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[behrendninja]

*Akali warming up her voice for vocal training*

Evelynn: mmmmmm....

Akali: Don't start.

Evelynn: I'm not starting anything.

Akali: You're getting "ideas" because something I'm doing is turning you on and you want to make it sexual.

Evelynn: I'm a Siren, Darling. Everything is sexual if I can think of a way.

Akali: Well you have to wait for the egg timer because I'm working on vocal stuff for the ne-

*Evelynn turns the timer to zero*

Evelynn: Oh no. Time is up.....

Akali: .... Really....

Evelynn: Yes. Now... I want you to sing a ... Different song for me....

Akali: .... Deplorable....

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Akali: I must be frank but this new album is going to blow people's minds!!

Evelynn: Your singing being showcased is going to make Blades jealous you're with me even more.

Kai'sa: I'm happy you took such a big lead in this album Kali. It gave everyone a chance to showcase new abilities.

Akali: You know who I'm most proud of?

*Ahri walks in*

Ahri: Why thank you! Finally! I can show my-

Akali: Sera. Girl can RAP!

Ahri: ....

Akali: What!!

Ahri: .... You're a cunt.... I hate you... Tell your wife to meet me outside so I can get my lashings from her lashers....

[behrendninja]

Akali, in South Korea: You need to stop haunting me in my dreams every night!

Evelynn, in New York: Look. I have to keep in contact with you somehow.

Akali: It's called a cell phone!

Evelynn: What about time zones?

Akali: You can text me!

Evelynn: That doesn't sound like fun.

Akali: I have had sex with you, in my dreams, every night for the past week. I'm tired. Either come fuck me for real or start learning to call me more.

Evelynn: .... Party pooper....

[behrendninja]

*Akali, laying on the floor looking at the ceiling*

Akali: Guess the stars aren't out tonight...

*Evelynn hovers over her*

Evelynn: Darling, what are you doing?

Akali: Waiting for the stars to come out. Took them long enough too.

Evelynn: ... there are no stars in the hous-

*Akali reaches up to hold Evelynn's cheek*

Akali: They are out and they are as beautiful as they always have been... These stars looking at me? Yeah, I would gaze upon them every chance I get...

Evelynn: I... I love you...

Akali: Love you too.

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Akali: You can say it now.

Ahri: hehehehe

Kai'sa: Why are you giggling?

Ahri: There is a big possibility that I'm finally getting a world championship skin!

Akali: Faker did choose me so I could get back to back-

Ahri: DON'T RUIN THIS FUCKING MOMENT!

*Evelynn poofs in*

Evelynn: Don't talk to my Rogue like that!

Ahri: Stop being a slut!

Evelynn: Shut down your only fans!!!

Kai'sa: .... You wanna let them finish arguing and get some lunch?

Akali: Yeah, I was thinking about some Panera bread.

Kai'sa: Let's go before they take there argument to lunch.

[behrendninja]

Kai'sa: Happy Birthday Ahri. Do you have a wish?

Ahri: I got you, so no. Unless.... You wanna... You know...

Kai'sa: Look. We have a cat. I don't think we can get another cat.

Ahri: I was thinking about having a kid but we can get a cat instead...

Kai'sa: jfbsnsubdjfk.

*meanwhile*

Evelynn: We should get Foxy something....

Akali: I sent her an air fryer and a new car, she's fine.

Evelynn: Thank Kami. I really didn't want to go out tonight.

Akali: Always Big Brain.

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Akali: You wanted to talk to me?

Evelynn: I.... I have kept a really big secret...

Akali: Did you get another expensive car?

Evelynn: Yes but No.

Akali: Okay... What's wrong?

Evelynn: I...have been taking Judo classes...

Akali: That's it?

Evelynn: You're not mad?

Akali: Of course not! I'm so happy for you to be learning any martial arts. It doesn't matter what style you do, as long as you enjoy it. Plus... That means I get to learn it too! Whenever you want to practice, let me know and I'll be your uke (dummy).

Evelynn: Darling, you're not a dummy.

Akali: No, uke means like a practice partner. Hence the term dummy ...

Evelynn: You're beautiful and intelligent....

Akali: I'm going back to playing TFT.

[behrendninja]

Ahri: So... Who plays Teamfight Tactics?

Akali: Sup?

Ahri: What are your thoughts on the new update coming up?

Akali: It's cool we're all in it and I get to be in it twice!

*Evelynn poofs in*

Evelynn: Two Rogues are better than one.

Akali: Do you want to deal with two Lil Shits?

Evelynn:

Akali:

Ahri:

Akali: Waiting.

Evelynn: The sex would be amazing though!

Ahri: YOU'RE DEALING WITH BOTH OF THEM ON YOUR OWN!

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Akali: Hey, I'm getting McDonald's. Do you want anything?

Evelynn: The usual.

Akali: Okay. Be right back.

*10 minutes later*

Evelynn: Thank you, Dar-

Akali: What?

Evelynn: Did you get yourself a happy meal?

Akali: I got a 6 piece nugget happy meal, with an extra fry instead of apple slices, and upgraded to a large coke. With my points used, I paid 69 cents. I also got a double cheeseburger and an apple pie, so I paid 5 bucks for this.

Evelynn: Holy Mother of me...

Akali: Big Brain!

Evelynn: .... Could you do that for me next time?

Akali: Always, Love.

[behrendninja]

Evelynn: Darling, you sound horrible.

Akali, with a low voice: I have coughed up colors I didn't think existed... I need to rest and not get anyone else sick.

Evelynn: I survived the bubonic plague and COVID. A chest cold won't kill me. However, you sounding all husky does turn me on.

Akali: If we get in that bed, I'm passing the fuck out.

Evelynn: 😈

*A few minutes later*

Evelynn, watching Akali sleep: Poor Rogue .... Also, that Lil Shit for passing out on me ...

[behrendninja]

Seraphine: So, what are you going as for Halloween?

Kai'sa: I was hoping to go as Dragon Master but I need to hit the hairdresser for tha-

*Ahri & Evelynn walk in, dressed as Coven Ahri & Evelynn*

Seraphine: Mommy?

Ahri: No, we can't play right now.

Evelynn: We are going to the woods to sacrifice something to the old gods. Be back late.

Kai'sa: At least we know it's just the tw-

*Akali walks by dressed as Coven Akali*

Kai'sa: .... Kali.... Really?

Akali: Eve told me after the sacrifice, we can do more dirty stuff. So I joined the coven.

Seraphine: Mommy?

Akali: No... Daddy...

Seraphine: Sorry. You look great, Daddy.

Akali: Thanks! Now, time for the sacrifice!

Seraphine: ... we... should... go check out...

Kai'sa: Sera, don't you dare join the coven without me...

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Akali: Bokkie!!! What do you want for your birthday?

Kai'sa: Kali, you know that I am always grateful for everything you all give me and don't need any gifts.

Akali: Eve was gonna give you a Lambo and then we were going to take you out in more ways than one but if you want a quiet evening, I'm game.

Kai'sa: ... No, I would like all that. Please and thank you.

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Ahri: Let's play the game "Why are you injured?" Today's contestant is Bokkie!

Kai'sa: Hello!

Ahri: We have Kali here, who recently hurt her thumb. Why is she injured?

Kai'sa: Knowing her, jerked off Eve.

Ahri: LET'S FIND OUT! KALI, WHY ARE YOU INJURED!!!!

Akali: I tried to do one handed pushups and slipped.

Ahri:

Kai'sa:

Ahri: No sexy time?

Akali: Nope.

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Evelynn: Darling, where have you been?

Akali: I had Bokkie take me to get blood work done.

Evelynn: Why?

Akali: I don't touch enough grass.

Evelynn: What?

Kai'sa: She doesn't get sufficient amount of vitamin D.

Evelynn: I fuck her every night, she gets plenty of D!

[behrendninja]

Ahri: Who did it.

Akali: Wasn't me.

Ahri: You sure?!

*Ahri shows Akali her phone to see trending on Twitter*

Ahri: Tell me it wasn't you.

Akali: On Kami.

Ahri: ... What about Eve?

Akali, waving an iPhone 15: She is having a mental health day so I'm taking her calls today. I swear we didn't do it

Ahri: ... Then who-

Seraphine, popping in: I did.

Ahri: YOU!?

Seraphine: I came out to everyone this morning as Pansexual. I mean, I don't really care about the gender of who I love, I just love because they love me. Besides, you all knew for a while, I just figured I finally say it out loud. Hehe... Happy Pride month...

Ahri:

Akali: Finally! Now we can get you a nice set of pans.

Seraphine: Why-

Akali: Just so you can make the dad joke every time you announce your sexuality.

Seraphine: I love that idea!!!

Ahri: I swear to me...

[behrendninja]

Akali: Y'know... I always think about all the cool things we have done and I always wonder what would a normal life be like?

Kai'sa: You do realize that none of us are normal. I was basically dropped off at void daycare, Eve is a succubus, Ahri is a goddess...

Akali: I mean, I'm close to normal.

Kai'sa: Kali. You were running an assassin school at the age of 14 and then left because of emotional and mental abuse. Please, none of us are normal.

Akali: Now that you say that, you're right.

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Ahri: It's really fun, and I know you all have questions.

Akali: Damn. Didn't think the day would come...

Ahri: Yeah...

Akali: I can't believe you have an only fans that's just pics of your tail.

Ahri: It's for the love of art! I enjoy the attention too!

Akali: ... you're married...

Ahri: Bokkie gives me all the attention in the world but I'm a slut for more.

Akali: No wonder that was a hit single...