litposting - Tumblr blog

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"Humans can have a little death as a treat, and I hate it." -Edgar Allen Poe

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Dr.Seward: Wow if Art said he was married to Lucy because of the blood transfusion, all three of us are married to her.

Dr. Van Helsing: I also gave her blood and I don't think you wanna go that route buddy

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No one:

Absolutely no one:

Not even a haunted demon car:

Stephen King: The skin around his testicles grew tight. His dick was cold from fear. Penis dick dick balls.

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Mark Twains real name was Samuel Langhorne Clemens. He claimed he took this nick name from a river boat captain, although the more popular rumor is that it became a nick name due to his choice of drink.

I don't know Charles Dickens real name but I assume he chose dickens because he was fucking dick.

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The creature: Please creator, I’m so miserable I just want one person to love me

Frankenstein:

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Y'all should really follow Overly Sarcastic Productions' twitter

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Scientists in gothic literature be like: "I'm not gonna face the consequences of my actions and I think that is very sexy of me" and then they die

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a christmas carol (1843) - charles dickens

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Aragorn: does literally anything

Frodo:

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*Advisor to high king Elessar voice* You can go play with your friends after you finish your politics

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The fun thing about Stephen King is that completely literal descriptions of Stephen King plot twists that actually make sense in context are 100% indistinguishable from shitposting about Stephen King.

Like, remember the time a kid killed a train by telling it a joke?

Or the time the Grim Reaper turned out to be three dwarves in a trenchcoat?

Or the time the protagonist escaped into the real world and kicked Stephen King’s ass?

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I’ve decided, since the bbc Dracula is dead to me, that in a perfect casting world, Jonathan Harker should be played by John Mulaney beCAUSE CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Him in general

Jonathan, talking about Mina:

Showing up in Transylvania

While using a crucifix to repel Dracula

When he meets the Brides

When Dracula throws his mirror out the window

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Mary: I don’t live with my dad anymore and now I’m bi

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The lord when he gets his rings idk I never read it :/

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Boromir is like that guy you think is really cool until you go on a date with him and he refuses to tip waitresses because he thinks it "isn't a real job".

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Dracula and everything surrounding him: I am a vampire and you are in grave danger

Jonathan Harker: