh it's so good. Cannot wait for their series!

Bridgerton couples: This is a very unpopular opinion but I actually love Colin and Penelope in the books. I know Colin is very annoying and it takes a while to get him but I really enjoyed reading their story, their incident that led to them being forced to get married was incredible omg one of the best kissing scenes I read. I haven't read the next ones so I wouldn't say they're my all time fave but I really loved them.

Pride and Prejudice: Elizabeth and Darcy, you'll never see me not love these two, love also their angst, love their longing, their enemies to lovers, their characterisation and their ending. One of the best historical romance books couples still to this day, and I can't fault it. I love most of Jane Austen's couples so I won't list them

Vegas/Pete: both book version and show version same reasons I stated in the previous one

Lee/Ke Luo: one of my all time favorite bl danmei book couples, makes me laugh so much, something so wholesome and innocent despite the darkness of the story. The plot twists and their relationship melts my heart. Watching Lee fall so selflessly in love with Ke Luo despite how like bad he is as a person was so beautiful, like his growth makes me so happy. Ke Luo later on getting what he deserved needing his own time to pine and pay for what he did, was so good, because Lee didn’t even know how much he was in love with him. The way they affect each other, make each other grow, the wholesome scenes they shared with each other even when they weren't together and the passion they also have, it was so great. Like typical BL novel, but hilarious and Lee is one of my favorite BL characters in a book boy do I love him! They make me so happy like I could easily read their story again, from the start to the end, and come out feeling so happy and cheesy and satisfied. It’s so cute

Shows

Skam: Isak/Even, Noora/William, Sana/Yousef you can't make me choose I literally love all of them, I get so emotional thinking about the journey to each of their stories. Willam and Noora are my faves only for their season 1-season 2 storyline because the way they got butchered in the last seasons I'd like to forget but I bloody love them, toxic or not. Love the whole season so much. But Skam owns me so I'm not even surprised.

Maya Hart/Lucas Friar: didn't end up being a couple but was one of my favorite ships I actually was obsessed with them and they meant a lot to me, very much so, now it feels like a blur but I remember caring so much and wanting them to be together. I still believe they would, but not sure because we never even got a confirmation or truth if what people noticed and loved about the show was even planned or real. My question is there is no way it wasn't real there was far too much evidence for it but meh. I feel this way too about Riley and Farkle.

Fighter/Tutor from Why R U: as a BL show not my favorite BL show but as a story of these two? One of my best couples, they really got me to feel a lot of emotions and I really enjoyed watching their story unfold. Can still always rewatch and get emotional at different scenes.

I'm really not someone that has faves though it's even hard for me to remember couples I care about, I always love some couples but it never sticks unless I absolutely become obsessed with the story somehow, so my list isn't as detailed because there probably is much more but I can't remember atm, and it's always changing, depending on how I view or think about romance during that time.

#bl series #bl drama #thai bl #mo dao zu shi #skam #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #shadowhunters #lucaya

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

Hi, no I don't mind. This is a great question! But I actually am the worst person to ask this to because I don't have favourites, I feel like I get into certain mindsets/obsessions about shows and for a moment those characters mean a lot to me but at another, I don't actually remember or like their actions as much. So it's hard for me to say a top 10; I've consumed so much media that sometimes I can't even remember moments where I loved a character but once they are mentioned I know I do love and adore them. So I won't be able to give you a straight honest answer because I can only think about the current mindset I'm in and that's mostly boy love shows, and that's what's just surrounding all of my most liked characters right now.

I also tend to like situations that occur to characters not them, themselves, and normally that revolves around their psyche, depth and romance (since I mostly love romances the most) so with characters I normally have them as my favorite when they're with the people they love/their coupling. So this isn't going to just be top 10 characters but also couples haha. Hope that's okay...

So without further or do no ranks just listed

WeiWuxian/LangWangji ( Mo Dao Zu Shi, short summary unhinged, hilarious, painful, and broken, and yet strong in the face of it, his naivity and lack of care for society opinions (WWX) makes me adore him so much, literally one of the best pairing written and each also one of the best dimensional characters given on media not just BL, but media)

Maya Hart (Girl meets world, she is incredible, there's so much selflessness in that girl, so much love, and talent and she was going to break everything and get her ending. I adore her with everyone and her journey and her love story made me lose my mind when analyzing because it was that great and deep. Pity we never got to see her at the end see the truth of it)

Sana (Skam, this girl is me, and I am her? No but where's the lie, Sana was one of my favorite POC women who I felt seen by, I felt seen by her dissociation, I felt seen by her loyalty, her mask of strength, her anger at unfairness, I felt seen by her brokenness as well and her masks, and her love of her faith. Seeing her find herself and fall in love and accept herself made her everything and more to me. That's why you'll notice that although I love all of skam it is mostly her seasons I always end up writing about, because it's about her themes, and her and I adore her)

Xue Yang (Mo Dao Zu Shi, ooof he's the most viewed as evil and tragic on this list. But I love him. I don't shy away from my obsession with Xue Yang as a character, his whole arc, his whole story, his whole downfall, I felt so much pain and love for this character, I cried for him too and I also loved the depth and dimensionality of him, he's also the only one on my list who didn't get their happy ending and love reciprocated. It breaks my heart he was just always going to be trouble)

Naruto/Sasuke (again can't choose between the two, I also want to state that Itachi is actually probably my favorite character in Naruto more than these two but I couldn't choose. I love all of them I love Naruto when he's with Sasuke and I love Sasuke when he's with Naruto, I love how they affect each other and I think it's when they're thinking or reacting to each other they're at their most exposed, real and vulnerable not just the archetypes that they have in the show. Itachi is just chef's kiss isn't he, he's everything and more, he makes me cry so I'm not going to explain everything but he's just so good, his heart, his love of Sasuke, his tragedy oof)

Vegas/Pete (KinnPorsche, this is where I'm at and if you want to know how bad I am with them, go on my podcast twitter, page or my other blog (which is where I write about them. I should have been writing about them on here and I feel sad about that but I have podcasts, twitter spaces dedicated to them, I have writing and essays dedicated to how much I love Vegas mostly out of the two as a written character I've spoken about them everyday for longer than 8 hours it is insane how much atm I love these two and their themes, arcs and story both in book and show)

Kotoko (Itazura Na Kiss, another anime favorite girly. She's seen as dumb, a nuisance and annoying for her deep unrequited to requited love for her man, and yet she broke that system and got her story exactly the way she want it. She's bad ass, despite the fact she whines, and seems like the opposite of feminist principles she is to me one. She transformed her life, her story the way she wanted it, she worked herbutt off every time to achieve her goals and she was kind and that was her strength. She was self focused, and she delivered. And seeing her process and grow and end up married to her love of her life, the way she wanted it, the way she could handle, seeing how she transformed him? Incredible. NO but like I adore Kotoko, she's not annoying to me she's strong and smart in other ways, she's great in her kindness, humanity and heart and she was able to do whatever she wanted, achieved her purpose as a nurse and find her self within. I envy her sometimes may not with who she is with but yeah haha)

Ty/Kit (Shadowhunters, I’m waiting to fall in love with them even more when Wicked powers consume me, this will be my next focus, all of this to do with them, I adore these two so much, I adore everything that’s happening between both of them and I already see the signs of what makes one my favorite, one makes me care and love a character, these two are going to have it, and if they don’t you’ll see me being sad for now they are from the other books in this series still important and serious to me)

Wave/Pang (The gifted, don’t think this is a surprise similar to Naruto I love these two the most when they’re interacting or near each other. I love their growth, their arcs, their personalities, I enjoy everything it is to do with these 2, again themes of sacrifice, breaking the system and making it what they want, again brokenness and how to accept ones flaws and weaknesses and make it strength, again loyal and kind and powerful in their own ways how they affect their show, and story )

Gram/Black (ONLY the novel Not me, you won’t catch me slipping. These two mean a lot to me, Black does in the novel, I adore him, I loved everything about him, and everything about Gram, not their actions per say but them their arc, their discovery, and self awareness, their growth, their struggles, their strengths, their weaknesses I loved it all with these 2. Perfect ending and story for these two, so much depth despite the fact it didn’t seem like it, so much power in just flashbacks. I love both)

This is where my current mindset is at, I tend to love the portrayals of ‘brokenness’ in media and self-discovery in characters, characters who are triumphant and human despite the life they were forced to have and how they react to that, I also love brave characters who do what they need to do despite others mocking or trying to bring them down. It's all about strength, self-discovery, and acceptance, and love and kindness persisting through despite some of the arcs the characters do endure and go through. I love characters who fight against social norms and make their own story and get it to work and it isn't muted. I love characters who care so much for others innately, and sometimes it leads them to be too sacrificial and I love when their love interests/partner shows them how loved and protected they are for that. So yeah. That’s the mind space I’m in right now.

Hope this answers your question I literally gave you top 20 not top 10 haha cause I love every character in that list, and there are more I love but it’s just not with me at this mindset. Thanks for the question though, really appreciate it. <3 I am analysing and writing about my current favorite character Vegas over at my other blog. You should come over there and say hi if you like him too or are intrigued <3

#bl series #bl drama #thai bl #mo dao zu shi #sana #skam #not me the series #kinnporsche #vegaspete #shadowhunters

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Updated Masterlist 2022, had to update it here too, because it’s getting longer and some of the posts I’m writing aren’t on here (since I use this as my long essay structured format when analysing meta blog) but you can join me over at my other blog to scream and review and talk about shows. KinnPorsche should really be getting analysed on here though I admit. Who knows maybe after episode 6 it will. :)

MasterList

Hi Beautiful people :)

This is a masterlist, a collection of my essays, analysis, rants and even just brain dumps in the spur of the moment. If any of these topics interest you feel free to read and leave a comment/like on what you think about it. Thank you.

I’ve included links to other projects created by me not on this blog. Feel free to roam around and read. :) These are mostly asian shows I’ve found my self drawn into, if you want my western show masterlist that’s on a different site. :)

Genre: KDramas

Psycho but it’s okay

FLOWER OF EVIL: A TIPTOE INTO MORE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY VS NORMALCY

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY FINAL THOUGHTS

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY- FAIRY TALES AND THEIR FORESHADOWING PART 3(BLUE BEARD, OTHELLO, WIZARD OF OZ)

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY ANALYSIS: FAIRY TALES AND THEIR FORESHADOWING PART 2/2 (THE CHEERFUL DOG AND BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY RAPUNZEL AND THE CURSED CASTLE ANALYSIS

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY ANALYSIS: EPISODE 9- FAIRY TALES AND THEIR FORESHADOWING PART ½ (THE KING WITH DONKEY EARS)

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY SLEEPING WITCH ANALYSIS

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY- THE BOY WHO FED ON NIGHTMARES ANALYSIS (2/2)

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY- THE LADY WITH THE RED SHOES ANALYSIS.

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY- THE BOY WHO FED ON NIGHTMARES ANALYSIS (½)

PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY: THEMES OF THE SHOW USING FAIRY TALES

Flower of Evil

SAYING GOODBYE TO FLOWER OF EVIL; A REVIEW

FLOWER OF EVIL: THE BREAKDOWN OF THE PSYCHE OF BAEK HEE SUNG

FLOWER OF EVIL-THE IRONY OF THE IDENTITY OF BAEK HEE SUNG

FLOWER OF EVIL: LOVING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS EPISODE 8

FLOWER OF EVIL EPISODE 7- TRUSTING A ‘PSYCHOPATH’S’ POINT OF VIEW

FLOWER OF EVIL: A TIPTOE INTO MORE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY VS NORMALCY

The King Eternal Monarch (TKEM)

Things mentioned in TKEM that might help you predict what’s going on. -King Arthur Part 1 (Lee Lim)

Episode 12: Rules of TKEM- Analysis of the intro

The King eternal Monarch episode 12 Taeul and |Time Travel

Things to look out for in TKEM to know where the show’s going - King Arthur Part 2 (Lee Gon)

The hidden rules of TKEM and why understanding it will help you understand the show.

Small observations about TKEM episode 12: Lim’s weakest bait

Breakdown of two scenes from the two previews for next week of TKEM. - Theory post

Prediction for the ending of TKEM

The irony between Luna and Fate.

Things mentioned in TKEM for you to know where this is going and what it’s about The WONDERLAND SERIES BY LEWIS CARROL

Start Up (Sandbox)

Start Up- Analysis of the love triangle of Start up- Ep 1-5

Start-Up- Ep 3 Observation and Comments:Tarzan

Start-Up -Analysis of the love triangle of Start up Ep 7-8

Start Up- Analysis of Nam Do San Ep 9-10 Fate vs Dosan

Start Up-Mind vs Hands analysis of the triangle Ep-9-10

Start Up- Analysis of the love triangle Ep 9-10

Start Up-Analysis of the role of Dosan and Jipyeong Ep 10

Start Up-Analysis of the love triangle Ep 11-12- Dreams vs Disillusions

Start Up- The Seo Sisters and Fulfiling a legacy Ep 13-14

Start Up- Saying Good Bye to Start Up- Fate, Dreams and Love Stories Review

True Beauty

True Beauty Ep 3-4 Kyung and Suho and Bullying

True Beauty Ep 1-6 True Scars vs False Masks

True Beauty Ep 7-8 Prince Charming, The Knight and The Ugly Duckling

True Beauty Ep 9-10 True Traumas and Unsettling Regressions

True Beauty Ep 11-12; Problematic Bullies and Strained Friendships

Saying Goodbye to True Beauty ; A review

Sisyphus The Myth

Sisyphus The Myth Ep 1-4 The doomed futility of Sisyphus

Sisyphus The Myth Ep 5-8 The heavy burden of death and Sisyphus

Genre: Kpop

BTS

DEMIAN ANALYSIS BTS AND LOVE YOUR SELF ERA

BTS Love yourself Analysis MAMA AND LIE PT 2

Genre: Anime

Naruto Shippuden Brain dumps

Episode 213 to 216: NARUSASU AND THEIR FLASHBACKS

NARUSASU AND THEIR TWO MENTORS

Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF)

The Unconditional Love of HuaLian

The Different Forms of HuaCheng TGCF Ep 1-11

Genre: BL

Love by Chance/ A Chance to Love

The Relationship of Tul and Tin A chance to love episode 5 vs Naruto and Heirs (a comparison) Part 2/2

The Relationship of Tul and Tin- A Chance To Love episode 5 vs The Heirs (a comparison) Part ½

A Chance To Love Episode 3- Positives/Character Dynamics

A Chance to Love: A chance to know Tin and Can Part 2/2- The Meaning Of Tin

A Chance to Love: A chance to know Tin and Can Part ½-The Meaning of Can

A CHANCE TO LOVE: A CHANCE TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD OF MAME

Asks and Challenges

My FAVE BLS (I.E A chance to rave about my favourite tropes, plots, break down kiss scenes and more. It’s a get to know me post.)

Why R U

WHY R U- A SHOW THAT DESERVES MORE LOVE/ATTENTION - RANT

Why R U- Fighter and Tutor Analysis (Ask/Request)

The SHIPPER

The Problem with the Bury Your Gay Tropes- The Problem with the shipper (A RANT)

What KIm really wanted- The love story of WayKim- A Brain dump

THE GIFTED THE SERIES (GRADUATION)

THE GIFTED GRADUATION: THE FUTILITY OF IDEALISM EP 10

THE GIFTED GRADUATION: REUNITING WITH CHANNON (NON)

THE GIFTED GRADUATION: THE STORY OF SUPOT AND YUTH

THE GIFTED GRADUATION: AN ODE TO PANG AND WAVE’S LOVE EP 11

THE GIFTED GRADUATION: GIRL POWER AN ANALYSIS FOR THE WOMEN IN GIFTED SERIES EP 11

My Gear and Your Gown

MY GEAR AND GOWN EP 10 ANALYSIS- THE DOWNFALL OF ITT AND PURE’S SELFLESS LOVE

MY GEAR AND YOUR GOWN EP 8-9 ANALYSIS; ITT’S DETERMINATION TO CHASE AFTER PAI

SYMBOLISM AND FORESHADOWING IN MY GEAR AND GOWN

PAI’S PERCIEVED FUTILITY WITH LOVE CONCERNING LOGIC VS FEELINGS

MY GEAR AND YOUR GOWN TRAILER ANALYSIS: MR 950 INTRODUCTION

THE PROBLEMS WITH MY GEAR AND YOUR GOWN EP 1-6 (RANT)

We Best Love

We Best Love (Fighting Mr 2nd) Deyi and The theme of control and power

We Best Love (Fighting Mr 2nd) Shouzhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

We Best Love (Fighting Mr 2nd) Deyi and The role of Family, Duty/Obligation and Responsibility

Bad Buddy

Thread of Podcast series (normally don’t add podcast links here but because there’s no essay for this show I feel bad so here’s my analysis in form of audio)

Gen Y

Gen Y Ep 1-9- The issues with Thanu, Phai and Wayu triangle

Gen Y Ep 1-9 An analysis of the triangle Obligations vs Wants

Gen Y Ep 1-12 A flashback to analysis of the theme of the whole show

Color Rush

Color Rush Ep 1-2 Observations and Comments

Color Rush Ep 1-4 Power Plays and Forced Mindsets (Analysis of our duo)

Color Rush Ep5-6 Crushes and Obstacles (Analysis of psychological mindsets of monos)

Lovely Writer The Series

An Introduction to Ambition, Masks and Secret Goals Lovely Writer Ep 1

Lovely Writer Ep 2 The line between authenticity and pretense

The Price of Ambition; Sacrifices of Authenticity, Identity and Truth Lovely Writer Ep 2

The Discovery Of Identity; Transformation, Perceptions And Hidden Ideals Lovely Writer EP 3/4

The Fantasy of Love; The search for Family, Freedom and Love Lovely Writer Ep5-7

Fish Upon The Sky

Fish Upon the Sky Ep 8-11- Romeo and Juliet (The irony of MorkPi)

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 8- The Irony of Mork

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 1-7 A full break down on the self defense mechanisms of Duen and Pi

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 6-Observation and Comments: Pi’s Mum analysis

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 6-The Problem with FUTS

Fish Upon the Sky Ep 1-5 The Issue with the characterisation of Pi

A Full Commentary and Debate on FUTS

Y Destiny

Y DESTINY- THE PROBLEM WITH PUTH Observations and Comments

Baker Boys/Antique Base

An Introduction to Antique Bakery: Why is Antique (Korean) A BL

He’s coming to Me

A LOOK INTO A MASTERPIECE: HE’S COMING TO ME REVIEW

Friend Forever/ Our Love is Sick

A REVIEW AND BREAK DOWN OF EP 1-6 AKA MY OBSESSION FOR TIN AND SEA

Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed

SPOOKY SEASON! AN ODE TO MO DAO ZU SHI: ONE OF THE BEST BL STORIES CREATED! - A review of different adaptation on MDZ

Manner of Death

Manner of Death Ep 1-2: A break down of Suspects

Manner of Death Ep 1-3: An analysis of Tan; Friend or Foe

Manner of Death ep 3-5- EXPOSURES VS COVERS (AN ANALYSIS ON TAN AND THAT AND THEIR PARTNERS)

Manner of Death Ep 6-7- The Little mermaid and her warped prince (an analysis on Jane’s MOD)

Manner of Death Ep 8-10- Hansel and Gretel; Victims or Victors? (An analysis of episode 10 plot twist)

Tharn and Type

Tharn and Type 7 Years! Episode 2′ Observation and Comments

Tharn and Type 7 Years of Love! The Marriage Disagreement analysis

Tharn and Type Ep 3: Observations on Fiat Analysis

Tharn and Type Ep 3: Misreadings and Insights on the couples of this show

Tharn and Type Ep 4: First Observations and Comments on couples of this show

Tharn and Type Ep 4: Full analysis on Duality of the main two couples of the show

Tharn and Type Ep 5: For Better or For Worse : More couples similarities and dynamics

Tharn and Type Ep 6: A flashback to the past a foreshadow of the future: LeoFiat and TharnType analysis - The memory of Pufai

Tharn and Type Ep 7- Regressions and Declines (Analysis of Type and Fiat mindsets)

Tharn and Type Ep 8- The Psychology of Fiat; Just Friends

Tharn and Type Ep 9- The Problem with Mame

Tharn and Type Ep 10- The Cheating Disagreement

Tharn and Type Ep 10- A journey to understanding LeoFiat (A breakdown of their love story)

Don’t say NO

DSN; Messy, Complex and Misunderstood Ep 1-11

Not Me

NOT ME EP 1-6 ANALYSIS ; THE 3 MIRRORS (3/3)

NOT ME EP 1-6 ANALYSIS ; THE 3 MIRRORS (2/3)

NOT ME EP 1-6 ANALYSIS ; THE 3 MIRRORS (1/3)

SEAN AND WHITE AKA THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE COUPLE NOT ME: DUALITY OF BLACK AND WHITE (NOW BOOK ANALYSIS)

History 4: Close To You

The Problems/Positives with History4: History4 Ep 1-4 Observations and Comments

Tonhon Chonlatee

TONHON CHONLATEE VS THEORY OF LOVE -EP 1-4 TON’S MINDSET

I told Sunset about you

ITSAY EP 2; Xin the focus on our heart (Title analysis)

ITSAY EP 3: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS; FORESHADOWING ANALYSIS-

ITSAY EP 3- THE HIBISCUS; SHORT ANALYSIS OF OH AND TEH’S RELATIONSHIP

ITSAY EP 4- SELF SABOTAGE, HINDRANCES, AND REVERSE HELPS- TEH ANALYSIS

ITSAY EP 4- SELF PROTECTION, THINGS I’LL NEVER SAY AND EASY PROMOTIONS

1000 STARS

1000 Stars Ep 1-6- The consequences of the past mistakes (An analysis of the themes of the show)

Cherry Magic!

Cherry MAGIC! EP 4: Observations and Comments

Cherry MAGIC! Ep 5: Adachi’s Emotional Turmoil

Cherry MAGIC! EP 6: To be heavy or not to be heavy

Cherry MAGIC! Ep 7: Kurosawa and Adachi the meaning of TOUCH

Cherry Magic! Ep 8: Kurodachi Love For Each Other

Cherry Magic! Ep 11: The problem with Self Deprecation

Cherry Magic! Ep 11: 7 Years

KinnPorsche

KinnPorsche Characters I Like To Focus On Ep 1-2

KinnPorsche: Free Fall and Reasons for Kinn’s attraction Ep 1-5

KinnPorsche: Kinn and Korn: The importance of subtext Episode 5

KinnPorsche: Kinn’s ‘Jealousy’ Ep 4-5

KinnPorsche: ‘You never trust me’ Predictions

KimChay: Porsche and KimChay Predictions

KinnPorsche: Regressions and Masks (Ep 5 analysis)

Cutie Pie

What’s in a plot? Analysis/Brain Dump of ep 9 of Cutie Pie

Genre: Skam Universe

Skam Espana

SKAM S4- YOUSEFS AND THEIR ABILITY TO SEE SANAS FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE (DAMIRA)

SKAM ESPANA- A WHITE YOUSEF

UNPOPULAR OPINION ABOUT DAMIRA A RANT

SKAM ESPANA- THE CHARACTERISATION/VILLAINIZATION OF KASIM

Druck/Skam France

UNPOPULAR BRAIN DUMP ABOUT AMIRA AND MOHAMMED FIRST THOUGHTS

WTFOCK

Pride and Prejudice; Yasmina and Sana and their themes

#cwg #sorry I've been mia #the bl fandom is a lot sometimes #and I rather stay in my space over at tobeornottotc and just quietly reblog and analyse #join me there if you want to see my kinnporsche takes.#okay bye

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life-rewritten · 2 years

Note

Omg I didn't think u would reply to my ask . Yes I was upset abt gramblack too it's now a trauma i cant rewatch that show solely of this reason. I feel the same way abt the fandom experience too so don't apologise if u wanna rant it out.

I'm really not sure if I do follow ur fangirl account please link it coz I love the theories & thirsting for cast equally.

Hope u have a good week.

Hi again

yes Not me is practically nonexistent to me after it ended because of GB. I just can't bother to think or talk about it again so I get you.

My fangirl account where I also write shorter stuff on is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/tobeornottotc, I normally tend to reblog every day and comment on posts if i have analysis for shows I'm into, or sometimes i write smaller essays or posts about my opinions. if you can put up with spam of images and gifs ,you should follow :)

Also thank you have a great week too.

#asks #bl series #bl drama #thai bl

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Can please do an analysis of kinnporche post 6 eps? It's just been soo long since I have seen u post abt not me. I'm eager abt kp coz the first 2 eps were solid atleast for me.

Anyways it's more of a request would love to hear anything u got to say from this ask if aren't into kp.

Hi,

Omg this is so nice, so yeah Not me did make me disappear unfortunately i was very upset about GramBlack situation I just wasn't happy about what was taken away from not me. So I did kind of lose the will to write so much about BL shows for a bit. With KinnPorsche I am excited about where it could go, I actually with this show am quite shallow, I'd advice you to follow me on fangirling blog so you see more about my little comments on the show when I reblog pictures and stories, mostly fangirl but for Cutie pie and KinnPorsche I do write some reblogs where I write about the characters and my own thoughts there. But yes with KP I feel like I'm gonna be quite shallow with the focus, I'm very attracted to the cast, so my mind tends to blank when I'm watching and I like the most toxic couple in the show the most because of my bias towards the actors. As much as I do notice the depth and analysis that could derive from KP, especially focusing on Vegas, Kinn and Pete... It's hard for me to want to to write about Vegas because of the morally grey mindset needed to understand or 'accept' his characterisation and plot, obviously i normally do write about morally grey characters but I was trying harder this year to kind of not have to 'defend' or rant about problematic characters to a woke audience that is close minded, so that's my issue with analysing KinnPorsche. Already I can see people disliking Kinn for just being an a hole, and it's like if they think that's worse then I dread when they see Vegas for who he really is, and other characters. Not sure if I'm making sense...

Likewise I actually know most of the spoilers for book 1 of KP so analysing it like I did with not me it will be difficult to not be biased using what I know from the book, (and that hurt me when watching Not me when analysing Black, it honestly broke me) so that's another thing I'm struggling with. Knowing the book, and seeing how the directing is going I think KP will become deeper and intriguing, I think there's depth to all the characters, and dimensionality but I don't know if I can trust the directors to follow through when I don't know what they're like. For example I already have some issues with the sound directors in episode 1 because they don't use music enough in the show where it could make an impact. And I was slightly disappointed with how they introduced Vegas and Pete after seeing how they introduced Kinn Porsche previously. So again I'm scared of this pattern where a couple I obsess about will end up hurting me because the directors don't give them energy and time... However the cinematographer of KP is ITSAY's (I analysed this show too if you remember or have been on here for a while) and I love his directing choices, especially his color theories, and symbolism he adds to his scenes. So if there's more symbolism like that from the directors for example I enjoyed seeing the chess symbolism in episode 1 foreshadowing a lot about some of the characters role, but then I feel like it's not a proper symbol if they don't continue to use it and hint at it in the episodes you know? So I'm still unsure about the directing styles since there's 3 directors (award winning as well) they all seem to have their own way to do stuff, so maybe after episode 6 I will get the hang of it and then want to analyse more about what they're saying.

So there is depth in the show, there are interesting characterizations and subtexts that could mean one thing that is important. For example, they've already foreshadowed Vegas, Porsche, and Pete's arc which is very important to all the characters one way or another. It's one of my fave things to analyze and think about in the book so I'm excited to see what they'll do with that since they've hinted at it by vegas smiling at Porsche him being oblivious (important) and thinking its for Pete, and Pete jokingly smiling and accepting it (foreshadowing). And we get Vegas interaction with his father (i squealed because a lot to unpack in that we now know the show is making it look like he's spying on Porsche for his father's request but we know if it is him (it's his colors that are shown when the female assassin is speaking to someone but it might not be necessarily be him i think it is) that he's already spying on Porsche for his own agenda not just his father's, we know he is targeting Kinn, and we know Kinn also hates him, this makes us know that yes on the surface Vegas and Porsche's arc is going to be explored, it's connected to whatever secrets Korn has for why he brought Porsche to the family, it's also connected to whatever bad thing changed Kinn and made him cruel to others (since with his actions it infers Vegas is out to get him removed from his power) and we know Vegas is also attracted to Porsche (by his tell me something I don't know reply when the girl said he was fit) lots to already start putting together when focusing on that arc. Lastly, I mentioned it in one of my reblogs on the other blog, but Vegas and Porsche are introduced in a way that shows similarities to each other (a bit) and that's the overprotectiveness and duty to keep their brother safe, they both have little brothers who they basically go feral about when it comes to safety. Both the older sibling with more responsibility. We can see it on his face on how he protects Macau in episode 2 that he cares about his little brother. Kinn has a little brother too with Kim and he acts as the oldest since Thankhun isn't mentally able to take on that role properly, but i think that similarity with Vegas and Porsche is interesting and something to keep note of too. Also is Vegas the big Villain? For now, it seems like it, it seems like a petty family fight for who should have the power, and Vegas same age as Kinn feels like he's should be the one instead ala Scar in Lion King towards Mufasa right? But is that really it? Is that what the big villain arc is pointing to or is there more? I wish his introduction was grander than his back or his smile at Porsche but it did foreshadow exactly what his arc would be focused on, and how Pete loyal and kind and smiley Pete who just wants to be Kinn's right-hand man and idolizes him, how Pete becomes the one instead that Vegas is supposed to be smiling for, and is the one who will end up being part of Vegas's arc too...

With regards to KinnPorsche if I don't write essays about it there might be podcasts that appear if I really do fall for the show. Right now it's giving me what i need (but that's because I know most of the first book spoilers) so I wasn't whiplashed by the comedy in episode 2 etc... So yeah we'll see what happens if it'll be on this blog I write essays about them, or if I'll just keep fangirling and making small observations over on my other blog.

However, if you have any questions or theories about the show you want me to talk about, or write about, you can ask me here, because as you can see even when I don't mean to by when I answer questions I tend to write whatever I feel at that moment. So if there's a character or a plot or symbol you notice in the show you want me to go deeper about (like the relationship with KP, or their characterizations or foreshadowing, etc) let me know. I will always reply and answer any asks about any episode or show.

Thank you for the ask I really appreciate it. Sorry about the long answer and random rambling, hope this is what you wanted to know. There's a huge focus from me on these three characters when analyzing the show Vegas, Kinn, and Pete but Porsche (surprising enough I actually am not a huge fan of book 1 Porsche at the start don't come for me) seems to be getting a fish out of water diamond in the rough plotline, so he could become even deeper and fun for me to analyze especially when he starts to fall for Kinn and put everything even his life to show and save him. So lots of things to focus on and if the directing continues to be great then you'll see me focus on them.

Thanks :)

If you want I’ll try whenever I make a comment/analysis about a show to always tag it on my other blog so you can click on the tag and see if I have written any analysis on the reblogs.:)

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #asks #cwg

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Thank you for sharing my post #. Honestly, am I sad GramBlack could have been more like the book and that he should have seen SeanWhite kiss before he went to Eugene yeah I am, but that doesn’t make me doubt the clues and evidence in front of me. Could Gram possibly think he needs to protect Eugene for now because he thinks he’s falling out of love for Black (due to White)? Yes he’s so lost right now, and she and him share the same pain and frustrations about Black. But I still believe in the timing of Black waking up when Gram needs him the most, it’s like his role in the gang, his voice, his self has just disappeared so quickly immediately White fell for Sean, and that’s because it has, he’s losing himself to the mess of his lies and secrets and Black is the only one harsh enough to make him come out and stop hiding. Gram loves Black the real Black, that’s who makes him happy, and excited and inspired and now he’s back once he stops focusing on just his mission and he meets the gang. Gram will realise what’s happening and the audience will too. I don’t believe we’re being queer baited by the two, I don’t believe the toys are for Eugene and Black or whatever theories people think, I believe it’s as simple as Gram projecting, and looking for a way to stop loving Black by focusing on Eugene, and running away from his own pain of the new Black icing him out. That’s it. If I’m wrong then so be it.

I feel like a lot of people that get confused about the whole gram/black/eugene thing are way too focused on the details without stepping back and looking at the whole.

Yeah, there are these couple of scenes that may suggest that Gram likes Eugene, but if you take a step back and see how Black influences Gram’s character development, parallels with the other couples (SeanWhite and DanYok), the fact that Gram and Black have history from before the show begins, the queer symbolism that surrounds Gram, and we still haven’t seen these two interact yet!

There are still five episodes to go and I’m pretty confident that gramblack is endgame. It makes a lot more sense based on character parallels and themes (as pointed out by this post written by @life-rewritten).

Needless to say…

#not me the series #reblogs

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life-rewritten · 2 years

Link

Not Me Episode 7 was amazing, and I think we can all agree no matter what couple we’re invested in, that this show keeps getting better and better, but also, it’s making history for this genre. The amount of depth alone, from the characters, story, and messages, is outstanding. We’re going to be discussing about the reveals this episode, a certain pride flag scene and also Eugene and Gram, and their whole complex triangle/non triangle and even squeal about YokDan and their development. Click the link to listen and feel free to let me know your opinions about the show too.

Love,

You can also listen on spotify here!

#not me the series #not me #offgun #bl series #bl drama #thai bl

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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Hi 👋

Oh, as if my profile picture wasn’t obvious already! 🤣 No, but I really like the DanYok dynamics. I can’t exactly say why: maybe it’s because of the strangers element, or perhaps it’s because I liked Fluke Gawin already a lot in DBK and I’m curious what he’ll bring to the table. I think out of the three ships, DanYok might be the most surprising to see pan out. (Not the fact THAT it’ll happen, but HOW it will come about.) That being said, it’s my toxic trait to heavily root for the most minor, least likely ship in a show, in order to be disappointed afterwards that nothing really happened. 🤡 (Yes, I briefly was a strong WaiKorn shipper. 😳) So I hope I won’t put too much hope into this.

As for which ship I feel the most certain about, that would have to be SeanWhite, mainly because their psychosocial interactions are just so strong. (Ugh, me being wordy again: what I’m trying to say is that they don’t just exchange a lot of words and emotions –by nearly killing each other for example 🥲– but also a lot of feelings and experiences – things that aren’t said out loud, which in the end will make them richer than the other in that they not only “merge” romantic feelings but also standpoints/ ideologies/ visions on life -> which are the things that will hopefully rub off on the audience the most. Which is the main reason why I watch this show i the first place. Not to primarily consume the political aspects of the show, but to see how those aspects are conveyed through the dynamics of story and its characters, which creates a synthesis of the same problems from different povs. How those characters present their own views and experiences, but at the same time “discover” different ways of looking at the world around through this, as does –by extension– the viewer.

And we discussed GramBlack already a bit. I predict (but what do I know lmao 🤷‍♀️) that this ship will be the richest in terms of symbolism and visual aspects. Varying from the Black-White dichotomy ☯️ to the childhood toys and the motorcycle. And even though I’m originally an English lit major, I’m an absolute sucker for imagery (symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile) in books, but in also in television. It shouldn’t be too in the nose, but gosh, it can enrich a storyline so much if they do. And my neurodivergent brain just loooves the details! 😍

I will be on the lookout for more significant details! 🧐

Love,

— Thel. 💚

Hi again :)

I also was a WaiKorn shipper so I get you. I actually think GramBlack is the least likely because there were no hints shown a lot about them. But I think you're allowed to put hope in YokDan because this show isn't just about the realities of activism, it's still a BL/Queer piece, it's going to still target the BL audience and give the couples all growth and a happy ending or open ending. Because Nuchy has made YokDan very different from what they are in the book, I think they will get one too. But I'm always optimistic and tbh the trust I have in this show terrifies me, but here we are.

Yes I agree with SeanWhite, I honestly think they will end up getting more love by the time they switch to full romantic, right now they have to overcome so many obstacles but once they do that passion they have will be just as loud as the other couples. They already act obsessed and lost in each other, it's mostly about them in their perspectives, so yeh we're gonna see more of them and be even more certain of their chemistry and passion which will make the show amp the BL aspects and add the ideologies and activism as well to the center of the narrative when they have to finally defeat Tawi and find out who hurt Black. Everything will merge together, the romance, the message, and the narrative will all join to form a big explosion of feelings. And I can't wait.

As you know by now with me I am also obsessed with imagery, symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile, and literature devices being used in media. So this show has me hooked and obsessed. Like the fact I can write 10,000 words on just the way the characters are written and the purpose and effort put into that is insane but here am I happy that this show proved what I thought it could do. I am very pleased with all the couples of this show and I am stunned at the whole production and team behind it.

Let me know what you think of the YokDan essay then since they're your favorite, I think they're so great and I can't wait to see how they tackle both Sean's hate for cops, and also just Dan letting himself join the gang and trust them. Let me know if you noticed anything else in the show because I love seeing your perspective and hearing from you :)

#not me the series #not me #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #asks

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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I finally completed the essay series. Best 3 days ever putting all of this into words. Now Not me needs to come faster because it feels like today was so long and I feel like I’m having intense withdrawal symptoms. Sigh...

#Not Me the series #not me #thai bl #bl series #bl drama

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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NOT ME EP 1-6 ANALYSIS ; THE 3 MIRRORS (3/3)

Hi again, this is part three of a series of essays called Not Me, The Three Mirrors based on the show Not Me. Here is the first part which details all the themes aligned with each focus of the essays, and how the show shows these themes, and symbolism, with all the main characters and the main canon couples they form. And, here we are, at the final couple. They are crazy, filled with passion but are also forbidden. Oof. It’s the Cinderella couple, YokDan.

I love how Not Me has created a narrative of characters that shadow currently known characters from literature bases. Since the start, I have enjoyed the parallels of Sean White to Pride and Prejudice, and I liked that GramBlack has one of the most popular tropes in romantic media, the friends to lover’s trope and the unrequited pining trope. Though they have these commonalities, Not Me couples still manage to stand out from the rest of the other BL series and don’t fall into the same patterns we expect from them. This is the same for the next couple YokDan.

Yok

He’s one of our favorite characters in NM. Special, fiery, and determined, he stands out even though he’s meant to be a side character. Yok has his own things that fuel him. Primarily, the relationship he has with activism, cultivated by his own experiences and perspectives on seeing how his disabled mother was treated by people and the corrupt. Because of this, Yok tries to find ways to fight and change this for others who also were forced into stagnancy due to their circumstances even though it could be easily fixed if the ones above cared. Yok forms a connection to art, a way for him to learn and explore more about himself, but still, he can’t help feeling alone in the sea of people around him. This is a recurring theme between him and the man he falls for. He doesn’t feel properly heard, he doesn’t feel properly secured, he doesn’t feel properly pushed to what he can achieve. And this has been the plan for his character development, because he’s weightless and has no proper connections with anything apart from his mother. Yok is chaotic, loud, and volatile as his other peers, this is good because it makes him bold and brave but it’s also a flaw because he doesn’t have a tether to morals, order, and rules. Which is why of course he falls for someone connected to those, even though that person may be seen as corrupt or part of the cycles which maims him and his friends.

Yok’s self-development is based on him finding where he belongs, because although he feels loved by his family, he feels dissociated from the world and others, and he feels his voice doesn’t have a space to fit in both activism and life. Upon seeing Dan, Yok is hit with a force that pulls him close to Dan, it knocks his socks off, and he’s smitten by the connection he feels, someone who finally gives him an aim, a tether to something just for him, and Dan does this with art, something Yok is passionate about. Yok never thought that his voice could be found in art, or creativity and this is what draws him to Dan.

Dan isn’t using violent means but he’s still fighting, he’s still causing change as people are more aware of the issues he raises. This is what Yok wants from the results of the gang’s actions. He has wanted people to be aware of his circumstances for so long, he has wanted people to riot and help fight for change, and so, is stunned by Dan’s works. He’s also stunned by Dan himself, his presence which feels like an anchor to something safe and secure just for him and only him, to something warm and filled with light unlike the rest of what life seemed to be, to something real and authentic and a sign of empathy and optimism about the state of people’s morals. Something, he realizes he wants to be a part of. And he is fueled by this to find out more about this painter, and his thoughts, identity, and opinions on how he sees the world. Yok’s search for Dan is linked to his self-discovery because he unlocked a part of himself, he never knew was there, again he’s detached from others, and normally unfocused and impulsive, always looking for something to get his attention. As he mentions in episode 6, he’s never been this pulled by someone or so certain about his feelings and trust for someone. This is what makes him want to trust and like Dan and have him by his side. This certainty is an example of finally finding something he is fixed to. Dan unlocks a part of Yok’s dreams, and idealisms by just seeing the effect of his paintings, but he also forces Yok to want to be anchored to the world, to want to have a focus on something he cares about that’s just for him and this is why he like a smitten kid, never stops trying to understand what’s happening with him and Dan. It is love at first sight, but it is also more than just that for Yok. Except as we find out… Dan is a cop.

Yok, on the surface parades toughness and assertiveness, he voices out his demands, and he fights to get whatever he wants. He doesn’t shy away from danger, and he doesn’t pull away from the truth. This is so great to see, because it makes him a reliable asset in this gang that pushes boundaries of their mindsets so they can achieve their goals without weakness. That removal of weakness and vulnerability is, however, a mask that Yok also has. Like the rest of the group, Yok’s mask while not as hidden as the others, is also a part of him which Dan exposes. On the surface, he’s brave, loud, and determined, but on the inside he’s just a boy who craves balance and stability in a world that refused to let him have that. He has to be tough for the people around him as that’s what they need from him, tough for his mum, tough for the gang, and tough to go get what he wants and to seem in control of everything. But as Dan shows slowly, if things don’t go well, he becomes lost and scared, and unsure about himself. Dan unlocks this mask by making him realize that yearning, to settle down and find more stability in his life. A character development that will cause him to be better, and useful for the future. Like Sean and Black, Yok also represents chaos, unleashed and unstable, but with balance and grounding he becomes an even better version of himself and helps people the way he intended. He breaks his walls only for Dan because he makes him care and grabs his attention, and focus to what is important, the people and the fight against corruption. Dan is a reminder of the goal he wants to achieve, and so he chases after him, a sign he doesn’t want to let go of, a symbol he wants to hold on to. There’s an intensity between the two, that they both feel and gravitate to, it’s so powerful, the audience is also gravitated and pulled towards it.

Dan directs Yok to healing of his own unknown wounds from society, that he tries to cover with being distracted and having purpose in the gang. Dan leads him to healing his relationship with society, especially others who may be from higher positions that are just lost and confused and manipulated. He helps him find order in his life and meaning.

Dan

And that’s the funny, dramatic, ironic thing. Yok falls for someone who stems from the system who he feels betrays and hurts him the most, and the reason for why people never escape the unfairness that they are served. The leaders and defenders who fail to protect or listen to those who need safeguarding and care. Dan is not just this to Yok, but he’s also an adversary, an enemy who is on the opposite side, someone he’s meant to run away from and hide away from. Someone he’s meant to view as cruel and damaging. Dan is that to Yok and yet Yok still tethers himself to the feeling of belonging he felt with Dan, to knowing that whatever he’s feeling for Dan is not random but real and honest (the induction of authenticity).

And Dan… Well Dan is also the same. Just silenced. Dan when we first meet him is just as isolated and dissociated from the world, especially as we find out, from even the position he holds as a cop. He hides himself anonymously ensuring no one gets to see his authentic self, he never has a place to stay steadfast which ironically is what he becomes for Yok (an anchor). Unar lets him be free and move around but still hide in the shadows. Thus, we already start to see Dan’s arc and his flaws and growth, and its again to do with finding evidence of change. Dan seems disillusioned and frustrated by the state of the world and he finds himself in a position that also isn’t helping to acquire change for people and make things better. His art is a complaining piece, it’s not actively changing anything, but it is screaming and making people aware. But Dan like Yok, needs an anchor, and a team, he needs to be open and find people to trust and so, like Sean and Black, he shares the same idea of growth stemming from their vulnerabilities and letting their walls down.

For Dan as Unar, his mask exists as his persona. It’s what he believes is keeping him safe and unknown, but Yok wants to rip off that mask and make him actually do more with his art, actually force the indifference he’s challenging in his art, like Gram, he’s observant but he’s still unchanging, stuck in his own prison of his status, and not actually doing anything for the development he seeks but to paint and run.

Yok shows up to make Dan gain hope with the world and find understanding about his self and his power. He achieves this by showing Dan that:

There are people fighting this fight with him, even braver and louder and they actually want to force change and tackle the same issues he has.

His art matters and is important to people especially Yok; they can inspire change and inspire movement and he can be part of that.

He needs to be braver and break the confines of his prison and cage that he feels he has no choice but to stay hurt in.

Yok unleashes Dan’s fears of being seen, he’s vulnerable with him and he is the only one who’s seen his real face, there’s moments where he feels torn about wanting to be near Yok and help him or push him away for fear of his own safety. Dan clearly believes his mission is his own and his own weight, so he’s isolated himself for his safety and refused to let anyone else in, but Yok easily has a way of finding him because of his own determination, but also, because of Dan’s little moments, where he lets him in. Yok provides a way for Dan to get healing from his disillusionment with the world and the truths he has been exposed to that has made him jaded.

YokDan have the Cinderella trope but it’s so much more than just glass slippers and meeting and falling in love at first sight.

Cinderella, if you look deeper is also about Status and Freedom. For both the Prince and Cinderella. For Cinderella like Dan, she’s stuck in a cycle that she dreams of changing and getting out of, but afraid, she stays obedient to her oppressors and runs away from the prince once the opportunity is in front of her to actually escape those confines. Her trust in the world and the prince to see her as her real self if she comes out is non-existent. Due to this barrier, she runs away from him and goes back into her shackles but inside she starts to realize because of meeting the prince, that she can achieve more, she can get her dreams and she can escape the confines of her oppressors and after their first meeting, she starts to fight with all she has. Dan is like Cinderella, despite being disillusioned, his art portrays a boy who dreams of freedom and change for all and is sick and disgusted at the fact that he is part of the system that prevents it to happen, yet because of fear and the idea of what happens if you are exposed to corruption especially if you’re in the circle, he stays stuck and quiet on the surface but loud in ways he knows won’t expose him outright. Like Cinderella, meeting Yok unveils a sign of happiness and hope in him, there are others who would help him escape this and help fight for change, there is someone who sees him and understands his voice, and like Cinderella, he is afraid to let that person cause change in his life and expose him to the outside.

Yok is like the prince; again, disillusioned by his surroundings and role, in a mass of women who want to be with him, the prince feels unsettled, like he’s empty and can’t seek the answer and even in the ball he’s just playing a role of his position. Like I said although Yok feels like he should be an activist and be part of the gang to help and fight for his mother, he feels unsettled and not truly part of them. He follows their lead, just like a role given to him that he must take but he doesn’t fully feel like it’s for him. That is until he notices Unar and that sparks in him creativity and determination to get his goals a different way. He finally, like the prince when he sees Cinderella, finds the answer to his query, the place he’s in is actually good to him if he can get Cinderella by his side, if he gets to marry her, but also, he gets to follow his true heart by choosing her from his own will. This is the same as Yok, by Dan being by his side, by having Unar in the gang, he finds another similar person who thinks creatively and offers a new perspective and way for their work to matter. No longer is he just a chaotic activist with no tether to his true self and goal but now he has his own voice, he’s now inquisitive and inspired to see that his goals have other ways of being achieved, bringing people’s voices in, and using his art for good. This is what Dan as Unar means to him. And like the prince, he won’t let Dan run, he will find him because he finally found the tether that makes him feel comfortable and secure. Like he actually belongs to this cause once again. This pull is so serious and real he feels swept up by it; all the excitement, the confusion, but the side of himself he never knew (the intensity of passion). They both become tethers, Yok a tether to Dan’s dreams and hopes and Dan a tether to Yok’s direction and meaning. Both directionless at first in different ways and both needing to grow, meet to help each other get that aim and landing they both require. Triggering in them both their purpose just differently, a discovery of themselves, voice, and power (the prompt of inspiration).

This brings us to the theme of unleashing their inner child. Yok’s inner child is revealed by Dan immediately he sets his eyes on him. Their love becomes similar to a crush or a puppy love to him, he’s like a kid constantly wanting to find Dan and get to know him. He does this even in dangerous missions enquiring about Dan like a kid at a sleepover talking about his crush when their mission is dire and dangerous. Dan encompasses his thoughts, goals, and heart, again normally very similar to puppy love, it’s obsessive, addicting, and filled with only positives and idealisms about the crush, but it lacks depth on the surface. Yok is forced with reality, when he discovers that Dan is a cop, and he still feels hopeful and inquisitive, but it does wake him up and make him start to ponder the reality of his feelings (Dan making him grow from his chaotic, and volatile persona and realizing he should slow down and think things through). There’s nothing fully yet shown about how Yok affects Dan apart from seeing him in his paintings, a kid holding fire and smiling brightly. It juxtaposes the rest of his art and holds its own unique meaning to him. The fact that Yok is bright and happy, and hopeful to Dan is a sign that he already kind of unleashes the hopeful child in Dan, the dreams of wanting to see change and see people fight for what they believe in, and fight for freedom from oppressors. By adding Yok to his drawing in such a colorful way, it shows that he does see him amongst the rest of the environment and harshness around him as soft, bright, and youthful. And that’s great.

This is why the NM couples are so brilliant. Every one of them. The way they mirror each other in these themes yet are still so unique from each other and all have different attributes to the whole story as a whole, is incredible. It’s how they are so three dimensional, flawed yet filled with potential and growth and humanity that each of them as they go on their journey makes you care and see their perspectives. But it’s also how they’re the best of themselves when they’re with the person they’re meant to be with, authentic, vulnerable but also filled with power and understanding about their role in life. They’re no longer disillusioned when together, because they all offer perspectives the other needs desperately to not lose that hope and hold in reality. They’re all filled with promise and change and become open minded to using their strengths correctly to bring change to a lot of people who need it. They all join with this, not just in romance but in the story of the show, in the goal of the show and all spark a catalyst for people to finally take off their shackles and join the fight. And they’re all young, all opposing the system and fighting to find themselves in the in-between. That’s why I adore NM, a story of self-discovery, empowerment, and awareness. A story of purpose, evolution, and fate. It’s incredible that we have a show like this we can call BL. That’s why I won’t stop letting people see how good this show is, and what it can mean for so many. And why it deserves all the awards for its writing, acting, and story.

I HAVE A PODCAST! CLICK TO LISTEN TO ALL MY FULL INDEPTH THOUGHTS ABOUT ON SHOWS LIKE NOT ME AND MORE. THANK YOU FOR READING THE SERIES IF YOU READ ALL THREE OF THEM LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND LET ME KNOW WHICH COUPLE IS YOUR FAVORITE :)

#not me the series #not me #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #offgun #yokdan

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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P.S. I love your banner and I can’t wait for part three of your Not Me theory posts! 😄

Thank you :D Part three is coming today and it's focused on Yok and Dan and let me tell you the way I feel about them after writing it is insane! They're incredible but every couple in this show are equal in terms of quality, depth and characterisation. So much thought put into every part. And Yok Dan are more than just the Cinderella thing they have. I can't wait to talk about them. :D What is your favourite couple so far in the show?

#not me the series #not me #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #offgun

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Okay, apparently I suffer from obsessive Not Me disorder 😶, so I checked out both trailers (the official trailer and the teaser from a year ago). And one of the things that struck me is Gram’s hair. In the teaser, it’s still black (as is Mond’s natural hair colour), but obviously he now has the bleached hair look. After getting to know P’Nuchie, the project as a whole and the source novel a bit, I find it very unlikely that this was solely done for aesthetic purposes, to give Gram “a certain vibe.” So, I wondered: what do you think about this?

I have a little theory about this myself. In your analysis, you emphasised that Gram essentially complements something in Black. Something that’s probably been missing ever since White left. And I think Gram’s hair might be symbolic of this. Bear with me. In order to understand this, I think it’s best to let go of conventional (Western) colour theories of black and white, in which black (night, darkness) is inherently evil/ corrupted/ dangerous and white (day, light) is holy/ pure/ safe. (cf.: Gandalf’s vs. Sauroman’s beards in the LotR films). Rather, I think this is more of a yin and yang situation in which two opposites (from dramatic purposes two binary opposites) complement each other. Without the mandatory moral implications of “who’s good and who’s bad.” I am not at all an expert in Taoism apart from surface level, so I won’t go into detail. But I think especially with Black and Gram, this theory could apply. Not to say Gram’s character isn’t else beyond “Black’s other half,” but within the context of Black the dichotomy seems almost too on the nose to ignore. 😌 Which make me think the hair colour was a very conscious choice, within the plot. What made Gram himself decide to dye his hair, is something we hopefully will find out down the line.

Anyways, that was my little theory on the symbolism of colour. I hope you can appreciate it.

Kind regards,

— Thel. 💚

OOoh Hi Thel, that's an interesting observation. I know in the book that Gram also has blonde hair so I thought Mond made his hair look similar to his book archetype while Off chose not to. But I like your colour theory and the idea about the dichotomy of the colors Black and White associated with Gram and Black. In the show the idea of binary opposites as theme is used a lot between most of the couples so this might be also one. Especially the use of Yin and Yang, it's literally finding balance both people in a couple requires, so it makes sense that two extreme sides meld together to form that stability.

Thank you for letting me know your theory, it's so cool you noticed it, you're not the only one with NM obsession, I feel so sad today like there's a void just because it's not Sunday and it feels long to wait, when it's literally 2 days away.

Let me know about any more observations you see from the trailers :)

#not me the series #not me #offgun #gramblack #thai bl #bl series #bl drama

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life-rewritten · 2 years

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NOT ME EP 1-6 Analysis ; The 3 Mirrors (2/3)

Welcome to part 2 of this series of essays surrounding the themes for the couples in the show Not Me. Here is a link to the first part which is needed to be read, to understand what themes are used in the show and also how the main characters show these. Today’s essay is focused on my biased ship, a couple very close to my heart and they make me cry every time I think of them. With pining, longing, and angst, we have the Friends to Lovers, Gram and Black.

GRAM

When we first meet Gram, he is filled with this presence of relief, support, and safety. And this is essentially what his character is linked to, he represents the least threat to White because he immediately takes him in, not too phased about the fact that White behaves differently to his close friend. There’s nothing really connecting him to White’s personal character development apart from his opinions on the law which clashes with White’s, especially with his determination to have the law change and have justification for its moral blind spots. He is always loud and serious, explaining his points and opinions in detail. Gram is the loudest and seemingly the most transparent than the rest of the group. Sean is closed off with his secrets of the past, and Yok is chaotic, distracted, and too unfocused. Gram’s emotions leak in front of everyone, though he is ignorant on tactics, actions and definitive movements to solve his issues. This is the first observation about him. He is loud about activism, yes, but there is still a separation from the group’s circumstances.

Sean and Yok have had to use the well of hidden rage due to the injustice done to them, to fuel their strength, determination, and reasons for why they should be part of the gang. Thus, they are superior fighters, grittier, stronger, and less shielded. Gram and White parallel each other, both having had to learn from someone how to fit and survive in the group. Although, this observation has not yet been fully shown in the show, from Gram’s tales of his relationship with Black, we can see that Black had to spend time training and helping him learn and also understand the reasons for why he did what he did for the gang.

Thus, Gram has no personal connections to his need to see the law corrected, apart from:

His dreams of working in a just and beneficial system

His desire to be upright and fair in life and his future role

His passion from wanting equality and morality in the world

Gram is a dreamer, could be seen as having his head in the clouds about his ambitions and aspirations. He is optimistic about change and hope and shows that, by voicing out his passions and observations. However, he is also influenced by the gang especially Black’s philosophies about life and why they fight to change what they can. With this, the hidden insecurities that Gram has, will be pointed more to the novelty and differentiation he shares with the group. However, his desperation is driven because he wants to show the others, especially Black, he can be an important asset to the group due to his passion and need for change. As we slowly uncover the reasons for why he is in the gang, it gradually becomes clear that the sole reason is because of Gram’s connection with Black. To get closer to him, to understand and help him find solace and peace, to join him in his mission to do something great, and to know more about him. Black is the source of his inspiration and hope to see the truth of the world and the results of corruption and greed in the system. Black’s words resonate with him, all connected to moments where he was taught how to survive by him. Black’s lessons refined Gram, aided him in being tougher, and pushed him out of his comfort zone. This is why he is so accepting of the missions the group goes on, because he wants, like Black, to be a fighter and not stay behind waiting to see the changes he seeks, and to have his own voice and identity where he makes a difference for his future career in law. This is literally what his arc revolves around and the reason why Mond (the actor), stated that his storyline revolves around his secret feelings for someone and confessing to them. Because those feelings are what sparks his determination and passion for activism and what causes him to want to join the fight against Tawi and others.

So, similar to the other characters, though Gram on the surface is smiley, happy, and softer, there are secrets he holds that reveal the opposite. Not only is he like White, categorized as the privileged (well he is, because he isn’t a victim of the system, he has everything he needs and he just fights to improve it for everyone rather than an individual reason), but he also holds emotions that are dire and painful compared to the mask he wears outside. Because this vulnerability and emotional maturity is his strength, it is also where his pain stems from when he falls for Black.

Due to his worry and fear of being rejected, he hides. He pushes his worries and feelings beneath, guilty and sleepless for letting himself see Black as more than a friend and ruining what he has with him, if he finally confesses. Gram is toppled with the burdens of his thoughts and emotions and tries hard to stay in control to pretend everything is all normal. However, Black is connected to unravelling that truth and pulling that mask off. The loss of Black induces Gram’s need to be authentic to himself upon realizing what he could lose if he doesn’t. Due to Black being replaced with White, and Gram having to notice the new connection with Sean and White, jealousy, confusion, and hurt leak out of him as he has no control to sealing the gash left from seeing these actions, it slowly festers and gradually he loses control and demands to be heard. This is of course needed for his character development, letting his emotional pain be exposed and being authentic to himself and others. His flaws then stem from cowardice like White, but in a different way, letting his true feelings be disclosed and shown to the person he cares the most about and finally ending his suffering and emotional traumas. This holds a heavy part of the show’s narrative, because while his flaws aren’t as deep as the others, they do cause chaos with the overall romances in NM especially regarding, SeanWhite.

But Gram’s strength is also his comforting, and happy exterior, especially for Black who as we will discover, needs more trust and opportunities to idealize and feel hopeful about the state of the world he sees. Gram is exactly that, the opposite of what he wants to believe in as he is privileged in most things while Black is supposed to be mentally unprivileged and not able to show his scars compared to Gram who as mentioned can show his emotions and is openly vulnerable to others. Gram does the opposite of the privileged though, and Black without meaning to, finds trust, authenticity, and solace from Gram, someone who is determined to change his perspective on his status. Likewise, Gram is determined to be a source of strength for him which ironically Black feels like he doesn’t need. So, by being open, cheerful, and soft, Gram juxtaposes and fits perfectly with what the person he loves needs from life. While what Gram needs, is being educated, pushed into making his dreams for change a reality, given insight on how to make his wants come through, and finding his voice and defiance (which we know is Black’s strength). By having the inspiration and the presence of someone as forceful and serious as Black, that makes him even more determined to show him the bright side of life but also to fight and be strong for him (which is pushing him further into his character development).

BLACK

Black is the hardest character to place. Layered beyond belief, he is difficult to discuss about because he is shown inconsistently in both versions of NM. In the book there’s more circumstances and roles he is given that we are unsure of that involvement in the series. However, with that being said, Black’s arc is all about strength and the fight to survive in both formats. His growth stems from being open (like Sean who he mirrors with most themes) and being vulnerable to hope and surrender. But his environment and circumstances have made him think that he can’t; mentally, physically, and emotionally he shuts himself off, distrusts all around him and chooses to learn to use his rage to fight and refuse people to take his voice, character, and self away. This is his goal, and this is why he has a ‘me first’ approach with everything, because of the fear that others want to stop that. There is this fear in him of being stifled, ruined, or defeated which stems from the interactions and relationships from those around him. One, there is the connection with being dejected and deserted by his own father, pulled apart from the sole connection he trusts, his twin. Two, there is the connection he shares with his mum that has been jaded, muddled and might also like the book, be filled with harshness and pain. She leaves him in a space inhospitable beyond repair, and the cause for many of his mental and physical scars he has had to endure. Third, is his hate and passion to seeing others like him, who are pushed down with no help, like his twin who he berates, not standing up for themselves. Black falls into a casualty of the corrupt despite his privilege, because of his situation and experiences. Despite being ‘wealthy’ in the series, he still falls prey to the abuse, manipulation, and loss associated with the results of corruption and the villain. Though as of this moment, it is not fully explained or understood what he has in connection with these (the full story that is). Black has rage that is undeniable, and unending and he has used it to become the leader of the gang and bring fire and determination to them. However, like Sean, he is chaotic, with no aim but to leak out his emotions in ruins and chaos, and to see all his adversaries’ success perish and falter, just like they did to him and the others.

This is where Gram shows up; a bandage, a soothing presence for Black, someone who confuses and is the opposite of all around his environment. Gram is happy, soft, and emotionally open to Black, he’s a wide-eyed novice looking at Black like he owns the world and all the secrets, like Black could actually represent something filled with beauty and not ruin which is what he feels. Gram comes in like a plaster to all the wounds, and scars, and yet, he also comes in as shelter and protection despite his lack of strength compared to Black. Gram unwaveringly sticks by Black’s side, loves his harshness and sees the benefits of it, but also is a fool for his softness and craves seeing Black vulnerable and weak with him (hence why he was happy with White as Black at first). Gram’s focus is Black, and Black hasn’t been the focus of anyone; forgotten, hated, and pushed away from all he cares about. Gram is the first to make Black feel wanted, needed, and important. This is how they both work. Gram fills Black up with the inspiration that perhaps there’s hope in the world; to see the positive, to see the freedom that is so scary to believe he can have, if he just surrenders to his true feelings. And we see hints of this childish, dreamy behavior Gram has instilled in Black when we notice that he keeps the possessions that Gram gave him on his bedside close to all his other priced possessions that he shows love and care for (the motorcycle). The gift being two toys, knitted with scarfs to keep them warm, and tagged with their names, show again the idea of childishness, softness, and warmth Gram provides Black with, but also a sense of identity in a way he never thought he could be. This is how Gram directs Black to an even stronger version of himself, the version that’s vulnerable, weak and open, that’s how Gram makes him see his power of just being him with no masks, bravado, or ego. Gram is important to Black, yet the wounds, scars, and facades he has, refuse to let him show Gram this and this is where they stay in limbo.

The masks of Black in the show haven’t been revealed by the time this essay is being published (Episode 6), but there’s two that can be seen from the tales of people who have noticed and interacted with him.

The mask of acting confident, egoistic, and vain, when in reality he believes he’s broken, cursed, and unwanted.

The mask of acting like he prefers isolation and separation but having a mental shield that prevents him being vulnerable and authentic to people. This is one he fully does not understand and can be inferred, a result of all the trauma he unfairly suffered in the hands of those around him.

Black’s masks are different to the others, they are unknown, not easy to take off, especially the mental one that cages him in his mind and he’s unaware of the self defense mechanisms created because of it. Because of this, he pushes everyone away who represent a sign of weakness (Gram), and yet on the surface he pulls others in falsely feigning being strong, in control, and powerful. He pettily refuses to communicate and let vulnerability in, and he keeps secrets from everyone. The only person close enough, is the person who shares and looks just like him 100% and that’s White, yet in the series he and White have been separated unjustly without communication. Hence his masks only unravel if White is not okay, and if he has failed to protect what he loves. However, Gram is important for this too. Gram is going to be the catalyst that brings Black forcefully to the realization of his mental anguish. Gram can make Black surrender which is what his arc is all about. Accepting to surrender to feelings, to emotions, to trust, and to weakness. Gram shows up and does what he is meant to do and becomes one of the reasons and steps to Black finding healing.

Again, with these two, there is the mirroring, the duality of the themes, the differences, and juxtapositions. There is also the chemistry and intimacy they share which hasn’t fully been seen yet, but seeing how they were cast, with how MondGun show the chemistry, we will hopefully get to see parts of this uncontrollable attraction they share. Gram does discuss about this in episode 6 though, he explains the pull Black had from him, and why he knew he was for him, and no one else. It’s so powerful, it keeps them consistently around each other separated from the rest of the group. Though they could argue that studying the same course also does this. There’s this inexplicable effect they have on each other, and it makes them desperate and determined to make the other happy, despite their masks and flaws preventing them.

There have been hints that Gram unleashes Black’s inner child, first of all is the version of Black we learn from him when he coaches White how to ride the motorbike and let himself feel free. Black’s connection of freedom to his beloved motorcycle is beautiful to see, because it shows an idealized version of Black, a moment where he is soft, authentic, and warm towards something he cares about. And he does this when he is with Gram, when he took his time and energy to ensure Gram saw his truth and his ideals. He even keeps a memorable item beside his bed, to show how much he loves the motorcycle, as motorcycles are normally associated with rebellion, bravery and freedom. It normally also is connected to toughness and resistance as most gangs use that as the preferred transport on media. These are all the things Black wants to be connected with to people, a survivor, a fighter and free. That’s why we see glimpses of the inner child of Black, free, joyful, and idealistic at that moment with Gram.

As mentioned with the toys that Gram gives to Black to confess, Black keeping it near his beloved possessions also shows how he embraces that softness (the scarf used to cover the toy with his initials), that pureness (with it just being two cute toys that are normally what kids would play with and was made out of pure affection of Gram’s hard work), and that openness (letting himself keep the toy and not hide it when it juxtaposes the vibes he lets out to others) from being with Gram. Even if it’s not easy to do. There’s also the fact that the toy that Gram associates with Black is that of a sheep, an animal which normally symbolizes innocence, purity, and vulnerability. It is also normally associated with the meaning of peace which ironically is what Black thinks he’s the opposite of. Gram finds solace and peace in Black’s comfort, but also, he’s forced to mature from his childish privileged perspectives because of his will to protect Black as mentioned previously. Because he sees him as a priority he wants to safeguard and be intimate with. While White makes Gram childish just by his feelings; cheesing over him, but also finding optimism and joy when he was around the real Black to speak consistently about his passions and beliefs. The feeling of being free when they’re together, loud and also hopeful is exactly how these two distract each other from the harsh environment they are in. Gram and Black spoil each other, take time to help and nurture each other, and it’s adorable and precious, it’s also why they own my heart in the book and also now here in the series.

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#not me the series #NOT ME #THAI BL #BL SERIES #BL DRAMA #OFFGUN #gramblack

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