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TW: RELAPSED ED! This is for my own personal use, please unfollow if you don’t not like.
I’m so happy to have found the 4n4 and m14 communities on here again.
I’ve felt so alone in my relapse. I have no family or friends, and my husband of 6 years cheated on me through our whole relationship because I was too fat and flabby for him. Though I can’t change how I’m not as flabby because I’ve had kids and been so fucking massive. I can at least get thinner. I started in late December and lost 15lbs by early January. But then my husband trapped me in the relationship with a pregnancy.
Fast forward, I’m now 6 months pregnant with an ed and I can’t wait until I have the baby so I can really start seeing results. I have gestational diabetes and on insulin so I have to eat which I absolutely hate, but I’ve been able to at least get down to 1,000-1,200 cal a day, with 200-600 burned through exercise.
I weighed 238 lbs at the beginning of the pregnancy, and now I weigh 233lbs. I fluctuated lower (228lbs) and back a lot, but have ended up plateauing here for the last month due to the baby’s growth spurts. I’m not concerned about restricting more where I can due to the baby being able to rely on my many fat stores in my disgusting body, but I need to make sure my blood sugar doesn’t drop too low or I will end up in the hospital and they’ll find out I’ve been trying to restrict.
I’m hoping to be 200lbs 2 weeks after having the baby, and hoping to hit my GW1 of 180 shortly after that through breast feeding and restricting. Hoping to hit my GW2 of 135 by my 27th birthday. That would make me so proud of myself. Maybe my husband will actually start to love me. I’m hoping I’ll be my UGW of 110 by our anniversary. I should be irresistible to him if I make that happen. I’ll finally be his dream girl. Plastic surgery will eventually solidify that from then on.
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