behrendninja

[behrendninja]

Ahri: I DID IT!!!

Akali: what did you do?

Ahri: I GOT A WORLDS SKIN!

Akali: .... That doesn't count, that's a hall of legends skin... Also, $400?!? The fuck!?

Ahri: I'm special. I'm Faker's favorite child.

Akali: Uh huh ... Still not paying for it.

Ahri: I got it for you so you'll always know my superiority.....

Akali: ... Conceded Cunt....

[behrendninja]

Kai'sa: Thank you for joining me on my solo album.

Seraphine: I'm so excited to see what you're doing!

Kai'sa: Well, I would like to do a rap song with you!

*Ahri, Evelynn and Akali walk in*

Ahri: A rap song?! With Sera?!?! Hahahaha! She's the most goodie girl ever! How in the fuck are you gonn-

Akali: I produced the album.

Ahri: ... You cunt, this is gonna slap... Fuck you Kali...

Evelynn: I ask every time for a threesome and you say no all the time...

Ahri: ARGHHHHHH!

Seraphine: .... I'm excited about the song...

Akali: Me too! Can't wait!

Kai'sa: I'm glad I get to showcase so much range. Thank you Kali for believing in me.

Evelynn: Even though your wife is jealous, we absolutely know you're such a a talented artist.

Akali: Yep! I wanted to showcase your versatility in your album. It will be a great treat for the blades.

Ahri: As long as she keeps shaking that peach ass, anything else is a new blessing for the blades.

[behrendninja]

*in a small part in Gotham...*

Harley Quinn: Hey Red! You wanna go get some grub and maybe sneak a lil dessert after?

Poison Ivy: In a moment... I'm trying to create the most potent perfume....

Harley Quinn: An' what will that do?

Poison Ivy: It will create an aroma that will cause an increase of pheromones.

Harley Quinn: ...

Poison Ivy: ... It makes them hornier...

Harley Quinn: I would like to be the test subject.

Poison Ivy: I was thinking of a different target....

*Catwoman sneaks in*

Catwoman: I'm not in to threesomes...

Poison Ivy: No, but your on again, off again bat friend might...

Catwoman: Look here! Have either of you ever slept with Bruce?

Harley Quinn: Yeah, he was quite good in bed. Just not my cup of tea.

Poison Ivy: I did partake in coitus with Bruce.

Catwoman: Give me that perfume! I'll show him a good time!!

*Catwoman runs away*

Harley Quinn: That was fake, wasn't it.

Poison Ivy: Only way she will leave us alone... Now... You said you wanted to be a test subject?

Harley Quinn: In the bedroom? Yes...

[behrendninja]

*Akali warming up her voice for vocal training*

Evelynn: mmmmmm....

Akali: Don't start.

Evelynn: I'm not starting anything.

Akali: You're getting "ideas" because something I'm doing is turning you on and you want to make it sexual.

Evelynn: I'm a Siren, Darling. Everything is sexual if I can think of a way.

Akali: Well you have to wait for the egg timer because I'm working on vocal stuff for the ne-

*Evelynn turns the timer to zero*

Evelynn: Oh no. Time is up.....

Akali: .... Really....

Evelynn: Yes. Now... I want you to sing a ... Different song for me....

Akali: .... Deplorable....

[behrendninja]

Akali: I must be frank but this new album is going to blow people's minds!!

Evelynn: Your singing being showcased is going to make Blades jealous you're with me even more.

Kai'sa: I'm happy you took such a big lead in this album Kali. It gave everyone a chance to showcase new abilities.

Akali: You know who I'm most proud of?

*Ahri walks in*

Ahri: Why thank you! Finally! I can show my-

Akali: Sera. Girl can RAP!

Ahri: ....

Akali: What!!

Ahri: .... You're a cunt.... I hate you... Tell your wife to meet me outside so I can get my lashings from her lashers....

[behrendninja]

Akali, in South Korea: You need to stop haunting me in my dreams every night!

Evelynn, in New York: Look. I have to keep in contact with you somehow.

Akali: It's called a cell phone!

Evelynn: What about time zones?

Akali: You can text me!

Evelynn: That doesn't sound like fun.

Akali: I have had sex with you, in my dreams, every night for the past week. I'm tired. Either come fuck me for real or start learning to call me more.

Evelynn: .... Party pooper....

[behrendninja]

*Akali, laying on the floor looking at the ceiling*

Akali: Guess the stars aren't out tonight...

*Evelynn hovers over her*

Evelynn: Darling, what are you doing?

Akali: Waiting for the stars to come out. Took them long enough too.

Evelynn: ... there are no stars in the hous-

*Akali reaches up to hold Evelynn's cheek*

Akali: They are out and they are as beautiful as they always have been... These stars looking at me? Yeah, I would gaze upon them every chance I get...

Evelynn: I... I love you...

Akali: Love you too.

[behrendninja]

Akali: You can say it now.

Ahri: hehehehe

Kai'sa: Why are you giggling?

Ahri: There is a big possibility that I'm finally getting a world championship skin!

Akali: Faker did choose me so I could get back to back-

Ahri: DON'T RUIN THIS FUCKING MOMENT!

*Evelynn poofs in*

Evelynn: Don't talk to my Rogue like that!

Ahri: Stop being a slut!

Evelynn: Shut down your only fans!!!

Kai'sa: .... You wanna let them finish arguing and get some lunch?

Akali: Yeah, I was thinking about some Panera bread.

Kai'sa: Let's go before they take there argument to lunch.

[behrendninja]

Kai'sa: Happy Birthday Ahri. Do you have a wish?

Ahri: I got you, so no. Unless.... You wanna... You know...

Kai'sa: Look. We have a cat. I don't think we can get another cat.

Ahri: I was thinking about having a kid but we can get a cat instead...

Kai'sa: jfbsnsubdjfk.

*meanwhile*

Evelynn: We should get Foxy something....

Akali: I sent her an air fryer and a new car, she's fine.

Evelynn: Thank Kami. I really didn't want to go out tonight.

Akali: Always Big Brain.

[behrendninja]

Akali: You wanted to talk to me?

Evelynn: I.... I have kept a really big secret...

Akali: Did you get another expensive car?

Evelynn: Yes but No.

Akali: Okay... What's wrong?

Evelynn: I...have been taking Judo classes...

Akali: That's it?

Evelynn: You're not mad?

Akali: Of course not! I'm so happy for you to be learning any martial arts. It doesn't matter what style you do, as long as you enjoy it. Plus... That means I get to learn it too! Whenever you want to practice, let me know and I'll be your uke (dummy).

Evelynn: Darling, you're not a dummy.

Akali: No, uke means like a practice partner. Hence the term dummy ...

Evelynn: You're beautiful and intelligent....

Akali: I'm going back to playing TFT.

[behrendninja]

Ahri: So... Who plays Teamfight Tactics?

Akali: Sup?

Ahri: What are your thoughts on the new update coming up?

Akali: It's cool we're all in it and I get to be in it twice!

*Evelynn poofs in*

Evelynn: Two Rogues are better than one.

Akali: Do you want to deal with two Lil Shits?

Evelynn:

Akali:

Ahri:

Akali: Waiting.

Evelynn: The sex would be amazing though!

Ahri: YOU'RE DEALING WITH BOTH OF THEM ON YOUR OWN!

[behrendninja]

Akali: Hey, I'm getting McDonald's. Do you want anything?

Evelynn: The usual.

Akali: Okay. Be right back.

*10 minutes later*

Evelynn: Thank you, Dar-

Akali: What?

Evelynn: Did you get yourself a happy meal?

Akali: I got a 6 piece nugget happy meal, with an extra fry instead of apple slices, and upgraded to a large coke. With my points used, I paid 69 cents. I also got a double cheeseburger and an apple pie, so I paid 5 bucks for this.

Evelynn: Holy Mother of me...

Akali: Big Brain!

Evelynn: .... Could you do that for me next time?

Akali: Always, Love.

[behrendninja]

Evelynn: Darling, you sound horrible.

Akali, with a low voice: I have coughed up colors I didn't think existed... I need to rest and not get anyone else sick.

Evelynn: I survived the bubonic plague and COVID. A chest cold won't kill me. However, you sounding all husky does turn me on.

Akali: If we get in that bed, I'm passing the fuck out.

Evelynn: 😈

*A few minutes later*

Evelynn, watching Akali sleep: Poor Rogue .... Also, that Lil Shit for passing out on me ...

[behrendninja]

Seraphine: So, what are you going as for Halloween?

Kai'sa: I was hoping to go as Dragon Master but I need to hit the hairdresser for tha-

*Ahri & Evelynn walk in, dressed as Coven Ahri & Evelynn*

Seraphine: Mommy?

Ahri: No, we can't play right now.

Evelynn: We are going to the woods to sacrifice something to the old gods. Be back late.

Kai'sa: At least we know it's just the tw-

*Akali walks by dressed as Coven Akali*

Kai'sa: .... Kali.... Really?

Akali: Eve told me after the sacrifice, we can do more dirty stuff. So I joined the coven.

Seraphine: Mommy?

Akali: No... Daddy...

Seraphine: Sorry. You look great, Daddy.

Akali: Thanks! Now, time for the sacrifice!

Seraphine: ... we... should... go check out...

Kai'sa: Sera, don't you dare join the coven without me...

[behrendninja]

Akali: Bokkie!!! What do you want for your birthday?

Kai'sa: Kali, you know that I am always grateful for everything you all give me and don't need any gifts.

Akali: Eve was gonna give you a Lambo and then we were going to take you out in more ways than one but if you want a quiet evening, I'm game.

Kai'sa: ... No, I would like all that. Please and thank you.

[behrendninja]

Ahri: Let's play the game "Why are you injured?" Today's contestant is Bokkie!

Kai'sa: Hello!

Ahri: We have Kali here, who recently hurt her thumb. Why is she injured?

Kai'sa: Knowing her, jerked off Eve.

Ahri: LET'S FIND OUT! KALI, WHY ARE YOU INJURED!!!!

Akali: I tried to do one handed pushups and slipped.

Ahri:

Kai'sa:

Ahri: No sexy time?

Akali: Nope.

[behrendninja]

Evelynn: Darling, where have you been?

Akali: I had Bokkie take me to get blood work done.

Evelynn: Why?

Akali: I don't touch enough grass.

Evelynn: What?

Kai'sa: She doesn't get sufficient amount of vitamin D.

Evelynn: I fuck her every night, she gets plenty of D!