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liquor-and-intellect · 4 years ago

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Tis the Damn Season/Dorothea HS AU

I realized I haven’t posted on here in awhile but I couldn’t get this story out of my head. I don’t know if I have anyone who sees my posts anymore, but I hope you like it. Let me know if there should be a part 2.

Inspired by Tis the Damn Season and Dorothea by Taylor Swift.

Dorothea Riley—or Thea, which she insisted on being called— watched as her breath created a thin film of fog across the window of her Uber. It’s almost like she didn’t want to see the familiar road signs that reminded her she was arriving in her hometown. Sometimes the nostalgia felt too much—too thick in the back of her throat, too heavy on her chest. It reminded her that it had been a full year since she had returned home. One official dizzying trip around the sun since the last time she’d stepped off the plane in that small terminal outside of Tupelo. A year since she’d seen him.

After the driver took the exit off the highway, it was not long before Thea was emerging from the car, boots crunching on the fresh snow as she ascended the stairs that led to her childhood home. The cold wrapped itself around her and bit at her exposed neck but never penetrating the warmth of her luxurious coat.

It stood frozen in time, just like the whole town. The familiarity now creating comfort in her where it had once felt like the bony fingers of suffocation. From the minute she became aware that she wanted to pursue a career in acting, the walls of this town seemed to slowly close in on her. Thea knew she would never land her dream role if she stayed here. Everyone who was successful had to make their own sacrifices—and leaving her hometown and the ones she loved behind, was hers.

Her high school self had felt too big for these streets. She dreamed of bustling cars, the rush of a new city and a fast-paced life. She partly blamed her mother for this. She had used Thea as her little dress up doll for most of her childhood. Even when Thea didn’t want to be a pageant queen, her mother said to stick her chin up and smile. And before she knew it the flash of camera lights from a stage became intoxicatingly addicting. So, she had walked across the creaky stage in the worn-down gymnasium, got her high school diploma, and promptly packed her bags to drive her small Toyota Corolla to L.A. In between acting classes, she’d be offered a role in a fast-paced, high-budget, sci-fi movie and the next four years would become all business with little time to return home or answer phone calls from the people she had left behind.

“Mama,” Thea breathed, letting the stifled southern accent of Mississippi slip into that single word. Her mother’s grin was a breath of fresh air, all white teeth and thinned lips, smile lines at the edges of her eyes. Her hair had more silver in it than the last time she’d seen her, although she thought that it suited her warm complexion.

Her mother pulled her into a warm embrace, nose buried in her dark hair. “It’s so good to have you home, Dorothea.”

The smell of Christmas pine and cookies filled her nose as she joined her parents for dinner. Her dad grunted and nodded while her mother filled her in on all the small-town gossip. It wasn’t unusual in a town like this for a quick trip to the grocery store to become equivalent to logging into Facebook. Her mother knew the status of everyone’s relationship, divorce and child-raising failures.

“Oh,” her mother said as if she had almost forgot. “The Styles boy went on a date with Augustine—the Johnson’s daughter— a few months back. I think they even went on a second as well.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, watching for a reaction from Thea.

Thea’s heart swelled at his name, although she wouldn’t let it show on her face. Flashes of shifty hands and stolen kisses passed behind her eyes as if she had them filed for moments like this. Augustine? She definitely didn’t seem like his type and it might have been the pang of jealousy rearing its insidious green head but Thea really never cared for Augustine much.

Harry and her had… well, history. A compilation of what-ifs and almosts filled the lines of their pages. They had ran in the same circle of teenagers and every secret party that was worth attending always ended in alcohol-laden kisses in dark corners between the two—sometimes even under bleachers at the football field where they swore that the miserable town would be behind them one day. They never dated officially— as someone else to inevitably leave behind absolutely terrified Thea—but if there was anyone she wanted to kiss on a lonely Friday night… it had always been him.

It wasn’t until last year when she returned home for Christmas—after movie premiers and filming for a new role—that they discovered the old flame was still alive and burning. They had slept together and Thea had felt herself developing feelings for the curly-haired boy faster than she could comprehend. His laughter, his green eyes…

She swallowed and looked out the dark window.

Thea had promised to stay with him for New Year’s Eve before she got word of a large party back in LA. There would be a producer there that was working on a new project that she was keeping her eye on. She used that as the excuse to leave prematurely, although deep down she knew that she was only running away from someone who would just make it harder to leave again. She couldn’t afford the emotional cost she’d have to pay to let herself develop feelings for him. So, as it had been one full year since she had stepped within this town, it had also been one full year since she had talked to Harry. After she declined a few of his calls, he got the hint and left her alone. Radio silence should have made the ache go away but nevertheless the wrench of her heart when his name crossed her mind persisted.

It might have been thoughts of Harry and his warm hands that drove her to accept an invite to the local dive bar that night. Her childhood friends heard she was in town and wanted to grab drinks for old time’s sake. The memories that came with this place were enough to remind her that she deserved a drink or two.

“Is that the movie star, Dorothea Riley?”

“She goes by Thea now, Laura!”

Thea exhaled a breathy laugh at the familiar voices as she entered the bar, warm air hitting her from the biting cold. Laura, her old friend, stood around five foot tall but enveloped her in a hug tighter than her mother had.

“It’s so good to see you again,” Thea hummed into the embrace before following Laura to the table of faces that she frequently sees in reminiscent high school photos. Pictures littered her childhood bedroom of football games, beach trips and secret parties with all these people being a part of those memories.

“How’s L.A. these days, Thea?” piped John, his arm thrown around his newly wed wife, Anna. They had been together since they hit puberty, so it wasn’t a surprise to hear that they had recently tied the knot. Thea had even received an invitation to the wedding during the summertime. She sent a gift in her place, offering her congratulations in her absence due to a busy filming schedule. “We’d been thinking of taking a trip next year.”

Thea took a seat on the wooden chair facing them, casually crossing her arms across her chest to warm up her body. “Warm,” she breathed. “I forgot how winter felt.”

She didn’t realize the weight of her words at that moment though. It wasn’t until the door to the bar opened and a crisp chill caused an eruption of goosebumps across her arms that she felt a cold that went down to her bones and across the planes of her heart.

Harry brought with him another type of winter that caused even December to falter in its snowy tracks when his gaze met Thea’s from across the room. While they were previously glassy from the wind outside, they had now sharpened, stopping her from even taking a breath. A muscle in his jaw twitched and Thea shivered. Her expensive coat offered no warmth to this type of cold.

She looked down but was very aware of the familiar sound of steps approaching the table that had now gone silent. Thea’s heart contracted with ache as she realized with surprise that she recognized the way his boots sounded on floorboards.

She felt the heavy gazes of her friends shifting back and forth between the two.

“Harry!” Laura greeted within the heavy silence that sat like weights on Thea’s chest. “I’m glad you could make it. I know how busy the music store is this time of the year.”

Instead of deciding whether to be an active participant within the conversation or remain mute, Thea was rescued by the ringing of her phone. She would have taken an out if it had been a telemarketer at this point, but it was actually her agent and she stood gesturing to the buzzing iPhone in her hands in apology.

As she walked out, she passed Harry and for a moment time stilled as they were the closest they had been in a full year. Through the coldness that seeped from him, she couldn’t help but think back on the nights that his warmth had lit a furnace heating her body with touches and soft gasps. It made such a contrast to the way she pulled her coat tighter around her body now within his presence.

Her voice echoed off the brick walls of the alley she slipped into beside the bar as she spoke to her agent about how long she would be visiting her family. Main street was lively tonight as cars slowed and passed one another, the drivers waving through the windows as no one was a stranger in Tupelo. The phone call was brief, and she found herself taking a few deep breaths to encourage her to reenter the bar.

When she turned on her heeled boot to leave the alleyway, she stopped in her tracks at the familiar stature waiting for her at the corner. She couldn’t help the way her heart sped up.

“Didn’t think you could make time to visit with your busy schedule,” he drawled, his voice dipping lower into the syllables like it was wanting to rest there. His accent was a sharp contrast to the southern dialect that plagued this town. Like a hint of world further away that had always attracted Thea. “Guess I was right.” It was biting… but not too harsh.

Thea swallowed. “I…” she began, trying to find the words to express how much she missed him but failing. “I deserve that.”

He nodded, leaning his shoulder against the bricks. “You never answered my calls, Dorothea.”

She had shortened her name to go along with her step into fame. She had never loved it. She didn’t like the way it sounded cushioned with a southern accent, announced through a pageant speaker, followed with expectations. But hearing it out of Harry’s mouth… it made her almost regret asking to be called Thea if there was a chance someone could say her name with conviction like Harry did and light the flicker of a flame in her gut like he did now. Maybe she wouldn’t be so stuck on him.

“I didn’t know how to.” With all the thoughts running through her mind, these were the only words her mouth could form.

He stared at her, holding her in her place, then said, “I’ve been seeing Augustine.” His green eyes narrowed slightly, analyzing the way she shifted her weight to her other foot.

The ache was briefly subdued as a flash of anger hit her in the gut. Was he trying to torture her?

She had never been known for holding her tongue and the mix of his statement with the biting cold caused an irritation to leak into her voice. “If I wanted to know who you’ve been seeing, I would have asked.”

His eyes danced with some hidden amusement at her rebuttal as the corner of his mouth raised slightly, causing a dimple to form in his cheek. Dorothea didn’t know but Harry had been wanting—craving—a reaction from her. Some hint to confirm the suspicion that she was hurting just the same as he was. The artificial indifference she tried to portray put a bad taste in his mouth. She might have been an award-winning actress… but he knew her.

“What’s so funny?”

“I knew you cared.”

She sucked in a breath, eyes looking to her shoes. “I never said I didn’t.”

The small hint of confession caused Harry to stumble. He had been ready to tear into her, yell at her, make her feel like he had felt for a whole 365 days she had been gone. It was easier to be mad at someone you saw only through a tiny screen, to tell yourself you hated them when you were separated by miles. Now that she was standing in front of him… he just hurt. A dull ache throbbing in his chest as he looked at her. She wasn’t the same person… he knew that. But she had the same hesitant tortured eyes that he remembered begged him to not go to the prom as she wore the prettiest dress he had ever seen.

And he always folded when it came to her. She wanted to piss off her mother, skip the prom that she was supposed to be queen of in the middle of her teenage rebellion. So he did. He turned left at the intersection where he should have turned right and they ran through the park, dirt staining their fancy clothes, seventeen years old and nothing figured out.

It was in the present that he stepped forward and the gap that had separated them warmed slightly. There was a small moment before he grabbed her face and kissed her that Thea wondered if she should stop him. She had been guarding her heart, building a brick wall around the organ for when she returned to Tupelo. She couldn’t make this hurt like it had last time—it had almost destroyed her.

But like everything else when it came to him… she folded. So she let him grab her face and press his wind-chapped lips to hers, warming up her mouth and letting the cold exterior of her chip somewhat. It felt just as passionate as it had the time before a year ago. He kissed her like a man would.

Strikingly enough, she realized that no one in L.A. kissed like Harry did. No other man grabbed her so hungrily, yet so gentle. They didn’t breathe mint into her and caress her cheeks with their long thumbs. Their presence didn’t fill the void spaces of her soul where things didn’t make sense.

It was for those reasons that she eased back slightly, breathing into the space between them, “This doesn’t change anything. I’m still going to leave.”

He knew deep down that she would say that, although it didn’t stop his gut from feeling the punch any less. At the end of the day, she could tear him apart with her bare hands and he’d still support everything she does, watch every movie, every interview, buy every endorsed product. Live his whole life waiting for the brief moments he’d have her like this—with him.

“If it’s all the same to you,” he whispered, pushing a hair back behind her ear. “It’s the same to me.”

He didn’t believe it one bit but he pushed his mouth back to hers anyways.

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagines #harry styles au #tis the damn season #dorothea #writing #harry styles writing

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liquor-and-intellect · 5 years ago

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Clouded- Part 8

In which Jules might or might not have feelings for her best friend, Harry, who is getting engaged to another girl and everything just becomes… more complicated.

friends to lovers to enemies to lovers- it’s complicated

previous parts

In which Jules might or might not have feelings for her best friend, Harry, who is getting engaged to another girl and everything just becomes… more complicated.

friends to lovers to enemies to lovers- it’s complicated

previous parts

PART EIGHT

I had sat on my computer all morning googling presents to get Harry.

It was stupid- I know- I should be able to conjure up some romantic thing out of my ass that would make Harry smile and tell me he loved me and we would get on with our lives.

But things were different this year.

I was seeing him in a whole new light and I knew he felt the same way. Some things were now just too simple for us. Nothing would be able to compare to the way I needed him or would simply represent how much he was to me. The search was relentless and exhausting.

I was out roaming the strip malls in London when a couple of items caught my eye, sparking an idea in my mind. Christmas was next week and Harry and I would both be going back to Holmes Chapel. This weekend he filmed in New York for a holiday special where he would then be flying back to meet me and his family at our homes.

I smiled to myself as I bought a couple of items, knowing that I found what I wanted to get him for Christmas. He deserved so much more, but I knew this little thing would be perfect for the both of us.

I caught a taxi that night on my way to Harry's, watching the dreary rain drizzle down the window as the car slowed for evening traffic. Even though we have had dinner plenty of times, I found myself getting a few butterflies in my stomach at the thought of him just asking me to dinner. It's like we were finally a couple- and that warmed my heart to no end.

Raising my fist, I gave a single knock before the door flew open.

“Hey,” he breathed, smiling down at me as if he had just been waiting by the door.

I bit my lower lip, hiding back my own grin. “Hi, yourself,” I chuckled as he moved out of the way to invite me in. I pulled off my wool coat, draping it on the coat rack when I smelled something heavenly.

“Are you cooking?” I asked, my eyes wide.

He laughed as I followed him down the corridor and into the wide kitchen that he rarely used. The stove was sizzling with meat and I saw the oven light on beneath it.

“I'm attempting,” he corrected me, walking to the stove and stirring a red sauce. “You know,” he called over his shoulder as I leaned against the opposite counter watching him intently. “We are going to be parents soon, so one of us needs to learn how to cook.”

I hoisted myself up on top of the sleek black marble top, pressing my hands in between my knees. “So, in other words, you called your mum?”

He shot me a glare before turning his back to me again. “Unless you want to take over this complex dish, I'd suggest you shut it.” I heard the playful undertone to his voice and it made me giggle uncontrollably.

“No, please,” I laughed. “feel free to do what you have to do.”

“Anything that I have to do?” he asked, his voice noticeably lower.

I pursed my lips. “Anything,” I repeated and pressed my mouth together to hide my smile when he turned around and watched me intently.

I was being observed carefully under his gaze and I saw the darkening of his eyes as they took me in fully. He stalked forward and pressed his palms to my knees. “Anything?” he whispered huskily, his eyes, that were burning holes into me, never leaving my own.

I nodded, unable to speak.

He smirked, and with his hands on my legs, pushed my knees apart so he could step in between them and pull me closer. He leaned forward and began kissing up the nape of my neck, following the valley of my collarbone. His hands left my legs to lay flat against the counter on either side of me as mine wandered up to his broad shoulders. I loved his shoulder muscles.

He released a sigh as his nose skimmed my skin until we were face to face, breathing each other in. I met his eyes before glancing down to his mouth, waiting for him to close the distance between us. I parted my lips, letting my tongue dart out to wet them in expectation.

This pulled him under, a groan rumbling in his chest as he pushed forward and pressed his mouth against mine, pulling my bottom lip between his as he pulled it playfully before reconnecting our mouths. It was so sensual that every time he found my lips again, my hands would find a new piece of his skin to explore. They danced down the edges of his back, through the curves of his spine to his inked arms and around again to his stomach. When my fingers skimmed underneath his shirt, he pressed closer to me, kissing me deeper as his tongue made its way into my mouth, causing a moan to slip from my throat.

Then an abrupt beeping sounded, piercing my eardrums with its high pitched shrill.

Harry cursed very colorfully as he pulled away, rushing to open the oven where smoke began to billow out. He grabbed a towel and waved it in front of the smoke alarm until eventually it went off.

He clenched his jaw, releasing a long sigh and I thought it was possibly the most adorable thing I had ever been privileged to witness: his hair easily disheveled, shirt rumpled and a look of pure frustration on his gorgeous features.

I hopped down from the counter, walking around him to grab the oven mitten before I reached into the smoke to pull out the tray of bread sticks. The ones around the edges were burnt to a crisp but the lucky pieces that sat in the middle looked perfectly fine.

I set them on the counter before turning to look at Harry who watched me. Reaching up I placed my hand on his cheek to pull him down to me so I could press a small kiss to the other. “Looks like dinner is ready,” I stated as he let out an uneasy laugh.

We sat at the end of his big dining table- that was never used- and ate the spaghetti and bread that he had made. It was his mother's recipe that I recognized and I ended up eating three servings of it, laying down on his couch with my hand on my stomach after.

Harry was in the kitchen putting our plates in the sink, the clinking of the glass the only thing filling his large apartment. The glass window across from the couch showed the busy streets of London still alive with the night, the moon bright in the ebony sky.

“What did you do today?” I asked Harry when I heard his footsteps sound in the doorway.

He walked into the living room, leaning over the back of the couch to look down over me. His lips twitched as he glanced away, avoiding eye contact.

I poked him in the chin, pushing his eyes back to mine. “Harry,” I groaned.

He shook his head. “A bit of Christmas shopping is all,” he said, his eyes shining with something that I didn't know.

I cocked an eyebrow. “Jeff said you're getting a serious present for me this year?”

Harry's eyes narrowed as he walked around the couch and lifted up my legs to sit beneath them. “What else did Jeff say?”

I shrugged, playing with the hem of my shirt. “He didn't say anything else about it…why? What is it?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know I won't tell you,” he said.

I smiled. “I know. I just thought I'd try.”

Harry grabbed the remote from the foot table and switched the TV on. “Move over,” he mumbled, grabbing a blanket and laying down behind me.

I rolled on my side for him to slide in behind me as the blanket draped over my legs, his arm following as it wrapped around my abdomen.

I yawned.

“Do you want to stay the night?” he whispered, his mouth by my ear and his chest hitting my back.

I snuggled deeper into him. “Is that okay?” I asked.

I felt his lips press to the back of my neck. “Why wouldn't it be?” he replied. “I'd rather you stay here so you aren't alone at your apartment.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

I sighed as his lips roamed the back of my neck. “Okay, I'll stay the night.”

He chuckled, his leg pushing between my own so we were tangled in every way possible. I felt his hand that was wrapped around me, traveling up the edge of my shirt to the skin of my hip.

“Thank you for dinner,” I murmured, the hum of laughter on the television being the only noise filling the room.

His fingers combed through my hair. “I want to provide for you, Jules,” he said. “You and the baby.”

I smiled.

“And you can,” I told him, savoring the feeling of his fingers dancing up my side. “when I finish college, I want to help out, though.”

“You're still going to go through with the year? Even while pregnant?” he asked. I didn't blame him for asking, I knew a lot of things we hadn't talked about yet. He wasn't reprimanding me, though, like I knew a lot of people would continue to do. He was just curious in the way people who cared about each other tended to be, always longing to know each other more.

I nodded. “Yeah, I'm going to finish it out and when I have the baby I can just do classes online. If it becomes too much, then… I guess I’ll take a semester off.” My heart ached at that though. I had pushed and studied so hard to be where I’m at now. Seeing the finish line of my degree was such a tangible thing now— that I swear I could taste it.

“Where will we be when you have the baby?” he asked abruptly, removing me from my thoughts of a not-so-distant graduation.

This caused me to still, my thoughts halting at the single question. Where would we be?

“Where do you want to be?” I ended up asking back.

He took a deep breath, his chest filling with air behind me and I could tell he was thinking. He swallowed, mulling over his words. “I want us to be living together by then...” he said.

My breath hitched in my throat.

“And to be in a steady relationship,” he murmured, continuing on with the fantasy that had my heart in quick beats like rain on a pavement. “I want us to be secure with each other when the baby comes so we can be the best parents we can be.”

I couldn't help the smile that found its way onto my lips. “I want to be where you are,” I told him back, knowing that I meant every single word with every cell in my body—including the bundle of cells that now had a heartbeat of its own.

He pressed a lingering kiss to my shoulder, his arm pulling me tight against him. “You always have been, Jules,” he whispered. “and you always will be.”

…

I'd never slept in Harry's bed before.

If it would have been up to me, I would have stayed cocooned into his chest on the couch, but Harry- unsurprisingly- being Harry, insisted until he forcefully carried me back to his bed.

It's not that I didn't want to sleep next to him. Obviously we've already had sex so it wasn't as if I was shy.

But it was difficult to think that less than two weeks ago, Elaine had occupied this space. Her body had dipped into the mattress and she fell asleep feeling the warmth of his body.

I shuddered.

Although I didn't say anything of the such, it was immediately obvious that her things had been moved out of his apartment. There was an empty space on the bathroom counter and plenty of blank picture frames around the walls. I meant to ask him about it- even if it was the last thing I wanted to hear, because he was still my best friend and I wanted to continue to be there for him like he was for me.

I let out a sigh, finally opening my eyes to the morning sunshine streaming through the open curtains, bathing the silk sheets of the bed in a warm glow. I turned to my left, rolling over my shoulder to catch eyes with an awake Harry.

My breath caught in my throat.

His spring green eyes were dancing with amusement, his hair ruffled and standing up messily and I could immediately tell he had been watching me for some time.

“G’morning,” I whispered, my vocal chords groggy from not being used in a few hours.

He laid on his side as well, his palm tucked beneath his cheek. “How did I get so lucky?” he murmured, his hand reaching out to skim a finger down my cheekbone, the shiver I felt echoing down to my toes.

I looked at him in question.

His hand found its way into my hair, brushing it back from my face. “How did I get so lucky? After everything that I have done of hurting people and... hurting you” He swallowed. “How come I can wake up in the morning to your beautiful face? To the person that I've dreamed about my entire life.”

I was speechless. What was I supposed to say? I had fucked up my own fair share in this bumpy road of the past few months and I didn't deserve this man lying in front of me—telling me how beautiful I was.

“Harry-” I started in an attempt to brush off his compliment and shed some light on the reality of it.

“No,” he cut me off, shaking his head and laying his hand flat against my cheek to keep my eyes on him. “Don't try to prove me wrong, I can see it in your face. Just let me have this moment of thinking I don't deserve you.”

My eyes widened. “I don't deserve you.” I couldn't help thinking of how compassionate he was, the pureness of his heart inside of almond green eyes. Here I was, his faithful sidekick after all these years, because I knew that I could never be better than him. I could never be as naturally good as him. I had been the one sentenced to detention in school for punching someone in the face for making fun of Harry- when he would never in his existence lay a hand on someone.

A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, his flawlessly heart-shaped lips stretching into a small smile. “We deserve each other,” he compromised and even though I could argue against that for an entire lifetime, I felt the truth behind his words. It was clear that we were two pieces of a puzzle fitting together side by side and eventually it was fate that we would have ended up here- baby or not. I could feel it in my bones that somehow, some way along the road, we would've ended up awaking to each other’s smiles and wandering eyes.

“I love you,” I breathed, because I had no words to express this bubbling feeling of warm adoration I felt all the way through my blood.

His hand traveled down the side of my face, skimming my neck until it reached my shoulder and eventually my hand, holding it into his and intertwining our fingers. “And I love you,” he said with a grin. “And no matter how we got here… I'm glad we made it.”

…

Eventually, we both got out of the warm sheets, getting dressed for my ultrasound appointment that was around noon. Harry was beyond excited, running around the apartment, constantly asking me what he should bring.

Eventually we had to leave the warmth of the sheets—a little to premature if you asked me. Harry was sick with worry that we would be late to the ultrasound appointment that was only a short drive from his luscious apartment building. Currently, I struggled to keep up as he bounced around the flat excitedly, asking every question imaginable.

“Are you sure I don't need to bring anything?” he asked again, his head poking into the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth.

“I'm sure,” I said for the hundredth time.

“Do you think there will be any press there? Should I call security or somebody to come with us?” He searched my eyes.

I rinsed my toothbrush in the sink, placing it in the holder next to Harry's. “We'll be fine, Harry.” I told him, while pulling my hair into a high ponytail. “Stop worrying.”

He released a long breath, his shoulders slumping. “Sorry... I've just- I've never done this, you know? I want to get this right.” His eyes looked up to me under their eyelashes in that way that he knew tied me in knots.

“And you will,” I assured him. “You can hardly get an ultrasound appointment wrong. Just sit there and look pretty.” I laughed and noticed his steady gaze still resting on me. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself, but failing, as I walked over to him and ran my thumb along his lower lip. “And stop looking at me like that,” I murmured. “it drives me mad.”

He smirked. “I know.”

I pulled his chin to me, placing a chaste kiss to his plump lips before walking out of the bathroom. After buttoning up my jacket, I followed Harry out to his car that had been brought around to the front door. We rode to the office in silence, listening to the radio playing softly through the speakers.

“This weekend,” he finally said. “when we are in New York… I'm going to tell the band about us and the baby.”

I turned to him pursing my lips. I could tell he had been itching to tell them for a while now, not wanting a secret this big between them. I nodded.

“And I also want to have a meeting with Jeff,” he continued. “He's going to be in the city as well and I want to get his opinion on how to protect you from the media the best we can through these next months.”

It was unspoken, but we were aware of how much the fans had loved Elaine. They had been wanting this wedding for years and now that it's been given, it would be hard for him to break the news of their separation. Surprisingly, Elaine had been keeping silent as she had moved back to America to continue her dancing tour-- but the speculations of the oceans between them didn’t cease.

“I understand.” And I did.

We sat a while in the waiting room, Harry's leg nervously bobbing up and down, that is until I quickly reached out and pressed my hand to it to stop the shaking, causing him to mumble a “sorry”. A few eyes strayed to us in the back corner, Harry had kept his sunglasses on—a gesture that he would normally be mortified for because of the rudeness—but he didn’t want any recognition. I could tell in the way he sunk in between the collar of his jacket whenever a new person walked in.

“Julia Lovewick.”

I glanced towards the nurse who patiently waited in the doorway.

Harry stood up immediately, looking back at me for approval. I chuckled lightly and moved to my feet, following the nurse through the door.

“I’m Amanda,” the nurse greeted us and lead us down a hallway. “I'll be your ultrasound technician today.” She gestured for us to enter the open room.

Harry pushed his sunglasses into his hair and extended his hand. “Harry,” he greeted. “Nice to meet you.” After shaking her hand, he nervously tapped his fingers against the leg of his pants, shifting his weight in an attempt to hide his anxiousness.

“Don't be nervous!” she assured, placing a gloved hand on his shoulder and ushering him to take a seat in the chair beside mine. “I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.” She looked at me. “Let's take a look, shall we?”

I took off my jacket, handing it to Harry who held it tightly in his grip.

Amanda gently lifted up my shirt. The bump wouldn't be recognizable if someone didn't know that I was pregnant, only looking like a minute amount of chubbiness at the bottom of my stomach. She placed her hands around my abdomen, giving it a small amount of pressure before reaching over to a bottle of blue gel.

“This is going to be a little warm,” she warned me as she applied it to my belly. “If we aren't able to get a clear view of the baby and the organs, would you like to do a transvaginal ultrasound as well?”

Harry coughed behind me.

I nodded. “Yes, please.” I distinctively remember my mother telling me to take the offer of the alternative ultrasound. I've tried not to give it much thought due to what it exactly entails, but it was apparently safer for the doctor to get a clear view of the baby.

When the microphone shaped instrument was placed over my belly, I glanced up at the screen to see black and gray images of my insides. It was fuzzy and hard to decipher, causing Amanda to squint and move the instrument around a bit more.

“Okay...” she mumbled and pointed to the screen. “if you look right here that's where the baby is… but due to the early stages of your pregnancy it's quite difficult to read a clear picture of it. That's why I would recommend the transvaginal ultrasound this early—just to make sure everything is progressing properly.”

I glanced over at Harry who was sitting forward in his chair, elbows resting on his knees and his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the screen. “Are you sure you're okay with that?” he asked me.

I nodded, giving the doctor the clear as she handed me a couple of wipes. “Here,” she said. “use these to get the gel off yourself and I'll leave the room for a minute while you change into the gown. Have you drank anything at all today?”

I proceeded to wipe my stomach clean as I nodded. “I've been drinking water all morning.”

She reached into a cabinet and handed me a blue gown. “Alright, then, that's great. I'll let you change and I'll be right back.” She gave me a smile before walking out of the room.

Harry cursed.

“What?” I asked as I unfolded the plastic gown.

He looked pale. “What the-” he cleared his throat. “What the fuck is a transvaginal ultrasound?”

I chuckled lightly as I peeled my shirt over my head, looking up to see Harry's eyes on me. He stood up and helped me pull it over my ponytail. “Here,” he murmured, taking it from me and folding it lightly.

“It's an ultrasound,” I began, stifling my chuckle as I unbuttoned my jeans. “that— get this— goes up your... vagina.” I watched him squirm in front of me, knowing he hated that word. Slowly, I slid my jeans down my legs, keeping my eyes on him.

“I'm not into that kind of thing,” he murmured, watching my legs intently as I chuckled.

I smiled as I folded my jeans, standing in my underwear in front of him. “Not into what?” I asked innocently.

“Into other things going up your-” He stopped talking, his eyes widened as I slid my underwear off.

“Jules,” his voice cracked. “what are you doing?”

I pulled the gown over my head, silently laughing at my teasing banter. He was too easy to mess with. “Changing my clothes, Harry, what does it look like?” I turned around, giving him a clear view of my back side. “Will you tie this for me?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah.” Harry's voice sounded high pitched as if pulled taut. He gently tied the strings along the back of the dress, his fingers brushing my bare skin. I could tell he was finished knotting it, but he still stood behind me, his hand skimming my spine. “You- uh. Are you nervous?” he asked and I could tell he was trying to distract himself.

I spun on my heel, not realizing he had been this close to me because we were now chest to chest. I shrugged, reaching up to run a hand along his chest. “A little bit. I guess I just want to see if everything's okay with the baby and all.”

He nodded, about to say something but there was a short knock on the door.

“Everyone decent?” Amanda's voice called.

I kept my eyes on Harry, willing him to not be nervous. “Yes!” I answered as the door opened. I reached up on my toes to place a kiss to his cheek and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Amanda strolled back into the room, a man following shortly behind her. “Shane, this is Julia and Harry.” She gestured to the two of us.

I could feel Harry easing himself in front of me to hide my half naked body.

“Nice to meet you,” I replied, trying to cover for Harry's rude behavior as I stepped out from behind him to shake Shane's hand.

He was younger than I expected, sandy blonde hair and tanned skin. His smile looked genuine, though, his white teeth sparkling at me as he shook my hand.

“The pleasure is mine,” he told me. “I'm Shane Copperfield, I'm going to be assisting Amanda today in the ultrasound, I hope that's alright.”

“It's not,” Harry immediately muttered from behind me, but by the looks on their faces I knew they hadn't heard him

“It's fine,” I said sternly, casting Harry a wary look.

He clenched his jaw and looked away.

“Alright!” Amanda clapped. “If you'll just have a seat in this chair and place your feet up on these blue rests...” I pushed myself back into the chair, hesitating for a moment before place my ankles in the holders. I’ve had gynecologists appointments before, so this wasn’t a new concept for me, but there was always the uncomfortableness of the sudden vulnerability.

Harry glanced at me, sensing my discomfort, and causing a muscle in his jaw to twitch again. “Do you have anything to cover her with?” he asked rudely, crossing his arms and looking strictly at Shane, as if he was the sole perpetrator of my bare thighs being exposed.

“Yes! Here's a towel, love,” Amanda said at the same that I chastised him with a, “Harry.”

As the towel was placed over my lap, Amanda grabbed my ankles and steadied them on the designated platforms before pushing my legs apart.

“Dad,” Amanda addressed Harry, causing him to stiffen immediately. “you can have a seat and get comfortable. I'm sure Julia is as nervous as you and I know the support is always helpful.” She gave him another one of her famous grins and gestured to the seat next to mine.

With a huff, Harry dropped next to me, placing his hand over my arm.

“So how has the pregnancy been so far, Julia?” she asked me as Shane walked around hooking up the machine. “Any pains or discomforts?”

I shook my head. “No, besides a bit of morning sickness it's like I'm not even pregnant.”

She nodded as Shane handed her the wand. “That's completely normal, although you start feeling a difference very soon. Weight gain, hunger cravings, sickness... you know the likes.”

I nodded, trying to compartmentalize every small detail.

“We’re going to apply the lubricant on the wand before using it,” she said, nodding to Shane as he began the process. “You’re going to feel a slight discomfort but just remember to stay as relaxed as possible—when you tense up its harder for us to move around in there and will cause more pain for you.”

I fought against the urge to clamp my thighs together at the unfamiliar breeze drifting between my legs. Amanda and Shane both looked underneath my towel as she placed the wand where it was supposed to be, Harry's hand squeezing mine tightly.

Yeah, I'll admit that it was quite uncomfortable, but I didn't want to say anything to upset Harry further- he was still seething that a man was literally looking up my dress. The monitor showed another abundance of blurry images as Amanda then went to tell me of the few things she was looking for.

“Shane, please hold this while I show them the baby,” she said without a second thought, standing up for Shane to take her spot, his hand very close to my down under.

Harry's hand tightened even more as he watched Shane very closely to confirm that his eyes weren't straying further than acceptable.

“Right here, that pea-like thing, is your baby,” Amanda said, pointing to an area of the screen.

Harry's hand loosened in mine as his eyes left Shane to look at the monitor, I was watching him in wonder as his eyes grew wide.

I smiled.

“Jules,” he whispered, his eyes locked on the little lump that was barely the size of my finger. “look... it's our baby.”

My heart warmed in the most unimaginable way possible. “I know,” I replied, giving his hand another squeeze and moving my gaze back to pea. I couldn’t believe it was underneath the skin of my tummy

The rest of the appointment Amanda continued to tell us loads amounts of information involving the baby and my own body that I was unaware of. I watched as Harry's eyes refused to leave the screen the whole time she talked to us- except for when Amanda told Shane to pull the wand camera out gently, thus causing Harry to stand up.

I grabbed his arm. “Harry, sit,” I demanded, giving him the sharpest glare I could conjure, knowing that it would cause him to listen to me.

Shane watched us carefully, waiting until Harry was sitting- quite rigidly- before he extracted the camera.

I inhaled sharply and sat up straighter from the sudden pull of it.

“We'll let you two get cleaned up and changed and you can just meet us at the front desk,” Amanda announced, pulling Shane with her as she sensed the huffing Harry beside me. The door closed briefly after her exit.

I turned to Harry. “Could you seriously act more childish?” I scolded.

He sighed hanging his head and running his fingers through his hair. “I'm sorry, Jules.” He closed his eyes. “It's just- he was really close to you and- you know how I can get. I just hate someone else getting to see you that way.”

I pursed my lips at his confession, it was understandable. But he still didn't have to act so immature.

“And-” he swallowed. “you were undressing earlier... in front of me. I just got... frustrated.” He groaned, looking away from me as pink tinted his cheeks.

I sighed, walking over to him so I could wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his chest. “You're forgiven for being a jerk,” I murmured into the warmth of his sweater.

He mimicked my sigh, his arms encircling my body as his chin rested on the top of my head. “Thanks,” he muttered.

I looked up to him, pushing my lips against his in a soft kiss, trying to prove the extent of how much he really did mean to me- even if he was being immature.

Harry's finger tilted my head up further to deepen the kiss, his tongue greedily pushing into my own mouth. With my hands flat against his back I pushed him closer to me with all the strength I could manage. I wanted him as near as my body would allow.

As if sensing my thoughts, Harry groaned, his hands reaching down to the gap in the back of my gown, his fingers covetously pressing to every inch of skin he could find.

“I have to admit,” he breathed huskily as his lips moved from mine to press against my neck. “that seeing you in this gown- knowing you don't have underwear on- drives me insane.” His kisses contagiously moved across the muscles in my neck as I inhaled sharply at the effect his words had on me.

“Harry,” I moaned, trying to stop my eyes from closing. “we can't do this here.” I shook my head for emphasis, trying to convince myself more than anything.

I felt his smirk against my collarbone. “Give me ten minutes,” he said, before bending me over the arm of the chair and unzipping his pants.

…

“I want you to take my car.”

I glanced up from my spot on Harry's bed. I had been casually laying across the mattress as he packed a suitcase for New York, his clothes being thrown out of his closet to land in a messy heap on the floor.

“No way,” I answered immediately and sat up.

He poked his head around the doorway of the closet. “Why not?” he asked. “It beats paying for a cab or riding a bus up to Wolverhampton. I don't see what the big deal, that way I could have my car there when we leave after the holidays.”

I thought of his sleek sports car. And then I thought of my driving.

I shook my head, standing up to grab his clothes off of the floor in an attempt to fold them. “Harry, I don't mind taking a cab.”

He sighed, walking next to me to lay a pair of black skinny jeans on the bed. He placed a hand on each of my arms from behind, landing a kiss on my cheek. “I know, baby, but for my sake just take my car?”

My heart leaped in midair at the simple word. I couldn't fight the smile. “Did you just call me baby?”

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms as I continued to fold his shirts. “Maybe.” I could tell he way wary about the idea of it, not knowing whether I would like it. “Good or bad?” he asked.

My smile widened. “Good.”

Harry chuckled in relief from behind me. “Good enough for you to take my car?”

Rolling my eyes, I nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

I helped Harry fold the rest of his clothes, placing them in his suitcase as he retrieved his toothbrush from the bathroom. Harry and the band were leaving tonight to arrive in New York tomorrow, Jeff and Adam were supposed to meet him here at his flat so they could drive to the airport together.

“Are you leaving first thing tomorrow morning for Holmes Chapel?” Harry asked, walking back into the bedroom.

“Probably,” I replied, busying myself with another shirt.

Harry sat down beside the suitcase, looking up to face me. “Will you go ahead and take all of my Christmas gifts with you? That way I don't have to take them all the way to the States and then back.”

“Sure, if you'll tell me what it is you got me for Christmas.”

He rolled his eyes as the ringing of a doorbell sounded through the hallways. “No chance,” he smirked and stood up to answer to the door.

I followed him down the hallway, smiling when I saw Glenne and Jeff walk through the entrance, suitcases in tow.

“Julia!” Glenne greeted, dropping her purse and dancing over to grab me into a gentle hug. She pulled back, a black beanie over her soft chestnut hair and her eyes alight with questions. She held my shoulders. “You and Harry official now?” She cocked an eyebrow in a way that suggested she knew the answer to her own question.

I shot a glance towards Jeff who was setting his suitcase down and talking to Harry. I assume he would have told Glenne—they were together after all.

I smiled, catching a glimpse of Harry's cheesy grin out of the corner of my eye, the beautiful man who was now mine. “Yeah,” I sighed. “I guess we are. Kind of have to be at this point.” I chuckled.

Her grin became wider. “Okay,” she let out a huge breath. “I'm glad you brought the pregnancy up first because I didn't know if you would have wanted me to know about it or not,” she laughed easily, her sharp accent making me feel at home.

I shrugged. “Harry was planning on telling the band this weekend- and it actually feels quite good to have someone else to talk about it with.”

She slung an arm around my shoulder. “Don't you worry,” she said. “you can tell me anything. I actually really adore this drama you lot have going on.”

“Glenne!” Jeff scolded, catching her sentence as he was walking over to us.

I laughed and shook it off. “No, it's really not a big deal. It's entertaining, I know.”

“Glad you guys find my life entertaining,” Harry grumbled.

I walked over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “At least you're not the pregnant one.”

Glenne was biting back a smile, her pink lips pulled into her mouth as her eyes lit up.

“What?” I asked.

She just shook her head, looking to Jeff and saying, “Haven't we just waited for these two to end up together?”

There was another knock on the door as Harry rolled his eyes and moved away from the conversation. “I'm done with you guys!” he shouted, but there was playfulness residing in his voice.

“Is he going to tell Adam right now?” Perrie asked me, still smiling from Harry's attitude.

I shook my head. “I hope not, I really don't want to be here when he tells anyone else.” I thought of the awkward experience with our families and hoped I could be spared of a few more.

“The boys know Elaine and Harry are over,” Jeff said. “he already told all of us the other day. They weren't upset so don’t be nervous.”

That was news to me.

“Hello, lovely ladies!” Adam greeted, walking over to the little circle we had formed and throwing a hand on Jeff and mine's shoulder.

“Hi, Adam,” Perrie laughed as Jeff rolled his eyes. “Where's Emi?”

“She's on her way to the in-laws with the kids for Christmas,” he replied, looking over his shoulder at Harry who was walking into the kitchen.

“Want anything to drink?” he called.

“Can you get me a water, Harry?” I asked.

His response was immediate, his protective nature kicking in. “Yeah, sure, love.”

Adam pursed his lips just barely and I wondered if he was oblivious unlike Glenne and Jeff.

“How's everything been going, Julia?” he asked, something glinting in his eye.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at him. “Lovely, actually.”

Before he could say anything else, Harry came up from behind me, holding out a glass of water. “Here, Jules,” he murmured, rubbing his hand down my arm.

Adam’s eyes were on us, watching every move we made.

Jeff cleared his throat. “Do you know what song you’re going to be performing?” he asked Harry, walking over to the couch and taking a seat.

The boys jumped into a discussion over their Christmas special on NBC, what they were doing, talking about and the such. Harry sat down in the leather chair, causing me to glance around and realize that the rest of the spots were taken. I eased down on the armrest, leaning against his shoulder.

“So ready for Christmas, lads, you don't even understand,” Adam groaned, throwing his head back in exhaustion. “when you have kids it’s like you get more excited.”

I gulped.

Harry poked his head up. “Glenne, are you coming with us to New York?”

She nodded, giving Jeff a smirk. “Yep.” She popped the p. “Can't get rid of me.”

“And she's going to finish Christmas shopping in NY while we are doing the shows,” Jeff smiled.

It felt good to be surrounded by their friendliness and not have the threat of Elaine around. She had been so clingy- always wanting to be around Harry whenever he just wanted some time with his friends. I knew the boys hadn't been so keen of her either.

“So...,” Adam said, eyeing Harry and I when the room had gotten a bit quieter.

I took a sip of my water, trying not to meet his eyes.

“So?” Harry asked, oblivious.

“Are you two together now or something?” he demanded, his eyes on the space between us. I guess Adam had never been one for subtlety.

Harry pursed his lips as I started laughing.

“Go ahead,” I told Harry, nudging him in the shoulder as I continued to laugh. “tell him.”

He sighed, looking at Adam who had a cheeky smirk on his face. “Remember that time we agreed that we would never judge each other?”

Adam gave a single nod. “'Course I do, lad. I've done a few questionable things myself,” he said.

Jeff nodded in agreement.

Harry sighed and I could tell he was trying to his best to form the sentence in his head that could sum up the last few months for us.

Adam threw his hand out laughing at his hesitation. “Come on!” he shouted. “Spill! It's not like she's pregnant or anything.”

I cackled and Harry shot me a glare as if to say “it's not funny”.

Adam head circled to look at every one individually, each one of us looking down or to the wall.

“Harry?” he asked, his voice smaller and now remotely calmer.

Harry licked his lips. “She's pregnant,” he confirmed with a nod. Wow. We were getting better at this every day.

Adam let out a long breath, his cheeks puffing. “Well, damn,” he muttered.

I chuckled. “Things are getting better, don't worry,” I assured him.

He raised his eyebrows. “I can't believe you lot have been dealing with that all this time.” Then he shook his head, laughing. “Can't wait to see what Nialler is going to say.”

Jeff laughed along as Harry grumbled.

“Ah cheer up, mate,” Lou said. “it's not like he's going to steal her from ya or anything.”

I weighed my head from side to side. “Nothing's impossible.”

Harry immediately grabbed me from around my waist, pulling me down off the arm rest into his lap.

I squeaked as I fell backwards, hitting my head on the opposite armrest as Harry squeezed my sides.

“Stop,” I yelped with laughter, pushing his hands off me until he resigned from tickling me.

He smiled, popping a kiss onto my temple.

Adam made a gagging sound causing yet another eye roll from me.

After another hour of laying on Harry's lap and the occasional banter between Glenne and Adam, the boys all were ready to leave, gathering around the door as Jeff called the car to bring them to the airport. Harry handed me the keys to his car, telling me he had brought the presents down this morning before we had woken up and I could drive it to my apartment after they left.

“I'll meet you guys in the car!” Harry shouted to them down the hallway, grabbing my wrist to stop me from walking with them. When they for sure rounded the corner, he grabbed my face in between his hands, pulling my mouth to his to give me a long kiss.

I sighed at the contact, knowing that three days without Harry was too long and would be too long no matter how many times he would have to leave me. I deepened the kiss, winding my hand up to his muscled shoulder that I had memorized a plethora of times before.

“I love you,” I told him, feeling his grin across my lips.

He pressed another sweet kiss against my top lip. “And I love you,” he murmured, the words becoming so colorfully familiar to my ears. “Please be careful. I know I'll be far, but call me if you need anything or if anything happens-”

“Harry, I'm pregnant, not dying,” I laughed.

He blushed, looking sheepish. “You know what I mean, Jules.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug. “Just give me a hug,” I grumbled.

A/N: Long time no see! I had a tragic accident involving a full canteen of water and a very vulnerable laptop. Everything is fine now. The laptop is fixed and the water bottle is no longer trusted. I hope this chapter brings a little distraction to your social isolation. Talk to me! I miss you guys!

taglist: @harryspirate @hope-its-worth-it @ednaofearth @whipthemcurls @1d-tommo5 @mellamolayla @lmk12310 @nhhsltlpzm @juliassgem @backoftheroomandnotbelonging

#clouded #harry styles fanfiction #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfic #hs fanfic #harry styles famous fanfic #harry imagine #harry styles imagine #friends to lovers harry

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