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Good morning love of my life, I miss you so much! I miss everything about you. I want to know what's going on in your life, in your heart, what's on your mind.. I wish to hear your voice and have it fill the room I wish to feel your voice and fill the cracks in my soul that need you. I hope your day is as amazing and magical as you are! I hope and pray you are safe and okay and will find your way back to me one day I am excited to have you in my life one day. I miss you so much!

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Today was such a beautiful day but all I did was miss you. I cried for you today like I do everyday but today was different I wanted to hold you I felt so alone my body became cold my heart felt empty knowing you aren't here yet in my life I miss you so much! you are the miracle I need in my life the voice I truly desire to hear. I miss you so much I'm empty without you here. You are my light in all this darkness please come back to me. I need your voice in my life. What is tomorrow going to be like without you another empty day because you're not here it's just going to kill me that much more I have no one I have so little love in my life you are all I care about. you are all I crave, want and truly need. Please be safe and please come back to me. I need you.

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Good morning love of my soul. I miss your voice I miss you. I wish I woke up to throwing my arms over you and kissing you awake and telling you how much you mean to me and starting the day with you watching you wake up I'd put the biggest smile on my face and knowing my heart is only beating because of you. I am looking forward to day this pain ends when I can finally look you in the eyes and know I am yours. I belong to you. I miss you.

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I miss you! I miss you more than you will ever know. I need your voice. I need to be surrounded my your voice by the vibration of your sound I need to hear the way you speak I need to feel your voice I miss you so much. You gave me an out of body moment by the sound of your voice I was no longer on fitness floor folding towels when you spoke to me I was floating with the universe I was seeing the planets and the stars I was feeling God and being one with all that is because of your voice. The way your voice hit my heart and touched my soul no other can do what you do, you brought me back from the darkness and gave me a whole new universe made of so many colors and my life changed from the inside out and went upside down the second you walked out of my life I was frozen unable to run after and now I regret not forcing myself to move to run after towards you just to get your name to hear your voice one last time I will forever be wanting you I will always be yours no matter what. I do belong to you.

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Dear man with the voice who saves my life, I miss you. everyday since December 9, 2012 has been about surviving, surviving to just make it back to you. Surviving just to hear your voice again. I've been surviving never truly living. I can't live without you. I can't get back to myself without you. I miss you I regret not running after you that night but I was frozen at what had happened with your voice, I was taken out of body and floating in the universe because of your voice I touched truth I touched the stars because of your voice and I was taken out of body by the impact of your voice. I want your voice in my life but more than that I NEED your voice in my heart I need to hear it vibrate through my body again I need to live and the only way I can do that is your voice. Hearing it hit my heart hearing it ring my ears will bring me back to life bring me back to Divine bring me back to myself bring me back to you and love and everything life was meant for. I need your voice I need you I want to hear your voice never stop talking never stop listening to you heart to your voice. I want to soak in your sound. To be held by your sound to be surrounded by your voice. I want to bathe in your voice. I need to. I need your voice. Your voice is all my heart wants my soul needs. Your voice is my choice. Please come back to me. I miss life. I miss you.

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Happy Birthday to me, I come to find out my mom destroyed my artwork she asked if I wanted some lavender slippers and I said sure I'll take them and she throws them out hahaha she's one hell of a cunt and I can't wait until she is dead. Like seriously my life will be 100% better when she is 6ft under. I can't wait until I am free from that bitch and her abuse.

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I really need him. I really need you. I really need to hear his voice. I really need to feel his voice. I really need him.

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When you come to me, come as you are. Every battle you went through, lay your armor at my feet for you will be healed. I am your healer as you are mine. You restore my life because you came as you are.

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Good morning love of my life today is a truly beautiful day. Sun is out birds are singing and somehow right now life is good even though I'm in hell I don't care right now I woke up in my own bed alone today I'm going for walks and enjoying nature and spending it in my best company alone today I'm going to be my own best friend and do what I want to do in nature and dance and sing as much as I want and maybe even do some artwork and I'm going to write to you and dream about you and pray to God I get to feel your voice one day soon and I'm going to love every second of today alone with you in my thoughts and you in my heart and how you're wrapped up in my soul. I won't let this abuse win. I'll see you again soon! Of course I miss you today especially when it's a Saturday and we could already start our day in the shower, getting tea or coffee and breakfast and cuddling outside sharing life and truth and doing what we want together or doing nothing at all but to be wrapped up in your presences is all I want. so I'll be praying you have a wonderful blessed day cause you are a blessing to me. I miss you.

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Feeling your voice is all I want I don't care about money or food or life or death or any material thing its your voice alone I want to feel wrapped around my heart and soul I want my ears to hear your voice I want my heart to feel it again I want my soul to know peace because of your voice. At least every birthday I wish that every Christmas I wish for you I miss you so much it's hurting me. It's killing me. I just want your voice.

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Dear darkness, you are my Light, look at you I have the strength to stand and see your eyes you might just be my best friend you know all my fears, so maybe I am afraid to let you go. Will I be empty if do? What will this void be filled with? Who will be my best friend when you die?

I wish to see the light of you I need to know better days because of you. I'm shattered on the floor and can't go another day without the light being here.

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I'm sorry I didn't look for you. I'm sorry I didn't search for you. You were the furthest from my mind the last thing on my heart that I never expected I blame it on everyone else our hearts may never touch, our souls may never know the truth perhaps somewhere we will attach back together but for now I won't look or search for you. I'm sorry.

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Once upon a time, December 9 2012 was a real time and place in the world or at least that's what I like to think I don't know according to my family that date never happened and it's not real. So I don't know what to believe anymore if December is even a real thing anymore anyways maybe I was and maybe I wasn't folding towels on fitness floor while at lifetime fitness in saint louis park MN with my hair in a clip the same clip I have today and maybe he never crossed my path and told me have a goodnight that would save my life and give me the only thing to hold onto after all these years of abuse, rape and kidnapping so maybe he never did happen to and I'm just making up the whole date of december that I never worked at 8 am and stayed until closing and got that monday the 10th off to go to headquarters and ask for him cause they wanted to file a sexual harassment charge on him but that wasn't the case he just had a voice of an angel that happened to save my life but I don't know maybe the december 9th of 2012 wasn't a real date and Sunday wasn't a real day according to everyone else.

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Help me keep this light on.

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I'm on the edge hanging on by a thread that is thinning by the hour one more hit and I might turn this beast to the dark side to rip this world apart there will no longer be any light in me I'm fighting to keep that light on but no one seems to care if it goes out.

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Where do I start? How do I begin when I've written way to much already in words that have words for what I truly felt and what I've been through. This is past any human understanding so it must be faith to believe that all life is through me because of his voice.

When did God call your name?

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Dear God, He is everything I pray for, He will bring peace, love and light into my darkest hours like no one else can. Half of me is stolen though from him, I'm more broken than ever now, another bruised me. Someone put more pain into me that made me more aware of pain God you closed that door to save my life so I can be his even more one day, My awareness is never going to be the same, pain changed me, God you took me away not to hurt him but to save me. You brought us together and he tore us apart to make me worthy of you and the one you saved me for. Keep him safe like you have done for me all these years and in your perfect timing I know we will be for you have given me dreams that tell me to wait and I will wait on your Lord when the time is right he will come to hug me. I trust in you God and Only You I trust for this path is yours alone for me to know just how important he is to me. I will wait for him and spend with you God since this is the time for us to be as one. I will pray for him and wait. Amen.