livinglifequeenstyle-blog - Tumblr blog

[livinglifequeenstyle-blog]

I wish I could tell you that he’s going to call you back, I wish I could tell you that the last FaceTime call isn’t it, I wish I could tell you that when you text him, he’ll answer right away, but I can’t.....

What did he tell you? You’re sitting there, so lost on the FaceTime call but finally feeling good, chatting away, opening up, feeling needed, wanted, but then, “paused” .... What did he tell you? Was it another “important phone call” he just had to take? Was it “I am so sorry, this is important I’ll call you right back!” ... it doesn’t matter though does it? He’s not waiting for an answer... the second those words leave his mouth, he’s gone... the called ended.

I wish I could tell you he’ll call you back, because everything inside of you is feeling so broken, empty and lost, but you know yourself deep down inside, he’s not going to.

But you’ll wait anyways.

How many minutes passed by? Has it been ten? thirty? Still nothing right? You’re still sitting there, on your bedroom floor, phone in hand, volume up, aren’t you? I wish I could tell you he’ll call back....

Has it been an hour yet? How many plans have you canceled since he’s hung up? Have you even moved? Did you eat? You haven’t have you? Still same position, so that if he does call you, you’ll be able to answer with a smile and say “oh that’s no problem!” and continue on another conversation? This isn’t healthy, and you know it isn’t healthy, everyone tells you it’s not healthy, and because everyone tells you it’s not healthy you stop telling everyone about it, because you don’t want to hear it, because you’re protecting him, but who is protecting you?

Where is he?

Who called him?

Is he even home?

Has he messaged you?

I wish I could tell you that it’s not the last FaceTime call.... but I can’t, and you know it is....

———————————

*Insight From Author*

First off all this isn’t my quote, but it hits so deeply doesn’t it?

“I wish I could tell you” is a little passage I wrote a while back for a book I created on Wattpad. If you don’t know what Wattpad is, it’s basically an application where you can right books, and read books! Books for teens, Writen by teens. (as they put it)

I decided to write this as my first Blog post because I recently came to realization of my own situation very similar to the one writen above. I won’t go to far into detail for protection of others, however the pain inside feels it will never go away.

I have given everything for a man who was so unsure about himself, there was absolutely no way he could ever be sure about me, and I still let it slide. I’ve been there, I went through it, and it hurts, and you don’t deserve it. I can’t tell you how many times I was on a FaceTime or even regular phone call with this man and he would hang up for every single phone call that came through, I would understand the important ones, until they all became important and then I thought “something has to give” if this man was really serious he would find time to fit me into his busy schedule.

YOU ARE NOT NEEDY!

... because he will try to play it off that way. Even when you message an hour later, and he’s not even home, but you’re just wondering something simple. I would many times text an hour or more later and just simply say “I hope everything is fine! I’m just gonna grab a bite to each, please let me know if you’re too busy to chat again!” and he would come back with some rude comment like “This is important, I’m trying to handle business, You can wait!” ... I couldn’t agree more that I could wait. I was just hoping for some insight on how to react to everyday life, other things I could’ve been doing instead of sitting on my bedroom floor, not letting my phone get under 75%, and making sure my volume was up. I would cancel plans, not eat, and miss family events, all because of a promised phone call. What a way to live right? A little crazy right? Well, maybe, but not when you thought it felt right.

When you don’t know the next time you’re going to speak to someone, you sorta just learn to enjoy and appreciate and cherish but still want more, of every single conversation you ever have.

You are so important. You are so needed. You are so loved. And please, PLEASE, do not let anyone ever tell you, or make you feel otherwise.

❤️

***********

Side Notes:

This type of behaviour does not exist for me anymore, and any person mentioned in this blog post is simply and permanently in my past. I am happily moved on, and living my best life. My blog posts are just about past experiences, about everyday life things, that other people may be also experiencing. I hope you find guidance in them, and whatever you do, please.....

...... 

Go to that party.

He can wait on you for once. ❤️