lillianofliterature

[lillianofliterature]

"Because Danny-boy.... what would life be without a few surprises?" Thomas Ian Griffith as Terry Silver Cobra Kai 6.08 "Snakes on a plane"

[lillianofliterature]

hi everyone

here i am again with a writing update nobody asked for, lmao.

just wanted to share that I’ve been going through a lot lately and have struggled even more to write. my brother tragically died in an accident while overseas in late August and my depression and anxiety has just grown exponentially. I can feel myself slipping back into the worst parts of it and it’s hard to convince myself to stay. But i don’t want to give up.

there are no support groups for grief in my area apart from very religious ones that are basically Bible studies, which I’m not interested in. having a hard time finding a community or a group that understands what losing a sibling is like. trying my best not to isolate from friends and family.

I’ve been drabbling a little with Terry Silver and Eddie Munson fics, as well as Snape. No promises on when those will happen though. they’re just right drafts and very long idea summaries for now. right now my focus is waking up and getting out of bed again, and most days i don’t even achieve the latter. my meals and hydration has lessened and I’ve forgotten my medicine about 20/31 days of the month lately.

Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well. I’ll be okay. I’ll get to writing again and find My passion again.

(Plus the American election made everyone’s life worse this last week, so that’s not helping. Much love and support to everyone. 💚🏳️‍🌈)

[lillianofliterature]

When I was a kid I thought there were so many more swear words than there are. But in actuality we get like. ten before it just turns into slurs. Deep down, I’m still disappointed.

[lillianofliterature]

Your writing will always feel awkward to you, because you wrote it.

Your plot twists will always feel predictable, because you created them.

Your stories will always feel a bit boring to you, because you read them a million times.

They won't feel like that for your reader.

[lillianofliterature]

sometimes i need to remind myself that i'm writing fanfiction for free and i'm allowed to have a shitty sentence or two

[lillianofliterature]

Hi everyone, it's been a while.

I'm really trying to get back into writing, but am finding it so difficult to finish anything. I don't know whether it's the adhd, depression, or chronic fatigue and brain fog (probably all of the above) but I'm doing my best. I've had some really traumatic memories resurface through therapy which I'll hopefully be writing about soon (it's cathartic to work it out with my favorite characters).

I'm going to be cutting off any requests in my inbox. There are quite a few, and I just don't think I can handle the pressure of requests anymore, even though they're all very sweet. I love that anyone wants to read my writing, so much so that they request certain things, but for some reason it makes my whole brain panic and shut down. I'll just be basically deleting them all, I think, and not because I don't appreciate them or like them---simply because I can't keep on top of them and my own work without the executive dysfunction making me freeze, and then not do anything.

I'll be keeping a few of the lighter preference requests in hope they might help me just drabble some, but if I don't write yours, it isn't personal. I love them all! I just have to be gentler with my personal expectations from now on so I can get out of this rut.

Hopefully this burnout I've been dealing with the last few years with subside soon. I'm so tired of not being able to create like I want to. I think my biggest obstacle is the expectation I put on myself to post everything I write, even before I've got a first draft completed. And when engagement is down on posts like this, when I'm just venting, it really discourages me. I know "popularity" shouldn't be a driving motivator, but it definitely helps to know your efforts will be recieved well by many readers. I don't know how people write so consistently and keep up engagement! I can hardly convince myself to get up and cook a proper meal.

If anyone else is going through this, you have my understanding and compassion.

[lillianofliterature]

“Fairy tale does not deny the existence of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance. It denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat…giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy; Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien.

[lillianofliterature]

What are your thoughts on Terry in any era with a beloved who is plus sized? Like would any era love them being that way more than another or what?

― It is the 60's-70's and the likes of supermodel Twiggy are in high fashion. How ironic that is? Twig? Twiggy? But, anyway, I think when Twig falls, he falls with a full heart, and the likes of size, the outer appearances of the body and distinctly physical features don't matter as much as his love and sheer innate devotion for the person themselves does. Twig and romance are an idealistic blend, and as such beloved is not only beautiful, but the most beautiful to him, because he views them though the eyes of absolute innocence and adoration and nothing else. Might sound like a corny line in present days, but there's simply more of them for him and then there’s also the fact that he too had body images he doubtlessly brought back from the war. He was always the overly skinny one, in opposition. Thin as a branch. Watch out, Twig, the wind might blow you away! So, he knows how to it feels to be, perhaps, unwanted and not outright viewed with favourable eyes for your body alone --- a pain that managed to follow him for years and decades. Makes the kinship between him and beloved only deeper. Firmer. If anything, he wants to get stronger for them so he can defend them from ugly comments and a world that makes them view themselves as inadequate.

― To 80's Terry, beloved is a deity. They're deity because they're his. Naturally, everyone his is a step above the ordinary rabble. Bias, bias, bias. They're a decadent Bacchus or an Aphrodite in the flesh. Curves and lines galore, it doesn't fill him any less with lust, in fact, the feeling is amplified now, because there's more of it. Beloved might be a breath of fresh air, in the overly tanned, overly starved, plastic surgery riddled LA of the decade. They stand out. Beloved might be worried, because Terry is so athletic. So toned. He brushes off their concerns, firmly, a bit pissed off they’d even have any negative thoughts in the first place. They're not up against him in a comparison of muscles. Sure, with anyone else he’d be wicked enough to tell them to lose the weight, for lack of a better word, because if he can be destructive about someone’s image, he will, but there’s one set of rules for everyone else, and another for beloved. Not even beloved themselves is allowed to criticize themselves, because he chose them, and his choice is never wrong. Ever. God help anyone who’d dare claim so. Outside from that, he wants to drape them in the most expensive form fitting of attire so he’d accentuate their assets even more and transform them into a literal vision that belongs to him and him alone.

― Mana from heaven. That’s it. Beloved is mouthwatering. All things desire. Old man Terry cannot help but follow the outline of their body with his eyes. He is the staring type anyway, now he stares at them more so. Romanticizes all they are. Doubtlessly fantasizes over it too extensively. The fullness of their shape. The occasional bit of jiggle. Their apatite, because he himself has deliberately, as we have seen, starved and dieted himself on greenery so long, so there’s a sense of pleasure in watching someone eat and enjoy it too because he himself doubtlessly didn’t, at least while he was reforming himself. He endows beloved with the finest food. The finest liquor. Indulges them. Wines and dines them. Equates their baby chub with youth, especially compared to himself, gaunt and veiny as he is. Sets them into a bubble of comfort, because they’re his. His hands are on them constantly. Always. -”Look at you,”- he’d say, grim, sultry and almost broody about it because of how deeply he’s been contemplating it. -”If you could see yourself with my eyes.”- Terry treats beloved like something coveted, because to him, someone he loves is coveted by sheer default. Someone he loves is always the best. Always the picture of gorgeousness.

[lillianofliterature]

Does Terry Silver get nervous butterflies when in love? I like to think about his sensitive side, if such a thing exists.

---

Oh, it exists alright.

He's pacing up and down, trying on several different outfits, putting his stylists through hell because the impression he wants to leave matters more than anything else right now --- he's overthinking, he's overplanning, his mansion is practically under siege, the long-suffering Margaret is reminding Mr. Silver that he should please, most respectfully, calm down before he blows a fuse because here he is, practically vibrating with excitement and buying expensive gifts in advance...and then buying several additional ones while soaking in his jacuzzi because the first one seems somehow insufficient to what he desires (and he's imagined you'll desire). He's making call after call that is meant to ensure he's delivered every bit of information, intel, every purchase, every commission, that every order is put into motion, that every piece of the puzzle that'll ensure him, say, a perfect outcome to something he's envisioned or planned with his beloved is completed to his specific instructions; he's all movement, all enthusiasm, all euphoria, he's weaving schemes in advance like he just made the business deal of a lifetime. He's been at it since one in the morning. Now, it's two in the afternoon...the next day. Man hasn't slept in over twelve hours and nobody knows exactly where he seeps the energy or endurance from; but whatever the source, there seems to be an infinite abundance of it. He's all giddy, all smiles, all laughter and that's Terry Silver in love for you. The human incarnation of a happy pill.

Impossible to contain or calm down.

His butterflies are absolutely on steroids and hitting new highs, loudly flapping away hard enough to cause a windstorm in his gut that'll put a pep in his step like he's a child about to meet his most cherished playdate after being separated for merely a day for all we know, running on excess energy, forcing everyone around him to just try and keep up with his overall stamina and increasing demands --- and good luck with that one. Milos Dadok could be there, diligently almost running behind a long-legged Mr. Silver, carrying bouquets containing a hundred and one red roses because it's go big or go home at every hour of the day in this dojo, grimly and very seriously attempting to pace himself to his Boss' wide, eager strides as he hauls the flowers forward followed by a team of staff members marching where Terry wants and needs them to be. They're on a tight schedule here! They've an agenda! Man could be any age at any time and he'll behave like a school boy about to go a first dance.

So, not only can he be sensitive, he's...I mean, look at this beautiful face?

☝️I envision Terry Silver in love is like that 24 / 7.

It's everything or nothing with him.

Guy beams infectious, boyish, unspoiled happiness like a nuclear reactor and when he truly cares and it's written all over him, I feel. All over his body language. His face. His expression. His energy. His behavior. His deeds. All of it. There's no doubt in mind this guy's enamored because when he is, emotions are open and raw. Beloved walks into the room and he immediately has this triumphant, shit-eating full mega-watt smile with two rows of teeth entirely on display at the mere sight of them as he runs towards them and his whole face along with his eyes just laugh with him. He lights up. I wouldn't say it is nervousness in the classical sense because I don't feel he ascribes to feeling, cultivating or nurturing any emotion he might view as limiting to his ambitions (in this case, his ambitions being beloved's affection), but nonetheless, it is the type of love one cannot hide and definitely the manner of reaction everyone dreams and yearns to be greeted with. He's just overjoyed. If anything, Terry Silver's very courageous and even adorably overbearing with his butterflies.

He can be the sweetest person ever or a literal nightmare.

Best pray he doesn't see you as an enemy.

[lillianofliterature]

-

[lillianofliterature]

[lillianofliterature]

i absolutely agree that xreader can be so healing and promote self love and acceptance in unique and powerful ways but also it lets you fuck nasty with your faves and i think that is just so beautiful

[lillianofliterature]

THE AVENGERS (2012) dir. Joss Whedon

[lillianofliterature]

*Banging pots and pans* Do! Not! Censor! Severus! Snape!

[lillianofliterature]

I thought the earth remembered me, she took me back so tenderly, arranging her dark skirts, her pockets full of lichens and seeds. I slept as never before, a stone on the riverbed, nothing between me and the white fire of the stars but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths among the branches of the perfect trees. All night I heard the small kingdoms breathing around me, the insects, and the birds who do their work in the darkness. All night I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling with a luminous doom. By morning I had vanished at least a dozen times into something better.

(mary oliver, sleeping in the forest)

[lillianofliterature]

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[lillianofliterature]

unfairytale | m.a.w (insp)