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lithium-screams-blog · 8 years ago

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Review Four: Dominique Hoffmann

Review requested by Anon:

https://lithium-screams.tumblr.com/post/168229386670/hi-my-salty-lady-im-interessed-to-see-you

This character belongs to Cupid-Traurigherz on DeviantArt

https://cupid-traurigherz.deviantart.com/art/AOT-SNK-Dominique-OC-691154567

Welcome back to your daily dose of salt! It is I, Spider! Basically, I have a new set up; I’ll take the best and the weakest qualities of a character and gloss over them and hopefully help the creator and of course entertain you! Also, spoiler, after reading this oc I’m happy to say the creator has a real knack for making likable and realistic characters. Surprisingly, in my opinion, this is one of the best AoT FCs I’ve read in awhile. Without further ado, introducing Dominique.

Name: Dominique Hoffmann.

Kanji: ドミニク・ホフマン.

Romanji: Dominiku Hofuman.

Other names: Dominique Fässler.

I’m not going to lie, I love the name Dominique. It’s truly a unique name, but not in an “edgy” way, it’s actually quite pretty. According to the wonderful google:

Which makes sense because of this part of her bio:

Ethnicity: Swiss (German part)/Italian.

Origin: Switzerland

She is mostly Swiss, so a Swedish surname would be more fitting but Hoffman also works due to her German origins.

Romantic orientation: Panromantic.

Sexual orientation: Heterosexual

I actually have never seen a romantic and sexual orientation pair like this. It’s actually pretty compelling in my opinion and you’ll see we get into the ship section of the review it works pretty well and allows for a lot of fun ships.

Likes:

Read;

Cook;

Draw and paint;

Botanik;

Sweets.

I could not find what Botanik means or what it is, but everything else is actually really cool! Most AoT FCs I’ve read about have liked things such as “fighting titans” or “edgy” things. But her likes are actually pretty unique and cool. (Bonus: ocs that cook are c u t e a f)

Dislikes:

Herself;

Stay awake for a long time.

I have to say, how she dislikes herself made me slightly depressed. But, I see self-hate within a lot of ocs, but the thing is, it’s very common especially in adolescents like Domonique. The age range when most kids feel self-conscious is from ages 12-16 (the time of puberty). So for her, it works very well.

Habits:

Bite her lips until it bleeds;

Observe Bertholdt's body.

I actually enjoy the habits, they're unique really! I’ve never seen the biting of the lips habits which makes it interesting and personal. I actually like the second one too, it’s pretty cute and kinda perverted (in a good way). You’ll later see how much I actually enjoy this ship, it actually works pretty well.

Dreams:

Find the love of her life;

Discover about her past.

Fears:

Have no reason to live.

All realistic dreams and fears! I really like the dreams, they are common but not common however in the AoT FC subcommunity. It’s refreshing to see a softer and less aggressive character. Same with the fears, another realistic but well used. I feel slightly biased because I share similar desires, but as we go forward it truly fits the character.

Personality:

She is the kind of person who has "no personality of her own". Every time she decides something she is targeting about what her biological mother would choose. Strange as it may seem, she knows every single detail about her biological mother. She tries her best to copy her mother to the point of seeming almost identical.

By what she demonstrates, she is a rather shy and rather sociable person. Dominique is usually very cute and affectionate with people and secretly shows a serious, cold and calculating personality. She is someone very calm, patient and very manipulative and when something hits her heart or her mind to the points to destroy her sanity, she cries a lot. Dominique also believes that everything has their reasons and the world has no plans for her. She usually sleeps a lot and hopes that she'll never wake up again. While lying on bed she practice self harm.

I do really like the psychology of her personality. I rarely see characters that find the need to act on another person's personality and I find it fascinating. One small inconsistency is that she is shy and sociable. Here is the definition of the two.

As you can see, there’s a bit of a conflict between the two traits. I’d say leave in the one that most defines Dominique.

Height: 173 cm.

Weight: 52 kg.

As always, we will be looking at the BMI chart to see if her weight and height make sense.

She is actually on 17 for her height, which would make her slightly underweight. Personally putting soldiers into the “healthy” section is slightly more practical. Which is simple! Just add a few kilograms and it will move her into a new space. I would suggest 54 kgs or the 19th slot for her height. Minor, but an easy fix!

Mental: Loss of sanity easily when her feelings are hurt or when she feels threatened. Also has personality disorder and depression.

Memory: She has short-term memory loss.

I only have two questions that seem unlisted. First, out of curiosity, what personality disorder does she have? Second, how intense is her short-term memory loss. Is it only smaller memories, or everything and anything after a certain amount of time? These two are just me being curious, but it’s always a good idea to include specifics.

Battle Skills: 5/10.

Initiative: 3/10.

Intellect: 9/10.

Diligence: 11/10.

Motivation: 2/10.

Strategy: 3/10.

Teamwork: 8/10.

3D Maneuver-Gear: 7/10.

Speed: 7/10.

As we know, I’m quite picky with stats, but these are great! They are well balanced and not too high but not too low. Really well done!

Friends (Canon): Annie and Bertholdt.

Friends (OC's): Emma, Lukas, Evelyn, and Beatrice.

Her lack of friends makes sense considering her personality, and I applaud the consistency so far. I also enjoy seeing OCs with other OCs as their friends. I think it’s really cool to have other people involved with the story making and character development of another character. Overall the relationships are well done.

Bastory:

Until now little is known about the past life of Dominique. As far as is known, she was a street girl who didn't know her parents or her past. She use to forget things very easy and have flashback in dreams. In her 9 years she was adopted by a family of cookers in Trost, she used to work there and learn about one of her favorites hobbies, cooking. Her family couldn't give her what she needed and dreamed, knowledge. So they sent her to the trainee to give her the opportunity to learn. Dominique entered the Garrison to avoid fighting the titans and staying close to the family.

As made apparent by my prior review, I do have a rather weak attention span and in my opinion, this backstory is perfect! Short and sweet! I enjoy her backstory, and it was a pleasure to read. It’s nice and not too tragic or overdone. It’s definitely a unique type of character background, which one thing you will notice about me, is the best ocs are ocs that try something new.

That concludes my oc review of Dominique! Overall, I enjoyed learning about her and knowing me I’ll probably lowkey stalk the creator to see more art of this cutie. She’s a well done and well thought out character. Other than a few minor inconsistencies I think she is definitely reaching her potential.

Before I go, I would like to address that I will be striving to create less harsh reviews. I’ll be keeping (hopefully) my occasional comedic moments, but my main goal has always been to entertain and hopefully give helpful tips to the creator.

Thanks for the support!

-Spider

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lithium-screams-blog · 8 years ago

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Review Three: Elvina Wolfe

This character belongs to Elvina-EXE on DeviantArt

https://sta.sh/0ohwm1cwyvx

Welcome back to part three of my character review series! Thanks for all the support recently, by the way, you people rock.

Anyway, today we’ll be looking at a rather “special” character that we’ve found on DeviantArt. I won’t keep you waiting, let’s get started!

Section One: Names

Real Name: Evangeline Blackwood / エヴァンライン・ブラックウッド

Evangeline is Pronounced: ee-VAN-juh-LEEN

Meaning of Evangeline: "bearer of good news" or "like an angel"

Given Name on Paradis: Elvina Xanthe Wolfe / エルヴィナ・ウルフ

Elvina is Pronounced: el-VEEN-a

Meaning: “elf or magical being, friend"

Name given at Marley Arc: Rin / リン (Currently)

Rin is Pronounced: r-in

Meaning: "dignified, severe, cold"

Damn, I thought my character was the queen of aliases. Anyhow, let’s check and make sure that meaning is true.

Well played, well played.

Thank you for doing your research. So many people love to just make up name meanings for characters. But, I didn’t find anything on the “like an angel” part. I do know off the top of my head that Rin does mean “cold”. But, what about Elvina?

Not going to lie, I’m impressed. We are off to a good start huh? I will say the last name is a little…

Different.

Like Wolfe? I’m going to see if that’s a real last name.

Well done, wow. I will say it is a little EXTRA™️, but so be it. It’s a real name and a real meaning to her many aliases. So let’s move on.

Nickname(s):

“Lone Wolf’ Due to her lone personality

“The Reaper” Her assassin name

"Bitch Potato"-Eren came up with this name for her while at lunch. He came up with this name for her before they dated and when they were rivals. But when they dated, it still kinda stuck to her and Elvina didn't mind being called that. So Eren and her friends sometimes call her that.

"the virgin"- Her friends call her this since she is practically a virgin. But she really doesn't like it.

"Chipmunk" - Pieck calls her this just to tease her

"Satan" - People close to her call her this when she's really pissed off

Lot’s of nicknames I see. One thing you will learn about me is that nicknames annoy me (for the most part). The first one is the best one, to be frank, the rest are…

S p e c i a l

So, according to her second nickname “The Reaper”, our kid is an assassin. That’s a little edgy, but I’ll let it slide for now. I’m not going to hold back, “Bitch Potato” is just stupid. It explains the bitch part but, WHY POTATO? WHY?

“The Virgin”

WOW THATS ROUGH. But how many kids in the military really are “getting some”? Come on? Literally, 90% of the canon AoT kids are PROBABLY virgins.

Well, if we’re going by the canon. I don't know, the fandom may say otherwise but I only pay attention to the FACTS. “Chipmunk” is fine, I don’t much about Pieck because I’m an anime hoe but seems like something she’d come up with.

BONUS: Pieck looks like the chick from “The Exorcist”

Anyway, the last one is EXTRA™️. I’m the only one who can name your oc with the Satan award. I kid, I kid. It just seems pretty edgy to me, I mean Satan is a being of all evil. And ya gotta be pretty evil to be able to get his name given to you.

Let’s move on.

Section Two: Biological Information

Age: 18

Nice, a correct age. Yes, if she was in the 104th trainees she’d probably be around 18 or 19.

Height: 169 cm

Weight: 56 kg

So, I know I haven't pulled out a BMI chart yet, but be forewarned this will be a recurring thing we look at.

So, I don’t know much about metric measurements. So I’ll be converting her weight and height to feet and pounds respectively.

NEW WEIGHT: 123 LBS

NEW HEIGHT: 5 FT 5 IN

According to my handy BMI chart, she is in the healthy section. Well done.

Birthplace: Hizbul, Asia

See, that doesn’t add up. According to my word of reason, Marley and Asia are kinda enemies. Like, why would she have fled to an enemy area? Do you see what I mean, it doesn’t make much sense. I’d say just keep her born in Marley.

Affiliation: Scout Regiment (At 18) Marley (Currently)

Squad: -----------

Rank: 1st

Grade: A+++

So we are slowly making our way to the stats, but dang this kid is high up. Not only is her grade amazing but she’s ranked 1st. Rule of thumb, it’s better to make your oc a little more under average, because it’s much better than being OP in my opinion. So far so good! Now let’s look at the stats themselves.

Section Three: Statistics

3D Maneuvering Gear: 10/10

Intelligence: 11/10

Martial Arts: 10/10

Battle Skill: 12/10

Agility: 10/10

Strategy:10/10

Teamwork: 1/10

Passion: 10/10

Memory: 5/10

Social skill: 2/10

Swordsmanship: 10/10

Flexibility: 11/10

________________________

Well, I knew it couldn’t be good for that long. As always, we will look at Levi’s stats to see if she is a true…

A TRUE OP

I hate to say it but she is extremely OP. Realy, her stats are greater than Levi’s AND she’s only 18. That is way less experience than Levi. As a creator myself, I suggest dividing the stats up. What is she great at? What is she ok at? What is she bad at? My rule of thumb is this:

Great= 7-10

Good= 5-7

Bad= 0-4

Also, a small nitpick that annoys the shit out of me is the whole 11 and even here 12 out of 10 stats. It’s like the whole 110% stigma. It’s a part of the statistic that doesn’t exist. So, maybe at the least take away the 11 and 12 out of 10 parts.

Section Three: Personality

Personality:

Elvina's personality can be described as somewhat nonchalant and is perceived as somewhat callous to others such as Eren. She rather enjoys fighting titans or others in a playful yet brutal manner and she maintains her cool even when up against strong opponents. This is a way to vent her hidden dark, and sadistic nature. She never shows her fear, anger or any other feeling that a person or titan wants to see on its rival. She completely avoids that feeling because she knows that makes the enemy feel stronger. She usually gets distracted by the others when working with other people. As well she tends to operate alone on a mission or adventures and tends to not seek help of any kind whatsoever. Which that becomes a huge problem in the Survey Corps, but she tends to still do it. And she has more male friends than female friends oddly. Her wordplay leans towards the constant use of sexual lingo within a given situation to taunt and tease her enemy and friends alike. Elvina tends to enjoy using her sexuality as a means to an end in more instances than not, often using it to tease or intimidate her friends or her enemies. She acts this way simply to mess with people, to throw them out of their comfort zone and then see how they react for fun.

She cares very deeply about her closest friends and frequently puts them before herself.

But she is shown to have a more serious side more often than her somewhat playful side,

and sometimes doesn't feel sorry for anyone. She doesn't trust anyone either, and usually only relies on herself. Also believes that people should stand up for themselves. From this, she truly believes in the “survival of the fittest" saying. And Elvina frequently values the idea of working hard. Elvina was able to exploit her habit of manipulating to her own advantage, with the occasional mask of innocence and stealing the image of other cadets similar to her, in order to lure all of her targets to their deaths in perfect fashion and fulfill her own "promise" to her mother.

Elvina guards her emotions carefully, and the death of her mother left its mark on Elvina's interactions with others by leaving her puzzled about how to return kindness to others. Elvina is quiet mostly and tends to just listen than talk. If you try to get to know her and she allows you to know her, she'll warm up after a while to you after you talk to her for sometime. But when she warms up to people she'll show to care more and take your every word towards her to heart. And she'll be more sweet and kind to you showing you her soft side. She also highly values her morals and beliefs.

I N H A L E

Alright, I’m not going to hold back. It took me 3 cups of coffee to get through the rest of the bio. It just got so, boring. I do get the vibe she likes Eren, which is still very overused but not as bad as Levi. To be frank, I don’t see much chemistry between them, but I digress. Some things overlap like how she is said to very serious but she still has a playful side. I understand people act differently in front of different people, but there’s another part that throws it all off.

She doesn't trust anyone either

Um, what? You can’t have a personality that doesn’t trust anyone who also acts playful around people she’s friends with. Friendships relay a lot on trust, it’s probably the biggest building block to all relationships. Either, keep the fact she doesn’t trust anyone and make her have a very minute amount of relationships or make her more trusting and you can keep the rest as is. There are some unneeded things, for example, her “having more boy than girl friends” is typically said phrase by people wanting attention. Trust me, I’ve been to school. As well as the whole sexuality bit. It’s either unneeded or could use its own section in my opinion. I will go as far to even say the whole sexuality bit is stupid and doesn’t even relate to her personality. Elvina is reserved and calm, while most personalities that embrace sexuality are the top extroverted personalities. Another thing that doesn’t add up. Overall the personality needs quite a bit of work for it to add up.

Section Four: Like and Dislikes

Ahh, I’m happy the worst is over, I think. Anyhow, let’s get right to the next section.

Likes: taking naps, animals, white roses, coffee, Victor, night, Chad {Her wolf stuffed animal}, loves surprises and gifts

Dislikes: Vulnerability, being patronized, tea, crying babies, can't stand when people chew with their mouth open, and smoking (Smoking disgusts her because smoke can spread to your clothes and get an disgusted smell)

Habits: Daydreaming when she has nothing else to do, sleeping late in the afternoon from staying up all night, mumbling, humming, analyzing others, overworking, laughs at things that aren't considered funny, has to have a nightlight before she goes to sleep, coquettish

Bad Habits: Sometimes zones out when people are talking, distracted easily, sometimes drinks when off duty {She doesn't do this all of the time but when she's down or her friends go and grab a drink, she’ll sometimes do the same}, if she had a crush she'll act very strange around them, heavy sleeper, has terrible handwriting, Narcoleptic

Hobbies: Reading fairytales (P.S. Her favorite books are fantasy books), reading, picking locks, manipulating people, singing

Talents: Fighting, pole dancing

Fears: abandonment, Rejection, ghosts, centipedes, and creaky sounds

Weapons: Always has knives hidden in her boots and other hiding spots

Allergies: None

Ok so she has a stuffed wolf, which goes along with her backstory but it’s so extra and stupid in my opinion. Also, I highly doubt they’d have well crafted stuffed animals in the context of AoT but I digress. The rest looks ok-

OH, MY GOODNESS.

WHAT. LOOK I DON’T MEAN TO FREAK OUT BUT… POLE DANCING?

P O L E D A N C I N G

THAT IS SO UNCALLED FOR IT. Why if anything ANY TALENT YOU COULD CHOOSE, you choose the most extra, uncalled for talent in the books. It is so stupid and I really just think it shouldn’t be in here. Look, it's unrelated and it doesn’t fit the context.

I’m skipping the relationships because they are fine really. Just the Eren thing I mentioned before and how it doesn’t add up. But the favorites are fine except for one thing.

Food: Pizza

Correct me if I’m wrong but the AoT verse does not have pizza. Let’s see the year when pizza what created to get a sense if it adds up or not.

Yeah, it doesn’t add up. My best guess is AoT took place during the Renaissance (anywhere around 1300-1700). Sorry, Elvina (and my dad) the best food of all time outdates the AoT verse.

Section Five: Backstory

I lied, I lied. The worst isn’t over. The backstory took me so much coffee I probably was close to death, it’s just so...SO BORING. Alright, before I die I’ll gloss over the problem I’ve found

“Elvina told herself not to get close to anybody”

Again, YOU CAN'T HAVE AN OC WITH TRUST ISSUES HAVE MANY OR ANY FRIENDS. It makes no sense.

As I mentioned, trust is one of the most important things in every relationship. Without it, it can lead to an endless funk of staying in a nonprogressing relationship. So, it would mean a handicap for making friends or any relationship at that. SORRY FOR REPEATING MYSELF.

I would like to apologize for not being able to read and analyze much of the backstory, but for the creator. For the love of god shorten it, or at least write it in bullet points for the people like me who get bored extremely easily. The downfall of an oc or any story for that matter is making the reader bored. If extinguishing that border means shortening, adding more interesting events, or even writing using more interesting words and synonyms. My best recommendation would be to take the backstory to write it in a list of events. Keep the long one, because I can tell it took work. Just have an option to read a shortened version. That’s my best advice.

One little nitpick as well, ever since this whole Marley thing emerged every oc we’ve read (i believe) has been allied with Marley. Trust me it can work, but it’s starting to be overdone. So, for future creators (and this one) please take care when adding your oc into Marley.

That's a wrap!

Thanks so much for sticking with me! And for a side note, thank you for the recent gain in people on my blog and the support through this weird “drama” thing. Anyway, this oc has serious potential (including the obvious dedication the creator has), but just switching some stuff up could really help her improve.

Until next time!

-Spider

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