living-at-the-borderline

[living-at-the-borderline]

“One day I hope all my sadness will be worth it.”

— (via coral)

[living-at-the-borderline]

“Growing up we used to tell ourselves we would never smoke because it kills you. Now we smoke for that exact reason”

— Smoking Kills (t.s)

[living-at-the-borderline]

“I refuse to tell anyone how bad it really got again.”

— Because I know they can’t handle to go through this again

[living-at-the-borderline]

[living-at-the-borderline]

I think that‘s it. This time I won‘t get better, this time I am going to end up dead.

[living-at-the-borderline]

“I am constantly in two minds, sometimes I want to be a good person and get help with my depression but other times I just want to slit my wrists and be done with it all”

—

Confession #5094

Send your confessions to my ask here

[living-at-the-borderline]

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with myself, no matter what I do, and that makes me so fucking sad

[living-at-the-borderline]

Because my mom will blame herself

[living-at-the-borderline]

once you start wearing big t-shirts you never go back to the ones that fit

[living-at-the-borderline]

[living-at-the-borderline]

it’s scary how when i think of the future my mind immediately jumps to “youre gonna kill yourself soon anyways so you dont have to worry about it”

[living-at-the-borderline]

[living-at-the-borderline]

Do I eat breakfast or starve myself again? tonight I will write my suicide note but only in my head. Tomorrow I will wish I was already dead, and despite all this I will still get myself out of bed.

(via fuck—off)

[living-at-the-borderline]

tbh i didn’t plan to make it this far in life so i’ve no idea what i’m doing

[living-at-the-borderline]

I am alone.

Tonight I hit rock bottom.

I think I’ve learned one of the most valuable lessons to night: in the end, you only have yourself. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have or how much your family loves you if you don’t love yourself or if you don’t believe in yourself. Tonight I panicked, I felt my heart race and I felt the need to scratch my body, I wanted to scream for eternity and the voices in my head got louder and louder. I reached a point of feeling so sad that I in my head started to plan out my suicide like I’ve done many times before, but it was different this time. This time it wasn’t like planning out some event in my head that I thought would never happen, this time, it felt so clear, like suicide was the only option I had to escape, and I did want to escape. Anyway, the important thing I realized this night is that I’m alone, I’m not alone in what I feel, I’m sure many people have felt as I even through I find it hard to believe. But I realized that my friends don’t really care, they don’t, I texted every single one I love and said “ay, I want to die, I have so much anxiety please can we just go out for a walk” everyone was busy, sure, I don’t expect my friends to drop everything for me and come se me, but my best friend who I’ve known my whole life is my neighbor and she couldn’t even pick up the phone, she was watching a interesting movie next door and thought my planning of my suicide could wait until her movie was done.

I am in no way angry at my friends, but I’ve realized I do not often need them, and if I ever do (like moments when you want to die) they’re not there for me anyways, so why bother being a good friend to them? If my best friend told me that TONIGHT she wants to slit her writs up and die, I’d be there at her door in the blink of an eye (literally a blink of an eye because we’re neighboors)

Maybe they haven’t been sad enough to understand the feeling of wanting to die, but it still made me realize how alone I am. It’s not me and them against the world, it’s me and only me against the world.

[living-at-the-borderline]

[living-at-the-borderline]