littlejimmymadison

[littlejimmymadison]

I am a living and breathing contradiction, and I have been for nineteen years.

My main blog if you're curious..

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

Photo by Swedish Pia Ulin.

[littlejimmymadison]

would u punch a kid for $500,000

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

all I ever want to be is half as sexy as Beyonce in her Dance For You video someday 

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

This is all too much.

To stay in the Honors Program, we have to take a seminar class in the spring. Originally, I chose one dealing with religion. I was super interested in it since I don't know much about religion and I really wanted to understand. However, two of my suitemates were in there on the first day, so I just walked out and didn't even stay the first day. I dropped it, and entered into the seminar about global conflicts. I go to class the day after the add/drop period ended and my two suitemates had switched to the seminar I had switched to. I don't know what I was expecting from that course, to be honest, but what the class is offering me is not what I need. I feel complete dread when I have to go to that class and my anxiety flares up and it's just awful. As a result, I don't go to class sometimes. Plus, I'm not interested in politics, so I don't have an opinion on most of the topics we talk about. I feel like I should be interested in something political and have an opinion on something we discuss, but I just don't. I am constantly counting down until the seventy-five minutes is over. But since it's a seminar and it's just a pass/fail class, your grade is based on your attendance and participation. Part of me is worried that I'm not going to pass the class, but another part of me doesn't care at all. I want to pass the class because if I don't, I'm not really sure how that will look on my spot in the honors program and how it might affect my application for the nursing program in January. But I am so tired of having anxiety attacks and having to sporadically hold my breath to calm myself and prevent an anxiety attack during class. I'm tired of being asked my opinion and getting looked at like I'm an idiot when I say that I'm not sure or that I don't have an opinion or when I make up some stuff. I just don't want to go to that class anymore. I do not want to miss any class and I typically feel awful and full of regret when I skip a class, but to be honest, I have become so apathetic over this course and I can't help it anymore; it's too late. I'm really considering just e-mailing my professor and the woman over the honors program about the situation? I would just like to pass the course by just turning in my assignments, okay? Having an anxiety attack twice a week just because of that class is not worth it to me.

[littlejimmymadison]

I’m always surprised how unbalanced I become when your hand lets go.

Daily Haiku on Love (via stineski)

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.

Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies (via 4mbivalent)

[littlejimmymadison]

[littlejimmymadison]

Maybe it isn’t because of your race/ethnicity, gender expression, sexual orientation, religion, or weight.

Maybe people don’t like you just because you’re a huge asshole.

[littlejimmymadison]

No, Dr. Kanu, I don't have anything else to do besides memorize almost forty polyatomic ions for your test on Thursday. I don't have a paper to write or a midterm or a study guide to do for that midterm. I also don't have to study for your test. So, yes, please give us forty polyatomic ions to memorize for a test you barely taught for. YES PLEASE DO. THANK YOU.

[littlejimmymadison]

I'm really tired of my fucking suitemates, I swear to god. I'm tired of having to keep all of my shit in my room (like my shampoo and my toothpaste and my toilet paper and I guess my hand soap now) when I have a sink, a cabinet, and a medicine cabinet that work just fine. I'm tired of finding used feminine products on the back of the toilet. I'm tired of them being obnoxiously loud every night when I'm trying to sleep or get work done. I'm tired of them thinking I am going to clean up after them. I'm tired of them having their piece of shit friends over every night. I'm tired of having to be on guard in my own fucking suite because I don't feel safe. I'm tired of living with bitches. I really can't wait until next year when I live with someone else/no one.